The Hidden Cost of High Performance | Brian Nugent | 211

What happens when life strips away the identity that once defined everything?

In this powerful conversation, Brian Nugent shares the remarkable journey that took him from professional football to becoming a performance coach after facing life-changing adversity. Along the way, he opens up about the hidden pressures of elite performance, navigating burnout, and rebuilding purpose after major setbacks.

From surviving septic shock and recovering from a devastating stroke to discovering a deeper understanding of resilience, discipline, and healing, Brian offers powerful insights on overcoming life's greatest challenges. This conversation is filled with perspective, practical wisdom, and a reminder that even the hardest seasons can become the foundation for a stronger future.

💡 In this episode, listeners will discover:

🏈 The hidden mental and emotional cost of performing at an elite level
🧠 Why identity can unravel after a major life or career transition
💪 How discipline, not motivation became the foundation for recovery
❤️ Lessons learned from surviving septic shock and a life-altering stroke
🌍 The powerful perspective shift that came from serving in Kenya
🔥 Why burnout often develops long before anyone notices the signs
🌱 How resilience is built through small, consistent actions during life's hardest moments
✨ What it truly means to reclaim purpose, health, and personal power after adversity

⏰ Timeline Summary:

[2:14] Brian reflects on the qualities that define him and how life experiences shaped his mindset.
[6:41] Growing up in a competitive household and the lessons learned from childhood.
[13:48] The reality of becoming a professional football player and learning to manage immense pressure.
[20:23] A life-changing trip to Kenya and the powerful lesson that shifted Brian's perspective forever.
[26:48] Life after football, navigating an identity crisis, and rebuilding confidence after retirement.
[39:17] The journey from personal trainer to performance coach and helping high-achieving women overcome burnout.
[52:04] Surviving septic shock, recovering from a major stroke, and the discipline required to reclaim life one step at a time.

To Connect with Amanda:

Schedule a 1:1 Virtual Breathwork Session HERE

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Follow & Support the Podcast:

📱Instagram: @MandersMindset
👥 Join the Manders Mindset Facebook Community HERE!

To Connect with Brian:

http://www.briannugent.ca

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Manders and Mindset podcast. So you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, and a variety of other people. Where your host, Amanda herself, will discuss her own mindset and perspective. And her guests' mindset and perspectives on the world around us. Amanders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your mindset.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Welcome to Amanda's Mindset, where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to shift your life. I'm your host, Amanda Rosen, and I am here today with Brian Rugent. And Brian is a former professional football player, a bono and performance coach, and creator of the reclaim method. And we're gonna discuss what that is. After surviving sepsis shock at 32 and a major stroke at 45, his work became deeply focused on the hidden psychological and physical cost of high performance, chronic stress, and survival mode. Thank you for joining me.

SPEAKER_04 1:12

I'm very happy to be here. I'm here right now in Costa Rica. You know, it's my property in the background. And I said, let's change up a bit. We always have a nice background with rooks and artwork. I'm like, you know what? Let's let's be outside. Oh, yeah, you're a breath work specialist. Breathing with fresh air, right? So let's make it a little bit different, right? This is a different background, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Have you done other podcasts outside?

SPEAKER_04 1:40

A couple of times where I thought I was gonna be visual. They said, no, no, no, Brian, it's audio. So this would actually be my first one outside. And that's actually the kids' trampoline. If you see it in the background right now, I'm excited to be outside. I think it's different to be outside. You don't see many podcasts. You know, you always see nice settings, which is good, but it's different, and I liked it.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

I agree. Definitely, makes you memorable.

SPEAKER_04 2:11

Yes. There you go.

Who Brian Is Underneath It All

SPEAKER_02 2:14

So so who would you say uh Brian is at the core if you remove everything else?

SPEAKER_04 2:24

At the core, disciplined, observant, critical thinker, and can be a bit judgmental at times. Absolutely. So I would say that's Brian at the core, and that would be a combination of my upbringing and creative. I'm a Gemini. A lot of people who are Geminis were creative naturally, and I would also say I have a split between my mother and father. So my mom is has that creative aspect of her, very good with business, and my dad has that discipline and structure. And definitely that's woven into us. I have seven brothers and sisters, I'm from Brampton, Ontario, Canada. But I would say that's Brian at his core, right? Always search it, always looking for answers, always trying to understand things. Doesn't fully understand things at all the times. Definitely more instinct-based than intellectual based. I trust my gut more, especially as I get older, than I trust my mind. I try to keep my mind sharp, but I always go with what's in my belly.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Would you say that a lot of these qualities you've always embodied?

SPEAKER_04 3:55

No, absolutely not. These are things that have been developed over time. Definitely playing professional football. That was an eye-opener for me massively. One of the things that surprised me drastically being a pro athlete, and I was super nice being a pro athlete, right? As a pro athlete, and every pro athlete can attest to this. When you were a professional athlete, you are the best, like in college or university, doesn't matter. You were the best because you cannot become pro unless you were the best. So that's a given. But here's the funny thing. Amanda, when I turned pro, I felt I was still gonna be the best. Boy, was I wrong. Everybody is phenomenal, right? Everybody can do what you can do. Like it is unbelievable. And I remember one time I was in practice. It was like what you welcome moment to the professionalese when they were running by me, and I felt freeze all of a sudden. You gotta be kidding me. You mean to tell me I felt two humans run by me, and there's like a turbulence of wind? I'm like the type of speed. This is unbelievable. So that was my welcome to the pro. And then not only was that strayland the amount of pressure to be a pro athlete, especially football, because you have the fans, you have the media, you have your coaches, you have the critics, and then you have the sponsors, and then you have yourself. And it's consistently, hey, can you do this? Hey, can you perform? Hey, can you do this? Hey, can you perform? And that every single day. So two years I would say, I was like, can I really do this? Like, there was a lot of I don't want to say it, but there was a lot of doubt. But I I kept telling myself, hey, they picked you for a reason, and this is kind of normal of what to go through these types of stresses. It kind of reminds me of having my firstborn kid. The first two years were super tough because I was like, you mean to tell me I have to protect this thing? You mean to tell me I have to take care of this? You mean to tell me it's charming on me? So for two years, I was like, this is a lot of anxiety to feel all the time. But then after two years, you know, grace of God or whatever, maybe get used to it. Your body, your mind, your soul, your spirit just said, okay, we've been through this. We know to expect if I got better. No, I had three kids. But yeah, that's the situation.

Siblings Competition And Early Conditioning

SPEAKER_02 6:41

I'd love to backtrack a tad bit. Uh you mentioned seven brothers and sisters. Where do you within that? Younger older.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

So I'm number five. My sister's the oldest, and then I had three older brothers and then two younger brothers. And it was very competitive to grow up in that environment. And also, my dad expected a bug a lot. And you know, there's some things that he has done as a father that I'm replicating as a father today. And I don't mean that in a good way. Like my dad would always say, Are you stupid? Are you stupid? Like if you did anything, are you stupid? Are you dumb? Unfortunately, and I use the word unfortunate. I have that attitude. So when the kids mess up, I'm like, Are you stupid? And as soon as I think I say that, I think it went to the nidget, which is my dad. I'm like, come on, Brian, you gotta be better, you gotta do better. But you know, obviously, I'm a better version of what he was. I'm not saying my dad was bad, but you know, we grew up in a time period where it was common to, if you messed up, you got the beats or spankings all the time. But that was my generation, right? You just got spanked all the time. It is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Now, you said it was competitive with your siblings. How so?

SPEAKER_04 8:04

Yeah, well, I had three older brothers, right? So we should play this game called the B word, right? So what it was is that anytime you say a word with B, right? You know, whether it's bubblegum or bread, you know, or boy, it doesn't matter. You have to touch your chin. You just have to touch your chin. But if you don't touch your chin, you get a nice shot in your arm. You know what I mean? So you would hate to be talking, right? You would hate to be talking because you're now so cautious every time. Like you're coming from school, you're like, oh man, I had such an amazing time at school. This boy at school, he and then you you're talking, your brother would come close to you, like, yeah, that that sounds amazing. And then bam, you're like, Oh, look, I'm showing you a good story. Why don't you give me him his shoulder? He's like, Oh, you said boy, you're like, oh my. So what would happen is you just stopped talking, but then that would take the phone out, you know what I mean? But just things like that. And you look back, and we're obviously a lot older, we all had to get too, and we look back and we laugh about that stuff. But you know, whether it's competition like that or playing sports all the time, right? You know, we played soccer, we played football, we played British Bulldogs, which is a game where it's like Red Rover, Red Rover, come on over, everybody would hold arms together, and then you would have to run and you'd have to break right through the pack, you know what I mean? So just that type of competition. But I think, actually, I know that's that really provided the core for the competition within me to you know pedigree, play professional football and be successful in business.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

That makes sense. Now, were you good at school growing up? Middle school, high school?

SPEAKER_04 9:59

Just like my name, B for Brian, I was a B student. I wasn't a C student, I wasn't an A student, I was a B student. And if I try to get an A, I had to work my butt off. I wasn't like Xenal and Hibitteau or Irene. These are people you always remember, Mark DeLuca, you know. I don't know how you, but you always remember the smart ones. You know what I mean? Like I remember Xenal and Hibito. Hi, Xenal, if you're watching this. These were like super smart people, and they may have traps because school was easy in the same way sports was easy for me. School, I was a B student. And if I if I didn't try that hard, I would get C's. I rarely got D's, but I definitely wasn't A. I got some A's, but I was definitely just like my name.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

So post-High School, you went I did.

SPEAKER_04 10:51

I went to York University, right? And I graduated with a BA in communications. That was back in the 90s. So I didn't go off the university because you became obviously in the university. Um and yeah, I started, believe it or not, I started with women's studies. That was my first major, right? And it was funny because when I remember I was a rookie and I was playing and I was doing catch and touchdowns, right? For the commentary, but I was saying, and guess what? He is studying women's studies stuff. That was like their tagline, but I ended up changing after my second year into communications, so and that's what I did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:34

What made you go into women's studies at first?

SPEAKER_04 11:37

I don't know. You know, it's so interesting, right? And I work predominantly 99% of my clientele are females, it's been like that for decades. So I've always been always been observant with trying to understand people, yet alone women, right? As a male, I think it comes natural to me because I am a male, right? And I've done well in business and in sports. So to understand men from this perspective, that kind of comes natural, right? In that degree. But then when I under when I want to understand women, I think that's where I wanted to get into women's studies and just understand their flight, their fight, and the things that they're going through on a consistent basis. Even though the similarity between us, there's massive differences between men and women and the struggles that we face.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

That's true. So what, if you remember, what made you shift into communications?

SPEAKER_04 12:45

So I was doing women's studies and I was learning a lot, which was good. But then as a pro, not a pro-athlete, as a collegiate athlete and as a top collegiate athlete, it's not uncommon for them to ask you, hey, can you go to this charity event? Can you go to this golf event? Can you go to this event and speak you, right? So I was getting a lot of opportunities to go out and you know communicate with people. So I just felt it was in my best interest that if I'm consistently going out there into the environment and trying to communicate with all these different types of people, whether it's businesses or business executives and so on and so forth, I might as well get better at communicating with them. So I think that's what was the natural transmission of why I wanted communication.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

That makes us definitely universal. So post-college, you go pro right away?

SPEAKER_04 13:48

Yeah, I did. So I got drafted first round nine, like overall in the Canadian Football League. And I went to play professional in Calgary Stad Peters, and it was very exciting because I was in the other part of the country. And then what happened was, you know, I remember this was like my

Pro Football Pressure And Belonging

SPEAKER_04 14:10

hey Brian, welcome to being a pro athlete moment. Not the hey, welcome to being a pro football player, but pro athlete was I remember buying furniture of it. And I thought I remember going up to the front, and you know, Bill was you know, a few thousand dollars. And the guy looked at me and he goes, Brian Nigent? I'm like, yeah, Brad Nigel. He goes, Brian Agent. From the Calgary Stampede, I'm like, Yeah, right. She's like, This is on me. I'm like, what's on me? He's like, all the furniture. What's like on me? Wow, wow. I was very mute. So that was my welcome to being a pro athlete moment. So I was super grateful, very generous, and extremely lucky and blessed at that very moment. That guy he must have been the owner of Burnshaw. He just gave it to me.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

Right?

SPEAKER_02 15:18

How was being pro for you?

SPEAKER_04 15:21

You mean being a professional athlete?

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:25

I would say one of the things that I learned is to deal with immense, and I mean immense, that's how I would describe my experience. Immense pressure. Because there's nothing like it. I mean, there's many highs and there's many approaches with the pay and the lifestyle. But what's behind that is the enormous pressure. I'm only speaking for myself, but I think a lot of probators can attest, is the enormous amount of pressure that we love on a daily basis. Because every single day you have somebody behind you. Like, think about how many jobs they're on down. Like a teacher doesn't have someone right behind them licking their chops, hoping that you slip and they're gonna take your job or fire by the police. Or I'm not taking anything away from those jobs because every job is unique in its own front. We're just saying, hey, you gotta have a different type of mindset to deal with this type of immense pressure from the fans, on the sponsors, on the coaches, and yourself, right? So it just taught me, and it didn't happen right away. It took me a couple of years, I would say. A couple of years to deal with the enormous amount of pressure and to somehow normalize normalize it. Normalize that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Did anything help you deal with the pressure?

SPEAKER_04 16:50

I kept saying to myself, these guys, and I could. That was kind of my mantra. Do you know what I mean? So my mantra always was, hey, if you could do it, then I could do it. But I said to myself, hey, this guy's three years, this best, five years, this best, ten years, this guy's 15 years. I mean, they were telepathic, dude. They got picked too just like me. Well, I'm no different than these guys. So if they could do it, then I could do it. So I just kind of kept telling myself that over. And then eventually, and here's another thing, too. They wouldn't pick you if they don't like you, right? So you also have to remind yourself of that too. Like they picked you, Brian, right? And they picked you first round. So you you probably you must be something special. So you just have to remind yourself, yeah, of hey, I belong here. So that's what I use for me to get through those times when I was essentially, you know, even though I wasn't a kid, you know, when I look back, a young man.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

I get that. That's a fair point. They did pick you. And if other the other people that were doing it, you could too, you know, like physical.

SPEAKER_04 18:02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

I got you.

SPEAKER_04 18:04

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

How long were you a professional athlete for?

SPEAKER_04 18:09

Five and a half years. So I played, I got drafted to the Calgary Step Peters, right? I played for Wally Bruno, who is the winningest coach in Canadian football history. And that's pretty he's actually one of the winningest coaches in pro sports. His record is incredible. And then after I played with him, then I went to the Indianapolis Colts. And I was with Tony Dungeon in the NFL. Tony Dungeon and Peyton Manning and Bill Colding was a TM, and Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison were wide receivers. Right. I believe Marvin Harrison's a Hollywood right now. And then from there, I went to Montreal Alex, and I played with Don Matthews, which is, I believe, the second wedding coach of all time in history. There for a while. And then after that, I finished with the Chihuahua Argonaut. And I played with Michael Kim. So, you know what? It's funny you bring that up. Those are some of the greatest lessons because, you know, the play with like Wally Bono, which should be winning his coaches of all time, when this coach, Don Massey, which is second win is coach of all time, and then Michael Polo Flemmers, which is way up there when it comes to like experts. I was fortunate enough to have some ball. I'm incredible teachers when it comes to booming, when it comes to perseverance, when it comes to this is how you do it, and you overcome difficult situations. Right? Because we all go through difficult situations, difficult times. You know, I've been through my fair share. So I was extremely fortunate to be around that type of ecosystem.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

What would you say was one of the most memorable lessons you learned?

SPEAKER_04 20:01

Oh, my shirt just came undone. That's the blue for real. That's the one that's gonna get the most use, right? Click that one. All right. The most thing that I ever learned, you know what? Okay, Kimai, this doesn't have to do with football. This has to do with the trip that I took to Africa.

Africa Lesson On Gratitude

SPEAKER_04 20:23

Okay, and I did just I just feel like I have to say this, right? So in 2009 or eight, I went to Africa, Kenya, Master Mango. And I went there to build schools and hospitals with the Michael Pimel on his foundation and this trip was an we went there, we built schools and hospitals and see how important people are and how much we have back home, right? And I remember Michael, which is Michael Pimel comments, he said, and I'll never forget this. He said we have more, but smile less, and they have less, but smile more.

SPEAKER_03 21:13

I was like, Okay, wow.

SPEAKER_04 21:19

And you know what? I'm not I'm like laughing because I'm so I was so bewildered. I remember one time this African guy, obviously, they're making pennies on the dollar every day. He had this beautiful bracelet, and then we're not talking gold or silver, bro. We're just talking like one of those water bands. I was like, Really nice bracelet. I really meant it. And this guy tried his best to take it up to give it to me. And in my head, I was like, bro, seriously, you don't have anything, like keep the bracelet. But the level of like they just have a different type of end. Energy, different soulfulness, right? Where he's like, no, you should have it. And I was like, you know, my ignorant stuff. I'm like, no, you keep it. Keep it like this is all you have. But he's like, no, you have it. And when Michael said that quote, he's like, we have more, but smile less, then may have less, but smile more. That's so true. So I'm sorry that had nothing to do with football. But when you said, hey, what do you remember the most? The reason why I bring that up is because Michael was my football coach at that time. Or maybe, maybe he was a football coach. So I just thought about Michael and that quote in Africa. And this, you know, I just want to be authentic. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

No worries. But wow, that's a deep quote. I have never been to Africa personally, but been to Indonesia, and their the happiness level in Indonesia is very different than you will see in the United States or in Canada. I've never been to Canada, but I know a lot of people who have. So, like right? It's different.

SPEAKER_04 23:09

Right. What world were you doing in Indonesia?

SPEAKER_02 23:13

I went to Bali twice.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

Really?

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Have you ever been?

SPEAKER_04 23:19

No.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

You have been to Bali?

SPEAKER_04 23:22

No, I have not. I have two friends there that have gyms. They have a beautiful gym there. They've been there for years. But I know Bali is like I have a lot of that. And you know what? You know what would be hard for me to be able to be honest, Amanda? Is that log slide? Because I'm a regular. You can do it.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

You can do it. It's not that bad. It's not that bad.

SPEAKER_04 23:49

Really?

SPEAKER_02 23:50

People say it all the time. I'm like the Bali motivational speaker indirectly. Like, just I'm kidding. The amount of people who are like, oh, I couldn't take you can do the flight. It's not that bad. Sometimes it's only two flights. One's like nine hours, one's like 13. You have a layover in between. You take a little bit of magnesium or melatonin, get yourself to sleep. You're smooth sailing.

SPEAKER_04 24:17

Okay, okay. Magnesium and melatonin, right? Okay. I'm gonna write that down. Okay, because I need to be knocked out. I'm getting ankle a lot. Like that flying coffee and stuff, it's kind of tough for me. Which goes back to like my older brother Byron. He used to suffocate me all the time. When I was younger, like putting it all over my head. Because that's what older brothers did back then. Like that's just how it was. You know what I mean? Boys will be boy. And he gave me claustrophobia. You know what I mean? So yeah. So every little thing I'm always like, oh, where's the exit? Where's the exit? How do I get okay? There's the exit. Okay, yeah, okay, I can get out there. Right? But if there's no exit, I'm like, oh breathe, bride, breathe. Breathe, pride, breathe. Breath work. I need some breath work from you.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

You're in Costa Rica right now.

SPEAKER_04 25:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

You haven't taken that long of a flight somewhere else.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

Well, you know what? I've done a lot of flights, obviously, especially being a pro athlete. For me, what I've noticed is six hours. I went to Brazil once. I think it was a one-way, and it was like 13 hours. And I also went to Dubai, which was also like $12. But I ain't gonna lie, the seat that I was in was really comfortable, especially the trip to Dubai. So it didn't make so bad. Like, you know, the I don't know if you've ever been to the Middle East, but those rich countries, they don't mess around, right? The plane I was on was like luxury, even though I was not in the front front row. And then I got off the plane and I went in the airport and they had like Lamborghinis sitting around. I'm like, what's the Lamborghini doing here? And they're like, oh, that's just awkward. I'm like, the type of wealth is ridiculous. And then I saw I was in Dubai, and all the houses look like I'm like, oh, that's that they're like, oh, that's just a regular house. I'm like, wow, this is what life is on steroids. So six hours is seem to be my number, but if I have a really, really good sleep and laid back, it's not so bad.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

I get it. I want to transition back at Tad. So five and a half years of being a pro athlete, then what does life look like for you after that?

SPEAKER_04 26:38

You know what, Amanda? I went through, I don't know if it was depression back then. Boy, let me tell you, I want the

Life After Sports Identity Crash

SPEAKER_04 26:48

major identity crisis. Major. Because what happens is your entire life is predicated on being that, right? If you're a pro athlete, for sure you're an athlete from when you're a kid. You don't say at 17, 18, 19, oh, I want to be a pro athlete. No, that's where you're gonna get drafted. So you were an athlete from like four, five, six, seven years old. Like, that's just a given. So, with that said, you were playing sports every day, all day. Then, if you were less than lucky enough, you turned pro. Wonderful. Then, when pro is finished, you're like, What am I doing with? So I remember distinctively, I gained significant amount. I'd say about 60 pounds within six months. And I didn't know, I knew I kind of gained weight, but I still had that little look like, oh, I'm still kind of in shape. But it wasn't until I came back from a trip from like Bermuda or Bahamas, and like, you know, when you see the picture, you're like, well, that's me. Because pictures will tell you how people see. It's not what you see in the mirror, it's what you see in the picture. So I saw the picture and I was like, Yeah. This is bad. This is really bad. So I got my act together, and you know what? It was difficult at first because that was the root awakening, and I had an identity crisis, and I don't know if I had the pressure, but I was not in a good place because for so long, your entire life, you were known as an athlete, and all of a sudden, you're not an athlete anymore, and it's time to find something new. So that transition, and many athletes or can attest to this, you don't have to be pro because you could be an NCAA app, right? And when that's up and that's finished, and you have to find something new. That time period from when it's finished to finding something new, hopefully you do, and hopefully something is fulfilling. That can be for many incredibly makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

The identity shift, it's almost losing who you've known yourself to be.

SPEAKER_04 29:06

And as an athlete, I think it's even worse because think about this. You're kind of adored. Like, how many jobs are you adored? Think about the professions of like, we adore this person. It's either an actor or an athlete or an entertainer. Any other job, you know, maybe you're a high specialist as a doctor, like adored, meaning like every day. So all of a sudden, you don't get that as a police officer, as a firefighter, as a teacher. And those are incredible jobs, by the way. But you don't get that. So you have a level of like, I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself. So when that's gone, the draw, the fault from grace is even greater. Versus, like, even if you had identities and other things, it's like as a pro-athlete, I think it's even worse. And I'm not being biased because I played it, but like just break it down schematically every day. Everyone's asking for autographs. That's not a right for a job. You don't go to your job, and everyone's like hundreds of people, like, hey, I'm gonna have your autograph, carry out. So the fall from grace, and I don't want to say fall from grace, but like when that's done, and then you get into the real world, that gap is enormous.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

Now, you said you gained a lot of weight and you didn't notice till you saw it in a picture. Just because you saw it in this picture. What was it that made you make that shift to get your stuff together?

SPEAKER_03 30:42

I was embarrassed.

SPEAKER_04 30:44

I saw the picture and I was like, are you serious? I'm like, you're going from like, you know, I'm still in my 20s, right? And in your 20s, you're in your prime, right? I was a wide receiver, so every wide receiver for the most part is like ripped, looks amazing. You know what I mean? They just have a physique where it's like, oh my goodness. You know what I mean? So, and you've had that physique for years on years on end, right? And then all of a sudden, you're 60 pounds overweight. So you see this picture, and you go to this like mental problem, you're like, you know, you let yourself go, bro. Not only do you look bad, you're not disciplined, you're not focused, you don't have I don't want to swear on your podcast, but you don't have your shit together. You know what I'm saying? This is terrible. Your fault for grace is significant. So it was a rude awakening for me. It was a good awakening, but a rude awakening, as in like, hey, let's go. Let's give your shit together.

SPEAKER_02 31:52

That makes sense. Shame will often, shame, embarrassment, whatever you want to call it, will often make us get our shit together. It was it will more so than whatever word you want to use, but it's more often that.

SPEAKER_04 32:07

You know, I'm glad you brought that up because this is human behavior. 90% of the time, we're more motivated with negative connotations, as in like just shame, embarrassment, yell, whatever it is. But we'll call it negative than praise. So let's just say someone says, Hell, you look amazing, you're great, but you know you don't look amazing, you know you're not great. That's not gonna get you going. But if you're walking somewhere in a stranger that you doesn't even know you, and you sit down on the airplane seat and you're like, that will be far more motivating than your five friends telling you, You got this, I believe in you.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

You you know what? I think you're me.

SPEAKER_04 32:50

Does that make sense? So unfortunately, the human brain and who we are as people, we're far more motivated when negativity is involved than with positivity. Another example of that is let's just say you go to a restaurant, okay, and the restaurant's amazing. Now, generally speaking, you're shoot by the good too if it's amazing, right? But a lot of people are like, you know what, we just expect it. But if the restaurant is bad, okay, if the food is bad, if the almies is bad, right? If the service is really bad, well, guess what? People can't wait to get on their homes, even while they're getting their food order to write a bad review. So unfortunately, the studies and the stats will show that we're far more motivated with negativity than possibility.

SPEAKER_02 33:44

It's true. You got your shit together uh uh after that after that shame. And so so what'd you start doing? Did you start like what was that like?

SPEAKER_04 33:55

Well, so I started going back to the gym. Obviously, I wasn't training like I was a pro athlete again because to be a pro athlete to train a demo is insane, right? So I was just training like a regular person, and then I essentially kind of I was eating a lot of Chinese foods. I remember late at night, and I was still young, I was like 27 or so. I would, you know, I'd go with my friends to the nightclub and we would eat late at night at this Chinese restaurant because you know Chinese stores are always open, right? And I used to have red chicken. Oh so yummy, right? That was like, you know, I was like, hey, I gotta clean this diet up. And then also back then in Canada, this is true story. This is when Red Bull came out too. Red Bull in Canada, not the States, in Canada. Red Bull kind of came out in early 2000 in Canada, right? And I was drinking Red Bull like water lunch. Red Bull. I was having like 25 a day.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

25.

SPEAKER_04 34:56

Yeah, viewers are gonna be like, I don't know who is this guy? This guy's crazy, right? But exactly, right? So I yeah, I was having like 20 or 25 a day, and then what happened was this is a true story. I remember opening my condo door, just opening the door, putting my hand on the door and opening it, and I remember twisting the ligaments in my wrist from opening the door. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. This is kind of like bone cancer. People who are familiar with bone cancer had a client once, she was folding her sheets and she, you know what I mean? And she broke her shoulder bone. Well, she went to the doctor and they were like, yeah, bone cancer, right? So I didn't have bone cancer, but if I'm turning the door handle and my wrist and I pull it, I'm like, stop terribly wrong. So I realized it was the Red Bull, it was being eaten later. I'm like, this gotta stop, this gotta change, and you know, I just kind of looked in the mirror, I'm like, this gotta stop, this gotta change. I had that discipline, but I wasn't using it because here's another thing that happened. I'm so glad you bring this up a man that watch this, this is actually true. Because I retired, right? Because I retired, my brain thought I was still a pro athlete in the sense that I can still eat what I want, drink what I want, and get away with the one, but I wasn't nearly burning as many calories. So when I was a pro athlete and I was a wide receiver, those that know the wide receiver, like you're essentially a professional sprinter. You're essentially a Ferrari, right? That's what your body is, right? So my body was eating and consuming like 12,000 calories a day. But that was not a big deal given the fact that's how hard I was trained. Okay, if you're a high-level athlete at that type of pedigree or coach, you would understand, okay, 12,000 sounds absurd, but yeah, that makes sense. So now what happened was I retired, but guess what? I was still leading like I was still a professional. Right? So my player was like, Yeah, I got you. Don't worry, this is all good. But it wasn't all good. And it wasn't until I saw the picture that I realized this is bad.

SPEAKER_03 37:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:27

So after the picture had helped you shift that, you started going to the gym and changing what you were consuming.

SPEAKER_04 37:34

Yeah, exactly. And then massively reducing my calorie intake, which took some time, took about four or five months, because you gotta remember for years, I was consuming like eight to twelve thousand calories. You don't go from eight to twelve thousand calories to like four thousand overnight. That's a happen. Right? It takes a long, well, for me, it took me quite a bit of time. Took me like four to five months before I really brought it down, right? Where my body could consume the appropriate calories based on my energy expenditure per day, right?

SPEAKER_02 38:16

So you do that about four or five months and it shifted things for you.

SPEAKER_04 38:21

Yeah, it took some time because I was still battling with the fact that hey, identity crisis, I was still battling with, oh my god, I gained like 60 pounds, right? And I was still battling with what do I do with myself now that I'm not sure anymore. Right? So there's a lot going on, and I know for people who played professional sports or who have something similar, this is not an unusual situation. But no one tells you about this, no one says, Hey, by the way, this is what's gonna happen, most likely.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

Now it doesn't happen to all of us, but it happens to many about after you get your your shit together from that situation, is that around when you launched the business, when you started getting into that?

SPEAKER_04 39:17

Okay, so my business, it's interesting how I got into it. So I coach high achieving women and helping them burn out, right? But that's not how I started. I actually started as a personal trainer for fitness. So what happened was during

From Trainer To Burnout Coach

SPEAKER_04 39:38

my university years, I got certified as a trader because it's not unusual, okay, that if you play a sport, especially like football, basketball, volleyball, soccer, at a high level, it's not unusual to people to come to you and say, hey, can you trade me? Because you're already a high performance athlete, they would actually rather have you than someone who's a certified trainer because they're like, hey, you went through it all. Kind of look at it like, you know, the equivalent of uh somebody who is a multimillionaire in business, but never went to business school. But then there's the professor who has all the MLDS on business, but never ran a business in his life. Which one do you want to pick? So a lot of people will pick, you know, the business guy who made millions of dollars and he didn't high school because he understands it all. So it's not uncommon for people to look at you and say, hey, in your training? Well, I ended up getting certified. And then what I discovered was that the majority of clients that would come to me were women were high-powered executive women. I mean, statistically, anybody who's a bona fide, consistent trainer, they would comfortably say, especially if they're getting in the game over 10 years, most people that get personal training are women, you know, well over 70%. So I ended up training a lot of women, and in those sessions, training those women, it's not uncommon, you're kind of like a hairdresser, where they're like, oh, this is what's going on at work, or this is the difficulty of having this person, that person, and so on and so forth. And I would naturally rebuttal, but when I would rebuttal, I would give really good advice. So the women were like, I was really good. Or say something, they're like, Wow, that was really quick. I'm like, Yeah, thanks, right? And we would go on, but I was hearing that over and over and over again. Okay, so then what happened was I was like, you know what? Maybe I should get some training for this. So I ended up getting my master's in neurolinguistic programming, master's in hypnotherapy, masters in coaching, master's in certified love specialists. So I ended up training myself in these situations so I could even be better, even though I was still doing personal training. And then I started, I opened up my own coaching practice. So I simultaneously had, okay, I simultaneously had, I simultaneously had a coaching practice and a personal training practice. So I would personal train people in the morning, okay, and then do coaching, right? And then it evolved. So that's how I got into it. Where, and then eventually it became the predominant because I was like, Well, I like both. I like training people physically, but I like the mental side of things, you know what I mean? Going to my office in Toronto and sitting down and having my legs cross and let Susie tell me what's going on, and then helping Susie with her problems. And then eventually I started writing books, and I wrote a book called Don't Live David Doubling and D dominate so they were gone. And then one that's how it evolved. So it actually evolved from me being a personal trainer into a coaching woman.

SPEAKER_02 43:28

Right. And if you're not watching us right now and you're just listening, I was cracking up as Brian was doing some calls, sitting here doing some bicep calls, telling us what the women were saying to him. I I was laughing out loud. That seems so so synchronistic.

SPEAKER_04 43:55

You know what? I get anastat a lot, you know what I mean? Because like I Said a lot of high profile happens. So it was a natural transition. I didn't think that was gonna happen for me personally, but you know what? God has unusual plans for people. Yeah. So I was talking to Dr. Brian Arnold. He has a podcast, uh Lived to Perform, I believe. And he's a doctor of education, but his original goal was to be a stunman. I'm like, what a contrast from a stunman to an educator. And he actually got a scholarship. And out of all the scholarships, he chose the closest university to Hollywood because his mom said to him, Hey, please, just one year of university, just give it a go. He's like, All right, no problem, mom. Little bitch you know that he picked the school that was close to Hollywood because he's like, after one year, I'm out of here, and I'm gonna be a stunned man. But guess what? You end up being an educator. So you just never know, right, what life is gonna throw you and how things are gonna evolve. So the the moral story there is just be open-minded, and things are not always linear, right? If you live long enough, you know, you things are like this, right? And that was definitely my top.

SPEAKER_02 45:17

I feel like more often than not, they're not linear.

SPEAKER_04 45:21

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 45:23

But now, when did you write the book?

SPEAKER_04 45:27

Yeah, so don't live another day without me. I wrote that in 2018. 2018, it's funny because when I wrote that book, I actually wrote it two years before, but then it was on my computer, and my computer got stolen. And it took me a year. Oh, it was devastating. It was absolutely devastating. So it took me one year to write that book. Okay. Actually, no, I wrote that book. I apologize. The first one, and it was called DNA of the Millionaire. So there's no book like that out there, but it was that was what it was called. And that was in like 2012 or so. And then my book got stolen, my laptop got stolen, and I was so discouraged because it took me a full year to write that book. I was so discouraged, it took me like three more years before I got motivated again to write another book. It was called Don't Live in Every Day Without, which you can get on Amazon. And that came out in 2018. And essentially, that's a book that helps people to, if they're suffering from bury out, if they're suffering from need to be better, if they want to strive you easy tips and tricks of how to improve their life. That's what that book's about.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

Now, I'm curious, before you wrote the one that got stolen on the laptop, did you always think, like years ago, did you always think you'd write a book about something?

SPEAKER_04 46:49

Well, you know what happens, and maybe other authors can attest, or I can only say this for myself. For me, my motivation was it was actually therapeutic. Right? So it wasn't like, hey, I'm Brian Nugent, you guys need to read this. No, no, no, no. It was actually therapy for me because I had too much information in my head, and I just needed to get it out. Right. I just needed to get it out, right? So I got it out, it was very therapeutic, and people have read it and they they liked it a lot. That was my old selfish, whatever you want to call it. But that was my motivation with writing. Like it was like, I have information to share, I need to get it out. I don't care. Anyone reads it? I hope somebody reads it, but let me put this on paper and hope for the best. But it wasn't like my motivation definitely wasn't like, okay, book held, okay, miskilling speaking opportunities. Yes, that did happen, but that wasn't my incentive. It was to release that help you, Valise. Yes, it did. It's talking about the same thing here. Yes, it did help me release, and I felt a lot better. And you know, I think book writing, it's one of the hardest things for me to do, but it's also the most rewarding, right? So that's how I would describe it for myself. One of the hardest things to do, but also the most rewarding things to accomplish, right? Because for those authors that are out there, we're not talking academia where you have institutions and funnels to help you get your book out there, talking about everybody else. Writing the book is one part, getting it out is another part to get it out there because there's a lot of things that you don't realize. You know, when you've done your first book, if you didn't do your homework, you'd be like, oh, I'm done. Let's publish this. Now it's probably easier today, but it wasn't that easy because there's so much like what's the book size, what's the binding, what phone are you gonna use? Is there any graphics? What's the front cover? What's the back cover? You know, I want, whoa, what's going on here? So yeah, I got it out, and I'm very happy. Very happy with that. That's actually one of my great achievements of life. Much I think I I have that greater than playing pro sports in the great gun. Just because it was so hard. It was so crazy.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

Yeah. And you said it took you a year to do it. That helped you write the book?

SPEAKER_04 49:28

Law reading, there's already, you know, eight on uh books in my field that are out there. So and I've read you know a lot of them, so that helped. And I would quote them or I'd paraphrase them. So that helped. I would talk to a lot of people, right? I did a lot of interviews because I wanted to make sure that the book can when people read it, they're like, oh, this is hidden home, this is real, right? So I did a lot of interviews of what are your thoughts? What do you you know, what do you think, right? Because I think one of the things that you know we have to be mindful of is if you're too smart, you're too rigid. Because really smart people are too rigid in their thinking, right? So one this kind of comes from Chris Boss, the FBI negotiator. He talks about it too. It's like, hey, just everybody sees the world different, and you can't make any assumptions, and even though our brains naturally want to find truth and stuff, it's not finding out what's a fact, it's about finding out what is true based on our beliefs, because that will make us rest the old mold of it, right? And a lot of times you can find yourself in pitfall in that because you can discriminate, you can stereotype in certain situations, and you can have it all wrong because you judge the book by its cover. So I knew that to be easily a bias with me. So I always try to interact with people and understand people that are completely different of me. And how do you see this? How I see it. How do you see it? And then you would hear and see and feel different things from them, be like, and never style like that. But that's what you have to be very careful with. Where if you're too smart, you have to be too rigid, you have to be able to have the capacity to let things go and be extremely open-minded. And that's that's difficult for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 51:41

That makes a lot of sense. Speaking of letting things go, I want to try and I'm curious in terms of the book and all of this when it was that you you survived sepsis.

SPEAKER_04 51:55

Okay, so septic shock. I was 32, and I just finished the workout at the gym, and I was

Septic Shock And A Hole In His Colon

SPEAKER_04 52:04

feeling pretty good about myself and the workout. And I was having one total soup, and I was standing, and I remembered I got it. And so it felt like a slice hammer. Somebody just took it and hit my stomach. And at first, you know, I didn't think much of it. And you know, we have to let's give some context here. I played pro football, so my tolerance for pain was very high. I already had 21 disciplinated shoulder, level three compression, torn pectorial muscle, broken legs, torn MCL, ACL. So pain was extremely high. And that was an internal pain that I never had no idea what was pulling on. So I didn't think much of it. Now, the next day, I weighed myself in because I always be myself, and I was I lost eight pounds. Eight pounds. So I walked around the day, and but I was in a lot of pain. And I went to the doctor, and the doctor said, Get some ginger ale and some Xantax. Now I remember walking across the street, and my friend, you know, said, Hey, right. And I'm black, by the way. He goes, You look green. I'm like, this is bad. I feel like a white guy told a black guy he looks green, he's sick. Some of them. So I ended up taking the antioxidant drug to the thought, too, right? But I was in severe pain. And the next day, right, I woke up and weighed myself in, and I was down 15 pounds. I was down 23 pounds and 36 hours. I was like, okay, Brian, you don't need to be, you don't need to go to med school to know that there's something wrong, right? So I went to my friend now, who was a doctor, a really top doctor, Dr. Ryan. And I remember getting a ride there, because I didn't drive, there's so much raining. And I remember getting to an office, and I was so sick and so weak that I when I walked in, they immediately said, you know, there's like 50 people there. They looked at me and they're like, he's next. They didn't care how sick they were, they just knew that this guy, I don't know what's wrong with him, but he can go. Right? Forget about my broken arm, forget about my stomach, he can go. So I went into his office and I laid down and he took his hands and he pressed down on my stomach. I didn't feel any pain. But when he let go, I screamed so loud. You probably heard me in Boston when I scream. And he said, Brian, you need to go to the hospital right now. And I was like, Remy. I'm like, come on. Like, give me some pills. Like, we no, he goes, No, this is the okay. I went to the hospital and I did MRI blood work, stool, matter, the whole nine years. And he the doctor came back, this guy's a good-looking guy. He looked like James Bond after. And he goes, Brian, do you want the bad news or the really bad news? What the like? I go, and keep in mind, Amanda, I'm on the way out here. As in like dig and feel, you don't need to go to death school to know you're dying. Like your voice is down, right? You're weak, you can't move, you got the shit, you're dead. And he's like, Well, Brian, the bad news is you have a hole in your colon. Okay. I'm like, and he goes, You have septis shock. And he goes, he goes, and the really bad news is you have peritonitis. And I was like, he goes, you know what peritonitis is? He goes, Well, none of this is good, but pretty much you have a leafy low pressure and your whole body's cutting down. And he goes, we gotta go in. So let's get you in the surgery. So they brought me in the surgery room, three doctors run into the room, and they assessed me. One guy puts his picture on my butt. That's not man never saw it. But, anyways, he goes, Ryan, we're going in. And I said, I'm 32, keep in mind, I'm pretty piece of shape at the time.

SPEAKER_03 56:32

I go, What am I on?

SPEAKER_04 56:37

He goes, What do you want? I go, What the shit? They all started laughing. Believe it or not, even when you're dying, doctors laugh, right? Yeah, they go, Death is your option.

SPEAKER_02 56:53

They said that. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_04 56:56

Yeah. So they said that. And actually, the funny thing we all started because we I knew that was my option because I knew I was on my way up. So he goes, I'll tell you what, Brian. He goes, You're 32, you're in pretty good shape. You're a young guy. Let me run upstairs, talk to the chief of the abdominal surgery, come back down, tell you if the ball in your. I said, you know, let's go. So he ran upstairs and back down. He goes, I'll tell you what. Chief said, if not in 30 minutes your white blood cell count doesn't go down, we're going in. And I didn't want him to go in because here's the thing abdominal surgery is very invasive surgery. So they had to cut me down the middle. They had to cut me over here for an endoscopic bag, which I had to pee at it for like who knows how long, indefinite amount. And then cut me over here when my sequel was, which is like cut out the bad part and then reattach it together. And then the middle cut was let's pull all the colon and let's just see if there's anything else. And I kilo. You ever seen those slavery vidrios where like they have like a black people, like those big welts of cuts? Right? So I get those on my body if I had cuts. So I was like careless. You know what I mean? Because I knew there's no way I'm gonna have my shirt off ever again. It was impossible, right? So fortunate enough, by the grace of God, every hour my white blood cell count went down and they checked my blood. And the most difficult thing, I ended up losing 52 pounds in 18 days, and I was 18 days in the hospital. And a couple things stood up there. In Canada, because it's free health care, if you stay more than 72 hours in the hospital, everybody knows that you have a serious condition. Because in Canada, they'll just kick you out. And then number two, I never did surgery and I never took any drugs. So that was to the doctors a medical mystery. That made them say, What's going on? So by the time I left, there was like 22 doctors in the room, and they're like, he's the one with no surgery. So I ended up leaving the hospital. But because I never did surgery, I had because my colon was still injured, right? It wasn't like they fixed it. I ate avocado and bananas for three years, and that's all my body could do because if I had any fats, any proteins, any, any alcohol, my body said, no, boom, slammed down all the ground. And I was like, are you kidding me? So that took me like six months, and I believed at the time this is my new life. Because after three or four months, you're like, okay, you know, I'll get better. But then by six months, and then nine months, and then by a year, I was like, I live in my life. But after it took me three years, I have a time and then it's three years.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:17

That is wild. And you don't have any idea how you survived it without a great, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:23

God is obviously more powerful than all of us can buy. So, I mean, if he wanted you, he would have taken it. So that's how I look at it, right? God said, Hey, this my I mean, it's no different than me having my stroke last year, a major stroke, where I had

Stroke In Costa Rica And Walking Out

SPEAKER_04 1:00:40

experience. Yeah, that was last year. And I saw my mom who died 32 years ago. And my mom, this is in a near-death experience. And you know, NDEs are out there, people know about that. But I saw my mom, she was wearing like uh a white skirt up to like cut up to her thighs, and my mom pretty much said, without talking, she's like, Hey Brian, you want to come with me? Or do you want to go back? And I said, Oh, I gotta go back. I got three kids. And the moment I said that, I went back, I had so much pain because I'm back in the real world. And uh, my wife drove me to the hospital. I did MRI, CT scan the whole nine yards, and I suffered some major stroke, and I'm still struggling today with it, in the sense that I lost my ability to walk and walk and count to 10. So it took me four months, 10 hours a day, just to get to about 40%. And today, that was April 3rd, 2025. I'm about 85%. My speech is still off, my writing is definitely still off, my brip is still off, and my foot is still off. I mean, like these are off. So but I'm happy to be around, I'm happy to be with my kids. Still alive, it's still kicking, and hey, I'll take 85. I'm still getting better, but the increments are like so small. You don't even know if you really get better. You know, I just yeah, I'm definitely passive. You wouldn't know if you saw me, but if you knew me and you're paying very close attention, you like sure when you did. Sometimes he stumbles. That was weird. Why do you stumble and there's nothing around him? But it's a stroke. It's a stroke.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:43

Were you hospitalized after the stroke?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:47

Oh yeah, absolutely. And here's the funny thing. So I had the stroke in Costa Rica, but I didn't have insurance. Right? And then we went to a private hospital. And in Costa Rica, when you don't have insurance in your foreign, it's your essential, it's the lottery ticket.

unknown 1:03:05

Right?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:06

So as much as they want to help you, they're like, hey, we're gonna make some money on this case, right? So I remember it caught it was like giving five figures like a lot of money, right? Imagine how much a stroke would be. So you and the bill went up very fast. And I remember looking at my wife, but I couldn't talk really. And she knew what I was trying to say because obviously our money, you know, we have it together, right? And she's like, Well, what do you want me to do? Mine is a super stressful situation, right? She doesn't want to see her husband and the father of her kids die. But at the same time, we don't want all the money to be darned because they can't be darned like that, right? We have departments, and what I mean by that, married couples know that my department is if shit gets real or difficult, that's where I step in. Hey, I got this, babes, don't worry about it. And if she's has to cook or take care of the kids' health, that's her department. You know what I mean? So we have departments, but that department, she had to be me for that moment, right? She had to go to the doctor and be like, hey, doctor, I'm I understand that you want to help my husband, but this is getting like really expensive. So she went and talked to him, and then she came back and she's all stressed, and she's like, She said, No, you can't leave the hospital.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:34

So I looked back at her and I'm like, you know. She mustered up all the shrug that was in the back of that job.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:51

She goes, Thank you, doctor. Thank you so much for what you've done is how the help more housing, but we have to leave. Because, you know, here's the thing, right? As much as you want to help your health, guess what? You still have to think about the kids' future. You still have to think about the kids' education. And maybe, maybe I need to go so but we have some money left because we're talking like tens and tens of thousands, like really quick. So he goes back to the doctor, and the doctor says to her, If he can walk to me, if he can walk to me, then you guys can go. Well, she walks back to me. She goes, Ryan, give him one. I can't walk or talk her county death. She goes, Right. Just so you know, the doctor said, We can leave. I'm like, right? Mind you, we didn't have a plan. Right? She said, Hey, you have to walk to him to tell him that you can be okay to leave. It was the most difficult thing I Ever had you in my life to muster up. There's so many elements going on in the mind and the body. Because here's the thing you want to get healthy, you want to be around your kids, you don't want to leave the medical attention, but at the same time, the bill is just getting ridiculous, right? But anyways, I'm like so we ended up going died. Everything to have the power, and I made it to the doctor, and the doctor took this paper, and he wrote die. He didn't write or release part, he just wrote die big bold letters. And he said, I do not approve Mr. Brian usually. And he also said that's he read them because in my 32 years. 32 years, he goes, You leave tonight, you're probably gonna have a hemorrhage and die. And my wife looked at me and I looked at her and she looked at me, and he just stood there and he looked at both of us like, what are you gonna do now? So not only was the walk the most difficult thing I had to do, the decision to still pick up and go was also Marshall. But we picked up and left and forced it enough. My church, and many doctors left that church, and many people kicked in to help out. So I ended up staying in a friend's house, and I'm in Costa Rica, beautiful stud, vitamin D, and there was the ambulance attendance that came, many doctors because I had doctor friends that came, and through the grace of God, here I am today.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:47

You left the hospital.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:50

I left the hospital absolutely against everything the doctors ordered. And when I was leaving, everybody stopped with the or two, and they're like whispering. They're like because I had stroke, and it was a major one. And you know, I'm still not fully recovered, but I'm definitely possible in many ways. But you know yourself, you know you're you're not capable of doing the things they used to do, but you're still possible. No, I'm very grateful for that. So, yes, I delight, and I'm not taking no medications whatsoever. You know, they had a laundry list of medications you have to take after a stroke, you know, to stay alive, but that's me.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:35

I'm blown away that you just left the hospital.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:39

I did. I left the hospital. That's a Netflix.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:42

I mean, but you didn't bleed out because you're sitting in front of me. Yeah, Brian!

SPEAKER_04 1:08:51

Yes, I know, Amanda. I know. Breath breathlock. Breath work, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:58

Breath luck can save you, Brian.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:02

Honestly, what saved me? I mean, obviously, it's God, but what did I do to get where I am today? I did 10 hours of rehab, seven days a week for four months to get to 40%. So, what did that rehab look like? Everything for stroke survivors or stroke people who know. You don't get anything back unless you actually do it thousands of times. So it's not like a baby where it's like a baby

Rehab Discipline And Relearning Basics

SPEAKER_04 1:09:31

will eventually evolve and get better. It's like a stroke will take everything from you. And then if you don't do those movements, it's gone. And you have to do a lot of brain and talk to the muscle. So, like my walking arm, like when I walked, my arm was all over the place. So I had to tell my arm, hey, when you walk, it should only pull this. You know what I mean? Writing, I had to walk forward, backwards, sideways, I had to get up, get down, and everything. Like if I was writing on paper, okay, fine. But if I were to write out a chalkboard, I had to learn that too. If I had to write on a different type of paper, I had to learn that. If I was writing and I got to the end of the paper, because my hand was off the paper, that whole sensation of like, you know, your hand is off the paper when you get to the bottom of the paper. I had to learn that so everything like thousands and thousands. And there's still thousands of things that I haven't learned yet. But I'm still I had to learn how to drink again, like how to bring the cup because your hand is all over the place. You're like, you know, come back to the mouth, and your hand is shaking, you know what I mean? And and then you'd be like spilling everywhere, and this would just repeat, repeat 10 hours of rehab, seven days a week for four months, significantly helped me. I only got to 40% after that, and then I'm about 80, 85. It's like I said, my speed is off a bit, my locking is off, and definitely my precision with my hands. So if I'm doing dishes, you know, it's not usual, the dishes fly out in my hands or every dish because it's already slippery, and then if your hands are not you don't have that tactile dexterity, it's not 100% there, and it's already slippery, it's gone, still. It's little things like that, but you wouldn't notice that you wouldn't know I had a stroke if you meant.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:27

But I and goes around you know, I'm so curious how the first 24-48 hours wrote for you after leaving the hospital.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:39

Extremely scary because I'm people are taking me to the washer, right? Imagine you have to do a number two, shower, can't brush your teeth, you know, for days. Right? I was just sitting in the bed and I can't move. I can barely talk, and I'm definitely, if I can talk, I'm super stuttering and missing words. So I would say extremely scary and extremely painful. Uh girls who attend things that jump up the map. Extreme pain and extreme fear because you don't know if you're gonna have the stroke again. Because you know the likelihood of having a second one, you know, with the first 30 days is like 90%, and then 60% 60 days, you know, and then it goes down over time. But that was my word. And I think the most difficult thing, besides that, was my little guy, Thor. That's his name, Thor. He was two. I couldn't throw him around because I'm that dad that rather draws him around. And he's a boy, he's like, ah, so I couldn't do that. And for him, that really messed with his mind. That really messed with him. Because he was like, don't you need right, dad? He would throw me all the time. So that was I saw the difficulty with him and how he would act, because he'd like, he can't articulate, but he'd like my dad is not normal. I don't know what's going on, but he's not normal.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:17

What would you say you learned the most from the stroke?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:22

Well, I've learned a lot. Discipline. Because you know, I talked to other stroke survivors, and one thing I learned, and I didn't know this at first, it took me like 10 days after the stroke to find myself, but I started to pay attention. If you don't work to get it back, you're not gonna. I don't care whether it's talking, speaking, writing, I don't care what it is. Whatever you did before, if you don't specifically work on that, it's gone. Absolutely gone. So I had to be really disciplined with thousands of different things that you would take for granted, whether it's putting a comb through your hair. Do you know what I mean? Because here's the thing: I constantly have this, the shapes, right? So, you know, you'd grab the arm and you'd be like, you literally, because it's all connected, right? You tell your mind, hey, hair comb down. And then you would comb your hair or crack an egg or drink from or open a drawer, like everything, and you had to do that hundreds of times before you were adequate at best. You know what I mean? So it I wouldn't say it taught me, it reinforced more discipline. So I would say that that's what I would that's a take blame. The reinforcement of it's just who on the part. And here's the funny thing, Amanda. There's so many stroke survivors that I've talked to where once they got like decent at something, because they required so much work to get there, they're like, I'm done. And here's the funny thing: I don't blame them. Because I knew how much it required to get there. And they were so tired. And forcing enough, I played football in that open business. So I had that tenacity, that grit to like keep going. Because you can't get to these types of levels of success in life unless you have grit and tenacity and all those other attributes. So that came in when I was in my darkest days.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:39

I bet you about dark.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:41

I told you it'd be dark behind me.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:44

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:47

I don't know if we'd really tell the truth about darkest.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:50

I think you were not telling the truth. I didn't know we'd discuss this thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:56

Yeah, it's fine. I'm having a great job. Trust me, it's all good.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:59

I so now I'm I'm curious, and I ask every guest this, and I'm sure you have had a lot of these. But I'm curious what you would say has been your biggest aha moment.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:14

Well, I've had a lot, like aha as a rule. Can you be a bit more narrow with that? What are we talking here? There's so many aha moment, just so that we can help the audience more flip down and more. Because I've had a lot. What would you say aha and what though?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:30

Well, you started looking at the world differently.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:35

Okay. I would say the sectus and paracomantica have a burden too. And I'll tell you why. That time period taught me an enormous, tremendous amount of ages. One, I couldn't the first uh 18 days in the hospital, they were giving me a beating too. So the first four days was it really messes with your mind because we're used to chewing and swallowing. So even though you're getting to bed and you're being nurtured through your arm, your mind says where's the thin? Right? So that was extremely difficult. So those that have been on a beating tube through their arm, we know what you know what I'm talking about. And number two, even at all bananas three years, right? Got me incredible patience. We could think about it, Amanda. We can have cats and crunch steak, alcohol, tweetinis. It doesn't matter. We'll just eat whatever we want. And then all of that would move. And then for three years, all you can eat is let me tell you something. People can't do that for two games. I did that for three years. So that taught me an enormous amount of patience. Enormous. I mean, we all talk about patients. We're patients have been born. We know about them. That's not a secret. But that level, and that's because I never did surgery. So it would have been different if I did surgery, right? But I didn't do surgery because I didn't want those key loads. So when people are like, well, how can you get a lot of surgery? Bro, I didn't want a scar from my sternum all the way down to my belly button, and then have another scar on the side and have an uh endoscope, a peabag, and then another scar, and I'm 32 and I'm single. It's not ideal. No, I didn't die, folks. I didn't die. Right? So if people are like, hey, you gotta die. I'm like, yeah, you're right, but you know, last time I checked, you can't get out of life alive. Can't get out of life alive, so you know that's yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:19

You can't get out of life alive. None of us will.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:23

No, you can't. So since since we know that's the case, and I know that's the case, and I actually believe that, you know, I might as well die in my terms than someone else's terms. Right? I'm not a big risk taker, but I'll take my chances. That's a good way to look by me. I'm not a big risk taker, but I will take my chance. So I don't go out there and do reckless stuff on a daily basis. That's not me. I got three kids in the way, I want to be alone. But there are times like my stroke, I took the chance.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:00

I get that. I respect that. Dying on your own terms. I respect that. I really enjoyed this, Brian.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:11

Good. I enjoyed it too. We probably went longer than you you were thinking, but honestly, I don't look at the time like, oh my goodness. No, no, no. At the end of the day, what I want is the audience to look back and say, hey, there are some things that I can apply to my life. You know, I want them to continue to listen to your podcast because you can see it bring value. Or, you know what, they can contact me and I can help them, you know, transition with difficult aspects of their life. You know, so at the end of the day, it's fine. This is not anything bad. I think this is all good. And at the end of the day, you're contributing good frequency and vibration to the universe, and I'm doing the same, it's all positive.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:57

I completely agree. Have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty?

SPEAKER_04 1:21:05

Oh, absolutely. I know, I mean, I don't know, but I know exactly who he is.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:10

I'm just making sure. I'm a big fan. So he's he's got a podcast called On Purpose, ends it with two segments, and I borrowed those two segments. And I borrowed these segments, and we end Mander's mindset with that. Segment is the many sides to us. Five questions, and they need to be answered in one word each. What is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as

Rapid Fire Answers And Closing Challenge

SPEAKER_02 1:21:43

focused? What is one word someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you as driven? What is one word you'd use to describe yourself?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:01

Observe it.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:04

What is one word that if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset would use to describe you as too much?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:14

That's two words.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:17

What in you know what?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:18

Actually, intense.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:21

You found one word, got it?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:24

Yeah, I found one word, and that's the word they use. That's actually the word. They're like, oh my god. He's intense. Yeah, so intense.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:34

What is one word you're trying to embody right now?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:39

Fulfillment.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:42

I like that. Second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in a sentence. What is the best advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:54

The same one that we talked about earlier. We have more but small less, and we have less but small more. Meaning, man, be happy with what you got.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:05

Why would you say that's the best?

SPEAKER_04 1:23:08

For me, it teaches you gratitude. It teaches you, hey, you know what? You're not better than anybody else. Be grateful for what you have, give back, like it embodies all of that. You know what I mean? Whatever's in front of you, be happy with what you have in front of you right now. Because a lot of people will trade places for where you are right now. And that's the problem with a lot of us. Where we're always thinking, hey, I want this and that, that's another crime. But that's trading a place because obviously there's somebody else there who was there. But watch this. There's somebody else who would also trade a place exactly where you are right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:49

I completely agree. What in the worst advice you've heard or received? That's a worst advice.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:58

When I hear it doesn't matter, it always matters right? It doesn't matter. For example, me and my wife were watching the rom-com. It was funny, but it was like, it doesn't matter. The mom said, What is this equation? And he goes, Two plus two is seven. And then the mom said, That's amazing. And the dad was what right there is like, what is going on? Right? And then she was like, it doesn't matter. You know what I mean? So it does matter. Everything matters. How you treat people matters. How you treat wife matters, how you treat kids matters, how you are in this world matters. Everything matters. And I'm more saying matters as in like Panita, exhaust blessful. Everything matters, business. Don't just be disrespectful, be kind, be generous, think that's your heart, right? Matters to smile, it matters to stay on the road. It matters to make a difference in the world every single day. It matters.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:03

I agree. What is something you used to value that you no longer value?

SPEAKER_04 1:25:11

Stuff. Right? You know, being a pro athlete, I make a lot of money. More cycles, cars, those are nice. Material things. So yeah, I used to value material stuff, right? When I was younger, but I'm almost 50 now. I used to value material things, and I don't value those things anymore.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:34

If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?

SPEAKER_04 1:25:43

This guy cared about people and he always wanted to give back in some capacity.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:52

Right? Giving back. That would be it. Give back.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:59

If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? And I want to know why.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:08

I would think it'd be, oh, this the law would be to give back. Right? The mandatory law would be you have to give back on a daily basis, and you'd have to prove that you're giving back just like you paid your taxes or whatever, right? It's like, okay, this is what I did this week. These are the 30 things I did for this month, these are 365 things I did for the year. So giving back doesn't have to be something extraordinary, right? Giving back to be helping your neighbor cut the ground. Giving back to be somebody's struggling and they need to drive the work. And you say, hey, you need a ride, let me give you a ride. Giving back to be seeing somebody, you know, they need some money, and you say, hey, here's 50 bucks, right? So giving back doesn't need to be this lavishing thing. It's just the mindset of not thinking about myself and thinking about others. And here's the beautiful thing about that. The law of reciprocation. So as you think about others, others are going to be thinking about you. But the more you think about yourself, the less people are going to be thinking about you. But if everybody's thinking about everybody, well then guess what? It's just this domino effect where it's like, oh man, all these people are just taking care of me. But guess what? That's happening to that person, that's happening to that person, that's happening to this person because everybody at all times is taking care of everybody instead of always thinking about our own selfless ways of selfish experience.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:45

I like that law. Thank you, Brian. I really enjoyed our conversation.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:51

Thank you. I thought it was amazing. Very natural, symbiotic relationship, good chemistry. You asked fantastic questions. And I'm really grateful and honored to be here. And I just hope that somebody can take something away from what you said or I said and apply it to their life in a positive way.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:10

I do too. And I will link you a website in the show notes, but I like to give it back to the guest. No pressure, but if you have any any final things you want to share with the listeners.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:24

I'm always reminded of equality, especially if I'm speaking to you high-achievable right now. Okay. And I want you to ask yourself one question, one question only. Are people getting what's best of you, or are they getting what's left? Sit with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:44

I'm gonna sit with that myself, too. Thank you, Brian.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:48

Well, thank you, Amanda. Thank you for having me. And it was amazing to be here with you.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:53

And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Bandu's Mindset. In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you. I'm voting for you. And you got this. As always, if you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five-star rating. Leave a review and share with anyone you think would benefit from that. And don't forget, you are only one nine step shift away from shifting your late. Thanks guys, until next time.