Manders Mindset

Who Cares For The Caregiver? | PK | 178

• Amanda Russo • Episode 178

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What happens when someone has been “the strong one” for so long… they forget they’re allowed to need support too?

In this episode of Manders Mindset, host Amanda Russo sits down with PK (Prakash) for a conversation that’s equal parts grounding, honest, and deeply human. PK opens up about growing up in the UK in a South Asian family while helping care for two older siblings with profound learning disabilities, one of whom is his twin and how that responsibility shaped his identity, empathy, and purpose.

Together, Amanda and PK explore the pressure of holding everything together, the moment his friends lovingly intervened and changed his life, and why his biggest lesson is simple but powerful: It’s okay to not be okay. 

From using travel as a form of mental reset, to navigating unexpected open-heart surgery, to learning how to let community show up...

This episode is for anyone who carries a lot… and is ready to stop carrying it alone.🎙️

 In this episode, listeners will discover:
❤️ How being a lifelong caregiver shaped PK’s identity, empathy, and resilience
🧠 Why hiding what you’re going through can feel safer… until it doesn’t
🤝 The power of community and what changes when people are finally allowed in
✈️ How travel became PK’s reset button for mental health and recovery
🫀 What open-heart surgery taught him about surrender, support, and perspective
🌍 Why letting go of others’ opinions can become a turning point
🌿 A reminder that applies to everyone: It’s okay to not be okay

⏰ Timeline Summary:

 [1:44] Growing up South Asian in the UK while caring for two siblings with complex needs
 [7:47] PK’s education journey through engineering, career pivots, and finding his path
 [11:07] College, commuting, and the exhaustion of living with his head in two worlds
 [15:57] The friend intervention that broke the silence and changed everything
 [23:03] Learning to stop putting himself last and why 10–15 minutes of “me time” matters
 [25:32] Travel, music, and switching off to come back stronger
 [36:09] Open-heart surgery, unexpected support, and why tough times bring out the magic
 [41:47] PK’s biggest aha: Control isn’t required to get through life.

To Connect with Amanda:

Schedule a 1:1 Virtual Breathwork Session HERE

📸 Instagram: @thebreathinggoddess

Follow & Support the Podcast:

📱Instagram: @MandersMindset
👥 Join the Manders Mindset Facebook Community HERE!

To Connect with PK:

Instagram: @official.thisisme

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Mandos and Mindset podcasts. Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneur artists, coaches, healers, and a variety of other people. We're your host Amanda herself will discuss her own mindset and perspectives, and her guests' mindset and perspectives on the world around us. Mandos and her guests will help explain to you how to get your mindset to those just to your life.

SPEAKER_04:

Welcome back to Amanda's Mindset. I'm your host, Amanda Bruce, and I am here today with PK. Thank you so much for joining me.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_04:

So who would you say PK is at the core?

SPEAKER_02:

Good question and a big master. PK at the core is a family person, married with uh beautiful family, but I also have a very special journey which I've embarked on since today I was I was born. So I've got two siblings with profound learning disabilities and special needs, both older than me. So PK at the core is is a summation of all of that. Parents from lots of friends, really good, quirky friends that keep me accountable, but at the same time, two siblings who keep me very much grounded and really in touch with human nature, prosperity, but also compassion and love of human beings.

SPEAKER_04:

Can you take us down memory lane a little bit? Tell us about your childhood upbringing, however deep you want to take that.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know whether I can remember that far as she was so long ago. So childhood for me was interesting, very culturally driven. My parents, born from a South Asian, South Indian culture, and raised within that. Born and raised here in the UK, but also learning a mixture of things. So on one side, it's learning to be in school, trying to get the grades that every parent wants us to get. Straight A's, which I was never a straight A student, even though I tried to get to it. But also dealing with what it's like to be an Asian within the UK, but also more importantly, what it's like to have siblings who've got special needs, who are non-verbal, who are very different to the social constructs of the people I would go to school with, or the people that I would see on the street. So that's pretty much what it was like. And there were a lot of highs. There are equally, if not more so, a lot of lows, purely because I was trying to understand the world that I'm in, where I fit, where is my place? Who am I in? Who am I trying to be? We all have goals and aspirations as we grow up. But this is a part of me that has never changed, but has also grown up. They've got older, their needs have become a bit more complex as they've got older. But then so are the needs of my parents, who are also getting older. So it's really looking at that transition of humanity from the little blob that I was born all the way up to the 40-something person that I am now, who's got my own career, happily married, but also balancing being happily married with a career, but also balancing being a full-time carer for my siblings and supporting my parents as they get older because they can't take the full strains of being a carer themselves. They've been doing it for 50 plus years. So it naturally has an impact. And I think my human compassion, cultural impact, but also the people that I'm surrounded by has helped me maintain the level of groundedness that I seem to presume.

SPEAKER_04:

Now, you mentioned growing up in the UK. Have you been in the UK your whole life?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, I have.

SPEAKER_04:

And now, about how long have you been the caregiver for your siblings?

SPEAKER_02:

I would say from day one would probably be the easiest answer, but we all know that's unrealistic. An infant newborn is never gonna be a caregiver. So I guess for me the reality of it or the severity of it really dawned on me from when I was around five or six that this is something I potentially am gonna have to do. But for me, it's it's been normal because I've known it ever since day one. So for me, it was like, I'm doing it, why aren't you doing it? When I'm talking to people in school now, like, well, we don't have that situation.

SPEAKER_04:

So you recognize this at a pretty young age.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, pretty much. And I've seen a lot of things from a very young age, which now I look back at think, wow, how did I deal with it as a young child? But also looking at it from an adult's perspective and think, how did my parents deal with me reacting the way I did, however I did, but also staying calm, level-headed to maintain normality for my siblings. It's definitely been an interesting journey.

SPEAKER_04:

Wow. Now, did anything help you when you were younger to be able to do this?

SPEAKER_02:

No. The only thing that helped me, if I'm being very honest, was feel free, just get up, get on with it, take it on the chin, just get on with it. But it was more as I was stating, I was going to college, seeing other people, interacting with people, developing friends, take friends in college and university, not even in high school, where I really started discovering who I am for me, not just who I am for my siblings, for my parents. So that's really where PK became who is PK, rather than PK is a career, and all. But that what everyone has always told me, and I've kind of discovered it a lot, is that the level of empathy, compassion I have for other human beings, no matter what they're going through, who they are, what they are, is empathy and compassion will always overrule everything. I'd have a massive heart, and more importantly, I love to travel and do very random long trips in short periods of time. Going to Singapore for a weekend or coming to the States for the weekend. I've known around my friend circle to just do it because they know I love to travel. But for me, traveling or being on a flight is my way of switching off for those few hours to be able to give myself some respite to recover, to repeat from the everyday rigors of being a terror as well as a working professional. But also I get to see different countries, I get to meet the wider family and friends, more important.

SPEAKER_04:

Now, you said you went to college. What did you go to school for?

SPEAKER_02:

Good question. I see it was to meet people, but I went to study electrical and electronic engineering, which was my major. I flung my first college because of the strains of commuting. So I moved back home and then I went to a college nearby and graduated with electrical and electronic engineering. And now do you use uh not at all because I now work within logistics and supply chain, which I'm a master's degree holder in. So in a way it kind of worked out. But the engineering was always the initial passion. I would always loved to know how things would work. And in a way, there's a lot of transferable skills into logistics and supply chain.

SPEAKER_04:

When you graduated with your engineering degree, did you go on for your master's right away?

SPEAKER_02:

Or no, I saw the bill of how much I had to owe. College is expensive here in the UK as well. So it's let me pay off some of that and save up enough money to then do my master's. Which my master's I completed about three years ago.

SPEAKER_04:

And now about sizable break, and then I went back into About how long before you went back for your masters?

SPEAKER_01:

Ten years?

SPEAKER_05:

And what made you decide?

SPEAKER_04:

What made you decide you wanted to get your masters in that subject?

SPEAKER_02:

Logistics and supply chain has always been something that's interested me. I live very close to Heathrow Airport, so I'm surrounded by aircrafts pretty much all the time. I live directly under the flight path. And it's something that I've always enjoyed. I enjoy traveling, I enjoy the thought of being able to hand over a package and it gets delivered to wherever it needs to be delivered with in a set period of time. So that's always fascinated me, and I've been able and thankful enough to work with some very well-known brands nationally as well as internationally.

SPEAKER_04:

I gotcha. It seems different to me than engineering.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes and no. From the outset, yes, but your attention to detail is there. Your understanding of how the mechanics of a machine works or a process works, is there for both engineering as well as logistics and supply chain. Because it's only by understanding how every step of the supply chain works can you improve it, can you cut down costs, or can you factor in where additional costs are likely to be, which is usually around the customs border when it's passing between two countries?

SPEAKER_04:

I get that makes sense. Now, you had mentioned you flunked out of the first college because you had a hard time commuting.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Now, were you commuting because you were living at home taking care of your siblings?

SPEAKER_02:

No, but so when I had the chance to go to college, I chose a college which was close enough to home, but also far enough where I could discover who I am or where I fit within the whole social constructs. But also they're having fun, they're they're enjoying college life. I want a bit of that because it was my way of trying to normalize what I do, but also have the experiences of everyone else. I could have very easily stayed at home and commuted to the one close by, but it was more of let me try and see if my wings actually work. So go to college, learn how to cook very badly, but I got through it. But also, if it wasn't for that experience, I wouldn't have met some of my absolute die-hard buddies and friends who I'm still in touch with even now. Probably more so than the second college I went to.

SPEAKER_04:

So, did you like the first one better than your second one?

SPEAKER_02:

In terms of the people I met, yes. Because the second one, I think for me, they were a little younger. Obviously, the time difference a couple of years later, the mindset was different. But also in my first one, I could be free. I was learning my wings, blacking them, trying different things. We were all trying different things, and we were all in a similar stage of life. Just gone to university, some people internationally have come in. So everything was just right. It was just that very early on in my first year, I had to stop and move back home because of an incident at home. So therefore, I had to commute thereafter rather than actually living living at college or near college, which was over an hour and a half away, which in the UK is a big deal.

SPEAKER_04:

That even in the US, an hour and a half is kind of far.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's kind of far. I mean, there's lots of transportation links that go up and back. But how do I put it? When I was in college, my head was at home. When I was at home, my head was at college. So it was hard to find that balance. And it worked for the first two years, but in my final year, I flunked. And that was a decided yeah, because of the exhaustion, I couldn't dedicate as much time into it. A lot of other things had come off, and I just had to pull off, say, look, it's not working. But I was always resolute enough to say I will get a college degree, a bachelor's degree, which I did. It took me a little longer, thanks me with the support of my friends from the first college. And then I went on to get my master's and also my MBA recent.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, you got your MBA?

SPEAKER_02:

I did.

SPEAKER_04:

Congratulations!

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04:

How was that transition for you going from being at the college, going to school, to shifting that?

SPEAKER_02:

In what way?

SPEAKER_04:

Mentally, emotionally.

SPEAKER_02:

I think the first time round mentally I wasn't in the right state to be in college. I felt I was because it was a natural progression. After high school and everything else, it felt like the natural progression because everyone else is doing it, so I have to do it. Which worked, it seemed to have worked for the first couple of years, and then the final year I felt it didn't work. But as I was getting closer and closer to my final year, the pressures increased. The attention to my work had to be that bit more, which I couldn't dedicate to it because I was needed at home. But when I say needed at home, that's how conflicted. I wanted to be at home to it in order to help support my parents and my six. So mentally it did take a toll. It came down to a point where two of my dearest friends who I'm still in touch with had to pull me aside one day as like an intervention and say, look, enough is enough. We've been hearing rumors, common friends, what's going on. Up until then, I never told them. No one ever knew. It was because I flung to my final year that the story of what I deal with started to come out. Until then, I had not stepped away from it or hid from it. I didn't want that to be the catalyst for why people knew me. I wanted the experience to solely be based on me being me and nothing else.

SPEAKER_04:

Now, when it came out, were you the one to tell your fans?

SPEAKER_02:

No. They came to me and said, look, we know there's more than this. Enough is enough. Because at that time it was again denial. I was like, no, I'm fine. Well, actually you're not. And it was I remember the the day very vividly. About six friends of mine sitting in in the common room, they've locked all the doors, they've locked me in, and they were like, Right. Sid, what's going on? Like a birthday. Subright. Oh my sip, we need the door. And they came out and I brought down in tears, and I was like, this is what it is. So I'm like, yeah, but you we're your friends. You could have told us straight. But unless you're in going through it, it's easier said than done. I should have, yes, now I can. 20, 25 odd years on. But then it was a story which I kept very hidden from the outside world. Even during my high school, my junior high. I was never gonna share it anytime soon. But again, that's part of the learning and discovery of you can be who you are. But sometimes you just have to be openly authentic and say, hey, this is how it is, this is what I deal with. It's not good, it's not bad, it's not indifferent. It just is what it is. So there's a lot of fear about coming out and actually saying that I'm a carer, and I'm a carer to two of my siblings, not just an individual, because usually it's a parent or it's a family member. But here it's two of them. One of them is my twin, which made it a little bit more complex as well. Because you know a lot more of the medical questions are gonna start coming up. Well, what happens in this scenario? What did you do here? Which I wasn't ready to deal with at the time. But I'm thankful it happened because now I can have concessions like we're having and say, hey, it is what it is, this is what I do. You don't like it? I can't do anything about it. But if you're ever in a similar position, or you know anyone it is, send them my way and we'll see whether I can lend a supporting yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Now, how did you feel when your friends had this conversation with you, if you remember?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I remember almost to the point of what I was wearing, uh, is is how clear it was and aware it was. For me at the time it was major embarrassment. Shame, fear, definitely upset. But if it was more a shame that I've let it get to that, but also that in a way I've been caught. Because I thought it was working, and I only had another couple of months and I'll be out of it. It'll be all good. But the universe conspires against us sometimes just to keep us in line with who we're truly meant to be, not what we're trying to be.

SPEAKER_04:

Can you elaborate on what you mean?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, sure. I mean you go on social media now, and as much as I use it. I'm not gonna deny it. We try and dress a certain way because of a celebrity or an influencer, or we try and follow a certain path because we feel they're getting all the accolades or all the appraises, but sometimes it's not enough that sometimes it's hey, this is why I was put on this planet, and this is who I am. This is me. So you either like it or you don't. If you like it and it gets the accolades, great. If you get rewarded for it, even better if you get paid top buck for it. Great. But at least you're connected to who you're actually meant to be for you. You're not trying to take on a person or of someone else. Like I'm not even six foot. I'm not far off it, but I'm not six foot. But I can't claim I'm the same height as a friend who's six foot two, six foot three. And he's a tall guy, he's naturally tall, doesn't go to the gym, but he's just he's the epitome of what a phone should be. Or you would think as a kid, and you're like, wow, you're a big guy, but he's a vegetarian and vegan. And you were like, okay, that doesn't make sense. Where does all that correlate? And that's where the beauty of it is, what we perceive to be true doesn't actually have to be true. Because the world has a way of showing up so many different forms, and everyone is equally as unique, equally as beautiful just to be themselves. And that's what I realized by the circle of friends. That you know what, even after everything that I had put them through, they're still standing by me 20 plus years on.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm curious how things shifted for you after this conversation. In the midst of it, you were ashamed, but post-it, how did your relationship with yourself and your relationship with these friends change?

SPEAKER_02:

So with them, it gave a different perspective. They could see the real me, the vulnerable side of me, the scared side of me. I didn't know how to deal with what I'm dealing with at home, but also trying to fit into this constructs of society and everyday social interaction. It was great because I compartmentalized that I was like, I'm at home, I work this way, or I'm at school, or I'm in college, or I'm at work, I'm now a different person. So by having that intervention, it allowed me to combine both of them together and say, look, regardless of whether I'm at home or I'm at work, this is who I am. This is me. You are you either like it or you don't. If you don't like it, it's okay. There's nothing wrong in it. But I still need to continue being who I'm being. And then for myself, it gave me that voice I've always been looking for to just open up, scream, and shout and say, look, this is what I deal with every day. There's no good, there's no bad. Everyone deals with different things. Some people have got family members who've got different elements, or friends who've got different elements that we're trying to deal with. So for me, it was really trying to discover my being within society, but also discovering my voice of who I meant to be for me before being for everyone else.

SPEAKER_04:

Who you're meant to be for you before everyone else.

SPEAKER_02:

Because you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else, right? Unless you're married, and then you have to take care of your wife, my wife less, and then before everyone else. No, it was always take care of everyone else best, take care of everyone else less. I always book myself last, and I still do to an extent. It's just now I'm more mindful about it, that I factor in some me time every day, be it going for a walk or going to the gym, or just spending some time listening to a podcast such as yours, and just being able to just be having that 10-15 minutes for me. To also watch random TV programs, Tom and Jerry, friends, whatever it may be that may be on TV. And then say, okay, I'm done for me or now, now let's tackle the day. We'll tackle the situation.

SPEAKER_04:

That's a big thing. But I think like you mentioned, even if it's 10 to 15 minutes, you know, like whether you have kids, whether you have a family, no matter what somebody's life looks like and who or what they're taking care of, you only show up so well if you you give back to yourself. Even a little bit, even if it's not a full hour, even if it's 30 minutes, 2% of our day.

SPEAKER_01:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04:

So it's that's a small amount, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

But it's a small amount to help recharge you and keep you in line. So you can better deal with everything else that you may need to deal with throughout the day.

SPEAKER_04:

That's really great that these friends of yours had this conversation with you.

SPEAKER_02:

And they still do even now. Like now's mom, how's dad, how's the family? What are you up to? It's a normal conversation. I guess any friend that would have. And I've known them for that long, they're part of the family now. That's how PHC become. But it could have very easily gone the opposite way.

SPEAKER_04:

That's true. Now, I'm curious, do you tap into any sort of like mindfulness practices to help yourself remain calm, whether it's meditating, yoga, breath work?

SPEAKER_02:

Breath work from time to time. Yoga every so often. But what I find is I love to trample. I love to literally get onto a flight, switch off my phone, switch off the electronics. I'm one of those passengers before the flight pushes back, I'm not down. You're not waking me up. And literally KO'd. I wake up for a few minutes, usually when food's being served, and fall back to sleep. That's the type of passenger that I am. So for me, it's traveling. We have a lot of family around the world, not so much within the UK. So being able to go and see them is my respite. But also being able to go see the world, see different experiences, try different foods, come back and very badly try and recreate the food when I get back. But hey, trying and getting there.

SPEAKER_04:

Have you always been into traveling?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I'm the crazy one that'll easily do a 13-hour flight just for a weekend.

SPEAKER_03:

For a weekend?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so let me put it into context. I think it comes in context. I took a long weekend break to Singapore, which is like going from London to LA and back. Go on a Friday, come back on a Sunday night.

SPEAKER_03:

But that doesn't give you a lot of time.

SPEAKER_02:

But it gives me a lot of time to sleep and to switch off and rest. But also I knew I'm coming there and my buddies in LA and San Francisco are gonna make sure that I'm completely legless before I get back on the flight. Just enough so I can walk to the flight. And then the altitude will irritate my hangover and give me a sore hit. But that's why they're buddies, and we're still in Dutch. But for me, it was about getting away from here. You know, getting a break, getting on a flight, but also having these conversations and say, hey, I went to LA for a weekend, or I went to Singapore for a weekend.

SPEAKER_04:

I get what you mean about like shutting off on the plane, you know. It almost forces you, even if you don't sleep, to disconnect. The airplane mode.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04:

I've done a lot of traveling this summer myself, and I went to Bali, and that was two long flights. And I gotta say, I really enjoyed even like running my own business. Everybody knows she's on a flight to Bali, we're not gonna hear back from her. It's a nice feeling.

SPEAKER_02:

Bali is a beautiful place. I was there this summer as well.

SPEAKER_04:

Really? What did you go to Bali for?

SPEAKER_02:

I went for my cousin's wedding, but also I did a sunrise trek. Well, that's so I walked up Mount Puckwood, did the early mornings, and we saw sunrise as the sun was coming up. We've did all of that.

SPEAKER_04:

Nice.

SPEAKER_02:

I took my wife on that because there was no way she was gonna sanction me going alone without me taking her. Like, I'm coming with you. Yes, good.

SPEAKER_03:

You should have taken her.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03:

You went to your cousin's wedding. She should have gotten to go.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely. Usually summertime is when she goes and sees her parents in New York. But she was like, You're going to Bali? I'm coming with you. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02:

No, no, we had a really nice time.

SPEAKER_03:

Was it your first time going to Bali?

SPEAKER_02:

To Bali, yes. But we I took her to Singapore on the way there. So she got to meet family and friends. And she sees why I'm so insane about traveling.

SPEAKER_04:

I love that. When did you first start traveling?

SPEAKER_02:

About traveling's been in my blood since I was, I can remember, about five. My father used to work for one of the airlines. So we also used to have trips to India to see family. And I think that's where the real love of traveling started. I've been lucky to have family pretty much all over the world. In I think every single continent is covered. So that's added to the experiences and loves and culture. It's when you meet people from those sort of areas, you're like, ah, I've been there. And then it breaks the ice, it's a nice icebreaker. And then you just carry on the conversation.

SPEAKER_04:

Is there anything that helps you sleep during these flights? These long flights?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't need to take anything. I literally just sit, hands crossed, head back, I'm out. That's it. I just started staring when I could smell food in the typical blood. And I'm like, oh, food.

SPEAKER_01:

Great. Eat. Straight back to sleep.

SPEAKER_05:

I get that.

SPEAKER_04:

And now it's traveling that has helped you more so with the mental health than anything else.

SPEAKER_02:

Traveling and also music. Different genres of music. Something's always playing. Similar to how in the gym you would have a lot of upbeat, really punchy stuff. Is a bit of off-boat. So a little upbeat, a little chill, zone bite. Really depending on what stage I am in the travel process.

SPEAKER_04:

Was there a certain type of music?

SPEAKER_02:

Not really. I think it really depends on the phase. But and games for it, so I recently went through heavy metal phase, which all my friends completely laugh at because they can't associate PK and heavy metal. They can associate PK with like chill now, trance, garage, RB, that sort of thing. But I'm like heavy metal. It doesn't quite sink. But yeah, there are some good songs. There's no way I'd be where I am now if it wasn't for those two. And my wife.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm curious. Did you travel during the pandemic?

SPEAKER_02:

No. That was a bummer. But I also realized very early on that the health, safety, and well-being of my family was more important. But the minute the skies open, you can believe I was on the next flight. I did not care how much it cost. I was on a plane to say, cobwebs have gone. I'm on a plane again. Let's go.

SPEAKER_04:

How was that? Like not traveling when you had gotten so used to it.

SPEAKER_02:

It was okay initially. But it was frustrating because so many things changed for so many people during the pandemic. There was the concern of other family members. Can I quickly get to see them in case I don't get to see them again? Especially the seniors within the family. And thankfully, we didn't lose anyone. We were very lucky that way. But the minute the skies opened, the entire family was pretty much all over the world going to see, catch up with everyone, and get some really good food and someone else cooking for you for a thing.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm curious. During the time of the pandemic, were you living close by your family?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so that's one thing I've always maintained being close by to my parents and to my siblings. So in case I'm needed, in case anything comes up, I'm always maybe 10 to 15 minutes tops away. That's always been a non-negotiable for me. Because as my parents have taken care of us growing up as kids and providing a life full of opportunities, which hopefully we're living into. It's also a time for us to give back and to help support them as they're getting older and they're dealing with new things that's coming up for them. The rise of technology, AI, all of that is a prime example.

SPEAKER_04:

That's true. So have you been assisting your parents in terms of with like technology and stuff like that?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I've got my parents into using WhatsApp, using moms on Facebook, all the time sending me videos that I you don't need to share every video. Which is cute. I mean, sometimes it's nice. Other times you're like, where have you found this? Oh, I saw it on Facebook. I was like, please, just ignore it. I've got them into YouTube as well, where they're learning a lot and seeing a lot of different things. And also they're connecting with memories from their childhood where they're finding videos on YouTube. So that's helpful. Also getting dad especially used to emails in the internet. So now he's able to communicate with friends, cousins, family over emails, WhatsApp, and also forward not so much more mum, forwarding random memes and videos on. There's no purpose for this. Why are you saying Chachi the random dog videos? I'm like, please. But I think between my mom and my wife, they're ganging up on me, just bombard my phone with WhatsApp pictures of dogs and videos. I'm like, I love dogs, but not that much.

SPEAKER_04:

That's great that you've been able to be such a resource for them.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I've discovered a lot of videos on YouTube where these were like childhood songs, not necessarily had a video associated with it. We're like, oh, okay, I remember this, and then start playing it, and then bring back a lot of nostalgia from being a kid, but also being a teenager at different stages in life. So that's been really cool.

SPEAKER_04:

Now, I want to transition it to add. In the form you had mentioned, through tough times, magic will emerge.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep.

SPEAKER_04:

Can you elaborate on that?

SPEAKER_02:

Prime example. About eight years ago, nearly nine years ago, I had to undergo open heart surgery. Very unexpectedly. So you can imagine the complications that go with it, but also the impact it has on home. I'm not at home. I can't be at home for health reasons. So I I was in the hospital, my mom saw me before I went to the operating theater. I came out. I was under heavy sedation for at least 10 days before I started putting pieces together and having those conversations. Hospital food isn't the greatest. Thankfully, mom was bringing me the magic recipe of food. Thankfully, she's an ex-medic as well. So she knew what I can get away with and what I can't. But it's really through that looking at the wider network, where I always used to say, no, I will do it, I will do it, me, me, me, me. I I'm the only one to help or support. You then start seeing a lot of other people stepping up and saying, Look, Prakash, we've got it. We've got you. Some of them were actually college friends who were there during the intervention a few many years earlier. So it was heartwarming, it was nice to see. Some of them did drive quite a distance for about three, four hours each way just to see me. And then within that scene, seeing the unwavering resilience of people like my wife and some of my close friends who would daily travel to work in central London and from London an hour and a half up to the hospital to see me, for visiting hours, and then travel all the way back to home, getting home by about 10:30, 11 at night, to then eat, sleep, get up, and do it all over again. So it that's where the real magic is, where you can see that you want you're not on Europe, you built up a good enough network of people. And also the family also showed why we are such a tight, close-knit family. We are supported stick by each other. And family doesn't have to be just by blood relation. A lot of friends showed their worth that it wasn't always me running to their their back and court and being a supportive friend. But it was also their way of giving back and saying, look, you've done it for us. Now we're doing it for you. And this transitioned even when I came back home when I was I had to be isolated in a room for six months. It was also then they were coming in, coming up to the room because it's a glass door, having the conversation through a door. So as isolated to reduce any cross-contamination, any risk of infection. So that was tough. Being bedridden for about three months because of the severity of the surgery. Any chance of infection was reduced completely. And having a mother who's sometic who went into military mode, yes, no, yes, no, did help. But it's those tough times, mixed with everything that I've gone through previously, that have just allowed me to maintain having enough open heart and compassion for humanity and say, look, it's okay to be going through a tough time. I've been through my own life. This isn't my story. You're not alone. We're here to help and support you, regardless of who you are. You may be a stranger. Doesn't matter. We all have good days, bad days, indifferent days. This really depends on the individual and the support network, especially around the offer three transition through what they don't.

SPEAKER_04:

Wow. That's so beautiful. That you had that support come through.

SPEAKER_02:

Some of them were very unexpected. Some people I never expected to see, suddenly turned off. How do you knew now it was here? Come on. You always don't know if we suddenly don't hear from you for a few weeks. We knew something.

SPEAKER_04:

I agree that through the tough times, magic will emerge. Even like you mentioned, sometimes it's people you don't expect, but we all have people in our corner that will step up to the plate during the tough times.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And those people will just suddenly show themselves when they're meant to show themselves. Kind of like planets are aligning. When they're meant to align, magic will happen. You will see it. But if you're gonna constantly force them to align, it's never gonna happen. So sometimes you've just got to go with the floor, take punches with the punches, and just pay. If it's meant to be, it will be. The well-used word in Hindi call pizma. What will be will be. Just let it be. Kesara Sara. Whatever will be will be. And just literally stay true to your own purpose. And the beings that are meant to align with you will show themselves when they're meant to align. It's a less than month.

SPEAKER_04:

I agree with that. What will be will be. No, I'm curious. A lot of people in life have experienced multiple of these, but I I tend to ask my guests what their biggest aha moment was that they've experienced.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh clear question. I never really know how to answer these, but I think for me it's I don't need to control everything. I can still get the same outcome by not trying to do everything. By leaning onto the community, the people around me, my support network. In order to get things done, and vice versa. Whereas before people would reach out and say, hey, help you. No, it's fine, I've got it. When actually what I was doing is overburden myself by putting more pressure on myself to get things done, to be in at a certain place. Here I can turn around and say, No, it's fine, I'm not coming, or I will come later. Or if friends are passing in the grocery store, they'll sometimes call and say, you know what, we're we're just picking this up, we'll drop it off with your parents, and you can pick it up later. Because we we know you need it.

SPEAKER_01:

And okay, great.

SPEAKER_02:

And then we'll repay the favor, however, we need to. So I think for me, it the biggest aha moment was it's okay to not be okay. If I can summarize it, that's probably the best way I would say it. It really is okay to not be okay, and there's no shame and there's no fear in just saying, look, hey guys, I'm having a bad day, or I've just been very quiet today. Why? Because I've got a lot going on. Here's what it is. You're the only one who's dealing with it. So why internalize it? Share it. And if you share it with the right people, the right vibes will come back, which will help you get through whatever you're getting and need together. And that could be a kick up the butt. Or it could be just a big hug. It could be anything. It could just be a smile and says, Look, okay, you've got this. We've got faith in you. And then maybe a simple comment like that.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm sure it was a bunch of things that led you to this aha. It probably wasn't just like one moment.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I think it's just all the various different things that I've gone through. Moments that I've had, people that I've met, people that has come into my life, have gone out of my life, family members who are unfortunately no longer here. I think being brought up in a very humble beginning, being very grounded. Both my parents, my culture, and community have also helped with that. But also by friends, having such a wide demographic of friends from different cultures, communities have all helped in alignment because the statement it's okay to not be okay is something that transcends with everyone, no matter your culture, your community, your background, what you've gone through. We say to infants, we say to adults, it is okay to not be okay. We all have really great days, we have average days, we have really bad days. Not necessarily in that order, but we all have it. But we all come through it. So it is okay to not be okay. But trust yourself in order to allow the process to unravel itself as it's naturally meant to be, as the planets are meant to align themselves. You allow yourself to allow yourself through the journey as you're meant to go through.

SPEAKER_04:

That makes so much sense, and I completely agree. It's okay to not be okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04:

Thank you so much for speaking with me. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for having me. It's been amazing.

SPEAKER_04:

Have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty?

SPEAKER_02:

I have indeed. I have a friend who's one of his coaches. He's either his coach, I never really understand his job world, but he's part of, I think, the coaching body that helps create more coaches.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, he does have a life coaching certification.

SPEAKER_02:

Correct. So I think he's part of that training team who creates other life coaches.

SPEAKER_04:

So he's also got a podcast called On Purpose, and he ends his podcast with two segments, and I've stolen those two segments, and I end my podcast with those two segments.

SPEAKER_02:

You borrowed it.

SPEAKER_04:

That's I should probably be saying that. I borrowed them, and I give him credit because they're not my question.

SPEAKER_02:

Credit where credit should, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. So the first segment is the many sides to us, and there's five questions, and they need to be answered in one word each.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, I had a feeling this was coming. I'm like, no. Beginning you said J Freddy, I was like, oh, please don't, please don't, please don't. Okay, bring it up. Okay, no be okay. Bring it up.

SPEAKER_03:

There's no wrong answer.

SPEAKER_04:

It's the best part of this.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04:

You can't get it wrong. It's not a test, it's not multiple choice.

SPEAKER_02:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04:

What is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would used to describe you as?

SPEAKER_01:

Compassion.

SPEAKER_04:

What is one word that someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you as?

SPEAKER_02:

Karen.

SPEAKER_04:

I like how you used a different word. What is one word you'd use to describe yourself?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, I've got to pick a different word now. Unique.

SPEAKER_04:

What is one word that if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset would use to describe you as?

SPEAKER_02:

Stubborn.

SPEAKER_04:

What is one word you're trying to embody right now?

SPEAKER_01:

Self-love. It's already one word.

SPEAKER_02:

It's kind of one word.

SPEAKER_04:

You could hyphenate it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Okay, now you tell me at the end. That's in the fine print, alright? Okay, I got it.

SPEAKER_04:

Second segment is the final five. These can be answered in a sentence. What is the best advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_02:

It's okay to not be okay.

SPEAKER_04:

Why is that the best?

SPEAKER_02:

Because that literally can be connected with every situation that happened. It's just our building blocks that we've got to deal with, with situations, is what stops us from really looking at it, but also being compassionate to ourselves. Because we are the ones who are dealing with it. We can react a certain way, we can scream, shout, and laugh for other people to do the same thing. But how anything lands with them is how it lands with them. We can only control what we can control. So for me, it's okay to not be okay. And I've proven that with the open heart surgery, the various stories in college and growing up, and the things that for whatever reason I've been able to achieve, which other people would never have thought imaginable, especially as a carer. And I shared it with other carers in various communities that I'm part of around the world. And I'm like, that's impossible, you can't do that. And when it does become possible, they're like, but you're a carer. Yeah. So that's just the word. Anything really is possible. But I think if you go into it with that compassion and that real resilience to say, look, it's okay to not be okay because I'm not forgetting who I'm being. I'm just taking who I'm being to another platform, another level.

SPEAKER_05:

What in the worst advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_01:

Don't not be something unless you've tried it.

SPEAKER_02:

Within reason, obviously. But I think for me it's it's try it. You never know what you're gonna be good at, or what you may gravitate towards. But also be compassionate and loving to yourself. We are our own worst and biggest critics in life, more than anyone else will ever be.

SPEAKER_04:

That's true. What is something that you used to value that you no longer value?

SPEAKER_02:

The opinions of others outside of myself.

SPEAKER_04:

If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?

SPEAKER_02:

Loyal, compassionate, free spirit. Loves bringing and connecting the world together.

SPEAKER_04:

I like that. If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? And I wanna know why.

SPEAKER_01:

I knew that was coming. Take some time off to be compassionate for yourself.

SPEAKER_02:

Take some time off to connect with yourself. And really connect. Go through all those phases of from laughter to crying to bailing your eyes up. Because when you really boil your eyes up, that's when you really start connecting with who you are. Because that's when you're really being authentic to who you're being. I've done it. I've done it post-surgery, I've done it multiple times as as a kid over the last few years. The more I do it, the more I'm connecting to who I am being, who I'm meant to be for myself, but also for the people around me and society. That is connected to me. And then laugh at the end of it. Yeah. Tap yourself on the back and go crazy again.

SPEAKER_04:

Why why would that be the law?

SPEAKER_02:

Because hey, we've all gotta enjoy life, even though you're gonna have ups and downs. You've also gotta know how to bring ourselves out of the downs. Not to say I'm good. I hit that point. I've connected with myself. Now let's get on and start enjoying and creating, which is out of the creating that we can enjoy the next phase of our life. If we're not creating, we're not doing anything.

SPEAKER_04:

I agree. Well, thank you so much for speaking with me. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure, an honor.

SPEAKER_04:

Absolutely. And I do just like to give it back to the guest. Any final words of wisdom you want to share. No pressure if you got nothing to say.

SPEAKER_02:

There's always something to say, which I never used to be that way. A lot of friends have said you you've always got the last word now. I was like, Yeah, until I got married. And now my wife and Rype sort of have that. But no, it's on the back of a YouTube video I created a few years ago. Somebody's of mine that this is my story. This should be. And it really is okay to not be okay if I've gone through what I have. I'm sure there's there's other people in the world with their own struggles, their own limitations for whatever reason. And there's nothing wrong in it. It's probably at a phase or a stage in life that they're going through. I think we spend so much time hiding behind social media or trying to be someone or trying to be the next gym rat or have big biceps or the right car or money. Yeah, that's great. This is the byproduct. But who's at the root of all of that? The individual, me. And we're all gonna have two days, average days and bad days. And it's okay. Because for every bad day, there's a good day, and for every good day, there's an average day. They may not come in that order, but they will come. But just trans within yourself, connect with yourself, and really be your biggest self-cheerleader. Because if we're not sharing for ourselves, we can't share for anyone. It's authentic.

SPEAKER_04:

I agree with all of that. Thank you so much, Prakash. I really appreciate this.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure to finally get on. I listened to many of your episodes. Definitely not gonna listen to this because I hate the sound of my own voice, but you never know.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh my gosh. Well, thank you. I really appreciate that. And where is the best place for listeners to connect with you?

SPEAKER_02:

The best place would either be on Instagram or through our website, which is officialthisme.com.

SPEAKER_04:

And what is your Instagram for anybody?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh official.thisisme.

SPEAKER_04:

I will link both of those in the show notes in anyone wants to connect with you further. And thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_04:

And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mandu's Mindset. In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you. I'm voting for you. And you got that. As always, if you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five-star rating. We both of you. And share with anyone you think would benefit from that. And don't forget. You are only one line, that's just away. Thanks, guys. Until next time.

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