Manders Mindset

The Psychology of Change: Movement, Mindset & Motivation | Melyssa Allen | 164

• Episode 164

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What if the real secret to change wasn’t discipline or willpower but learning how to work with your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in harmony?

In this empowering episode of Manders Mindset, Amanda Russo sits down with Melyssa, a health coach with a master’s in clinical psychology, to explore how lasting change really happens. From her early days as a marine mammal trainer to her journey through group fitness, body image challenges, grief, and burnout, Melyssa shares why mindset matters more than motivation, and how small behavioral shifts can reset everything.

Together, Amanda and Melyssa unpack the power of the cognitive triangle, why emotions shouldn’t drive the car, and how to “sit in the suck but not get stuck.” With refreshing honesty and deep insight, Melyssa shows how movement, mental health, and mindset intersect and why behavior is the one part of change you can control.

This episode is for anyone who's tired of starting over, wants to build sustainable health habits, or is ready to rewrite the story in their head.

💡 In this episode, listeners will discover:

🧠 How the cognitive triangle connects thoughts, emotions, and behaviors
 💥 Why behavior change works even when motivation is missing
 🧘‍♀️ How grief, stress, and burnout impact wellness and how to move through them
 🩰 The story of ballet, body image, and finding healing through fitness
 🎧 A genius tip for writing a book without writer’s block
 🧬 What lifestyle medicine really means and how it can transform your health
 💬 The mindset mantra: “Sit in the suck, but don’t get stuck”

⏰ Timeline Summary:

[2:20] – From marine mammal training to mindset coaching
 [7:55] – Childhood, identity, and the roots of her wellness journey
 [14:30] – Discovering group fitness and the healing power of movement
 [21:40] – Breaking down the cognitive triangle: where real change starts
 [30:15] – Body shame, ballet, and redefining strength
 [38:40] – Grief, loss, and honoring emotions without getting stuck
 [46:25] – Coaching vs. therapy: how mindset bridges both
 [55:10] – Size-inclusive fitness, bar classes, and reclaiming joy in movement
 [1:03:45] – Final five: values, legacy, and creating change with kindness

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast. Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, and a variety of other people. Where your host, Amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective, and her guest mindset and perspective on the world around us. Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.

SPEAKER_03:

Welcome back to Manders Mindset, where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to shift your life. I'm your host, Amanda Rieso, and I am so excited to be here today with Melissa Allen. She's the author of Healthy Living Doesn't Have to Suck, host of the podcast by the same name, and a lifestyle medicine coach with a master's in clinical psychology. I've been reading her book, haven't finished it yet, but chapter two on mindset really spoke to me. Mindset always matters. And I am so excited to speak with her today. Thank you so much for joining me.

SPEAKER_01:

Thanks so much, Amanda. I'm really excited to be here with you.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm so excited for this conversation. Oh, yeah. Now, now, who would you say Melissa is at the core?

SPEAKER_01:

Ooh, she is someone who has been on the journey of life and has learned a lot along the way and would love to share the big takeaways and the aha moments that that she has learned that can help other people hopefully change their lives in a similar fashion or even in a better fashion. And yeah, that's really my why is to just help inspire people to make positive changes in their lives in a way that is realistic and sustainable. Caveat that part there.

SPEAKER_04:

I love that.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. No, can you take us down memory lane? Tell us about your childhood family dynamic, however deep you want to take that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, absolutely. Oh my gosh. The first thing that I want to talk about are how amazing my parents are. So I know we chatted a little bit before we press record, but I'm an only child as well. I did have an amazing dog named Ranger growing up. And from the time that I was four until senior year of high school, I had him in my life through a lot of different moves. And so I like to think of him as, you know, my little brother as a kid. But my parents are amazing. They have supported me through so much in my lifetime. And yeah, I just I couldn't be more grateful to have them in my life and to, you know, think back on all of the things that they sacrificed to help me chase my dreams and just the way they've been cheering me on along the way. So we did move around a lot. And the first question that people usually ask with that is, well, were you a military family? And I'm like, technically, my dad, you know, is a Navy veteran, but that wasn't why we moved around. I think, you know, we just all kind of got restless after a while. So I was born in California. When I was a year old, we moved to Houston, Texas. Stayed there until I was about in second grade, then went up to Idaho on the Northern Panhandle in Cordelaine, Idaho, and was there third through sixth grade, seventh grade, moved back to Austin, Texas this time. I came back down south and stayed there through high school. So during that time, there were a lot of different instances where I never really felt like I fit in. And sometimes that was more on like the social side of things, but actually moving from Idaho or moving from Texas to Idaho. I'm a quarter Puerto Rican, so I tend to have like darker skin, especially during the summer. And when we moved up to Idaho, I was actually like the darkest person in my classroom, actually at my school, I want to say, if I remember right. So it was definitely an interesting experience to have that through, you know, those formative years of third through sixth grade and you know, going through some of the typical like bullying and body shaming and stuff like that. Obviously not enjoyable, but it helps, you know, write part of your story. And and it's one of the things that kind of fuels me in what I do now in life. But after high school, ended up moving to Florida to go to the University of Central Florida. Go Knights charge on. Absolutely love my alma mater. And it's funny because again, I shared I'm an only child. So after I was in college for a year, uh my parents decided to follow me out to Florida. And they gave me a nice little buffer. You know, it was like an hour and a half. They lived a little south of Tampa while I was in Orlando, but it was definitely nice to have them in the same state because we've got a really close relationship and I love spending time with them.

SPEAKER_02:

So oh my gosh, that's adorable.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow, what'd you go to school for and college?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah, I guess I could talk more about college too, because that was a really great experience and part of how I got to where I am now. But little Melissa, at the age of four years old, fell in love with marine mammals when my parents took me to SeaWorld San Antonio for the first time. And I was just like, oh my gosh, that's what I'm gonna do someday. I'm gonna work with the animals and do the shows and train these really cool behaviors. And I'm one of those crazy kids that actually ended up doing it. And that was actually a big reason that I came out to Florida, was because there were a lot more opportunities for internships and different ways to get experience in the field. So yeah, I majored in biology and psychology, which sometimes gets people scratching their head. They're like, Well, those are like really different, aren't they? And surprisingly, no, you know, our bodies are affected by our minds, our minds are affected by our bodies. And so there was some really cool overlaps that I started to notice during that time. And a lot of people also think, well, shouldn't you have been studying marine science or marine biology? And that really looks at, you know, the ocean at large on an ecosystem and you know, all the microorganisms in the ocean. And what I wanted to do was more, you know, behavior-based. So um, we needed to learn the psychological principles of behavior modification and operant conditioning and positive reinforcement and all of that. So that's where the psychology came into play. But I'm definitely a nerd at heart, and uh biology was just something I always enjoyed. So I wanted I wanted a double major and I pulled it off somehow in the four years. But yeah, I ended up, you know, getting an internship right after undergrad at Disney's Seas with Nemo and friends. So I was an aquatic research intern, studying at the aquarium that's there. And then after that, I got my first big girl job with the Navy's Marine Mammal program. So I worked there for about a year and a half before getting to SeaWorld in Orlando, and uh, and that was, you know, my my shining moments in my career. I started at Shamu Stadium. I like to say as a marine mammal custodian because I was like low man on the totem pole, wasn't doing anything with the animals. I was like scrubbing buckets and you know, bird poop off of the sides of the walls and stuff. But then I got to be at the Dolphin Cove area doing the guest interactions, which was a really cool kind of full circle moment for me because that was how I fell in love with the animals was you know, getting to meet them for the first time as a kid. So being on the other side of that in the wetsuit was really cool. And then I ended my time at Sea Lion and Otter Stadium, and uh, and that's where I happened to meet my husband. So he's still there. But yeah, it was a really crazy journey through the professional life of Melissa, the marine mammal trainer. And now I jokingly say I went from training animals to training humans because as my career at SeaWorld started to wrap up, I was looking for the next challenge. And I was like, well, what's more challenging than you know, trying to train marine mammals? Trying to train humans because our minds are very fun things to work with, and our thoughts and our emotions and all that good stuff. So I ended up pursuing my graduate degree in clinical psychology. And yeah, and during that time, fell in love with fitness. Uh, I started taking group fitness classes at the on-campus rec center, ended up pursuing my certifications in group fitness, personal training, and uh, and through my internship is how I discovered the field of lifestyle medicine, which I'm now board certified in lifestyle medicine and health and wellness coaching. So that's kind of what led me to where I am now and why I wrote healthy living doesn't have to suck. And oh my gosh, it's been a wild ride for sure.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, now I'm curious, you mentioned group fitness classes, and then you were getting into fitness. Were you active as a kid? Were you into sports or fitness or and even if it wasn't like working out, but like some sort of activities?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Oh my gosh, that's a great question because yeah, through the journey of Melissa's childhood, was very active as a kid, did lots of swimming. You know, obviously I was like pretending that I was swimming with dolphins while I was on swim team, you know. And then I started getting really into dance and I did ballet when I was up in Idaho and absolutely loved it. It was just one of those things where moving so gracefully, and I loved just like being with the music and moving my body like in sync with the music. And you know, one of my big goals was to make it to dance on point, and I did, and it was really fulfilling, and it hurt like a mofo when you're dancing on your toes. Not really necessarily made to carry that much weight, you know. But as humans, we are very crafty and we created those point shoes, and you know, our dancers put ourselves through a lot of pain and misery to put on a an amazing performance. So I really enjoyed the time that I got to do it. It wasn't very long because I ended up, speaking of the body shaming as a kid, I ended up having my ballet teacher, who also happened to be my grandma's best friend, by the way, catch me after class one day and told me that I needed to watch my weight because I was a bigger body in the room. Didn't matter if I was the one who was on beat the most or had, you know, good form during the poses. It was, I didn't look the part of a ballet dancer. So I needed to make changes to force my body to start looking that way. I can actually distinctly remember she told me to start drinking like apple cider vinegar. I think like before I ate or something like that to help you not eat so much. And I was just like, this stuff is terrible.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you remember how old you were when she said that to you?

SPEAKER_01:

I was in sixth grade, so that's preteen, obviously, right? That's like 11, 10 or 11? Oh gosh, I'm horrible at timelines.

SPEAKER_03:

That's a tough age to hear that at.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you're getting ready for meaning.

SPEAKER_03:

Not that it's that it's easy at any age, but like that age, you're likely already experiencing kids are getting meano. What I like I've worked with kids in my life as well, so even different glue phones and around 10 is when they start getting to be not as nice from 10 upward.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep. Yeah. And so to have this full-grown adult telling me that there was something wrong with my body was devastating, you know? And I'm actually really grateful to my mom because she always mentioned how much she enjoyed volleyball. And it was something that I was like, well, you know, I'm like focused on ballet right now, so maybe it's something I'll do in the future. I don't know. So I did kind of have that on reserve in the back of my mind. And it was one of those things where when that was said to me, I had kind of already been thinking, like, well, I'm never gonna be a professional dancer. And while I enjoy this, you know, I made my goal and I have lots of great memories from it now. And now I have a not so great memory from it. But it was just one of those things where I was really grateful that she had shared her experiences with me in the past, meaning my mom, because it kind of gave me that permission to say, okay, well, if ballet is not the right fit for me, then maybe I'll try something else. And ended up playing volleyball through middle school and high school and really loved it. It was so much fun. My mom and I were actually on a co-ed team together when I was in high school, and I didn't make JV or varsity, but we were playing at the local community center, which I happen to think was a lot more fun because then you're going up, you know, like some big burly guys that are blocking at the net. And, you know, if you get your spike around them, it's it's very rewarding. So so yeah, I was definitely active throughout my childhood years. And in getting into college, I knew that I needed to stay physically fit in order to pass a swim test to get my dream job as a marine mammal trainer. So that was kind of my motivating factor there. But yeah, then after that, you know, once I left my animal training job and was in grad school, it got really hard to, you know, find that motivation to stay active. And I was like, I don't know what I enjoy doing anymore. So I that's when I started to take uh take group fitness classes. And it was funny because at the time I was like, oh, this would be a great way for me to maximize my time where I get paid to work out, right? If I'm teaching these classes, I'm gonna get paid to work out. That's a great deal. So that's originally what got me interested in it. But as I started my progression towards group fitness, I just started realizing there was a lot of magic that was happening in the room at the time. Like when everyone's moving synchronously and you know, piping each other up and just entering the room, maybe feeling down or you know, just upset about something, and then leaving, feeling so empowered and uplifted. Like it was just such a cool thing to see within a half hour to an hour timeframe how that could transform someone's day. So I just, you know, got addicted to that, where I was like, this is the best. And it made it made, you know, what I was doing for clinical psychology a little bit tougher because it takes a lot longer to, you know, really see people's transformations over time in a therapy setting, even though you have those moments of ahas and things like that. But there was just nothing like the energy that was in a group fitness studio. And and I definitely had imposter syndrome because I've never been like a small body, like I've always had the curves. That was something through, oh my gosh, going through puberty and adolescence, always having the big boobs. Oh, it was just always the thing that boys were staring at and girls were like envious of you for, and you're like, I didn't choose this. Like you're like, I would get rid of them if I could. It's so having you know a little bit curvier body and stuff, and thinking that when you see group fitness videos, typically it's like people with the bulging biceps and the six-pack abs and stuff, and it's well, that's not me. But I had a lot of really great mentors that were like, it's not about that, and it's about what you bring into the room and how you make people feel, and so that was really what gave me permission to feel like I could pursue, you know, group fitness and personal training. Personal training kind of got me stuck still for a while because I had always heard the phrase like your body is your business card. And I was like, Well, who's gonna want to pay me for personal training if I look a little bit fluffier, you know? So I eventually got over that as well and and just found it really rewarding. So yeah, gosh.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow, I love the story about the group fitness because I know I didn't I haven't taught them, but I relate to that in terms of the energy because when I the when I finally actually fosted losing and maintaining the weight loss, it was from group fitness classes. And it's funny because I went to the gym, I took a tour of the gym, this guy was showing me the gym, and I saw one being done and I was like, What is that? And he's showing me the treadmill, and I'm like, no, what are they doing over there? And he's that's a separate fee. And I said, I didn't ask you if it was a separate fee. I said, What are they doing? I want to do that. Get me in there. And I I almost was addicted to them. But at the beginning, there were days I was going to two or three classes a day. If I didn't have work, I was showing up three times a day because I've got friends that go in the morning, I got friends that go at 12, I got friends that go in, I've been going all day. I'm just going out a day.

SPEAKER_04:

Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01:

And that's another really amazing part of group fitness too, right? Is the community that gets built around that and like just the social connection that you all feel like while you're moving your bodies and working to be better. It's just such a cool thing.

SPEAKER_03:

No, it really was. And you know, it removed almost any gym intimidation for me because walking in, it's not like you don't know what you're doing, it's not like you don't know where you're going. There's somebody you're seeing that you're doing it with, you know? And it gave me that like almost permission. Like I I felt so confident and comfortable walking in there, but I didn't have a body that looked like I should feel confident walking in there. But I walked in there with my big old mouth, I like I could, you know, yeah, because I I felt like I had a place, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it becomes a safe space and a place that you know that people are there to not only make themselves better, but like to help themselves and others feel better, like by just building those bridges and helping people that are new, you know, feel comfortable if it's their first time. That's always something I thought was really cool where it's not even on the instructor a lot of the times. You know, of course they'll welcome newbies in, but then you get like the people who are regulars and they're like, oh hey, you're new here. Like, how's it going? I love this class. Here, let me get your equipment set up. Like, it's so cool to see people coming together like that.

SPEAKER_03:

No, it really is. Now, how soon after you were doing the classes did you start teaching them?

SPEAKER_01:

I think my progression process took about four months. So I had to do the online studying and everything to get the group fitness certification. And during that time, I was also working on the on-campus rec center had its own like progression for interested trainers. So I was like shadowing classes, I was doing like team teaches and just like practicing choreography and stuff and getting feedback from the other instructors and mentors before teaching, you know, my own group of participants. And then they broke the class down into okay, I would teach different segments during the team teach while the main instructor took took over, and then we would meet afterwards and go over, you know, what went well, what could have been done better, really can't do this, you know, just making sure that all the boxes were checked for safety and class operations and things like that. But yeah, I I had started taking the classes. I want to say it was a good six months before I even started looking into that. So just about over a year was when that started happening. And I was like, let me just go ask. Because during my undergrad, I actually worked as a lifeguard for the on-campus rec center. So there happened to be someone who was still working there in the admin offices. Her name was Sarah. And so I looked her up. I was like, oh my gosh, she's still here. So I went and stopped by. She gave me a tour of the facility because there had been so many updates in the short time that I had been gone. I mean, it was only like four years since I had graduated undergrad, but by the time that I was in grad school, and there were so many updates. I was like, dang, this is awesome. But it was just really cool to see again, like that fitness community, and they call it the Fit Fam, you know, and it it was really true because during graduate school, I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but I actually went straight from SeaWorld into a PhD program instead of a master's. And that first year of the PhD program was really tough. And not necessarily from an academic side. Yeah, that that was expected, right? But there were also a lot of things going on in life that just made it, you know, made me question like, what was I doing? And was this aligned with my own values? And am I willing to invest this time, this energy, this money towards this degree when I can already tell I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna thrive in this type of environment. So, so that being said, you know, just kind of the cliff notes was like I was gaining weight during the time that I was in grad school because I wasn't nearly as active as I was at SeaWorld. I also had to take my dad to inpatient treatment for alcohol use disorder while my mom was working in Germany. She had moved over there, and he had always had a difficult struggle with his drinking habits. And when she wasn't around anymore, it just got really out of control. And I had to be the one, you know, to pick him up from the house and take him in. And so proud that he was able to get the help that he needed. But obviously, that was really stressful for me because as you know, not having siblings to help you through something like that, you know, you shoulder a lot of the caregiving in that instance. And and God bless my husband, because we had been dating, I don't know, maybe like a couple months, almost a year, I think, by the time that happened. And and he was my solid foundation through that Rocky time, man. I don't know how I would have made it through without him. And then some of the other girls that were in the cohort with me in the PhD program, like they really helped me get through. But yeah, I didn't felt like I was getting the support that I needed on the program side. And once my grades started declining, it wasn't like, it wasn't like a, hey, is everything going okay? It was kind of like a you should be doing better in your classes. And I was like, oh, this doesn't feel good. It was just kind of a wake-up call, I think, to take that step back and really look at, you know, where my life was heading, what I was gonna need to help myself get through that time, but also like to be there for my family. And yeah, so it was just one of those things where, oh my gosh, now I can't even remember what your original question was. I went down that tangent and I was like, oh, wait, whoa, where was the road? Who was gonna course correct back to it? And I was like, nope, we're lost.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't remember my original question either.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I I think hopefully that answered it along the way. But all of that to say, you know, in hindsight, things worked out the way that they were supposed to, because had I not gone directly into a PhD program, I would not have pursued like reaching out to the on-campus rec center because the master's program was hosted at a satellite campus where they didn't have the on-site rec center. So if I hadn't gone into the PhD, I wouldn't have pursued the rec center, which means I might not have gotten certified in group fitness when I did. And then I might not have discovered lifestyle medicine until much later in my career when I was maybe working as like a mental health therapist somewhere. So it was definitely like like the Steve Jobs quote, you know, like looking back, you can connect the dots. But when I was in it, I was like, what is going on? Life is going crazy right now. I don't know what to do with myself. But but yeah, I eventually made it to the master's program. And oh my gosh, it was like night and day. Like from day one, they're preaching self-care, you know, saying like empathy is a strength. Not that the other program was like empathy is a weakness, but it was just handled very differently. And yeah, I just kind of felt like I had found like my tribe of people for graduate school and just really grateful to, you know, both programs because I had help and support in both of them. It was just different experiences and different travels along the way, but they all eventually led me to where I am now. And had I stayed in the PhD program, I never would have published this book. And so now that I have it out in the world and I'm doing, you know, employee health and well-being events with it and creating a signature program from it. Like it's all things that that can have a really like grand impact on the world. And that's what I'm really excited about.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. Now, can you define lifestyle medicine for us?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, yes. This is one of my favorite questions because I always forget, since I'm so into it, that like lots of people probably haven't heard that term yet. And it's actually a sub-specialty of medicine. So one of the reasons I was so excited to find it was because it's like the perfect marriage of bringing mental and physical health together and talking about them in an integrated fashion versus how a lot of times they're talked about in, you know, kind of separate silos. But we know the mind body are connected. And so with lifestyle medicine, it is this subspecialty of medicine that focuses on using our behaviors on a more therapeutic intervention level. So really looking at the factors that contribute to lifestyle-related chronic diseases and getting at the root cause of treating those that contribute to the disease or to the diseases. So it's broken down into six main pillars of health. We have physical activity, no surprise there, nutrition, stress management, healthy sleep habits, positive social connections, and then reduction or elimination of risky substance use. So like tobacco, vaping, alcohol, and things like that. So those six pillars, when used intensively, can be used to treat, prevent, and oftentimes reverse lifestyle-related chronic diseases, which would fall or the diseases that would fall under that category would be more of hypertension, cardiovascular disease, obesity does fall under it, but then we also have you know high cholesterol, and even certain cancers are related to the way that we live. So really looking at those behavioral risk factors of things like sedentary living, chronic stress, sleep deprivation, and using behavior modification to help prevent, treat, and reverse those lifestyle-related chronic diseases. So I was thrilled to discover the field of lifestyle medicine because even during grad school, when I was in the PhD program and I was going through my group fitness progression, I'll never forget that during one of our like clinical rounds where we're all, you know, checking in as a cohort and stuff, the clinical director had asked me when I was sharing how excited I was that I started working at the rec center and and you know, getting to improve my own physical activity, but also like how much I love group fitness. She was like, Well, shouldn't you be using those two hours for your thesis? And I was like, You're telling me I can't have two hours a week to myself to do something that energizes me and helps me manage my stress. Like it was just such a bizarre moment, but it was again one of those instances in which like physical and health, physical and mental health were kind of talked about in very separate categories. So lifestyle medicine really brought all of that together. And yeah, it's just I pursued my board certification because I wanted to be that gold standard evidence-based coach. And then the health coaching certification followed after. And yeah, I shifted from pursuing my license and mental health counseling to instead on more of the health behavior change coaching route.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. And now, how do you feeling about that shift?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, it's the best decision I've ever made. Don't get me wrong. I loved the work that I did in like therapy settings, but I've always been someone who this is gonna sound terrible. I've always been someone who likes to have fun at my job. So, you know, like the animal training, the group fitness, even, you know, lifeguarding in undergrad. Those are all really fun jobs. And I appreciated the experiences that I got while getting trained as a therapist. But I was like, I don't know how long I can see myself doing this because the empathy is running high and I'm sitting with people in some of their deepest stuff. And it is a privilege to be able to hold that space for them to process. Through it, but also from a career longevity standpoint, I was like, can I see myself doing this on a regular basis and being able to like be okay through that, you know? So it eventually came down to no, I don't see myself doing that long term. Again, very grateful for all of the training and the experiences that I got along the way. I had some fabulous mentors and some really wonderful patient encounters too. So those are all things that I'll cherish through those experiences. But I get really energized through the coaching process. And it gets me excited when people are sharing their successes and when we can, you know, brainstorm together to try to problem solve on this place that they keep getting stuck at. And then when they start noticing some of those like barriers that they create for themselves that come up, like the thoughts, the emotions, and how they start to learn these behavioral and psychological tools to overcome them. It's just one of those moments where it's like, you know, I just, oh my gosh, it's just my favorite thing. So I couldn't be happier that life led me down the twisty turny paths that it did to get here. And yeah, it's just such fulfilling work.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. I love that. Now, how long have you been doing the coaching for?

SPEAKER_01:

Let's see. The fitness coaching I've been doing for about six years now, started that before COVID and did like a couple pop-up in-person events, thanks to my mentor in graduate school who said, Hey, you should think about starting an LLC and just having a business to see what kinds of opportunities it brings to you. So I did. And so I started, you know, doing the fitness coaching about six years ago. For the health coaching piece of it, it's been about four years now that I started taking on some clients and running group coaching programs. So yeah, it's been not necessarily a lengthy journey in health coaching, but in terms of behavior modification, I've been in that for almost like 15 years now between all of my odd jobs and thinking about my training and schooling and stuff like that. So it's definitely been an accumulation of time and experience and many varieties that I now pull out those tools during coaching sessions.

SPEAKER_03:

I bet. And now, when did you write the book?

SPEAKER_01:

Ooh, that was back in 2022. So one thing about me is I love double digit numbers. And my birthday is November 11th, so 11-11. I am a Scorpio.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my god. I'm big on the double numbers myself. When you said 11. Oh my god. 1111. I love 1111. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01:

No, okay, so get this. So I turned 33 on 11112. I know. So I wanted that to be a big milestone birthday. So it was maybe like I don't know. It was maybe during COVID that I finally, you know, got bit by the bug. And I was like, I'm gonna write this damn book. Like, I'm gonna bring it to life. I'm gonna create what I wish existed in the world when I was trying to start my own health and wellness journey. And uh and so yeah, I set that published date for myself as 11, 11, 22, and I made it. Um, not gonna lie, the last like 80% of the book was maybe written like four months before I published it. But yeah, it was back in 2022. And then in 2024, I decided that I wanted to release the audiobook because that was something that everyone kept asking me for. And in hindsight, I wish I would have just recorded it while I was writing it because I kept getting such bad writer's block anytime I would try to like type at my computer. So what I ended up doing was I pretended like I was presenting on these topics because I was like, I could talk about this stuff all day, but anytime that I tried typing, I would just get so stuck. So I ended up transcribing my voice as I was like presenting and then cleaning that up before sending it to my editor. And that's how I wrote a good majority of the book, which works in my favor because then everyone says that they can like hear my voice when they're reading it. But I definitely needed to get the audiobook out there because there was high demand for it. And so, yeah, I ended up doing a second edition of the book when I went back to record the audiobook because there were a lot of updates that I wanted to give. One of them was like my dream job that I had raved about in the first edition of the book, ended up like my entire department got eliminated at the hospital. So I was like, well, that's a bummer and something I should probably talk about in the book. We also lost our dog Buddy. So Buddy was like my saving grace throughout my college and beyond years. Like I rescued him in 2020, or no, not 2020, 2011. And he was 10 months old at the time, and just this cute little golden yellow lab mix and a total terror at home because he had separation anxiety, but he was the best blessing in my life. And uh yeah, we ended up, you know, having him in well, I had him in my life for almost 13 years, and my husband and I had been together through about like seven years that Buddy was around for us, so definitely lots of special memories for Buddy. So so I wrote, you know, a nice little tribute about him in the book while also talking about how like the grief that came with losing him was just something I had never experienced before. And you know, to this day, I still get hit with this tidal wave of grief at times where it's oh my gosh, like I just miss him so much because he touched every single part of my day. And I didn't anticipate how difficult it would be to really like have to adapt to that new emptiness that it brought in life. And so I jokingly, you know, say in the book, like, let me tell y'all, my first inclination to cope with this grief was not to sit down and do a grief meditation, it was like to eat and drink my feelings away. That was how I like my knee-jerk reaction to coping with this massive grief was not to do the healthiest thing. So, really just trying to normalize that, you know, dealing with emotions is a really complicated thing. And when it comes to how it impacts your behaviors, yes, you have control over your behaviors, not necessarily your emotions, but you also need to allow yourself some space and some grace to just sometimes sit in the suck. But the quote that I always share is don't get stuck. So sit in the suck, but don't get stuck.

SPEAKER_03:

I like that. And I also want to highlight really quickly that you mentioned you transcribed it and like you were presenting. I think that is a great tip. Like, whether somebody's looking to write a book or a poem or whatever you're looking to write, if you are struggling with writer's block, wow, I've spoken to a lot of authors and I've never heard that said ever. Not once.

SPEAKER_01:

I actually had a friend suggest it to me because she was like, Melissa, like you could speak about this stuff for hours on end. So, like, why can't you just write it? And then she was like, Well, or why don't you just pretend like you're presenting and then record it and have it transcribed? And I was like, Oh my god, yeah, she's a genius.

SPEAKER_03:

Like, that's a great idea. I've spoken to a lot of authors, I've never written a book myself, but like I've never heard that suggestion from anyone, author or non-author.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, yeah, so I think is the grammar perfect?

SPEAKER_04:

Absolutely not, but but neither is the way that I speak, you know. I get that. No, I get that.

SPEAKER_03:

And I I love the comment sit in the suck, but don't get stuck.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and you know, we're talking about mindset, right? And for so long, a lot of us try to push away our emotions, and that ends up, you know, working against us. And so trying to shift our mindset around emotions are information for us, and emotions have their place, like they're here to tell us something. They might not feel good all the time, and nor should they, but if we can start getting more curious about what are these emotions bringing to us right now, and what is it trying to tell us about what we're dealing with, and learn how to just kind of open up and make room for those. And I like to say, you know, they just kind of come along for the journey of life. Maybe they're like in the passenger seat or the back seat, or maybe they're all the way in the trunk, but don't let them take the driver's seat from you. Like you get to be in charge of the behaviors that follow those emotions, but you have to start, first of all, recognizing what the emotions are as they come up, learning how to kind of take that step back and be like, oof, this grief is real heavy today. I am having such a hard time dealing with this. And give yourself that compassion through it because self-compassion is one of the keys to sustainable behavior change. Instead of letting that inner critic, that inner bully come out, learning how to shift that into like how would you comfort and support a good friend that's coming to you and sharing their struggles around trying to create a healthy lifestyle? Chances are you would never say the things that go on in your mind to someone that you care about because some of this stuff can be real nasty. I call her my inner Regina George for Mean Girls.

SPEAKER_02:

It's so funny you say Regina George, because in the book you mentioned Mean Go, and I was thinking of the movies. I was thinking of the movie.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I know. I was like, I don't know how much of this I can get away with, but you know, without like copyright infringement.

SPEAKER_04:

But then I was just like, I'm glad that like that was what you picked up on because yeah, it's like oh I so did. I love that.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah, like when we beat ourselves up and we're tearing ourselves apart, that's that might work in the short term, but if that's how you treat yourself over the long run, that's first of all a really miserable way to live. But it's also not going to make you feel the best. And when we don't feel the best, we tend to turn to behaviors to try to cope with those negative emotions that don't necessarily support our well-being. So learning how to tap into that inner coach, that inner cheerleader, that inner voice of compassion, and really starting to cultivate more of how that sounds in your life, that's what's going to help you change for the long run.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. Now, in in the book, and I don't remember exactly what you you called this, but there was a triangle you talked about in the mindset chapter with and there's a three points. I don't remember the name of the triangle. Can you elaborate on it? Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01:

It's the cognitive triangle. And we've actually during the last couple of minutes, we've been talking a little bit about that. And the three points of the triangle are thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. And so out of those three, the only one that we truly have control over is the behavior piece of it. Because while we can control how we respond to the thoughts and emotions that show up in our lives, we can't control them from showing up in the first place, right? We're gonna have thoughts pop up. We can't stop a certain thought from popping up. Same with emotions. We can't force an emotion not to show up for us. So the more energy that we try to expend fighting those things, the more exhausted we're gonna get. When instead, if we could shift that energy to relate to our thoughts and our emotions in a different way, that gives us more energy to focus on our behaviors and the actions that we choose to engage in as those thoughts and emotions are coming up. So, for an example, you know, we can look at, I don't feel like going to the gym, right? That is a common one. Or, you know, even I don't have time. I don't have time, or I don't feel like going to the gym. Those are actually two thoughts, even though the second one says feel in it, it's actually a thought that we're having. So the feelings that would then come from having those thoughts are feeling unmotivated, you know, feeling tired, feeling, you know, just like blah, right? So our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviors, they all interact together. But the one piece of that triangle that we have full control over is the behavior piece of it. So as that thought that I don't feel like going to the gym comes up, and we have those feelings that follow of not being motivated, we can still choose to show up to the gym, even when we're telling ourselves we don't feel like it and we don't have those feelings of motivation present. So if we can again just kind of take that energy that we typically would use to say, oh, okay, I'm gonna convince myself, like I am feeling motivated to go to the gym and try to reframe it, you know, into a more positive, okay, let's go. That's a technique that could work, but are you gonna end up feeling motivated? Maybe a little bit more, but we can't choose how those thoughts and feelings show up for us. So if we can shift our mindset to instead focus on the behavioral piece of it, and Nike had something to this, you know, when they say just do it, if you can convince yourself to just do the behavior, even when you don't feel like it, even when all those excuses are coming up, trying to talk you out of it, and it doesn't have to be a whole session, like just do five minutes. Like, just what is the smallest positive step that you can take to help overcome that stickiness that thought is trying to trap you in, right? So, so yeah, I love talking about the cognitive triangle because a lot of times, a lot of times people think that we can control our thoughts and our emotions, and that's true to an extent, but really the magic lies in that behavior piece of it. Because if we can choose to show up and to push through those thoughts and feelings and to go to the gym and move our bodies, how is that gonna affect the thoughts and feelings afterwards? Feelings afterwards, you're gonna be like so pumped up, you're gonna be energized, you're gonna be feeling confident, empowered, sexy. You're like, Yes, I did that. The thoughts that come up with that, exactly. Like they're gonna, you're gonna be hyping yourself up. And so it's just that one simple example that can show the power that lies in choosing to channel our energy on our behaviors. We do still have to manage those thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong, we can't just dismiss them, right? But we have to learn new techniques to deal with those thoughts and emotions as they come up so that they don't interfere as much with the behaviors.

SPEAKER_03:

I love how you mentioned even doing it for five minutes. You know, yeah, I I think some people get the mindset of, I gotta do it and I have to do the full workout. I have to, you know, when I first started my fitness journey, there were times I would go to the gym and I'd walk on the treadmill for a couple minutes and people and I'd leave, and people are like, What the hell? You're not gonna do it. I'm like, listen, I am even training my mind to recognize that I'm someone who works out, I'm somebody who goes to the gym. Like I had never done that. You know what I mean? It was like this whole new identity. So it's like you have the workout clothes out. Like I even read Atomic Habits, and it's you know, you have the workout clothes out, you put on the workout shoes, like you walk on the treadmill, like you walk for five minutes, like even if it was more like it was usually more than five minutes, but there was times I was there for 15 minutes because like it took me seven to get those, so I'm like, you can't do only five. So I'll but I'm like I mentally I'm not a work, I'm not somebody who works out, so I'm not staying for an hour. Like I had to train the mindset, yeah, you know, and it's like I had people say to me, You're not gonna get any with that. Okay, well, I lost and maintained a 70-pound weight loss, so here we are.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so suck it, haters.

SPEAKER_03:

You know what I mean, though.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, train training that mindset is a muscle, yes, it is, and one of the common it's the fancy term for it is a cognitive distortion, but it just basically means like an unhelpful thought pattern is the all-or-nothing mindset where we think, okay, well, I don't have time to go to the gym for an hour. That's okay. Can you go for 15 minutes? Like, even 15 minutes is better than none. So, really trying to teach people how to recognize those unhelpful thoughts and stories that we've been told over our lifetimes because oh my god, I know we didn't even dive into diet culture, but like all we all the messaging that there's something wrong with our bodies that we have to fix through exercise and nutrition, oh, it's exhausting. So we have to learn to recognize those unhelpful stories as they come up and then choose to change them into something new. I love how you shared about taking on that identity as I am someone who goes to the gym and really starting to train that mental muscle. Oh, it's awesome.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, because even my own mind was like, You don't woke up, you're not someone who goes, you know, our minds are they're gonna tell us the next inner Regina George. Yeah, and then be like, Fuck you, Regina. How show exactly, and then actually almost prove it with the behavior, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, yeah, I love that. Yeah, take a revenge stance against the inner Regina George and be like, Oh, you think I can't do it? Well, watch me, bitch.

SPEAKER_03:

I do have that in me a little bit. Awesome.

SPEAKER_04:

I do, yes, tap into that, use it to your advantage. No, that is so true.

SPEAKER_03:

No, I I want to transition a tad, but I note and I'm curious when you got into this in terms of fitness, but I noticed on your Instagram that you do, and I believe you teach bar classes.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I just got certified in bar. Oh my god, like just last month in May. Yep. And let me tell you, there was so much of that that healed part of my inner child that I didn't know needed healing from like the ballet perspective, where I was like, Oh my gosh, like these are the moves that I like loved, and now they're to my favorite music, and it's just so freeing, and like I'm making bar for everybody. Oh my gosh, it was just the best. That was something that I ended up pursuing was a specialty uh training in size-inclusive fitness. So being able to learn how to tailor fitness experiences to really be accessible to bodies of all sizes. So, really starting, you know, at a foundation level and showing options for for standing, for seated, for planks, like all of the different movement patterns that are sometimes harder for people who are in bigger bodies to move through. So, so that's what I'm really excited to bring to bar as well. Because let me tell you, going through that instructor certification, like I did not have the muscular endurance to do the entire workout from start to finish. Like your girl was struggling, like my booty was burning. I had to take breaks. And so I was making mental notes about okay, when I'm teaching bar, here's where we're gonna have a break, not just for my participants, but for myself too. Oh, really? So, yeah, that's my newest format that I'm really excited to bring to my virtual fitness studio for sure.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. Now, not everybody's heard of bar, but I saw that on your Instagram, and I haven't taught Bar, but there was a bar studio near me, and I woke at like the front desk and I was the barista a few years back. Yes. And I was like, oh, it's gonna be so easy.

SPEAKER_02:

I was a dance. Oh my god. Oh my god. And I lift weights and I'm thinking, I don't know that I can do this. Holy shit. I was like, and I'm like, whoa. Oh yeah, and with the bands, and I was like, Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a lot, it's a lot, yeah. Because I was like strong, like I I lift weights. And then yeah, when you're getting to all those teeny tiny muscle groups that sometimes get overlooked, you're like, oh, they are they're here now, loud and proud.

SPEAKER_03:

No, I'm curious, what else in the virtual fitness studio do you teach?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, cardio kickboxing is, I like to say, my fitness love language. I just love punching, kicking, throwing some elbows and knees to the beat. So basically anything that is musically driven is something that I enjoy teaching. So I do cardio kickboxing, cardio dance. Mindful movement is more of like a slow flow, just kind of gentle stretching, yoga inspired, but not necessarily some salutation style yoga. And then Metcon RX is metabolic conditioning. So it's a strength-based class that uses both resistance and cardio intervals. So it's a nice, really like total body workout. When I teach the express version, so it's only 25 to 30 minutes. So that way it makes it accessible, it's quick and effective. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow, I love that. Now, do some of your coaching clients do the virtual fitness with you?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. So I do, I have two different memberships. So one is for the Move with Melissa Virtual Fitness Studio, and then the other is for my Changemaker Collective coaching community. And there is an option for the package memberships to have both of them. So yeah, in the coaching community, we do goal setting every month. We do quarterly goal setting calls, mid-month check-ins, and then we have a chat that we do a weekly check-in for our goals. So it's definitely focused on goal setting, accountability, and support for lifestyle change.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. Now, do you work with people one-on-one? Is it a group setting?

SPEAKER_01:

It's mostly a group setting. Yeah. I have very limited one-on-one spots right now just because I'm in a season of creating. And so my big project right now is developing the lifestyle medicine makeover, which is inspired by the book. And it's going to package the information to be able to deliver and license out to company wellness programs. So that way I can share my message on a wider scale without having to be there in person to speak, but it's also going to be a supplemental component to when I do employee wellness workshops and things like that.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. Yeah. I love that. To getting it out to even more people.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I'm so excited. Yeah, to have like my own signature program based on my book is just such a cool thing to think about. And it's really something that I never thought about before. But the more that I started doing some like employee wellness workshops, I was like, this would actually be really cool because I'm teaching a lot from my book already. And I have other programs that I'm certified to facilitate, like Paving the Path to Wellness is a lifestyle medicine program. Full Plate Living is a nutrition program, but they have a free online course that I always recommend to everyone because it's very focused on freedom and flexibility around food and really just getting at eating more fiber, because only one in 10 US adults is meeting the current recommendations for fiber intake. And fiber is huge for our mental well-being, our physical health, and you know, ridiculoction of risk for chronic disease in the future. So, so yeah, it's a program that I absolutely love, and that's why I was excited to facilitate that one too, because it's just definitely aligned with the healthy living doesn't have to suck values.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. I love that. Now I'm curious, when did you or how did you realize how important mindset was in all of life? Oh my god, in life? Like in well, in fitness, and I feel like it's not even just fitness, but like but just lifestyle change. Yeah, life, yeah, lifestyle change, like in goal setting, like any of that aspect, changing, coaching, all of it's not just life, but right.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I really think it was as soon as I got into grad school and started working in more of the clinical psychology side of things, because from a behavior modification perspective, you know, uh when I was working with these animals, it was really easy to have a cue that then triggers a behavior, that then they get a reward if, you know, the behavior is what we were looking for, and reducing, you know, frequency of behaviors by not giving a reward and stuff like that. And uh, and it was again just one of those things where I had learned a lot about through my experience in animal training. So I was like, Yeah, let's go with clinical psychology, let's work with humans on changing their lives. And it was really when I started noticing these like unhelpful stories that we tell ourselves, how emotions can influence our behaviors, and how we're often not taught how to manage those unhelpful thoughts and difficult emotions in a way that will lead to behaviors that support our well-being. Because typically what we'll do is we'll engage in behaviors where we try to escape, control, avoid, or numb those difficult experiences, like the thoughts and the emotions that come up. So, so knowing how to better navigate some of those mindset obstacles and to build those mental muscles that will work to help support your well-being over time. I think it was really in graduate school where I started, you know, doing more of my training in clinical psychology that I was like, oh, this is why it's really hard because we have every intention to change, but we don't do it. And learning how to, you know, change our environments to better support our success and come up with, you know, different life hacks like habit stacking to be able to try to incorporate these new behaviors, but then also trying to identify what are those barriers that get in the way of keeping this success from going. And a lot of that comes from, you know, thinking it's thinking it's not a big deal or that you're not seeing progress as quickly as you want to. And so then you just throw in the towel and give up. So, so yeah, there's a lot that factors into just showing up for yourself and learning how to not let your thoughts and emotions take the driver's seat in your life and to just acknowledge them as they come up, let them hop in the passenger seat or in the back, and then you get to be the one driving the choices in your life. But we have to teach ourselves how to take back that steering wheel and give ourselves that power over those thoughts and emotions as they show up. So yeah, I think that's a big piece of our mindset. And oh gosh, obviously, we have the negativity bias. That's like our evolutionary brain. It was trying to protect us and it did a good job keeping our ancestors alive, but like maybe not necessarily the most helpful in this day and age that we live in right now. That could be a whole other podcast conversation.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, I know. I know it could. I could talk to you for a while. I know this has been so fun. We should do this again. We really should. A part two, I'm down. I think we I so much more I could say to you.

SPEAKER_03:

This has been green. I really do. Have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, uh, I was just talking about him with someone today. Love his messaging.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm a big, I'm a big fan of him. I love him. He ends his podcast on purpose with two segments, and I've stolen them, and I end my podcast with those two segments as well. But I give him credit.

SPEAKER_04:

I love that.

SPEAKER_03:

The first segment is the many sides to us. There's five questions, and they need to be answered in one word each. What is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as positive? What is one word someone that knows you extremely well would use to describe you as trustworthy? What is one word you'd use to describe yourself?

SPEAKER_01:

Relentless.

SPEAKER_03:

What is one word that if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset would use to describe you as? Ooh.

SPEAKER_01:

Wait, I'm describing that person or do you think that's a good one? Oh. Maybe flaky. Flaky? Yeah, I don't know. Because I'm an introvert, so I don't know. Maybe if I don't show up for something, they think I'm flaky. Okay. I don't know. Oh wait, but you asked about mindset. Oh shoot, I already ruined this one word thing. You can change your answer. Okay. So if they didn't if they didn't like my mindset around things.

SPEAKER_03:

If they didn't agree with if they didn't agree with you or your mindset.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, if they didn't agree with me or my mindset. I wanna do a phrase, but I can't. You know what I'm gonna go with? I'm gonna go with it's hyphenated. Overly empathetic. Wow, that was hard.

SPEAKER_03:

What is one word you're trying to embody right now?

SPEAKER_01:

Faith.

SPEAKER_03:

Second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in up to a sentence. What is the best advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_01:

Don't dull your light, shine brighter for those around you.

SPEAKER_04:

Why is that the best?

SPEAKER_01:

Because I think a lot of times if we're too much of something, if we're too positive, if we're too energetic, if we're too hopeful, people might try to rain on your parade, but in those instances, that's when you should just shine brighter and not let them dole your light.

SPEAKER_03:

What in the worst advice you've heard or received?

SPEAKER_01:

Trying is someone trying to say that you needed to look or act a certain way to be respected. Gosh, in one of my corporate jobs, I had this really horrible manager, and he just always wanted us to look the part. And I was like, that's not me. And people liked working with me more than they did with him because I showed up as my authentic self. So don't change who you are just because someone says you should.

SPEAKER_03:

What is something that you used to value that you no longer value?

SPEAKER_01:

I think like it would be academic performance because there are times that I wish I would have learned more versus been so focused on achieving a grade. Like I think there's a lot of nuance between learning and like what you're actually retaining and bringing into your life versus just regurgitating because you have to pass a test.

SPEAKER_03:

If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, this is such a good one. I would want it to say something like Melissa's authenticity and relatability gave people the permission that they needed to unlock their own potential to achieve their healthiest, happiest versions of themselves.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? And I want to know why.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh. One law, jeez, be kind to everyone, just be kind, be like be a good human, don't be a dick. Do we make that a law? Like, just don't be an asshole. No, because I mean, it's just crazy how everyone is going through something, they are struggling in their own way, shape, or form. And while we may not show it, because like I still try to maintain a positive attitude even as I'm going through the shit sometimes, but just be kind, give people grace and and yeah, just be a good human. I don't know why that's so hard, but that would be the law that I would want. It's just be kind and be a good human.

SPEAKER_04:

Why would that be the law?

SPEAKER_01:

Because I don't think anyone would not benefit from it, right? Like, how could I dunno now? I just think that if there were more kindness in the world, there would be a lot less darkness. So it I feel like there would be a lot of currently existing problems that could be solved through kindness and compassion that a lot of us are lacking nowadays. So if that could be a law, I would hope that nothing could go wrong with that. And the world would be a better, happier, safer place for everyone.

SPEAKER_04:

I no, I love that. I love that law.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, thank you so much for speaking with me. I loved this.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, this was so wonderful, Amanda. Thank you for inviting me to be here, and thank you to your listeners for sharing this time.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my gosh, of course. And I would love to do this with you again because I could talk to you for definitely for another hour. You got it. Yeah, I know, right?

SPEAKER_01:

This was so much fun.

SPEAKER_03:

Where is the best place for listeners to connect with you?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so my website is probably the easiest way to find me. It's healthy living doesn't have to suck.com. I do hang out on Instagram. My pages are Healthy Living Doesn't Have to Suck and Move with Melissa. Those are the two easiest ones to find me. And Melissa is spelled with a why and move with Melissa. So if you don't mind linking that in the show notes, because I know that can throw people off sometimes.

SPEAKER_03:

I absolutely will link that in the show notes. And I love your signature brand, Melissa with the why. Like I remembered that. I literally remembered that from like months ago. Yeah, I know I really did. Like it works. The brand so black. Like it does. I remembered it. Even though we scheduled this like mad long ago, it's I was like, I'm speaking to Melissa with the white tonight.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't remember exactly what we're speaking about, but I'm speaking, like, I knew that in my head.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, that makes my heart so happy. Yes, I want it to be catchy. It gets the message across.

SPEAKER_03:

No, it is, it really is. And I'm like, I'm like amazing.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh my gosh, thank you, Amanda.

SPEAKER_03:

Of course. I do just like to give it back to the guests. Any words of wisdom you want to share with the listeners before we close out.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh, I think it would be just show yourself some gratitude today. Like whether it was tuning into this podcast, whether it was taking some time to move your body or eat a piece of fruit or anything that you did that supported your well-being today, because there is something that you can find. And just be grateful to yourself for that. And as you move through your journey, learn how to become your own cheerleader, your own coach, because you deserve a healthy, happy life, and you're capable of creating that for yourself.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, thank you. I really appreciate it. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mandar's Mindset. Thank you so much for tuning in to that inspiring conversation with Melissa. It was packed with so much wisdom. I feel like we covered an entire masterclass in mindset, behavior change, and self-compassion all through the lens of real life. One of the first things that hit me was how she said, I went from training animals to training humans. And honestly, that line says it all. Because what she really reminded us about is that behavior change, whether it's with dolphins or with ourselves, human beings, behavior change always comes down to consistency, compassion, and awareness. You can't reverse transformation. You nurture it. And I loved reminder that your path doesn't have to make sense while you're walking it. And it very well might not make sense while you're walking it. That's okay. Every twist and turn in Melissa's story, from marine biology to psychology to lifestyle medicine, was preparing her for what she does now. So if you're in a season where things feel unclear, trust that the dots will connect later. You are being redirected, not derailed. Even if you don't know right now, keep walking the path. When she defined lifestyle medicine, something clicked for me. Because it's such a holistic approach to health. It's not about restriction, it's about alignment, it's about movement, nutrition, sleep, stress management, connection, and reducing the habits that drain us. It's about learning to live in a way that supports your energy and supports your peace. And I love that she said it's about being realistic and sustainable because that's where the magic happens. Her story about finding her way into group fitness really stuck with me, also. She said it's not about how you look, it's about how you make people feel. And that's powerful. I'm gonna say that once again. Because how often do we shrink ourselves or think we don't belong in a certain space until we quote unquote look the part? We're not gonna wear the bikini at the beach because we don't look like we should be. We have a little bit of a role. Come on, guys. Melissa is proof that your presence, your energy, and your authenticity are what people connect to the most. Not the size of your jeans or the shape of your body. And then there was a mic drop moment that I will absolutely be stealing and repeating. This was a mindset shift and path for me. Guys, Melissa said sit in the suck but don't get stuck. One more time. But don't get stuck. That hit home. Because feeling your emotions doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human. You can honor what you're feeling without letting it define you. That's where mindset meets emotional intelligence. I also loved her breakdown of the cognitive triangle. Thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. And how Melissa reminded us that the only one we truly can control is behavior. We can't stop certain thoughts or feelings from showing up. But what we can do is we can choose what we do with those thoughts or feelings. Even just five minutes of movement. One deep breath or one small action. That's how you shift your state of being. That's how change actually begins. One choice, one step at a time. There's a meme that says something very simple about how if you can't clean the whole room, clean one corner, take that one step. And lastly, the heart of this episode was self-compassion. We all have that inner critic. Or, as Melissa calls it here, or as Melissa calls hers, the inner Virginia George, my fellow Mean Girl fans, will relate to this. It's so true. If most of us spoke to our friends the way we speak to ourselves, we'd have no friends left. We wouldn't speak to a child the way we speak to ourselves internally. So what if we started talking to ourselves like someone we love? Like that little child that we love and care so much about. What if we replaced that inner critic with an inner coach? The voice that says you're doing great. Keep going. Because that's how you build confidence. That's how you create sustainable change. Not through shame, but through supporting yourself. The way you support other people. The way you support the people you love the most. If there's one thing to walk away with from this episode, let it be this. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep showing up. Feel what you need to feel. Do what you can with what you have. And remember, like Melissa said, don't dull your light for anyone. Shine brighter. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this magical episode of Mander's Mindset with Melissa Allen. I hope this episode inspires you and helps you create the change that you are seeking in your life. Thank you as always. Keep breathing. Keep shifting. And remember, everything is figure out about. In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you. I'm voting for you. And you got that. As always, if you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five-star rating. Leave a review. And share with anyone you think would benefit from that. And don't forget, you are only one nine step shift away. Thanks, guys. Until next time.

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