Spend With Intention, Live With Purpose | Therese Nicklas | 175

What if true wealth had less to do with how much you make… and more to do with how consciously you live?

In this powerful and grounded conversation, host Amanda Russo sits down with Terry Nicklas, certified financial planner, wealth coach, and success coach, to explore the emotional side of money and what it really means to build a life of true wealth.

Terry shares her journey from a shy child with little confidence to a successful entrepreneur who redefined her entire career, letting go of the parts of business that drained her and creating a model centered around purpose, joy, and alignment. Together, Amanda and Terry unpack how early experiences shape our relationship with money, why most people spend unconsciously, and how awareness is the first real step toward financial peace.

This episode goes far beyond budgets and numbers. It’s about money as a tool, forgiveness over shame, breaking emotional spending patterns, and learning how to create a life that feels rich from the inside out.

This conversation is for anyone who feels triggered by money, stuck in paycheck-to-paycheck cycles, or ready to stop surviving and start living with intention.

🎧 In this episode, listeners will discover:

🧠 Why most money habits are emotional, not logical
 💸 How unconscious spending keeps people stuck in cycles of stress
 🌱 What “true wealth” really is and why it doesn’t have a number
 🔁 How to begin shifting a negative money mindset
 📝 Why writing down your spending creates immediate awareness
 🧘‍♀️ How forgiveness breaks the guilt shame spending loop
 🛠️ Why money is simply a tool and how to use it intentionally
 ❤️ How to build financial confidence without perfection
 ✨ Why joy, purpose, and balance are the real indicators of wealth

⏰ Timeline Summary:

[0:00] – Introducing Terry Nicholas and the concept of “true wealth”
 [4:40] – Being a lifelong seeker and quitting too soon
 [10:30] – Childhood influences and early money impressions
 [19:45] – Shyness, self-doubt, and returning to college as an adult
 [27:20] – Building confidence through education and career shifts
 [34:10] – Creating wealth coaching and combining life, business, and financial planning
 [43:30] – Letting go of asset management and choosing alignment over income
 [50:15] – Money mindset, paycheck-to-paycheck beliefs, and subconscious patterns
 [58:40] – How to start shifting negative money beliefs
 [1:06:20] – Unconscious spending, awareness, and weekly money check-ins
 [1:14:10] – Emotional spending, forgiveness, and self compassion
 [1:21:30] – Why money is a tool, not a trigger
 [1:28:40] – Rapid-fire reflections: identity, advice, legacy, and truth
 [1:35:00] – Terry’s closing wisdom on creating your next chapter with purpose

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Guest Introduction
• 2:08 Early Life And Family Imprints
• 8:15 School Struggles To Adult Confidence
• 13:10 Career Path And Love For Marketing
• 17:20 Creating True Wealth Coaching
• 22:20 Defining True Wealth Beyond Money
• 26:20 Training, Canfield Principles, And Purpose
• 31:00 Letting Go Of Asset Management
• 36:10 Money Mindset: From Negative To Positive
• 41:30 Practical Saving Systems And Habits
• 46:00 Emotions, Forgiveness, And Self-Compassion
• 50:40 Money As A Tool: Weekly Reviews
• 55:00 Lightning Rounds And Life Lessons

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast. Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, and a variety of other people, where your host, Amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective, and her guests' mindset and perspective on the world around us. Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.

SPEAKER_05: 0:27

Welcome to Manders Mindset, where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to shift your life. I'm your heart to Mander Mindset. And I am joined today by Terry Nicholas. And she's a certified financial planner, a wealth coach, and a success coach. She created True Wealth Coaching to support women who are tired of putting themselves last and are ready to live with clarity and joy. And I am so excited to dive in. Thank you so much for joining me, Terry.

SPEAKER_02: 0:57

Well, thank you so much for inviting me, Amanda. I'm really excited about this. Me as well.

SPEAKER_05: 1:03

So who would you say Terry is at the core?

SPEAKER_01: 1:08

Who I am at the core? That's a great question. Um I am a seeker. I am a lifelong learner. And I have a real passion for helping other people live their best life and discover the best version of themselves. Have you always been a seeker? Yes. Yes, I've been a seeker my entire life. Sometimes to my detriment, because I think as a younger person, I quit things too soon thinking there's like another shiny object. And as I'm maturing, you know, and have gained a lot of wisdom and looking back, I realized that if I had hung in just a little longer, that I might have found that brass ring that I was looking for.

SPEAKER_05: 2:00

Really? Mm-hmm. Can you take us down memory lane a little bit? Tell us about your childhood, family dynamic, upbringing, however deep you want to take that. Sure.

SPEAKER_01: 2:12

Well, I grew up in the 60s, and um my parents were like traditional from that time period post-World War II. My mom stayed home. We're a family of six, and she stayed home and raised the children. My dad worked, he had his own business, and I come from a long line of entrepreneurs. And it was, you know, in the neighborhood that we lived in, it was everybody lived that way. You didn't see people working. I mean, not I shouldn't say that, I take that back. You didn't see women working that people obviously out of work. But one thing that was very unique to me was my mother's sister. She had a younger sister who got a divorce, and that was something you did not see. You just didn't see a lot of people divorcing. You saw widows, but your divorce was very rare at that time period. And when my aunt divorced, it was right after my grandfather died, who was her father, and she was in a very bad situation. Because as a little kid, we don't realize what's going on. But one thing that I did realize, I did not like her husband. I was always very uncomfortable around him. It never did anything to me. There was no, you know, no, I can't even pinpoint a reason why. It was just like an intuition about him. There was something about him I didn't feel safe around. And I didn't see him very often because they didn't live locally. And I can remember the day she told her mother that she was going to get a divorce. I can remember it like it was yesterday. We were sitting at my grandmother's dining room table, and the kids had to leave the room. My grandmother lived in a small apartment, so you really had nowhere to go. And my aunt told her mother, you know, I'm divorcing. She mentioned her husband. And my grandmother's reaction, knowing what was going on, knowing that she was not in a good situation. My grandmother's reaction was, can't you work it out? Who's going to take care of you? And I know she was coming from now as an adult looking back. She had just lost her husband. Her husband was the primary breadwinner. He was the breadwinner. My grandmother had no skills to go out and get a job. And his passing, which was very sudden, and he she found him dead. He literally died in sleep. And the trauma, of course, affected her financially. It affected, you know, her whole family. And I know that's where she was coming from now that I look back. But at the time, I didn't really understand completely what was going on, other than I was told afterwards, and I in what the way it was explained was that my uncle was not going to be living with my aunt. And in my little six-year-old or seven-year-old brain, whatever I was at the time, all I could think of was, oh, I'll never have to see him again. Not understanding any of the repercussions or anything, but that was my reaction was, oh, I'll never have to see him again. And apparently, Amanda, that left a very deep scar on my heart. And I didn't realize it until much, much later. And it wasn't until I started doing financial planning and started working with a lot of women, and I was getting these women that were like finding me out of nowhere that were recently widowed and going through the trauma of having to sort out their finances. And then it was like I the memory started coming back. So apparently I had really repressed the memory pretty deeply. And that came back to me, and I was starting to connect the dots of this is a problem. You know, this is a real problem. And my aunt didn't even have a high school diploma. She had quit high school to marry her husband. And she had to go out and find work, and she was always moving around. She would go from state to state. She ended up in the insurance industry, which was a blessing for her, like doing probably like secretarial kind of work. And she got in with one of the big insurance companies. And then she ended up like kind of moving up and getting promoted. She never made like a ton of money, but what she did when she was, let's say, in her 50s, she met a man who couldn't have been nicer. I mean, he was like, and she used to say all the time, if I met him first, it would have saved me so much pain. But you know, we have to go through certain things in life, I guess. And he took care of her when she got sick. He was her caregiver. He was wonderful to her. So she had like 20 good years where she didn't have to worry about money. She didn't have to worry about a lot of the things that were huge anxiety stressors on her.

SPEAKER_05: 7:24

Now, I'm curious, how was schooling for you? How was like high school for you? I was painfully shy.

SPEAKER_01: 7:33

And I would just go to school, put my head down, and go home. And I didn't get involved in a lot of different activities. There were a lot of drugs during that time free. A lot during the 70s, or a lot of kids taking drugs. I used to walk into the school, we'd walk in through a particular doorway, and there would be kids smoking dope, bob doing worse. And it really bothered me. And you know, that was the school I went to. That was like I didn't have much choice. So I just basically closed my eyes, put my head down, and just went to school. So it was not the best of times. But when I went to college, I did do two years of community college out of high school, and then I got married. And then 20 years later, I decided to get my bachelor's degree. And that was the best thing for me. That was, and there, Amanda, that was a huge mindset thing for me because I had, because of the way that I was going to high school and really not really getting too involved, I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself. I didn't have a lot of confidence in my academic ability or my social ability. I'm gonna I was really very shy. And when I went to college, after raising children and doing a lot of things that I didn't even think I had the ability to do, I bought my first house when I was 23. That's amazing. Right. And you know, I did a lot of things that are pretty amazing when I look back, and I don't think I fully appreciated or recognized it until later in life. And going to college as an adult learner was probably the smartest thing I ever did because it gave me a lot of confidence. It was one of those things that I didn't think I had the ability to get a bachelor's degree. Not only did I get one, but I graduated, I don't know, I think it was sumacun laudi or something like that. It was like one of those magni cum laudi or summa kun laudi, I forget which, but I graduated with honors, which was very exciting for me. That was like a huge thing. And then from there, that gave me confidence so that I then went for my CFP, which was another thing. I said, I don't think I have the ability to do this, but I did it. And it was like a lot of that was a big turning point, and that was the big moment when I realized I had a lot more going on than I gave myself credit for. But that was my own mindset that I had to shift.

SPEAKER_05: 10:01

Now, so you got your CFP how soon after your your bachelor's?

SPEAKER_01: 10:06

Um almost 10 years. So you waited a little bit for that too. I did. Well, I was in a different career path at the time. And when I went into financial planning, it was shortly after that I realized the CFP would really be beneficial, so I went for it.

SPEAKER_05: 10:25

What type of career were you in before that?

SPEAKER_01: 10:28

I've always been in financial services. So I was in insurance, health insurance, um, employee benefits. I was all over the place in the insurance industry. I used to work for small insurance agencies and then I progressed, and I was working for a very large insurance agency running their marketing department. And then I went to work for Blue Cross Blue Shield running their being in their marketing department. So I was really getting involved in presenting insurance in a way that was favorable for the sales team to go out and sell the product. And after doing that for a while, I realized that I really enjoyed that kind of work. So I eventually went into business for myself, and that was the part of the business that I thoroughly enjoyed and still do today is doing the marketing.

SPEAKER_05: 11:17

That's amazing. Yeah. So enjoyed the marketing the most. Yeah, that was my it still is my favorite part.

SPEAKER_01: 11:26

How come? Um I think that it it gets me out of my shyness that I can communicate in a way that's you don't have to be like you're out dancing on the tables. You know, you can present yourself, you can share what's on your mind in a way using different modalities that aren't as intimidating to me as um knocking on doors, you know, door-to-door sales or something like that. It just for me, it's almost like you have a little veil over you, but it's your words and it's your thoughts that are being presented.

SPEAKER_04: 12:03

That's true. No, that's true.

SPEAKER_05: 12:05

Now, so you get your CFP, and how soon after that did you start your own business?

SPEAKER_01: 12:12

I had started my own business prior to getting it. So I started my own business. What year was it? 2000 Oh, I should know this right off the top of my head. I started my own business right before September 11th, two months before. Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_05: 12:31

Yeah. Okay, and then you added to it what once you got your CFP.

SPEAKER_01: 12:37

Yes. Okay. So once I got the CFP and I was doing financial planning, I realized financial planning at that time was really initiated by insurance companies. So I think it was American Express at the time, and you know, some of those really big insurance companies were pushing this program called financial planning. And what they were doing was selling insurance disguised as a financial plan. So instead of using the plan as a way of explaining to people, like, you know, the cash flow or their assets and things of that nature, they really had it designed so that everybody who got a financial plan was to recognize that they needed some type of insurance. Oh. That seemed sneaky. It was a little bit, I mean, there's nothing wrong with people buying insurance. And in most cases, people did really need more insurance, especially life insurance. And there's a lot of people that don't have enough life insurance if they have any. So using it in a way that could really make it a little more tangible was made it easier to make the sale. But when I was doing that, I thought you have this great tool, and you're not using it to its full potential. So that's when I started designing wealth coaching. And it was a process that took me about 10 years to really pull the whole coaching concept together.

SPEAKER_05: 14:13

Wow. Okay. So so what is a wealth coach?

SPEAKER_01: 14:18

So a wealth coach, the way that I do it, the way that I've designed it, is it's a combination of life coaching, business coaching, and financial planning. So with a life coach, if you were to go to a life coach, Amanda, usually they're very good at helping you understand what it is you want out of life. You know, you're at point A, you want to get to point B, and they can help you do that. What they won't do or don't do in most cases, unless they've been trained to, is they're not going to get into the financial aspect of what that life is going to cost you financially. Like what resources are you going to need in order to live that lifestyle? A business coach, they're going to focus on systems and profits and viability. If you have an idea for a business, they're going to help you discern if this is a good idea or if it's viable, what kind of money can you expect to make? But they're not going to get into the things that really give you joy, purpose, or balance. And a financial planner is going to crunch the numbers and they will look at all the things, you know, like, you know, your profit margin, not your profit margin, but they're going to look at your cash flow, they're going to look at your how much you're saving, how you're investing, and all of those things. But most of the time they're going to miss understanding the things that are really important to you, the things that bring you joy. And this is the thing that I call true wealth, Samanda. So with wealth coaching, I bring all of these things together, and it's like a bridge between all of these other forms of coaching. So that when you're done, you can look at the things that really move your heart, move your mind while understanding what's in your bank account.

SPEAKER_05: 16:07

Wow. That makes a lot of sense. Okay. Because it you're combining all of the three.

SPEAKER_01: 16:15

Right. You're combining the best of all of them. And what I find is that when I do this, I can help my clients discover true wealth. And true wealth to me is what money can't buy. It's that sense of purpose and passion and knowing you have unlimited possibility. You can't put a price on that. And true wealth doesn't have a number. It's not a number, it's not how much money you have, it's really the quality of the life that you are leading.

SPEAKER_04: 16:46

That's so true. That is so true.

SPEAKER_05: 16:49

Now, I'm curious when you started your own business, did you start off right away with this true wealth coaching and these three combined?

SPEAKER_01: 17:01

No, this was a process. So I started off with the financial planning, and in doing that, I realized that something was missing. So I kept, as I said, I'm a seeker. So I was looking for how can I improve this? How can I make this better? How can I give more to it really help a client improve the quality of their life to the best of my ability? So I was trained by Jack Canfield. He's the author of the well, the um Chicken Soup for the Soul books, as well as the Success Principles book. He wrote that book. I think it was 2005 or 2006. In fact, I read that book and went through all of the exercises in that book to help shift my mindset to one of success when I was going through the CFP program. So his material really helped me get that over the finish line. And during the pandemic, I the pandemic really triggered me. All of the isolation was a real was really problematic for me. And I found that he was offering a course, a short course. It was called Reignite Your Life. And I thought I could use my life to be reignitive right now because I really felt very vulnerable and broken during that time. And going through the process with him, I was able to not only discover my purpose and what I was passionate about, but I realized that the material that I was learning from him was what I was looking for my clients. So I went through his certification process and became a certified success coach. So that it's kind of a life coaching. It's a little more, it's like life coaching on steroids. So I had that. Then I went into business coaching because a lot of my clients own their own businesses. So I felt like I needed that layer. And I come by combining that with the financial planning layer that I already had, I felt like it was the trifecta of really helping people getting from wherever they are to where they want to be.

SPEAKER_05: 19:14

Wow. I love that journey though. And like you you recognize like that financial planning was great, but you need your clients needed a little more for the true wealth. I love that. And you just kept seeking. I love that so much. So some people, a lot of people, I think, would have just stuck with one one of them, you know? But you you recognize that.

SPEAKER_01: 19:39

Right. And I didn't want to give up on financial planning. But I felt like I could augment that. I could make that really powerful. And when I was doing the work with Jack, I it just like so many things, like you could just hear the bells going off. And it was all these things, Amanda, that I have been looking for for so many years. Years all seemed to show up on my doorstep all at once. And just being aware and being tuned into it, I think made the difference. But I realized one thing, there was one lesson that really sticks out for me. Would you like to know what that was? I would. It is that joy is not tied to your paycheck. And you know, running my own business for so many years, I really obsessed over the bottom line. And just realizing that there are so many things in running a business that really don't serve me and are just draining me when I learned how to let go of those things and leave room for the things that I love. That was how I was really able to pull this whole wealth coaching together.

SPEAKER_05: 20:53

Now I'm curious, you said get rid of the things that were draining you. Can you give us an example of even one of them? Yes, I can.

SPEAKER_01: 21:01

The thing that was really draining me was doing financial, not financial, I'm sorry. The thing that was really draining me was doing asset management. No, what is asset management? That's when you invest other people's money. So as a certified financial planner, a lot of times planners will not only write a financial plan for you, but they will also help execute the plan by investing your money, like your 401k or your IRA or whatever investment accounts you might have. And I was good at it. I did it, but it wasn't the thing that brought me any joy. It really brought me a lot of stress because your quality of what you're delivering to the client, a lot of it is really based on what's going on with the stock market, which I have zero control over. With financial planning, that's all about the advice that I am giving. It's all about the relationship that I have with the client, the questions that I ask, the information I pull together, whether or not they implement that's up to them, although I do coach them through that process. But that is really on me. That's really on me and my relationship with the client. Now, if the client doesn't tell me the truth, that's a whole other problem. But assuming that they don't, assuming that they tell me the truth and giving them good sound advice can really make a difference in the quality of their life. I can't control the stock market. I mean, I could create the best portfolio in the world, and then you have some crazy thing happen and the market crashes, and you look like an idiot. And it's not so much how I look, but it's like this person who has put their present and future lifestyle in my hands, and now their money has gone down to nothing through no fault of mine. That's a horrible feeling. That's an awful lot of responsibility. And when I realized how much responsibility I was taking on and how it was really draining me emotionally and physically, I decided to sell that part of my business so I could focus 100% of my time on wealth coaching.

SPEAKER_05: 23:12

I love that. I love that. No, that's amazing. You know, you recognized it it was draining you and it wasn't for you, so you let it go. Yep. And that was a big decision.

SPEAKER_01: 23:24

You know, that was a big thing. You know, I have clients that have been with me for over 20 years. So saying goodbye to that was difficult. I did find a great buyer. I took two years in seeking out a really good partner, and I feel very confident that they're in really good hands. So I feel good about that. And I felt like it's time. And this is my third act. This is like my next chapter. So I'm walking the walk and talking the talk. I have transformed my life and the way that I work and a lot of other things. I have created my transition process, and it's helped me help, you know, work with others to create their transition process. I just feel like life is way too short to live it in a way that's not authentic to you and is really not bringing you joy.

SPEAKER_05: 24:16

That is so true. I'd love to transition it, Chad, but since we all talk in mindset, what would you say is a money mindset?

SPEAKER_01: 24:26

Oh, money mindsets are tricky. Money mindsets, most people have negative money mindsets. And when you're working with a money coach, that money coach will help you change your negative money mindset into a positive one. And the first step is identifying it and being aware and admitting it. So, a money mindset that's negative, a quick example is somebody who says to themselves or out loud, I live paycheck to paycheck. That's a negative money mindset because paycheck to paycheck means you don't have any ability to save any money. And for most people, it's just an excuse and it's a habit that they have formed. The more they say it out loud or to themselves, the more it is ingrained in their reality.

SPEAKER_05: 25:20

I think that is so true with everything.

SPEAKER_01: 25:24

Definitely. We are what we think, our results are really based on what we think.

SPEAKER_05: 25:30

Yeah. Wow. So do you have a suggestion for people to start shifting that negative?

SPEAKER_01: 25:40

I'm so glad you asked. So a person that use that example, I live paycheck to paycheck. I would say to them, this is how you change that. It's a two-step process. The first step is you say out loud to yourself or out loud in front of a mirror. That's the best way to do it. So if you went into the mirror, you look straight into your eyes, and you say out loud, I am so happy and grateful now that I save money with ease and grace. The words I am are very powerful. And when you say that, now that has to become your reality. You can give different iterations of that. Like you could say, I'm so happy and grateful now that I have more than enough money. And more than enough, you don't put a dollar amount on it because that will cause a lot of confusion. So if you saved a dollar a week, you're not living paycheck to paycheck. I know that sounds weird, but paycheck to paycheck means you take home a thousand dollars, you spend a thousand dollars. If you save part of that money, you're not living paycheck to paycheck. And if you set up, so the second part is you have to do it. And the way you do it is you put things on automatic pilot. Whether it's taking money from your checking account and depositing it into your savings account, just setting it up at the bank so it happens automatically. Or if you are a W-2 employee and you get a paycheck, you can have the payroll company, you know, HR or whoever, set that up so that some of your paycheck goes into a savings account. And of course, there's always if the company has any kind of company-sponsored retirement plan, if you're putting money into that, you are saving some money. You're not living paycheck to paycheck. So you have to say it and you have to do it. By doing that, Amanda, you convince yourself now that becomes your truth. The next thing is if you have any other negative beliefs, ask yourself, is it the truth? So if you catch yourself saying negative things about yourself with money, like, oh, I'm no good with money, hit pause and just ask yourself, is that the truth? And you want to say, no, I am good with money because, and give yourself a reason why you're good with money. Even if you're making it up, the more you if you have a behavior trait that you feel is somebody who is good with money, like maybe they balance their checkbook every month. I am good with money because I balance my checkbook every month. I am good with money because I always pay my bills on time. Whatever it might be, think of a positive trait, say it out loud, and then make sure you're doing that. That's gonna now become your reality, and you're gonna convince yourself that you are good with money. And the more you convince yourself of these positive traits, they're gonna squeeze out the negative ones because there's no room for both of them. Yeah, get rid of the negative ones and build that muscle. It's just like going to the gym and working on a muscle, it's your money muscle. Your money muscle.

SPEAKER_05: 29:17

Can you share an example of someone that's been able to shift their money mindset?

SPEAKER_01: 29:22

I can give you examples of I I have one really good example just to really bring home the point of the money mindset. In my family, my grandmother, my father's mother, was like a wizard with money, and she didn't have any. But she had absolutely no fear that she would always be able to create whatever she needed with ease. They moved, my grandparents moved from Sicily with my father in 1928, so right before the Great Depression. But in Sicily, they had nothing but abject poverty. It was really, really poor where they were living. And she knew that there's no opportunity where they were, that they had to leave if they were going to have any kind of a shot at having a decent lifestyle. So they moved, they came to America, didn't speak a word of English. My grandfather was a barber, my grandmother was a seamstress, so we're talking super blue collar. And she was just so good at managing their household finances, the little bit that they had, that they were able to save and buy a house. And, you know, they always had the money that they needed to do things. So, yes, they had a very simple lifestyle, but they had they weren't in debt, they didn't have the wolves at the door, they always had plenty of food, and the things that were really important to my grandparents were always handled. Now, they're raising their family, they had four children, only one of their children followed in my grandmother's footsteps as far as how he handled money. And what's interesting is three of her children, she had three boys and a girl, three of her children were in the exact same career. They all had their own business and they were in the exact same career. They probably made about the same amount of money. But one of them was very good at handling his money, and they all had, you know, four, five, six kids. It wasn't like one person had no kids or anything like that. Their lifestyles were very comfortable. Wives stayed home, took care of the kids. You know, all of that was all very much the same. But it was their mindset around money. One of my grandmother's sons had the mindset of no matter how much money he had, it was never enough. He was like the glutton at the all-you-can-eat buffet. If he had$10, he had to spend 20. That's just how he was. He it there was never enough money. So he didn't learn from his mother how she could take very little and not only make it stretch, but she always had money for charity and she always had money for savings because that was her mindset. She had an abundance mindset, and she told herself that she had more than enough, and she did. Her other son, son number two, he liked to take risks, so he would be looking for these get-rich quick schemes all the time, and they never panned out. So he was losing money constantly on these wacky ideas. Son number three is the one who took his mother's teaching to heart. He's gonna be 95 in October, and he's still living his lifestyle. Wow. So there's a good example of mindset. You've got this whole family under the same roofs living under the exact same conditions. Why is it that only one was successful from the standpoint that they, you know, they're 95 years old, they still have plenty of money. The other two died penniless because of their mind around money. And their mindset is what really generates their behavior. If you're constantly thinking you don't have enough, well, you're not gonna have enough because no matter what you do, it's never gonna be enough. And if you're always looking for a get-rich quick scheme, you're always gonna be taken advantage of.

SPEAKER_05: 33:28

Now, I'm curious, do you have tips that listeners can take like right away to break a bad money habit that they have, maybe a bad spending habit they have?

SPEAKER_01: 33:42

Well, it would depend on what that spending habit is. So the first tip I would give you and give your listeners is to identify where you go wrong. So, what is the spending habit that you need to break? Maybe you go and get coffee every single day. And if you look at what that costs you, if you buy a cup of coffee, you get something to eat. Maybe you do that twice a day. That's probably$20 a day. When you think of it that way, and you figure, well,$20 a day times 10 days, that's$200. So over the course of the year, how much money is that? It's a lot of money, it's thousands of dollars on coffee. You could take a vacation with that money. So think of you can't spend the same dollar twice. That's advice I give people all the time. You cannot spend the same dollar twice. So if you're making a decision to spend money on, well, use coffee as the example, but yet you'd like to travel and you wonder why you don't have any money for travel. Maybe this is why. Maybe you cut down on your coffee habit. You make coffee at home. Even if you buy really nice coffee at the supermarket, it's not going to cost you what it costs you at like a Starbucks, for example.

SPEAKER_05: 35:04

I like the comment, you can't spend the same dollar twice. You can't. It's impossible. I I know that, but it's just a shift that I've had I don't think I've heard that before.

SPEAKER_01: 35:16

But well, sometimes these little memes are all you need to shift your mindset and just write them down and put them someplace where you're going to see it. Another thing that I recommend to people if they say they have spending problems is let's get to the root of that spending problem. Go, you know, get either a yellow pad of paper or a notebook, something where every time you spend money, you write it down. And the reason that I suggest that is there is something that happens in your brain that's called the reticular activation system. It's somewhere found in the back of your brain. And writing, I'm not talking, not typing, actually writing with pen or paper or crayon or whatever, does something, it triggers your brain so that you think about it. It makes behaviors that are unconscious conscious. And part of the problem anybody has with a spending problem is because they are spending unconsciously. And until they suss it out and really look at it in black and white, be like, oh, I mean, I have people, one of the questions that when I'm interviewing a client, well, ballpark figure, we'll get into the nitty-gritty in a moment. But right now, ballpark figure, what would you tell me it costs you every month to live your lifestyle? They can always tell me what their mortgage is. They always seem to know them how much they pay for their mortgage. And they'll say, oh, my mortgage is$3,000 a month. I think my yeah, I probably spend about four or five thousand dollars a month. Okay. We look at their take-home pay, we compare that to what they just told me. Where's the rest of the money? Where'd the money go? You take home a hundred thousand, you tell me you're spending sixty, you should have 40,000 saved. Where is it? The numbers don't lie. So forty thousand dollars is disappearing somewhere. We've got to go find it, and that's where those exercises of writing things down and becoming aware of where you're spending your money makes the difference. It doesn't mean you have to cut out everything, it just means you have to make certain choices. If you want to save money and you want to do things differently than what you're doing, then you have to show up with different behavior because you cannot spend that same coffee money on your cruise. It's impossible. You can't do it.

SPEAKER_05: 37:48

I feel like this ties in emotionally a lot. Yep. Do you have suggestions for people like how to not act on emotions when it comes to money?

SPEAKER_01: 38:05

Well, one of the biggest ways to not act on emotions when it comes to money, Amanda, is being aware, really building that awareness muscle. Because we act on emotion because we're unaware of what we're doing. It's unconscious. It's like any other bad habit. Bad habits are bad habits because we do them over and over again and we're not even aware that we're doing them. So bringing all of that to the forefront, so you're aware of it, and then forgive yourself.

SPEAKER_04: 38:38

Forgive yourself.

SPEAKER_01: 38:41

Yep.

SPEAKER_04: 38:41

Why do you say forgive yourself?

SPEAKER_01: 38:44

Because a lot of times when people have bad habits, they've kind of given up on themselves as far as changing them. And it's like a guilt, it's like being on a hamster wheel. You feel guilty, you know you did something wrong, you want to stop, you try to stop, you might stop for a day or two, and then you're right back at it, and then you feel really guilty about it. And that guilt will prevent you from succeeding. So if you can just say, I messed up, I forgive myself, you know, have some sort of whether it's the hoopono pono prayer or something that's going to trigger self-love. If you can love yourself again, whatever that bad habit that you have, that might be like some kind of self-soothing thing that you're doing. Now, if you can just get back into your heart and love yourself, you might not have to do that anymore. You find another way to show yourself love.

SPEAKER_05: 39:46

I like that perspective. You know, forgiving ourselves. I think that's a great take on a bad habit, whether it's money, whether it's substance use, whether it's like whatever the bad habit is. You people are likely self-soothing something.

SPEAKER_01: 40:04

Right.

SPEAKER_05: 40:06

In forgiving yourselves and showing ourselves that love. I think a lot of us don't do that. We don't approach it with compassion. So it's even more difficult to eliminate the habit because we're beating ourselves up.

SPEAKER_01: 40:20

We are our own worst enemy most of the time. We really, it's terrible. I don't know why. I wasn't around when you know our brains were created, but for some strange reason, our brains are wired to be negative. It's much easier to go negative than to be positive. We have to work at being positive. Whether it's towards ourselves or towards somebody else. We have that's an effort. We have to put effort in to be positive.

SPEAKER_05: 40:51

Why do you think money is so emotional in general?

SPEAKER_01: 40:56

Well it's a good question, Amanda. I think money is an energy. And it's something that it represents a lot of things to a lot of people. To some people, it represents power. People that are lacking in it, it represents poverty or doing without. And I think that because so many people can't have a conversation around money without it triggering something, it's like one of those things we just kind of keep pushing it down. And the more that we can realize that it's just a tool, you know, it's like if you've got a picture, you want to hang it up on the wall and grab a hammer and the nail, right? Hammer the you hammer the nail with the hammer and hang up the picture. They're just tools, you don't get emotional about them. Money is no different, it's just a tool. And that's what you have to, if you want to have more of a comfort level with money and more of an ability to have a conversation around it, start by telling yourself it's just a tool. It's just a tool. One that we have to know how to use, but it's just a tool.

SPEAKER_05: 42:08

I like that reframe. It's just a tool. Yeah. You know, and we we think about that even outside of the hammer, like even technology. Everybody thinks of all this different technology that we have now as tools, basically. Right. Wow, I love that reframe. That that makes a lot of sense, you know. And I I love how you mentioned the conversations because I can think of so many conversations I have had with people in my life regarding money in some aspect, and it has either triggered them, it's triggered me. And it makes a lot of sense by shifting money to be a tool that you just need to know how to utilize.

SPEAKER_01: 42:51

Right. So if you're engaging in one of those conversations, Amanda, and it starts to get a little heated or a little triggered, you can bring it down by just saying, hey, it's just a tool. That's true. And then, you know, that's either they're going to continue being emotional, which is their choice, or they're not. But the more that you're not emotional around it, in one way you can a person can start, whether it's you or anyone else, self-talk. You know, most people today don't balance their checkbook every month. I don't balance my checkbook every month, but I know exactly what goes in and what goes out without going through that exercise of balancing it. So if you once a week take a look at your checkbook or whatever, however you whatever tool you use for banking. Some people just use a credit card, they pay it off every month. Whatever it is that you do, look at your transactions on a weekly basis. So pick a date on the calendar, whether it's Saturday night, Sunday morning, a time when your household is kind of quiet, nobody's gonna pester you, and just take 30 minutes to just review the transactions. And before you do that, just say to yourself, it's just a tool. I am gonna look at how I use this tool this week. And the more you get in the habit of doing that, the easier it's going to become for you to have those money conversations. Because one of the things that people do a lot if they have trouble having conversations about money, is they won't look at where their money is going and how it's being used. They ignore it. And then when somebody asks them a question, especially if there's a spouse involved, and they might say, you know, gee, I saw this bill. What was that all about? They get their backup because sometimes they might forget what it was because it was unconscious spending, or because they're not right on top of things and they don't have a good answer, then they get that triggering self-conscious reaction. And then the guilt comes in, and maybe they don't want to have an argument, and it's you know, it goes on and on and on. So that I find that's a really good exercise, whether it's looking at your credit card, looking at all the transactions, or if you have a checkbook, looking at your checking account, wherever you process your life, your financial life, look at the transactions once a week.

SPEAKER_05: 45:29

That makes a lot of sense. 30 minutes once a week when you have some quiet time in your house to yourself.

SPEAKER_01: 45:36

You don't want to do it when the kids are up and if you have small children and they're demanding your attention, or because that's only going to make figuring out how to use this tool harder. And then it's going to make it more frustrating. So you really want to pick a time, even if it means you have to go to the library for an hour or do something like go sit in your car just so nobody bothers you while you're doing that.

SPEAKER_05: 46:00

That makes a lot of sense, Terry. Thank you so much. This was so helpful. I loved this. Good. Thank you. Have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty? I have not. So he's got a podcast called On Purpose. He's an author, he's a former monk, and he ends his podcast with two segments, and I liked them, so I stole them. And I think credit because they're not mine, but these are two segments he ends his podcast with. First segment is the many sides to us, and there's five questions, and they need to be answered in one word each. What is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as? Funny. What is one word someone that knows you extremely well would use to describe you as? Compassionate. What is one word you'd use to describe yourself? Kind. What is one word that if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset would use to describe you as stubborn? What is one word that you're trying to embody right now?

SPEAKER_01: 47:16

I can think of a bunch of words, but to put it down into one word, that's a tough one. Oh, I was doing so good. One word what um it's on the tip of my tongue. It's really two words. Thought leader.

SPEAKER_05: 47:39

Second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in up to a sentence. What is the best advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_01: 47:51

The best advice that I've received was from my grandmother, the one I told you about. And it was always putting away a little bit of money. No matter how much money you have, find a little bit of money and save it. Why is that the best? Because it has served me well. The skills that she taught me, without like sitting down and saying, Terry, I'm going to teach you about money, just by watching her example and how it gave her so much confidence and financial freedom to know that she always had a cushion. And no matter how lean my situation might have been over the years, and I had many very lean years, always having a cushion is what gave me confidence that I was always going to be able to provide, you know, with my husband, the two of us together, provide more than enough for our family, even though that more might not be a lot of money. But not living paycheck to paycheck, always being able to save a little something. What is the worst advice you've heard or received? The worst advice that I received was from my father when he told me that I wasn't smart enough to go to college. How did that make you feel? Horrible. Made me feel very unworthy. It took away a lot of my confidence, which I didn't have a whole lot to begin with. And it took me a lot of years to shake that off to just say, wait a second, I'm an intelligent person. I can do this. And I had to do it the hard way, but I did it. You did. I did. When I went back to school to get my bachelor's degree, I had my associate's degree, so I had to get two more years. So I found one of those adult education programs that really works around an adult look adult learner's schedule. I was working full-time, had two young children, and my husband was in school. And I decided to get my bachelor's degree because the kind of work that I wanted to do in marketing and advance myself, I was not going to get that without a bachelor's degree. So I did it. I went to school at night, worked full-time during the day, and graduated something, something cultivated. I don't remember what it was. I think it was Magnet Kum Ladi. It's the second one. It wasn't this three, and it was the one in the middle. So it was like, really? Oh yeah? Watch me. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_05: 50:32

Good for you, Terry. Thank you. What is something that you used to value that you no longer value? Other people's opinion. If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?

SPEAKER_01: 50:53

I'd wanted to say that this was a person who was always seeking to improve herself, improve the lives of others, was generous, compassionate, kind, and had a great sense of humor.

SPEAKER_05: 51:10

That's beautiful. If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? And I want to know why. To always tell the truth.

SPEAKER_01: 51:24

Why is that the law? Because the truth will always set you free. And if you always tell the truth, you don't have to try to remember your stories. And it just makes everyone's life so much easier if you always tell the truth. You don't have people framing other people, you don't have all the nonsense that I mean there'd be no there would probably not be a new show left on earth because they'd have nothing to talk about. There'd be no soap operas, no reality TV. That is so true. Just great podcasts. That's all we'd have. People having great conversations, just telling it like it is.

SPEAKER_02: 52:06

That is so true. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much, Terry. I really appreciate this. Well, thank you, Amanda. I'm so glad we have a chance to get together today. Me too. And where's the best place for listeners to connect with you?

SPEAKER_01: 52:21

I will give you my links in the show notes for the show notes, but the best place is on my website, wealthcoachforwomen.com. And it's F-O-R, people ask me that. So for W-O-M-E-N plurals.com. There is a button on my website. Any of your listeners are free to book a clarity call with me. What that is is a little strategy call. They will tell me what they're what's on their mind. I will give them some tips on what they can do to get from wherever they are to where they want to be. If they would like to learn more and they decide they want to know how I could help them further, we will talk about that. If they decide that's what I have to offer isn't for them, we'll part as friends and no hard feelings. So that's one way people can find me. I also have a special gift for all of your listeners. It's you can find that at wealthcoachforwomen.com backslash POD for pod. And that is a wealth building toolkit that I've put together. So there's some tips in there. There's a you know a little workshop in there. There's a bunch of different things that they will find helpful. And the third thing is I am offering a free one-hour workshop on June 11th at 1 p.m. Eastern. And that link is wealthcoachforwomen.com backslash B LW if they want to sign up for the workshop. And even if they can't attend for any reason, they will get being replaced. So it's worth signing up.

SPEAKER_05: 54:01

Awesome. I will link all of that in the show notes. And do you have any final words of wisdom you want to share with the listeners?

SPEAKER_01: 54:10

Uh, words of wisdom. I think that if you have a goal in life, if wherever you are is not where you want to be, it's not too late to change it. Sometimes you need guidance. Sometimes you need somebody to just hold your hand while keeping you accountable. And don't be afraid to ask for that help. You might be really shocked at how affordable it is and how it will shorten your learning curve so that you're not wasting time spinning your wheels, trying to figure things out on your own. And in the meantime, you could be having a great life, creating your next chapter to be filled with joy, purpose, and balance. And life is way too short to live any other way.

SPEAKER_04: 54:56

I love that, Terry. That is so true. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_05: 55:00

I really appreciate this. Oh, you're very welcome, Mandy, and thank you so much for having me. Absolutely. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mandy's Mindset.

SPEAKER_03: 55:16

In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you. I'm voting for you. And you got this. As always, if you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five-star rating, leave a review, and share with anyone you think would benefit from that. And don't forget, you are only one nine-set shift away from shifting your life. Thanks guys, until next time.