Manders Mindset
Are you feeling stuck or stagnant in your life? Do you envision yourself living differently but have no idea how to start? The answer might lie in a shift in your mindset.
Hosted by Amanda Russo, The Breathing Goddess, who is a Breathwork Detox Facilitator, Transformative Mindset Coach, and Divorce Paralegal.
Amanda's journey into mindset and empowerment began by working with children in group homes and daycares. She later transitioned to family law, helping people navigate the challenging emotions of divorce. During this time, Amanda also overcame her own weight and health challenges through strength training, meditation, yoga, reiki, and plant medicine.
Amanda interviews guests from diverse backgrounds, including entrepreneurs, athletes, artists, and wellness experts, who share their incredible journeys of conquering fears and limiting beliefs to achieve remarkable success. Hear real people tell how shifting their mindsets—and often their words—has dramatically changed their lives.
Amanda also shares her personal journey, detailing how she transformed obstacles into opportunities by adopting a healthier, holistic lifestyle.
Discover practical strategies and inspiring stories that will empower you to break free from limitations and cultivate a mindset geared towards growth and positivity.
Tune in for a fun, friendly, and empowering experience that will help you become the best version of yourself.
Manders Mindset
Finding Your Inner Coach When Life Gets Overwhelming | Arlene Cohen Miller | 145
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What if peace and power could come from within?
In this grounded and inspiring episode of Manders Mindset, host Amanda Russo welcomes Arlene Cohen Miller—attorney turned transformational coach, certified meditation facilitator, and founder of Jewel Consultancy. Arlene’s journey from high-stress law to wholehearted coaching is one of resilience, reinvention, and deep inner work.
Arlene shares how her legal career shaped her, why she left family law for commercial practice, and how coaching, holistic counseling, and meditation unlocked a new chapter of purpose. Listeners will discover how breathwork, energy clearing, and embracing the "inner coach" can cultivate work-life balance and harmony from the inside out.
A must-listen for anyone navigating burnout, overgiving, or craving deeper alignment in life and leadership.
🎙️ In this episode, listeners will learn:
💼 Why Arlene left law to become a mentor and guide for women seeking balance
🌬️ Practical breathwork and grounding techniques to combat overwhelm
🧘♀️ The connection between inner peace and outer productivity
🌀 What the "inner coach" is—and how to silence the inner critic
🌿 The power of visualizing energetic boundaries for emotional self-care
💖 Why kindness, patience, and tolerance are game-changing practices
🕒 Timeline Summary:
[1:38] – Arlene introduces her journey and reflections on identity
[4:01] – Declaring her future in law at 15 and following that call
[7:30] – Transitioning from family law to commercial law for peace of mind
[13:27] – Discovering coaching through synchronicity and spiritual friendships
[22:39] – Arlene’s daily Breathwork and energy clearing rituals
[31:30] – Embracing the inner coach and practicing self-compassion
To Connect with Amanda:
Schedule a 1:1 Virtual Breathwork Session HERE
📸 Instagram: @thebreathinggoddess
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📱 Instagram: @MandersMindset
👥 Join the Manders Mindset Facebook Community HERE
To Connect with Arlene:
Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast. Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers and a variety of other people when your host, Amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective and her guest's mindset and perspective on the world around us. Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Amanda's Mindset, where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to shift yours.
Speaker 3:As always, I'm your host, amanda Lisa, and I'm here today with Arlene Cohen Miller, and she is the CEO of Jewel Consultancy, and it's a work-life balance and harmony coaching that she brings a wealth of training and experience to help women compassionately and wholeheartedly lead themselves and create the life they desire, and I am really excited to delve down her journey. She's a professional certified coach with the International Coaching Federation, an AV-rated Colorado attorney, and she's a certified meditation facilitator with a diploma in transformational holistic counseling from Australia. Thank you so much for joining me, thank you for having me. So that's a great bio, but who would you say? Arlene is at the core.
Speaker 4:At the core is me again. Who is the soul that I am the person that I am? Who is the soul that I am the person that I am? And I've had a lot of experiences and they've shaped who I am, but it's still me inside.
Speaker 3:Can you take us down memory lane a little bit? Tell us about your family, dynamic childhood upbringing, however deep you want to take that.
Speaker 4:Sure, I grew up in Louisville, kentucky, home of the Kentucky Derby, and I went to law school in Lexington Kentucky University of Kentucky and I went to undergrad at Emory University in Atlanta, and so when I moved out to Colorado I really had never spent money hardly any time in the West. I'm the oldest of three. I have a brother that's two years younger than me and a brother that's 12 years younger than me. The brother that's two years younger than me has a wife and three kids and two grandkids. He's a financial advisor with his own company, and my brother, who's 12 years younger than me, in Singapore, lives with his partner, his wife, and he's into broadcasting and like running, facilitating different kinds of financial shows and stuff like that.
Speaker 4:So I come from a really interesting family. My mother was a stay-at-home mom. Her family was quite poor and she was grateful to have that opportunity. She was a social worker and when we grew up she did some volunteer work to help people that were calling in for emergencies on the phone, and my father had his own business, standard Vendors of Louisville, which sold candy and popcorn and all the machines that went with it to movie theaters and schools. And when my grandfather and his brothers came over from Russia. They started their own movie theater business, and so he owns part of some movie theaters as well. So growing up we always got to go to free movies everywhere, and we always got Big Bad as a Popcorn brought home when they had the Popcorn Popping Day. So that's a little bit of how I grew up.
Speaker 3:That's awesome. And now you said you went to undergrad, then you went to law school. Was that right? After undergrad I had to get a degree in, then you went to law school, was that right?
Speaker 4:after undergrad I had to get a degree in order to go to law school. So I had four years of undergrad, a degree in political science, and then I went straight to law school at University of Kentucky, and that was another three years.
Speaker 3:Did you do undergrad right after high school?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I did everything straight through. I mean, if I had to do it over again, I would have taken like a one-year break between college and law school. I really kind of wanted to travel through Europe and do all that kind of stuff. It would have freaked my parents out and I just didn't have the nerve to do it and break my father's heart and so I didn't. But I kind of regret that I didn't do that. You know, to stay at hostels and take the train and go to a bunch of different places and be a waitress or something.
Speaker 4:But you know, that was a choice that I made. I gotcha?
Speaker 3:Did you always know or always have that interest in going to law school?
Speaker 4:Yeah, from about the time I was 15, I made a declaration to my family that I was going to law school and I was going to be an attorney Don't ask. I just got a feeling that I was going to law school and I was going to be an attorney Don't ask. I just got a feeling that that was what I was supposed to do. They sort of humored me and smiled along with it. But I did, I applied and I got in. I'm really grateful for my parents for supporting me financially to go through all that education and they did. And so, yeah, I just had this feeling like this is what I want to do when I was 15 and that's what I did.
Speaker 3:That's amazing. Was there something that happened, like anything, that made you realize you wanted to go into the legal field?
Speaker 4:One of my father's cousins, who's a little bit older than him and lived in Cincinnati, which is just a couple hours away. We would see them a couple times a year, and his kids, their family, and he was an attorney. That's the only attorney that I knew and I don't know. I really liked him. I thought, well, this will be something good to do. I was interested in the law and I knew that as an attorney, I could take care of myself and that felt really, really important. I just had this feeling I was supposed to do that and I set my sights on it and I managed to get in law school. So it's really that simple. I don't know why I decided. It just felt like one day it just sort of popped in and I sort of followed through.
Speaker 3:That's amazing, and so, post-law school, you started your own practice.
Speaker 4:Well, I got married the second year of law school and he was in medical school and he graduated the same time. I graduated from law school, he was a year ahead of me and he got his residency up in Cleveland. So I took the Kentucky Bar and I moved up to Cleveland. So I never lived in the North before. That was a big culture shock for me. Yeah, I worked for a medium-sized insurance kind of they represented insurance companies firm and then I worked for an attorney that was sharing space with some other people and his area of practice was family law and collection law, and so that's what I got trained in and that's what I ended up doing.
Speaker 3:Really so you do family and collections.
Speaker 4:Well, for the first 12 years when I went into business for myself, I did family law and I represented people in divorce and dissolving their marriage. And I was also appointed by the court to represent children in divorce cases where the parents had some problems and they wanted to have someone represent the children. And so I started all that family law stuff when I was 25, when I graduated, and so I was 29 when I opened my own firm. I came from a middle-class family. You know, mom dad happily married all that stuff. So I had never seen any of this stuff before. Mom dad happily married all that stuff. So I had never seen any of this stuff before and it was. I just got to the point. I just didn't want to do it anymore. It just it was.
Speaker 4:You always you got people at their worst and people under stress and kids under stress when the parents put the kids between them and I mean, not everybody was like that. I had some lovely people. They just want to dissolve their marriage and move on and it wasn't a big deal. But a lot of stuff was contested and the court system you mentioned you were paralegal and so you would know that the court system I'm along or where there's alcohol or drugs or maybe neglect of the children, and it's just, it's not an easy if you have a heart. It's not an easy place to be as an attorney. And so after 12 years I switched over. I was doing some commercial law and so I just switched over to commercial law and said I just can't do that anymore.
Speaker 3:So you noticed it was tugging on the heartstrings, the family law.
Speaker 4:It was just really stressful. I can't say that all the attorneys I worked with were nice. A lot of them were pretty belligerent and loud and did things it felt like to me to increase the time that you needed to settle a case, and so there was more legal fees for their clients, and so I had more problems dealing with the kind of idiosyncrasies that's a nice way to put it of the family law court in Cleveland. There's only a few bad eggs, but they sort of tainted everything else. Because it wasn't that big of a community. I just got tired of it. I felt it was just there's got to be a better way to live my life, you know. So, yeah, by then I found out I was pregnant with my son, like a month after I opened my own law firm, and so I was pregnant for nine months and during the first year of my business I had my son. So I had other responsibilities besides dealing with these kind of attorneys and how the system sort of worked.
Speaker 3:Now, when did you leave family law in regards to when you had your son?
Speaker 4:When he was about 11 or 12, I switched just to commercial law. Is that right? No, it had to be. It was earlier than that. I know he was around because I did 12 years of family law. Part of it was when I was, you know, associate for another attorney, and that wasn't so hard because he did the brunt of everything. I would write the briefs and do the background kind of stuff and he had to deal with the actual legal system and the clients. So it was 12 years in all. But by the time my son was about six or seven. That's when I stopped doing the family law stuff.
Speaker 3:I bet that made it more difficult being a mother, like I don't have kids, but it was family law that I was a paralegal for four years and I don't know how I would have handled that being a mom, seeing some of the stuff that is done.
Speaker 4:Well, I'm glad you understand because you know, like I said, there's some most of the attorneys there are very professional I found were very professional and just doing their best job within the realm of the law to represent their clients and I can respect that. But ones that were the bad eggs, they seemed a poison thing and it's just very hard to represent people that are under that much kind of stress. And yeah, like I said, it was difficult and I guess, being a mother sort of like, maybe it brought it to the fore earlier that this is not for me for the rest of my legal career- I get that.
Speaker 3:So how did you shift out of that?
Speaker 4:Well, there was synchronicity. So I was in like a storefront office in Lakewood, ohio, which is the first suburb west of Cleveland, like over the west side of the Cuyahoga River, and one of the guys that was running space there had his own collection company. He was like a retired preacher, he still did a little bit of that, but he was just a really interesting guy. I loved him and he would sell these collection packages to companies to send out letters. And then what he asked me would you represent the people that want to go to court? By then I was already doing commercial law and I knew commercial attorneys all over the country. So I said, sure, I'll do the ones that are in Ohio and I will farm out the other ones. And it worked really, really well. And so when I officially just completely stopped doing divorce, I knew that there was some really big meetings in Chicago and New York and I just started going and marketed myself and just plunged right in.
Speaker 3:I love that. That's amazing, and so how long were you doing that for?
Speaker 4:I did commercial law, like helping businesses collect their debts until you know, we sold the law firm about seven years ago and I really enjoyed it. You know I love negotiating settlements. It's fun and, yeah, I really just enjoyed it. And because there was an organization that I became very active in called the Commercial Law League of America and had a lot of leadership roles, but collection agencies and attorneys from all over the country and people that connected the collection agencies and the attorneys would all come to these business meetings. A lot of people came to all of them. They were there was Chicago, new York, there was like five or six of them during the year and sometimes you'd have a national meeting in some place nicer in Europe and so we could write it off and they became like family because you would see the same people over and over again. And, yeah, it was just a really amazing experience because I would have friends all over the country. When we came together it was like you're back with your family again, even though I wasn't related to any of them.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's beautiful. So when did this coaching and the mentoring come into play for you?
Speaker 4:Well, about six or seven years before we sold the firm, I have some very amazing women friends and one of my women friends had gone to a whole year school to become a coach a very good accredited school and she wanted to start her own school. And the reason was she just felt that the coaching was too much in the head and not enough in the heart and so she started her own school, wrote all the curriculum from scratch, got it accredited by the International Coaching Federation and she kept on saying to me Arlene, I think this would be really helpful for you. And for three years I kept on saying two and a half years. I said no because I was a little bit stuck up, a little bit yes, to say that mildly. I was an educated woman and I didn't think that it would add any value in my life. And then I just finally got this thing like I really should do this Because I was noticing, when I was negotiating settlements or dealing with their staff it was a small law firm in Colorado, or my son who was quite the pistol that I could really do a better job of listening and that could also help my professional life, and I knew that a lot of the skills that you learn as a coach. I could immediately apply to being a better lawyer, and so I went through and got a diploma in coaching and mentoring.
Speaker 4:And then I had another woman friend who was the same thing. She became a counselor, went through all this. I mean I can't tell you how much education she got. She just kept on taking classes and getting diplomas and stuff and she didn't ask me. But I was really impressed with her and how much she had changed by going through this. And I thought, you know, even in the collection lot I would deal with people that their business was almost going bankrupt, or some people that weren't, that they were having trouble with account receivables. So you get people where their business isn't the best because things are going on, and so, even though it wasn't like divorce law by any stretch of the imagination, it just felt like knowing some of those skills of being a counselor would be really helpful.
Speaker 4:So I got the diploma in Australia because that's where she's from. I can't practice in the United States. I would have to go back and get my master's, which I was like no, I've had enough school. But so that's how I got those two things. And then another friend of mine. She's from Australia and she came to the US to go to a university that specialized in transcendental meditation. She's not doing that anymore. She decided that wasn't for her but meditation is, and she was offering like a certification. I thought, well, I'm not the calmest attorney on the block and it would probably be a good idea to get better at meditation and breathwork and all the things that come with that. So I went through. I think it was a six-month course with her.
Speaker 3:Wow, a six-month course, and you did meditation and breathwork.
Speaker 4:Breathwork meditation, and she taught us stuff like how to do a body scan, how to relax your body from head to toe, and I use that, I help other people with that and I also use it on myself, because it's a pretty kind of hectic world that we live in and I'm really grateful to have those kind of techniques that in order to take me out of a little bit of anxiety and stress and make back to just that kind of ah kind of peaceful state.
Speaker 3:I get that. Is there something that shifted inside of you that you were like, okay, I'm going to give this a shot, because, like you, you didn't for two and a half years?
Speaker 4:You mean with the coaching and the mentoring. I just sort of realized I was being arrogant and had my head up a dark place and that my friend knew me better than I did. I wouldn't really benefit from it. I had a full-time practice with a partner. By then my son was in middle school or high school. He might have been in middle school back then, so I had a busy schedule and this was a full-time diploma course.
Speaker 4:I I thought how the heck am I going to do this? But I don't know, if you really love something, you end up making time for it. And when we got that, there was a point when we got to triads where it was nine weeks and we had I was in three different groups one I was the coach when I was mentoring the coach and when I was the coach, one I was mentoring the coach and one I was the client. So for nine weeks we went through this really intensive thing and then every other time a tutor, someone who was already practicing, you know, coaching and very, very good at that came in and helped us. And when I went through that, it's like, oh my gosh, this is why I'm going through this. This is why I'm going through this. This is amazing. The skills and tools that I'm learning now they're going to be with me for the rest of my life, and I did thank my friend then, so now I know why I'm doing this. It's really special.
Speaker 3:Were you as reluctant to try the meditation program.
Speaker 4:No, by then I had removed my head from that dark place and for part of the time I was online like this and for part of the time I was going to be in Australia. I have quite a few friends there, since that's where the coaching school is and holistic counseling school is and the meditation little school is. So I have lots of friends there. I went for part of the time that I was taking that course I was in Australia and I got to go to it live. So, yeah, no, it was an easy choice.
Speaker 3:That's amazing. And now, how have you combined the coaching that you went through and then the meditation workshop and training that you went to?
Speaker 4:no-transcript and I know that they have all the answers inside of them, so I'm not really telling them what to do. But if I'm holding a really calm, loving, expansive space that's judgment-free for them, where they feel safe, where they feel cared for, I'm modeling that behavior for them and they can get that. If I'm mentoring somebody, you know, then I can come right out and say we're going to practice this together. You know, because I do work with groups and you know, see how you like and see if it resonates with you or not. So there are two sides of a coin, you know the mentoring and the coaching. And so, yeah, I really feel that people get more than they know.
Speaker 4:I'm looking up to somebody and they're holding that nice big, judgment-free kind of loving space. I get a lot out of being with them and so I do my best to model that If they want more, some of the people you know who hire me, they do a little bit of coaching, then come and do a little bit of mentoring and sort of go back and forth. So as long as you're not doing them in the same session, you know I can be an International Coaching Federation coach, so that's what I do.
Speaker 3:I do Now how would you say this has helped?
Speaker 4:you when you feel overwhelmed and have a lot on your plate. Well, it's helped a lot, and it also helps a lot that I have a lot of coaching friends all over the place, because usually a couple times a year we'll get together and we'll alternate weeks or however often we can get together. I'll coach them one time, they'll coach me the next, so that the things that are coming up that would really be helpful to have a coach walk you through. I have friends that we do that together. We help each other. So that's there. And then also, knowing how to take care of yourself is helpful, and I'm in a really cool mentoring group and so my friends are loving and kind and very honest with me. If they see me and they're going, what the heck is going on with you? I can chat about it and I don't have to do it all by myself.
Speaker 4:I do recommend that if you can find a group of people that you resonate with and you're working towards the same thing people that you resonate with and you're working towards the same thing Taking a pottery class really helps to have a group of like-minded souls where you at least have one thing in common that everyone is working towards. It's a lot easier than being the lone wolf and trying to do it all by yourself. I think that's really hard, and so I encourage people to do that. I practice what I preach there and it's really the lifeline. I think it's too hard to do everything by yourself. It's nice to have people that can love and support you and use a little bit of tough love if you need it as well.
Speaker 3:That makes so much sense. That accountability you know basically like to support you would also give you that tough love. I love that, yeah. So how would you say you personally, avoid burnout.
Speaker 4:I see that you call yourself the breathing goddess, so obviously you do breath work too. So it's really important to know how to align yourself, to love, center in your heart and be really grounded into the planet. If you're starting to feel stress, what I used to do when I was in my twenties and early thirties as an attorney is that I would just keep going. You know, I just got a bunch of things done. I worked two hours straight. I was really productive and then my human early would be going. I need a break, we need a break. I'm tired, my body is tired of sitting here and I wouldn't listen. So, first and foremost, we need to listen to ourselves. We need to acknowledge and celebrate when we've accomplished something and give ourselves a break. Literally Walk away from the computer, walk away from your cell phone. If you can go out in nature, fine. If you just want to sit, whatever floats your boat just to relax.
Speaker 4:Some of my friends like to garden or walk their dog or read a book.
Speaker 4:I like to go out and be in nature for a little bit, just breathe some fresh air when it's nice out, and then you can do things to kind of align and center yourself. And one really simple technique is just to visualize that from your high heart there's this column of light going down your body, down your legs, out your feet, as these huge roots of light. I'm pretending I'm a tree and it's anchoring to the heart of the planet. And what happens is I find I get really pulled down into my body, because when we get stressed out, our bodies kind of feel scattered. You know, it's like I'm physically here, but emotionally I'm over here thinking of this. Mentally my mind's going chattering over there and it sort of helps to pull everything in and just be really here now. And a lot of wise people have talked about be here now. There's even been, I think, a book written about it, and so that's one really easy thing that you can do. To begin with, I like that.
Speaker 3:I've never heard that example. Do you have any any other?
Speaker 4:practices. One really easy breathing technique that you can do anywhere that I always teach to people because it's like you have to breathe to live. It's just breathing in through the nose, breathing out through the nose. Make the out breath longer than the in breath, and when you breathe I find that it's a lot easier to have that stomach breathing, because if you just breathe up here, sometimes it can feel claustrophobic and so someone's going blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 4:Are you standing in line at the grocery store or you're in rush hour traffic and it's like, oh my God, practice, simple breathing techniques. Have plenty of them too. That's the first one I teach to people that really helps you just to release, relax and go out of fight or flight to rest, to relax mode. A breathing technique that helps you to be aligned like to love and centered in your heart is just like breathing in through the nose, and before your lung is all filled up you start breathing out through the nose. Before your lungs are all empty, you start breathing into the nose. So it's called circular breathing or concentric breathing. I sort of have to close my eyes to focus on that one to really get the benefits, but it does help to center you and your heart. You know that aligned love and centered feeling.
Speaker 3:I love those. I'm curious if people like whether it was people you knew, just people in general were surprised when you made this shift from being a full-time practicing attorney to also doing coaching and teaching people to meditate.
Speaker 4:Well, in the commercial law of America there was a woman that did it before me. Then her husband got sick and she left and it was called the Women's Spiritual Circle. And so I took over the Women's Spiritual Circle when I was an active member of the Commercial Law League and we were going to all the meetings and they were held in New York and Chicago, and so I would hold space for everybody and everyone would have something to share and we might do a little meditation or something. So my friends in the legal community knew that I was a little eccentric and that I did these kind of things. I don't think it was that big of a surprise. I don't know if I really told them how much I was doing the coaching and the mentoring and the meditation and stuff like that. Everyone really had busy lives, but they knew I was a little bit different than most attorneys and so it was like, oh, this is what Arlene's doing next. So it really wasn't a big deal with anybody.
Speaker 3:I gotcha. I was just curious personally because sometimes people have asked me about the paralegal work versus breathwork, like how the two coexist matter what you do, it helps a lot.
Speaker 4:So it's just that they don't know and they get blinders and they can't see anything else, and so you just have to take people where they're at. But anyone that does breath work or relaxation techniques knows it goes anywhere in life because it's a stressful world.
Speaker 3:I love how you said that. It's so true. I almost feel like it's even more beneficial for your attorneys, your legal professionals, your CEOs, because they're dealing with more stress than the average person no-transcript. That's true. Would you say you had an influence over any attorneys you knew getting involved in meditating or anything like that?
Speaker 4:I don't know. I mean a lot of them came, you know, to my women's spiritual circle it wasn't mine, I just continued it. So it was some of the wives of the attorneys that were there and some of the attorneys. They would make sure that they would do their schedule around that. So I know that it helped them what they did with the right life after that. I mean, when we came to these business meetings it was small talk and doing fun things together, going on boat rides and cocktail parties and dinners and all that kind of stuff. So I didn't really grill them about are you meditating or not? I just it, just you know it wasn't. You know I was asking them about their kids or you know other things like that.
Speaker 3:I gotcha, I want to transition a tad but I know you woke with people and helping them with woke life balance from the inside out. Can you explain what that means?
Speaker 4:the inside, you're not going to feel indifferent on the outside. There's like life hacks and mom hacks and work hacks and all these things that we can do to give ourselves more time. We can go online and pick out our groceries and have them delivered. There's a million things that we can do I'm exaggerating to give ourselves more time and space. But if we're not changing how we feel on the inside more calm, more centered, more in our hearts, more grounded, more fully present, more feeling that we're able to handle what life presents then there's really not going to be much change on the outside.
Speaker 4:They talk to themselves that inner critic stuff and working with them so that they can bring their inner coach into the fore, or noticing where their boundaries are not working.
Speaker 4:Maybe they're being a doormat, maybe they're being a people pleaser, maybe they want to succeed and be a leader so much they're taking on way too much than what they can actually handle. Or maybe they're having trouble at home with their teenage daughters who are rebelling a little bit. So we have to have tools that we can use to feel different inside, like working and identifying with the inner coach and putting the inner critic in the backseat and knowing what our boundaries are tree and being aligned to love and centered in your heart. Those are kind of energetic boundaries, you know. So I like to visualize I have a big golden bubble around me, only open to love. If you're sending me anything that's not about love, it's just going to bounce back to you. And I really visualize and feel it because I feel that it's important to have those skills and tools energetically and on the ground, to have a different experience in life.
Speaker 3:Now you mentioned the inner coach. I've never heard that. You also mentioned the inner critic. I've heard the inner critic, but your inner coach? Can you elaborate a little?
Speaker 4:Sure, I'm sure you have one, you just are not acknowledging her so, especially as women. Sure, I'm sure you have one, you just are not acknowledging her. So, especially as women, I find that we, if we have a friend, let's say we have a friend who's? That's really us, but they're complaining to us about all these things that are going on in our life. You know, I don't have enough time. Timmy is doing this, my husband always has to work, whatever it is. Blah, blah, blah. All that stuff, all that negativity, and what they really want is someone to listen to. But they also want some help. We would probably be nurturing and kind and compassionate and remind them of all their strengths, so we're championing them.
Speaker 4:If we were doing what I was talking about before our head was up a dark space and we're just focusing on everything that's wrong we might gently read the riot act to them and say wake up, look at what you actually have.
Speaker 4:So we have those skills. All we have to do is stop telling ourselves that it's selfish to take care of and love ourselves, and turn around and start talking to ourselves the way we would do someone that we care about. And so that takes practice, because lots of times when we first start doing that, we feel like imposter syndrome or that it's being selfish if we take time for ourselves or all those things that are out in society that aren't true. But that's one of the easiest ways that I can get women to acknowledge oh my God, I already do that for other people. It feels intimidating to do it for ourselves because it is a learned skill to turn around and start talking to yourself like that. It does help to have like an accountability buddy if you're, so you're both doing it and you're both sharing with each other.
Speaker 3:Okay, that makes sense. I like how you mentioned the golden bubble and you visualize that. Do you do other visualizing practices?
Speaker 4:handout and they can start working with it. I can share a few things about it, and one is I just put it like a beautiful golden bubble of protection around myself, only open to love. Everything else bounces off. And also what happens is that every time we interact with somebody, every time they think of us, we think of them. Every time we get triggered by something whether it's the news or what someone does, or we have all this stuff on our plate there's energetic connections that are established and so, even if I'm basically a good person, I'm going to have a bad hair day or a bad hair moment. And if you're energetically connected with me and you haven't cut those cords every day, because maybe I think of you or you think of me or whatever then if I have a bad hair day moment, you're going to feel horrible all of a sudden and it's like why? Because someone else you're connected with is having this difficult moment.
Speaker 4:So a really simple thing that we can do is just kind of visualize that there's this golden cylinder coming down around our bodies and it's just cutting any energetic connections that are about fear and we just do that. We can do that several times a day so that, because we're always interacting with people and people are thinking of us or maybe we think of some place we've been to. It can be connected to that. So it's a really simple way to cut energetic connections with people. It doesn't cut the ones that are about love. Those stay. But it's a really simple way to protect ourselves so that you know you can happen anywhere.
Speaker 4:You can go to a restaurant and you're in a great mood and you're with someone you really care about and you're having a great conversation. The waiter comes over or the waitress and you know she's gotten a really difficult text. You know someone is sick or something happened with her money and she's going to come and bring that energy to our table. So we never know when it's going to happen. But when we know how to sort of energetically protect ourselves and cut those energetic connections that are not about love, it makes it a lot easier to be in the world because I'm not as impacted by everything that's going on, because I can know how to like energetically cleanse and clear myself. It doesn't mean I'm not impacted. It's impossible to go out like if you go out to a busy mall or someplace where there's a lot of dissension or whatever you can't help but taking on that stuff. You know, because you're out, you're there.
Speaker 3:But you can still, you know cleanse and clear yourself and then feel different. That makes a lot of sense. Now is this visualization?
Speaker 4:do you do this daily, Like the removal of fear? Yes, I do it Usually. Yeah, that's what I do in the morning. I make sure that I'm clearing and protecting myself and doing some breath work and a little bit of meditation. I just find that it's a lot easier to be in the world when I do that, because I'm pretty sensitive and empathic and intuitive and so knowing that about me it just makes it a lot easier to be in the world, because a lot of the things that would impact me other people might not even feel at all. So it's just a way that I learned to take care of myself.
Speaker 3:It makes sense. But I like how you mentioned, if we are connected to somebody like this past Ty, whoever it may be, even if you don't realize, you're thinking about them. But maybe they're thinking about you and they're having a bad hair day. It could affect you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I mean we've all had this situation. Well, also, what happens sometimes is that maybe because I do stuff for people, you know people will want to come up and tell me all their problems and just they want to dump everything in my energy field. They'll walk away feeling great and I feel like crap or let's still energetically kind of hook into me because I'm coaching or mentoring and want to drain my energy and then they're going to walk away feeling great. But it's really just service to the other people because they came in with things to learn and things to let go of and so I am depriving them of that learning if they just allow them to do that. And why should? I can't be of service to people if I'm feeling really horrible and I let people dump in my field. So this, those two kind of things help to take care of that and we don't have to deal with all that stuff.
Speaker 3:How do you know how long you've been doing those for? I'm just curious.
Speaker 4:I started this path. It's been about 22 years ago. I got divorced when my son was almost three and he developed some pretty bad ADHD and I just went on this journey and I learned all these different healing modalities. I wanted to help him. I didn't want to just throw him on drugs. He was having a rough time. I know that I have a genetic makeup that passed it on to him, but I didn't have all those kind of symptoms that he had as a boy. Yeah, I just wanted to help heal him. I don't know if you've ever done something like that for someone you love, but it turns out I got a lot of the healing. I got a huge amount of benefit from that, and so that started when he was three. He was born when I was 30, so I was 33 then.
Speaker 3:That's amazing. I really like that visualization about removing the fear. I think that's so powerful. Thank you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I really wish that they would teach kids in kindergarten. You know how to energetically take care of themselves, have that kind of boundaries and that love and self-care giving to yourself, and because our world would be a different place if that was taught. We learned that when we were really young, because then we I know that as a grandmother I'm probably much more together than when my son was little. I didn't know what the heck I was doing. I'd read the book and I think it would be helpful and I'd try something on him and he was too smart and he was just like oh, that doesn't work, no-transcript. Imagine how the world would be so much different. I know.
Speaker 3:It really would, but it's great that you are doing your part. I love that.
Speaker 4:Oh, thank you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 4:And thank you so much for speaking with me. Well, I'm glad you had me on and I love your colors. All the purples and lavenders it's some of my favorites too.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty?
Speaker 4:No, I haven't. Is he someone that inspires you?
Speaker 3:I would say so. So he's got a podcast. His podcast is called On Purpose. He's an author, formal, monk, and he ends his podcast with two segments and I really like them. So I've stolen those segments and I incorporate them in my podcast. First segment is the many sides to us. There's five questions and they need to be answered in one word each.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:First question what is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as?
Speaker 4:Courageous.
Speaker 3:What is one word someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you as?
Speaker 4:Kind.
Speaker 3:What is one word you'd use to describe yourself?
Speaker 4:Eclectic one word you'd use to describe yourself. Eclectic, what is one word?
Speaker 3:you're trying to embody right now. Patience. Second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in a sentence.
Speaker 4:What is the best advice you've heard or received? Well, there's a quote that a mentor of mine gave me, and it's that any disaster can be turned into a blessing. Any blessing can be on your toes if you have a blessing, because we can always mess things up. So take good care and that, no matter what happens, we're always learning, evolving and growing, so there's always going to end up eventually being a better way to do anything.
Speaker 3:I love that piece of advice. What is the worst advice you've heard or received?
Speaker 4:Well, I guess it's not really advice. It's just people who just sort of you can feel their energy where it sort of dismiss you and you, oh, you can't do that. It's not advice, but you just sort of get that vibe from them or some of the things that they say. My feeling about a lot of these people is that they feel so bad about themselves. The only way they can lift themselves up is to try to cut somebody else down. If they feel so bad about themselves, the only way they can lift themselves up is to try to cut somebody else down.
Speaker 3:What is something that you used to value that you no longer value?
Speaker 4:I don't know. I used to value that I no longer value. I don't know the answer to that question. I have no idea. I really don't, Because it feels like I got really strong values growing up. Oh, maybe I used to really value. I used to love going out to really fancy dinners, you know, with a whole group of friends and a really fancy, fancy restaurant and have a lot of courses, and I don't really. That doesn't really flip my boat anymore. So I guess I don't value that anymore really.
Speaker 3:that doesn't really flip my boat anymore, so I guess I don't value that anymore. If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone was reading it.
Speaker 4:what would you want it to say? I would want it to say that, because of Arlene's presence in my life, I feel a lot more confident. I feel a lot more love life.
Speaker 3:I feel a lot more confident. I feel a lot more love. That's beautiful. If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? And I want to know why.
Speaker 4:You can't really mandate kindness, but that's the only one that's coming up, that we must be kind to ourselves and others. And what was the second part of the question?
Speaker 3:Why that would be the law.
Speaker 4:Improvement on the world, where people are. You know, if you don't believe in everything I believe, then you're evil or all that stuff. It just doesn't make any sense. We all put on our pants or dresses or skirts in the same way. We all have so much more in common that we give ourselves credit for. You know, we can have different ways of looking at the world, but there's no reason to vilify each other. So I would bring in more kindness.
Speaker 3:I agree. Well, thank you so much for speaking with me. Thank you for having me. I appreciate you having me. And where can listeners connect with you? Where's the best place?
Speaker 4:I have a website. It's called Jewel J-E-W-E-L consultancycom, so you can go there and I have free videos about being calm and centered and on leadership skills. Or if you Google my name, Arlene Cohen Miller I think I'm the only one, so you can find me in any social media platform by doing that.
Speaker 3:I will link that in the show notes and I do like to just give it back to the guest. Any final words of wisdom, anything you want to leave the listeners with.
Speaker 4:There is a trinity that I love that your listeners might enjoy practicing. It's like a triangle, like kindness, patience and tolerance, and when we're aware of what we're choosing to move towards, that's how we can create it in our life. So if we choose to be kind, patient and tolerant with ourselves and really check in with ourselves, maybe a couple times a day or before we go to bed, how did I go today, being kind and patient and tolerant with myself? And I am working on patience. I'm not perfect there, so I'm practicing this too. I find what we focus on is what we get more of in our lives, so might as well focus on what we'd like to have more of.
Speaker 3:I love that. Thank you so much, arlena, and thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mando's Mindset.
Speaker 2:In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you, I'm booting for you and you got this as always. If you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five star rating, leave a review and share it with anyone you think would benefit from this. And don't forget you are only one mindset. Shift away from shifting your life. Thanks guys, until next time.
