The Happiness Myth: Can We Choose to be Happy? | Adam Brownlie | 206

What if one of the most common pieces of advice we've ever been given isn't actually true?

In this thought-provoking episode of Manders Mindset, host Amanda Russo sits down with author Adam Brownlie to explore one of life's biggest questions: Can we actually choose to be happy?

Drawing from years of research and the philosophy behind his book Happypedia, Adam challenges many of the beliefs society holds about happiness, emotions, forgiveness, and human behavior. Together, Amanda and Adam dive into the science of happiness, the six pillars that contribute to wellbeing, and why understanding the root cause of suffering may be more important than simply trying to "think positive."

The conversation explores hope, novelty, forgiveness, free will, personal responsibility, and the fascinating idea that emotions may not be as much of a choice as many people believe. Adam also shares his unique journey from growing up on a farm in Australia to becoming an author dedicated to helping others better understand happiness and the human experience.

Whether listeners agree with Adam's perspective or find themselves questioning it, this episode offers a fresh way of thinking about happiness and what it truly means to live a fulfilling life.

This conversation is a reminder that happiness isn't always about forcing positivity.

Sometimes it's about understanding ourselves more deeply, letting go of what we can't control, and focusing on what we can.

💡 In this episode, listeners will discover:

🧠 Why Adam believes happiness is not a choice

✨ The six pillars of happiness and how they impact wellbeing

🌱 Why novelty may be one of the most overlooked ingredients for happiness

💭 How thoughts influence emotional states

🤝 The connection between forgiveness and happiness

🔄 Why hope plays a critical role in mental and emotional wellbeing

💜 How understanding suffering can help people navigate difficult seasons of life

⏰ Timeline Summary:

[2:00] Adam shares his unique upbringing on a farm and how it shaped his perspective on life

[8:30] The journey from farming and business to becoming an author

[14:00] The research behind Happypedia and the six pillars of happiness

[20:00] Why novelty may be one of the most overlooked keys to happiness

[28:00] Can we actually choose to be happy? Adam challenges conventional wisdom

[39:00] Hope, positive thinking, and navigating difficult situations

[48:00] Forgiveness, happiness, and Adam's biggest realization about human behavior

To Connect with Amanda:

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To Connect with Adam: 

Website: https://adambrownlie.com.au

Transcript

Meeting Adam And The Big Question

SPEAKER_04 0:41

And he is an author of the book Happy Pedia. And I am so excited to speak with him about happiness and whether we can choose to be happy or not. Thank you so much for joining me, Adam.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Yeah, hi Amanda. And um, yeah, that's a pretty important thing to talk about. Uh yeah, being misconceived about you know how much power we have uh can lead to a lot of stress trying to do things that just aren't possible. So yeah, really keen to talk about that.

SPEAKER_04 1:15

Yeah, I I love that. I'd I'd love to know a little more about you. Who would you say Adam is at the core?

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Adam is a what, sorry?

SPEAKER_04 1:26

Is at the core, like when you strip everything else away.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Oh, gee, who's Adam at the core? Well, I don't know where to where to uh go with that. Uh yeah, like just a normal human being in in one sense, and another one who's had a very unique uh upbringing. You know, we've all had a unique upbringing, no one's had the same upbringing, and that's uh shaped our mind, our decisions, the decisions that appear without our choosing, like I'm sure we'll talk about. Uh, it all comes from those unique experiences we've had. Uh so yeah, I'm a different person to everyone else. But yeah, who who am I? Uh yeah, that could take a long time to figure out, I think.

SPEAKER_04 2:22

A long time to figure out. Fair enough. Fair enough. I get

Farm Childhood And Boarding School

SPEAKER_04 2:27

that. Can you can you tell me a little bit about your upbringing, childhood, family dynamic?

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Yeah, so uh raised on a farm, uh two very happy parents. Uh if I if you asked them what their secret to happiness is, they probably wouldn't be able to tell you. They just like they just are. Um and that made life for me and my like four brothers and sisters very easy because you know there was never any stress in the house, it was always very chill. Like the only stress was when you know we wanted to do something and mum may not have wanted us to do it. And uh, but otherwise, it was a very happy uh home. We had a lot of freedom. So, you know, living on a farm, we were we were pretty much free just to roam. Uh sometimes we wonder how we survived because we just had so much freedom. Uh, there's so much dangers on a farm, and we're just free to go and do what we want. Uh yeah, for like some of our uh schooling was homeschooled. Well, not homeschooled, but like school of the air. So uh mum taught us a bit. Uh so yeah, we we literally just did school from maybe eight or nine in the morning until lunchtime, and we'd have lunch, and then the rest of the day was free for us to do what we want. Uh so yeah, in that way it was different to most people. Uh we didn't have to in that time of my life when there was no catching the school bus to school or home again. Uh it was just life on the farm with the family. Um yeah, and then I went to uh boarding school when I was about 12. Uh so yeah, that's another unique experience that a lot of people don't get, like leaving your family when you're 12 and spending, you know, most of the year uh a 10-hour bus drive ride away from them, uh growing up in a boarding house just full of other kids. So it was like going from one extreme to the other, going from like just living with your family, that's it, and not seeing anyone else, to never seeing your family and being 24 hours with other people, with you know, other kids. And uh so yeah, it was a big, big contrast there. Uh, but yeah, that was basically my childhood.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

Were you close with your siblings?

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Yeah, yeah, still are like so super lucky. We've got no like animosity between any of us, like all of us get along uh really well. We get together reasonably, like we're all spread all over the the world pretty much at the moment. Like I've got one brother in Norway, one down in Canberra, or like is like the furthest down in the south of uh Australia, and then um yeah, other relatives all in between. Uh, but yeah, we get together reasonably regularly. Um and yeah, we're not the we're not the type that like um I don't know, call each other every day, but uh we can call each other whenever we want, so yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:56

I gotcha. Now, did you go to boarding school until like you graduated high school?

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Yeah, yeah. So years seven to twelve, uh, so six years.

From Agronomy To Purpose Work

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Uh yeah, then went to university and didn't know what I wanted to to study. Uh I knew how to farm. And I like, so I was just like, well, I know how to do that. I'll just ask Dad if I can come home to the farm. Uh dad was like, yeah, sure. Uh just go and get a degree first. So uh I was like, well, what's the quickest degree I can do? I just want to get, you know, I've been studying for 12 years already, I don't want to do any more. Uh so I just went and did a three-year degree in agronomy, studied farming. Uh part way through that, I started my first business. Uh, so then I was like, well, this business stuff's pretty interesting. So then I did a master's degree in business. Uh after I did that, then I had these like jobs been offered to me uh in the city, and uh so I just took one, lasted like three weeks, maybe like didn't last very long, and it just wasn't wasn't a fit, so uh left there, went back to the farm, and then just farmed for probably six six years, I think. Six years of farming. Uh decided I wanted to do something more, and so I left the farm. I went and did property development, so buying land, developing it, selling it. Did that for about four years and then decided I wanted to do something more. Uh, and then that's when I started working on how can I make like the world a better place, how can I make a happier place, and so was trying all different things, like uh started this community connected thing, training up people in the community to uh help people you know identify what they needed and signpost them in the right direction. Uh wrote a program for schools, like a social emotional learning program for year seven and eights. Um and then yeah, then got into this book and spent three years writing this book. So yeah, that basically brings us up to today.

SPEAKER_04 8:26

No, this isn't the first book you wrote, was it?

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Yeah, no, second one. Uh so yeah, first book I wrote. I I really wanted to share this philosophy, this philosophy of determinism. Uh and so the first idea was let's write a story about it. Let's let's share it in a story. Uh so there, that was the idea of The Last Gods, which was the first, it's a science fiction. Uh about a couple uh and their journey from now, or from when I wrote it about four years ago till the end of time. Uh, it's a big trip. Like, there's not many books that go that far, like to the end of time. Uh yeah, so that was that was my first book, and then published that I think two years ago, and I published that while I was still working on Happy Pedia. So Happy Pedia is a lot more direct, like it's uh yeah, it is this is what the philosophy is, and this is how it can help you.

SPEAKER_04 9:36

So I got you. No, prior prior to writing your first one, did you always think you'd write a book about something?

unknown 9:48

No, no.

SPEAKER_04 9:50

Really?

SPEAKER_00 9:51

No, I've never been a big uh writer. Like English definitely wasn't my strong point at school. Uh only just passed, like I got pretty good grades at school. Uh, but English was definitely down the bottom. Much better at maths and that sort of you know, logical thinking. Uh and you'll get that in the book. It's very logical, very yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:16

So, what made you decide, like, before you wrote the first one, The Last Guards, I'm gonna write a book.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Maybe it was just the easiest way to get the message out. Like, like if you've got a message to share, how do you share it? Like, you could write a movie, uh you could go and stand on the corner of the street and tell people like they're not things that I was keen to do. Uh I was like, you know what, I could probably write a book. Uh yeah, it's a bit odd when you think that when you're like you're not very good at English. Um, you don't read much, I never read. Um yeah, but it was the most attractive way to share my message that I could think of. So uh yeah, I think that's what drew me to it. But yeah, the last gods I had to, um, well, I didn't have to, I did. I got it uh rewritten by a professional writer. So I wrote the story. Uh it was about 15,000 words, and I wanted it to be a novel, which I think you need like 50,000 words or something like that. Uh so then I hired a professional. I was like, hey, this is my story. Can you make it beautiful? And she did. Like it's an absolutely beautiful read. Uh, but still shares that story that I wanted to share. Uh Happy Pedia is 100% my words. Uh so yeah, completely different read. If you read the two books, you'll you'll see a massive contrast between the between the two.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

Okay. And and now Happy Pedia. What

Why Write A Happiness Encyclopedia

SPEAKER_04 11:51

made you decide you were gonna write a book on happiness?

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Yeah, lots of things like uh like I said, I've always wanted to share this philosophy. And while you know waiting in, I just happened to be in Tbilisi at the time, uh just the thought without my choosing came across my mind. Hey, a good way to share this philosophy, like this philosophy can really make you forgive yourself and forgive others. Um, it can make that very easy, and and that's such a huge source of source of stress for so many people. So I was like, you know, this philosophy could really make happiness a lot easier for a lot of people. Let's write a book about happiness. So I wouldn't say I was an expert on happiness at the time. Uh like I was very qualified, I was very happy. But it's kind of like I I liken it to riding a bike. You know how if you've ridden a bike a lot, you can become very good at it, but you might not be able to tell someone how to do it. You know, you just do it, you just feel it. You just like it's just natural. Uh so to be able to teach someone how to ride a bike, you really need to study how to ride a bike, even though you might already know how to do it. Uh yeah, so that's what it was a bit like for me. I was like, you know, happiness is easy for me, but I better go study it if I'm gonna write a book. So that's what took me so long to write it. Uh, there was a lot of research, uh, and you'll see that through the book. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:38

Yeah, I heard you mention on some podcasts like over 500 articles that you've read about happiness before you wrote the book.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Yeah, the uh the list of citations was nearly as long as the book itself. So it's been uh it's been trimmed back a lot. So the editors were like, you know, you you can't be putting all those citations in this book. Uh it'll just track. It's like it's not uh it's not a it's not a journal. Um you can just add a few here and there where they're most relevant. So we've we definitely don't have 500 citations in the end book, but there was lots of lots of research went into it uh to really understand what's going on in the body. Uh, you know, what is it exactly that makes us happy? Uh yeah. So yeah, a big part of it just was just learning about happiness, and then a big part of it is just trying to put that into a language that people can pick up. Uh, because yeah, a lot of it is like uh obvious. Uh a lot of it is um logical, but so different to what we've been told that it's very hard to put in a language to like, you know, break down all these myths and um make it easy to understand.

The Six Pillars Of Happiness

SPEAKER_04 15:04

I I'm curious, what would you say was the most surprising piece of research that you discovered?

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Probably about novelty. Uh yeah, so I've we've got these six pillars of happiness that I talk about in the in the book eating well, sleeping well, exercising well, socializing. Uh, and then there's hope and novelty. So when I first so I was just researching what gives us these hormones, these happy hormone hormones like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. And not when novelty first came up, I was like, hmm, that's interesting, but I'll just like put it on the extras list because it didn't really fit into a box. Uh, but then it just kept on coming up, and so I was like, well, this really needs a box of its own. Like, so yeah, I was really surprised to see how important novelty is. Uh, so that's just like having new experiences. So uh it can be going on a holiday to someone yet, you know, somewhere new. It can just be like walking a different way to work or having a new food that you haven't had, like just these little experiences are like we're really important. Like, uh what's boredom? Boredom's when you just don't have any novelty. So, you know, that's a that can be a huge source of stress. And to combat that, we need some we need some novelty. Just like to combat hunger, we need food. So yeah, that was probably one of the most unique, one of the interesting findings. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:37

Wow. And it was it was pretty high up though, and relevant, like the novelty from the old research.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

It's it's become one of the pillars of happiness, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:50

I mean, I mean that makes sense that like it's it's important, but I don't I don't know if I would have considered it like that high myself. Yeah, yeah. Like you say eating well, like the sleeping, like that makes sense. You're not gonna even if you don't the average person doesn't think that, like, yeah, you're only gonna be so happy if you're depleted from some no sleep, but if you're eating like crap, you know, but like the novelty, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Yeah, interesting, hey. It is, it is, and and so often, like so so. Sometimes people ask me, you know, which one of those pillars is most important, and there really isn't one that's most important, they're all kind of essential. Uh, but it's interesting how many people say, you know what, I think novelty is the one that's missing in my life. You know, some people are like, yeah, okay, I need to eat better better, or yeah, I'm not getting enough sleep. I I really need to get more sleep um or exercise. But yeah, it's just surprising how many people say, hey, that's the pillar I need to focus on. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Hmm. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 18:08

Now it can people focus on, or do you suggest people can focus on more than one pillow at a time, or should it be like a one pillow at a time thing they're working on?

Finding Your Limiting Pillar

SPEAKER_00 18:21

It depends on how much you how much capacity you have. Like, um, if you're not eating well or sleeping well or exercising well or socializing, it's probably going to be very hard to focus on all of them at once because you're probably not going to have the energy. Like, this is one of the things about happiness. The happier you are, the more energy you have to do to do these things. If you're not doing any of them well at the moment, you're probably not very happy and don't have the motivation to do much more than what you're doing. Uh, so you probably just want to choose one easy one and just you know do one step at a time. Uh yeah. But yeah, it's often the uh so we we often lean on the ones that we're good at. So if we're really good at exercising and we're having a bad day or we're not, you know, we've we feel we're not where we want to be, we'll just exercise more. So we're like we're already exercising twice a week. We'll exercise six times, you know. Um, yeah, it's very tempting to focus on the one that you're already good at. Um just because you're good at it, it's easy and you and it makes you happy. Uh we're probably gonna get more benefit if we can see which one am I not so good at and it needs some, you know. That one, so I liken it to growing a crop of cotton. Uh you know, if we make it very basic, a proper cotton needs water, it needs fertilizer, and you need to manage the weeds, right? Uh if it's already uh like plenty of water, but it's short on um fertilizer, uh there's no point just going and watering it. Like the limiting factor is the the fertilizer. So that's what you've got to add to this crop to get it to grow more. And so it's the same with us. We've got to look at which one of those six pillars is holding it back. What's the limiting factor and focus on that rather than you know doing what we're already doing plenty of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:25

I think a lot of us are guilty of that because it looks like we're contributing to a pillar, you know, even if it's a pillar we're already kind of achieving.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

Why Happiness Is Not A Choice

SPEAKER_04 20:39

And now, and I'm so so curious what what your thoughts on this, but you you talk about happiness not being a choice.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:51

And you mentioned why would anyone choose to be sad? I heard you say this in in a different podcast episode. Yeah, but I feel like we have some sort of control over this, yeah, yeah. I'm hear me out. There's certain things in life that will happen: grief, death, accidents, what have you, that we can't control, and then you'll be sad over that. But there was there's ways to find small bit or create small bits of happiness, small bits of joy in the midst of life.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:27

But you don't agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

Yeah, no, it's a massive mind shift uh to what we're taught. So, like, if you're taught this to your whole life, like let's say 40 years you've been told one thing, it's very hard to switch your mind to thinking a different way. Uh so yeah, it takes time, it takes effort to like um contemplate it, and the more you contemplate it, the more you'll realize hey, yeah, this is true. Like, I'm not choosing how I feel, like how I feel appears, and that's And that affects my next thoughts, my next choices, uh, and what I do next. Uh, and if I've had good life experiences, then that increases the chance that I'll do good things when I feel unhappy, that is gonna then make me happy. So uh let's say something bad happens to you. Uh you don't be like, okay, how am I gonna feel now? Am I gonna feel excited or sad? Like something bad happens, you just feel sad or angry or disappointed. That just happens to make that judgment. Hey, this is bad, then you feel a certain way. Now, what you do next, once you feel that, okay, I'm feeling sad now, depends on all the past experiences that led up to that. Like if you have had a family that's raised you to be to believe that like if you're feeling sad, um, you know, go for a walk, talk to someone, um, then this is probably the next thought that appears. Because you don't know, choose the next thought that's going to appear. You're like, oh, I feel sad now. And you don't know what the next thought's gonna be. It's gonna appear and then you're gonna see it there. That could be to go for a walk, that could be to call a friend. Uh, you really don't know. Uh, and it what it will be will depend on your life experiences. Uh, so yeah, sometimes when we feel bad, we will make choices that will then make us feel happy. Uh, and sometimes we don't. Sometimes we're like, hey, I feel sad. I'm gonna go put on a sad movie and watch a sad. Like, I'm just gonna go and uh eat some junk food. I'm just gonna go and sit on the lounge and and just reflect. I'm just gonna keep on thinking about this bad thing that's happened. Like, uh, there's all these choices that we could have, and we don't know what that choice is gonna be until it till it happens. But that choice that we make is a result of our past experiences, like what we've been told, what we've read, uh the genes that we have. Yeah, all these factors play into that.

SPEAKER_04 24:03

Hmm. Okay, so you don't think there's ever a time or a situation where we can we are choosing like the emotional state we're feeling, ever?

Reframing Feelings Through Actions

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Uh so there's certain things that we can choose. Like I can think about so first of all, we need to talk about what a decision is. What it is what's a decision? A decision is when we have a thought and a desire for some sort of outcome. Like I just might decide to lift my hand, and that decision is a thought of lifting my hand and a desire to do it. If I just have the thought of lifting my hand, that's not a that's not a decision, it's just a thought. So we need to have the thought and the desire. So I've just had a thought and desire to lift my hand, so I've lifted my hand, so I've made a decision to lift my hand. I can't make a decision to like dilate my pupil. Like I can't have a thought and desire. Like I can have a thought and desire to dilate my pupil, but it's not going to change the size of my pupil. Uh, there's certain things that don't happen after we make a thought, have a thought, have a decision. Uh and emotions are one of those things. Like, we can't decide for our hair to grow faster or slower. We can't decide for um our our stomach to digest. Like these things just happen. And we can't decide what emotion comes. All we can decide is uh thoughts and uh some movements, like most of our limbs, we can choose, have a decision, and then they can move. Uh so what we can do when a emotion arises that we don't really enjoy, we can have a decision to move or think certain things. So let's say something bad happens, and all of a sudden these emotions come over me that are a bit uncomfortable and I want to, you know, have more positive emotions. Uh, I might decide to run or walk or do some chin-ups, like I can do movement stuff. Uh, I can also choose to think about more positive things. Uh, choose to think about uh what I'm gonna do to improve this situation, and then that'll give me hope. Uh but we can't really choose to feel excited or uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:36

You don't think we can choose to feel excited even if we like trick our the excitement ever?

SPEAKER_00 26:43

So so when you say trick, how would you trick it?

SPEAKER_04 26:46

Well, I was actually I was actually taught this by by somebody that like if you're not if you're sad, but like if you are anxious or nervous or worried about something, it's easier to trick your mind or your brain to think you're excited about maybe if you're doing a public speaking thing, if you're I was going zip lining and I kind of tried to trick myself into thinking I was excited for this zip lining. I was not excited at all, I was scared shitless, but I was tricked myself into thinking I was kind of excited, and I I did the thing.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Yeah, 100%. Now, how did you trick yourself into doing that?

SPEAKER_04 27:25

I was just saying it to myself. I'm like, this is gonna be great when I get to the other side. I'm gonna love this. And I was like a little bit of hand movement to like right.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Oh, exactly, exactly. So you were thinking, you chose to think excited thoughts, you chose to move in an excited way. Uh these these are things that you can have decisions to do, and they can choose, they can make you feel a certain way. Can't just be like there, don't think anything, don't move, and just be like, I'm gonna feel excited. It just won't work. Like you just can't, it's like choosing to dilate your pupil. Like, you just can't. You've got to walk into a dark room or you know, you've got to do something.

SPEAKER_04 28:09

Um it was that so it was because I made a decision there. That's how I like shifted that.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Yeah. Yeah, it's because you chose to think exact like uh these certain thoughts. You're like, if I think these thoughts, um, or if I say these words, like you can choose to move your mouth, like you might have said yes, or something like that. I don't know what you did, but like um, if you chose to do actions or chose to think about a certain outcome, then they can affect how you feel. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 28:46

I

Toxic Positivity And Honest Hope

SPEAKER_04 28:47

now I'm curious. Would would would you say toxic positivity ties into this?

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Well, let's define toxic positivity. How would you define that?

SPEAKER_04 29:02

Uh I guess I mean the people that try to find positivity even in like really melancholy mon moments. And maybe instant instantly in those melancholy moments.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

And so it toxic makes it sound like this is bad. Um is this is this bad to do this?

SPEAKER_04 29:32

I guess it depends on who I guess it depends on who you ask.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Um yeah, well, um most people like to feel happy. It's like uh it's very unhealthy to want to feel unhappy. Uh so doing things to make yourself feel happy sounds like a good thing to me. Um, just from what you said, I can't see a big uh downside in that. But we don't want to trick ourselves, we don't want to lie to ourselves. Like, if there is like uh you know, if something isn't true, there's no point telling us they're true because like the universe will soon prove it's not true. Uh it's like someone saying, like looking in the mirror and saying, I'm skinny, I'm skinny, I'm skinny, trying to convince themselves that they're skinny. You know, like um you might you might think it for a little bit until you walk down the street and someone says something or looks at you a certain way and you're like, I'm not skinny. Um like the universe will point out if you're trying to trick yourself. That it'll it'll pull you into line. So there's no point telling yourself lies. If there's nothing good about the situation, um you you're probably wasting your energy trying to tell yourself that it's good. You're better off looking at what you're gonna do about the situation to cause a good outcome. You're gonna be like, hey, look at this shit outcome. This is not what I want. What can I do about it? Uh to to to get to where I do want to be? Like, what can I do to make this a good situation? Uh yeah, it can be a waste of energy trying to convince ourselves of something that's not true.

SPEAKER_04 31:21

I I like that that comment. What can I do to make this a good situation? Yeah. And like shifting that.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Yeah, because that'll give us hope. So, like, hope is so powerful.

SPEAKER_04 31:34

You mentioned that as one of the six pills. I don't think I would have even guessed that.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Yeah, yeah. Uh so like I said, when when you were trying to change how you felt uh about uh feeling excited, uh a big part of that was the uh thoughts that you have. So thoughts like uh have this massive you know impact on us. If we think about someone we love, all of a sudden we'll just start feeling a certain way. If we think about a holiday we're gonna go on, we'll just like thoughts have a massive effect on our feelings. Uh yeah, it's interesting. Like, you know, doing something physical, like exercising, has a massive effect. Uh it's it's it's kind of very black and white. It's like you do this exercise, you feel this way. Uh, same as food, like you eat a certain food, it'll make you certain feel a certain way. Uh thoughts are kind of the same. If you if you think a certain class of thought, it's gonna make you feel a certain way. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:42

So so hope is is the thoughts that are in your head?

SPEAKER_00 32:46

So it's a judgment that you know what we've got, I mean what we've got is good, and we're gonna continue to have it, or we're gonna have something good in the future. So uh we're always chasing hope. Uh, you know, we're always chasing more, and and that's really healthy. Like, it's not something we should try and stop. Like, it's it's built into us genetically to want more, uh, and it helps us survive. So, you know, wanting to not want more is like wanting to not eat. Like, we need to eat to survive, and we need to like we need to think positive things. If we don't think positive things, uh, we end up being classified as depressed. Uh, you know, someone who's depressed really struggles to think positive things. And they've and they struggle to think anything's worth their effort. You know, when you've got hope, you you it drives you to put effort towards that that outcome. Uh so you know, if we try to stop wanting more, we'll end up depressed. Uh, because that is basically a state of not wanting more, and it's very stressful.

SPEAKER_04 34:04

Hmm. Okay. So hmm. So it ties into like what we have and what we are seeking, hoping to like achieve.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Yeah, yeah. So that's like when we are in a bad situation, we need to like, what do I want out of this? Because as soon as we have something that we want that we think we can achieve, all of a sudden we have hope again. Uh, so yeah, the quicker we can go from hey, this isn't what I want, to hey, this is how I can get what I want, the quicker we'll be feeling go from feeling hopeless because we've lost what we want to feeling hope again. Uh so yeah, it's it's it's an important thing to remember that you know, hope can make us feel good. And to get hope, we need to believe we can get something good. So if we're not feeling good, think how can I get something good?

SPEAKER_04 35:00

Uh how can I get something good? Okay, I like that.

Happiness Versus Joy And Suffering

SPEAKER_04 35:08

Yeah, would would you consider happiness and joy the same thing?

SPEAKER_00 35:16

Yeah, uh, there's so many words we use for our positive emotions, isn't there? Uh uh we could get technical and say joy only includes this. Uh they're all positive emotions in my books, they're all something we should strive for. Uh yeah, what would you say?

SPEAKER_04 35:42

I'd I consider them a tad differently.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:48

Um, and I feel like this is just my mind, but I I consider happiness to be a little deeper, I think, than joy. Like joy, I think of even like very small, small things. Not that happiness isn't small things, but that's kind of just how my brain associates the two.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:14

I was just curious you thought on that.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

Um, well, I just googled joy, and it says joy is a deep inner state of well-being, gladness, and great happiness. So according to this Google definition, uh, it's it's the upper extreme of uh happiness. So it's great happiness.

SPEAKER_04 36:36

So I was completely opposite.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

But yeah, I start off like you know, defining something that you're gonna talk about is very important. So everyone's on the same page. So yeah, I start off Happy Pedia with what is happiness? And basically it's it's an it's a range of positive emotions. It's anything from feeling content to excited. We call all like when we're excited, we're happy. When we're content, we're happy. When we're joyful, we're happy. Like all of these different words are different, different like stages of happiness. Like uh overjoyed is uh over the top of joy, I guess. So joy is up there, and then we've got contentment, which is right down the bottom, which is just above suffering. Uh they're all happy. Uh yeah, so happiness covers a great range of really joyful emotions, positive emotions, I think. If you're not suffering, then you're generally happy. And that's another good point to to think about is you know, we don't need to be joyful to be happy. Generally, if we're not suffering, we would call ourselves happy. So all we need to do is just manage suffering and we'll be happy.

SPEAKER_04 37:55

So, what's the best tip to manage suffering?

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Depends what's causing it.

SPEAKER_04 38:02

That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

You know, there's no point me telling you you just gotta find hope if what's causing your suffering is the stone in your shoe, you know. If you got a stone in your shoe, take the stone out of your shoe. Like, if you've got some suffering, what's causing it? Like, are you hungry? Are you tired? Are you bored? What why are you unhappy? And then that will lead us to the solution uh to what's gonna make you happy today. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:27

Have have you ever run into anybody not knowing why they weren't happy? Like what pillow they're not hitting or which ones they're not hitting?

SPEAKER_00 38:36

So, like you said at the start, they're all pretty obvious, hey. Uh and so once you know them, it makes it very easy to be like, hey, what am I missing? Uh but if you if you don't know, like if you've never stopped to think about it and no one's ever told you that these are the pillars to happiness, and someone asks you why are you unhappy, yeah, it could be hard to put your finger on it. Like, uh I don't know, just like feeling bad today. But if you know these pillars, then you can be like, you know what? Like, I just had a really good moot meal with my mates. Um, I had a really good sleep last night, so it's none of those. Um, it must be hope. Like, I've just got nothing to look forward to in my life, like there's just nothing good um happening. Uh, so then you can go through the pillars and cross them off, and uh it makes it a lot easier to be like, hey, this is where I need to focus uh to change how I feel.

SPEAKER_04 39:36

That makes sense. That makes sense. Now,

Naming Happy Pedia And Forgiveness

SPEAKER_04 39:40

how did you come up with the name Happy Pedia?

SPEAKER_00 39:44

Oh, because of all the people who read my drafts and they're like, man, this is hard to read. Uh, this is just like reading an encyclopedia. Like, it's not uh it's not a have you read much of it? No, yeah, yeah. It's uh it's very like I'm a very logical guy, I'm very black and white, I'm very science-based, and so that's the type of book I wrote. Um, it's no, it's no last gods. Like, if you want a fun read, an enjoyable read, uh Last Gods is like a good story book. Uh yeah, it's it it kind of reads like, but this is the feedback I got. Like it reads like an encyclopedia. So I was like, well, let's be upfront about this, let's tell people what they're getting in for. Uh, yeah, it's not like a lot of positivity books that are like you can do this, uh, like um that are really feel good, you know, that they're designed to make you feel good. This book's designed to teach you how what you need to do to make yourself feel good. Uh, so yeah, that's where Happy Pedia come from. It just came from feedback, like, you know, this is what this book's like. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:57

Were you intending to make it encyclopedia-like? Or it just happened to be that way?

SPEAKER_00 41:04

My intention was really to like teach people how to forgive. Uh it kind of came out this way because that's that's who I am at the core. There, they're the core is a very logical black and white uh science-based person. Uh, and so yeah, that's what the book that ended up coming out. Uh yeah, I think someone else could probably rewrite it into to uh uh a different book that might appeal to a to a wider audience, but uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:47

Now how how does uh being happier help us forgive?

SPEAKER_00 41:55

No, forgiving helps us feel happier.

unknown 41:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

So so if but I can answer your question. Uh it this happiness helix, uh, you know, the happier you are, the easier it is to do things that make you happy. Uh so really happy people find it very easy to go for a run and to exercise like to eat well because like they've got energy, they've got, you know, you they get home from work and they're like, right, let's go for a run, let's um like cook up a storm. Whereas someone who's stressed, they get home from work and they're just like, I just want to lay on the lounge and order some KFC. Uh you know, so the happier you are, the easier it is to do things that make you happy. And one of the things that make us happy is forgiving. Uh, you know, if you don't forgive, you're gonna carry this stress. All you're gonna be thinking about is these like these bad thoughts. And like we talked about before, what we think about really affects how we feel. Uh, but if you can forgive, then all of a sudden those thoughts wane. So, yeah, forgiveness is very important, and the happier you are, the easier it is to forgive. Like uh, you know, if you've had a terrible day and you're really stressed, you haven't eaten very well, you're tired, and someone has done something for you at work that's like really got under your skin, um, you're much more likely to carry that and just be ruminating on it uh for the rest of the day. But like, if you've got a lot going on in your life and you've like you're you're chill and you've got stuff to look forward to after work, um, you're much more likely to be like, gee, that person's a prick. But like, you know, we'll sort it out later. Um, I've got other things to think about, you know what I mean? Um, so being happy can make it easier to forgive. Uh, but I'd probably be more thinking forgiveness makes it easier to be happy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:00

I get I get what you mean. Hmm. Okay.

The Stone Metaphor For Determinism

SPEAKER_04 44:05

Now I I'm curious and I I ask all the guests this and I'm sure you have had many, but I'm curious what you would say has been the biggest aha moment you've had in your life where you realized something different about the world.

SPEAKER_00 44:24

Yeah, that was probably walking down the Brisbane River with my friends Jack and Andy. Uh this was just after I'd finished university. And I don't know how we got onto this topic. Like we often talk about deep things. Uh but yeah, Jack, he, you know, he got a stone and threw this stone. And he's like, you know what? Our life is just like the path of this stone. Like where it lands depends on how much force I apply to it, the angle I apply that force, the wind, the temperature, all these other forces that are acting on that stone, the shape of it as it flies through the air, uh determine exactly where it's going to land. And we are exactly the same. Like all these forces are acting on all the matter in our body and determining how they move. And that determines the decisions we make. But um, from a logical and from a scientific perspective, uh, yeah, you you really can't argue with that. And and knowing that really makes forgiveness easy. Because when you know that and someone does something that offends you, you're like, well, it's not their fault. You know, they didn't they didn't choose the life that they had. Like they were born with certain genes that they didn't choose. They were born into a certain family that raised them a certain way. They, you know, happened to have certain kids because they happen to go, I mean, happened to have certain friends because they happen to go to a certain school. Like all these things shaped them into the person they are. And then that did that determined what decisions they made. Uh, you you would have made a different decision if you're in their spot, but you've had different life experiences. Uh, so when you know that it's not their fault that they did what they did, then it's very easy to forgive them and be like, well, you know, that's pretty that was a pretty wrong move that they just made, but you know, it just sucks because their life they've had, um, it's not their fault.

SPEAKER_04 46:57

Wow, that that must have been a very like reflective moment for you when he said that.

SPEAKER_00 47:06

Well, yeah, I didn't think about it much of the time. I was just like, yeah, that's that's so true. And I think the conversation went on, but uh I definitely thought about it a lot in in writing this book, and and that's like many things, the more you study something, uh, the more you understand it, the more you uh you know, the more you believe it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:32

That makes sense. Now, who would you recommend Happy Pedia for? Anybody? Everybody?

SPEAKER_00 47:41

No, it's more for people who are very like, I think it's for the engineers out there. Like if you're an engineer and you're very logical thinker, then this book's probably for you. Because it's uh for people who are very like emotional and make their decisions emotional, it it might be a bit harder to to pick up because it's a very formula, like it's a very like X plus Y equals Z type of recipe for happiness. Uh yeah, so so that's who the book would be. Like people who think like me are gonna probably appreciate the book more, I think.

SPEAKER_04 48:18

Yeah, I gotcha. Do you do you see yourself right in another book in the future?

SPEAKER_00 48:26

No, no, it would be good to have a uh like you didn't even hesitate, no, uh yeah, that was a massive undertaking. Hey, like three years of my life. Damn, that's how long I was at university for. Um, yeah. Uh so yeah, I know a lot about happiness now. Uh and and it would be like good to condense that book down into like a short summary because it's a huge book, like it's like this thick. Uh, it's so thick that I couldn't get a hardcover printed with Amazon because it's too big for their hardcover printer. So you can only get soft cover on Amazon. Uh yeah, it's a it's a big book. It'd be good to condense it down. Uh but yeah, they're they're complex topics. And so, you know, it started off a lot thinner. It started off at 50,000 words. Uh, but you know, people are like, what about this? What about that? How come this? How come that? And like, you know, they're there's such um, you know, important topics to understand fully. Uh, you know, it really needed to go into these details. Uh, so yeah, it'd be great to be able to summarize it into a shorter book that more people could read. Uh but yeah, I'm not not rushing out to do that. Um, I'd love to make a documentary next. That's what I'd love to do. Make a documentary on happiness. Uh that might be a way to to share the message to more people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:04

You could do that.

SPEAKER_00 50:05

Yeah, 100%. One day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:10

One day. Oh

Rapid Fire Questions And Final Thoughts

SPEAKER_04 50:12

my gosh, Adam. Well, thank you so much for speaking with me. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 50:17

No, thanks for having me. Yeah, I love getting the word out there. Hopefully, we've made someone a little bit happier today, or find the path to a little bit more happiness.

SPEAKER_04 50:26

I I hope we did. I think we did. Yeah, nice. Have you have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty?

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Yeah, of course. Yeah, he's great with marketing, hey. I remember seeing him, it must have been like 10 years ago on uh Facebook, and I was like, man, this guy's so engaging, and what he says is so like relatable. Uh so yeah, I followed him back then. I I feel like he's changed a little bit now, but he's still like very engaging. Uh yeah, he's a great storyteller. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:01

Yeah, I'm a I'm a big fan. He's he's even got a podcast uh called On Purpose, and he ends it with two segments, and I've stolen those two segments. Wow and I I end my podcast with those two segments. First segment is the many sides to us, those five questions, and they need to be answered in one word each.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:25

What is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as?

SPEAKER_00 51:32

Interesting.

SPEAKER_04 51:35

What is one word someone that knows you extremely well would use to describe you as?

SPEAKER_00 51:43

Interesting.

SPEAKER_04 51:44

You can't repeat the words.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

Um, unique.

SPEAKER_04 51:53

What is one word you'd use to describe yourself?

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Um, that's six words. Uh and it's been a new word.

SPEAKER_04 52:10

There's a lot of words in the dictionary, and you wrote a very big book.

SPEAKER_00 52:17

Yeah, it took me three years to do that. So give me a few seconds to think about this. Um, how would I describe myself? Uh logical.

SPEAKER_04 52:33

What is one word that if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset would use to describe you as?

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Uh wrong.

SPEAKER_04 52:47

What is one word you're trying to embody right now?

SPEAKER_00 52:52

Intelligence.

SPEAKER_04 52:55

Second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in a sentence.

SPEAKER_00 53:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:00

What is the best advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_00 53:07

Uh be yourself.

SPEAKER_04 53:19

Why is that the best?

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Uh well, I couldn't think of the best, so I was just like, what's some good advice? Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:30

Well, why is that what you chose? That as good advice.

SPEAKER_00 53:34

It's so easy to be yourself. Uh it's so hard to be someone else because you don't know how to be them. Uh all we see of someone else is just uh, you know, a reflection of who they are. Um so we don't know what we need to do to be that reflection. Um yeah, if you don't like who you are, then like work to change that. But like until you change, you still just need to be who you are.

SPEAKER_04 54:02

That's true. What is the worst advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_00 54:09

Um, just choose to be happy.

SPEAKER_02 54:15

Why is that the worst?

SPEAKER_00 54:17

You just can't, it's not possible. You can choose to go for a run, you can choose to like think positive thoughts, but you can't just choose to be happy. Uh and then it makes it a lot easier to forgive yourself for feeling unhappy because you're like, well, you know, I can't choose to feel any other way, like, this is the way I currently feel. And you know, sometimes we just don't know what to do to make us feel differently. Like we try to think positive thoughts, but then you know, seconds later, these uncomfortable thoughts come back again. Like, we didn't choose to have them. Uh, if we could choose our thoughts, we would have chosen to think more positive thoughts. But like, um, and so until we can identify, until we can learn what we need to do to make more positive thoughts come, we just need to appreciate that we don't choose these thoughts. Like, we don't know what our next thought's gonna be until it appears. And when it appears, it's like, oh yeah, I understand why I thought that, but we didn't know we were gonna think that until it happened.

SPEAKER_04 55:20

That that makes sense. What is something that you used to value that you no longer value?

SPEAKER_00 55:30

Um saving money um and just making coffees at home. Yeah, I used to hate going out for coffee. Uh I used to think it was such a waste of money, you know, like you can make a coffee at home for cents. Why would you go out and spend five bucks on a on a coffee? But you know, it's just it's a little thing. Uh yeah, so that's something I've changed my mind about.

SPEAKER_04 55:59

Okay. If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?

SPEAKER_00 56:11

Uh made the world a happier place.

SPEAKER_04 56:15

If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? And I want to know why.

SPEAKER_00 56:25

Uh it would be to forgive, forgive yourself and forgive others. Imagine if we had to forgive ourselves, like, there'd be no more rumination, there'd be no more resentment, like you're not gonna regret something that you've forgiven yourself for. There'd be no more, like uh, what would you call it? Like retaliation. Like, we wouldn't retaliate because we're like, well, I've forgiven you. You might still punish someone for something that you know they need to learn from, but you we're not gonna retaliate as in just do something because you're angry at them, or like do them because you feel um they did the wrong thing. Like, not like you feel that you know they could have done something different. Uh yeah, it'd take a lot of violence out of the world if people had to forgive.

SPEAKER_04 57:25

That's true. That's very true. Well, thank you so much, Adam. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 57:32

Thanks for having me, Amanda.

SPEAKER_04 57:35

Yeah, absolutely. And I do just like to give it back to the listeners, no pressure. But uh any any final words you want to share with the listeners before we close out?

SPEAKER_00 57:49

No, I think we've covered everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:52

Sounds good. And

Where To Find Adam Online

SPEAKER_04 57:54

I will I will link your website in the show notes. Are you active on any social media if anybody wants to get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_00 58:02

No, I'm really not not active. Uh, but yeah, you can reach out to me. There's plenty of ways online. If you search up Adam Brownley or Happy Pedia, you're gonna find you're gonna find me. And um yeah, it's very easy to get in contact if you if you'd like.

SPEAKER_04 58:19

Sounds good. And I I will link the website in the show notes. Thank you so much again, Adam. I really appreciate it. And and thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mandu's Mindset.

SPEAKER_03 58:41

Okay, no one told you today. I'm proud of you. I'm voting for you. And you got that. I've always done it. I would feel like we're if you would need a five.