Manders Mindset
Hosted by Amanda Russo, The Breathing Goddess, who is a Breathwork Detox Facilitator, Transformative Mindset Coach, and Divorce Paralegal.
Amanda's journey into mindset and empowerment began by working with children in group homes and daycares. She later transitioned to family law, helping people navigate the challenging emotions of divorce. During this time, Amanda also overcame her own weight and health challenges through strength training, meditation, yoga, reiki, and plant medicine.
Amanda also shares her personal journey, detailing how she transformed obstacles into opportunities by adopting a healthier, holistic lifestyle.
Discover practical strategies and inspiring stories that will empower you to break free from limitations and cultivate a mindset geared towards growth and positivity.
Tune in for a fun, friendly, and empowering experience that will help you become the best version of yourself.
Manders Mindset
Pleasure, Passion, & Self Love: The Erotic Blueprint Breakdown with Mallory Kiersten | 119
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In this episode of Manders Mindset, Amanda Russo sits down with Mallory Kiersten, a self-love and "unstuck-yourself" coach who helps recovering perfectionists and people pleasers reclaim their pleasure and fully embrace their authentic selves.
Mallory introduces us to the fascinating world of the Erotic Blueprints, a framework that’s often described as the “love languages” for intimacy and connection. She breaks down the five blueprints—Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky, and Shapeshifter—and shares how understanding these types can help you invite more joy, passion, and self-expression into your life.
Key topics discussed include:
- Why pleasure isn’t something you need to “earn” and how to embrace it daily.
- The five Erotic Blueprints and how they apply both inside and outside the bedroom.
- Letting go of societal expectations, shame, and perfectionism to live authentically.
- How small shifts in self-talk can radically change your relationship with yourself.
- The role of safety in creating space for joy, creativity, and connection.
To Connect with Amanda:
~ linktree.com/thebreathinggoddess
~ Instagram @thebreathinggoddess
~ TikTok @thebreathinggoddess
~ Join the Manders Mindset Facebook Community HERE!
~ Follow Manders Mindset on Instagram HERE!
~ Explore Amanda’s NEW podcast: Breathwork Magic(Available on all major platforms or you can listen on Apple!)
To Connect with Mallory:
Website: MalloryKiersten.com
Instagram: @thejoygoddess
Facebook: Mallory.Kiersten.888
Learn more about the Erotic Blueprints: Take the Erotic Blueprint Quiz HERE!
Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast. Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers and a variety of other people where your host, Amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective and her guest's mindset and perspective on the world around us. Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Manders Mindset where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to shift your life. I'm your host, amanda Russo. We are going to get into some topics we don't always talk about on Mando's. Mindset, and I am here today with Marilee.
Speaker 2:Kirsten, and she is dedicated to helping recovering people, pleasers and perfectionists reclaim their pleasure and fully express themselves. Through her guidance, her clients dive into profound self-love and acceptance, enabling them to create the most delicious, pleasure-filled lives imaginable. How awesome does that sound? She is a self-love and unstuck yourself coach which so cool. She's a certified erotic blueprint coach, which I had never heard of before, and she's an accelerated evolution practitioner in training. She's also certified in the sacred money archetypes framework and an emotional clearing practitioner of the survival modality. She focuses on liberating clients from their limitations, helping them reclaim all parts of themselves, especially those aspects they've been ashamed of or have been told are too much. And she is just so much fun and I am so freaking excited to chat with her. Thank you so much for joining me, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 4:I'm really excited to have this conversation with you.
Speaker 2:So that's an awesome bio. But I always ask my guests who they are at the core and I know before we started recording like a dip water bottle in a tiara is kind of your core but seriously would you say you are at the core.
Speaker 4:In this moment I would say I am love at the core and I truly actually believe that we all are love at the core. So I don't feel like that's something that's like super special and unique to me, but at the core that is me, as well as a fair amount of chaos and, you know, brattiness and stardust.
Speaker 2:I'm very into the sparkles, the glitter, so I love that comment. I really do stardust, that goes with the tiara. Now can you take us down memory lane a little bit? Tell us about family dynamic upbringing, maybe where you grew up any siblings you had? What it was like being a kid for you, however deep you want to delve into it, yeah, so I'm an only child and both of my parents are actually immigrants from Portugal.
Speaker 4:So I was the first, or I'm part of the first, generation of our family lineage to be born in the United States, in the United States, and so that was always super. That was a unique experience, I think I, so I was only child very introverted. My mom really encouraged reading. Beauty and the Beast came out the Disney animated Beauty and the Beast came out when I was like four or three somewhere around there and begged my mom, please teach you to read. So I could be like if you're watching this you can see my bell in the back. You can barely see this, but I have the. A friend of mine did a like a cutout art with construction paper of the library scene from that movie and it's my favorite movie of all time. I learned how to read really young and I've been a reader really introverted and read a lot. My parents split up. When I was about three my dad went on his own really kind of big healing journey for himself. I remember him also when I was very young handing me Louise Hay had this line of like coloring books that were also storybooks to teach little ones how to talk to themselves so that they're not afraid of the dark or to give themselves positive affirmations.
Speaker 4:My first introduction to like mirror work was actually through one of those stories where you actually look at yourself in the mirror and you tell yourself that you love yourself. And I remember being like five years old going oh that's weird, I don't want to do that, but it's something that stuck with me and those were stories that I had at one time all memorized. They were like books on tape, cassette tapes, because that's how old I am and I listened to them so much and I think that was kind of the point. You listen to them so much so that when I was maybe a little bit afraid of the dark or I was having trouble falling asleep, I would tell myself those stories. So even if I didn't feel comfortable going in the mirror and saying I love you which I'm totally comfortable doing now but that's all stuff that really shaped me.
Speaker 2:That is so fascinating to me that you were exposed to that so young. You know everybody talks about those prime years, zero to seven, where so much affects what you are intaking, and I've been doing the podcast over a year now and I have not spoken to anyone who's had parents who did some type of mirror type work with them at that young. That's amazing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and because I was such a reader, I was frequenting the self-help area of bookstores and and it's still, it's still this pattern that I have I'll go to the children's section of a bookstore or a library and then I go to the self-help area and you know, I'm like 10 years old, reading about. I don't even remember what I was reading, but I just remember going what the heck are taxes, like. It was definitely a self-help book geared for adults and I was like, what are taxes? I don't understand, but I had it in my head. You know these were big impacts on me.
Speaker 4:But there were other big impacts too. You know there was a lot of tumult, particularly in, like, the bigger family gatherings. I don't think we ever got through a Christmas or Thanksgiving or an Easter where people weren't arguing, like the adults were arguing, and that was scary for me as a kid, and so I sort of, for better or for worse, went on this journey of like I don't want to be like these adults, so I want to fix my problems now, before I have my problems, and I become that kind of thing. And I mean, it exposed me to mindset work really, really early. It exposed me to so many of the things that now as an adult, I'm like oh, that's why, that's why I was reading about that then. So it's not such a foreign concept for me now as an adult.
Speaker 2:So how old would you say you were when you got into that about?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was trying to read the grown-up books at about 10. But I was also trying to read things like Moby Dick, jane Eyre, like. All of my reading tests told me that I was college-level reading when I was age 10. Cater to younger humans that, like jane ear, for instance, it's like I couldn't. I couldn't comprehend somebody in a mental institution or needing to be in a mental institute. I didn't know what a mental institution was like. Like we don't have concepts of this world of adulthood yet. Yet we're reading at college level, you know. So I was trying to be older while I was young, which is probably why I spend so much of my time when I do read Now, it's often I'm making my way through the Babysitter's Club right now Zero shame about it. Like I'm reading the Bab through the babysitter's club right now Zero shame about it. Like I'm reading the babysitter's club for myself right now, you know. And so I spend a lot more time with children's books now as an adult than I ever did as a younger person. It's really funny to me.
Speaker 4:Now you mentioned that the adults in your life were arguing. How did you? Everybody's talking about this whole cycle of going to work and coming home and you maybe have the energy to cook dinner and do laundry and then, if you have energy to do anything else, you're collapsing on the couch in front of the TV and I was like adulthood sounds really fucking boring, like really fucking boring, like really fucking boring. I probably didn 10 or 11, around that time I said I'm not going to. I remember this specific moment. My mom and I were in a bookstore and we were walking around the children's section and my mom was like, oh, I remember reading this book. Wow, I can't believe I forgot about that. And I was like I am never going to forget the children's section. I am never like it was really dramatic, but I was like I am never going to forget the children's section.
Speaker 4:I am never like it was really dramatic, but I was like I'm never going to forget the children's section. And because of that it's like I feel like I don't remember ever a time in my life where I stopped using my imagination or I stopped being creative. I was always creative in some way, shape or form. I was like in band in middle school and high school. I did a fair amount of drama also during that time in college musical theater, like I did a lot of creative things and I just feel like that's so important. And if performance art isn't your thing, what are the creative things that you can do, even if you're just like a creative problem solver? I just always wanted that part of my brain activated and I worked really hard to do that. It might look like color coding your spreadsheets in a really pretty pattern.
Speaker 2:That's creativity spreadsheets in a really pretty pattern. That's creativity, but you recognize that pretty young and I can just picture you probably like breathing your voice in this bookstore.
Speaker 4:Well, in my head I definitely was. There was a lot of things that I was very internal, again, very introverted, very internal. I didn't communicate a lot of what was going on in my brain. Again, very introverted, very internal. I didn't communicate a lot of what was going on in my brain, mostly because I wasn't really taught. My dad tried the more space that I had to feel and think and be and read and whatever. Then that stuff would just kind of start naturally coming out and it did.
Speaker 4:It took like 25 years but it did eventually start coming out, but I mean most of the time because it wasn't such a normal thing in my family.
Speaker 4:It's very you know the grant my grandfather on my mom's side, for example, was he was a ranch, he was a rancher, he owned a ranch. So it's that very like stoic, you just like don't talk about it, like you just don't talk about the deeper things. You know my grandpa on the other, on the other side, you know he was a soldier and then did more like manual labor stuff as well, and so again it's that like work hard, conceal, don't feel, don't let it show. So in so many ways my dad was actually a real cycle breaker for even wanting to initiate the conversations, as clumsy as it was sometimes, and I also like to believe that my stepmom had a lot to do with softening helping him soften because she's a very soft, nurturing person that I've been really lucky to have in my life, because not everybody has that. I'm crying yeah, very soft, very nurturing person and I consider myself really lucky to have that.
Speaker 2:That's great. When did she come into your life?
Speaker 4:I think I was eight and I was not super accepting in the beginning, as most kids are. You know they have the fantasy of like wanting mom and dad to get back together and I definitely had that. But as an adult looking in now, I'm like that would not have worked. They're two totally different people. If that didn't happen when I was three, it was going to happen when I was 10.
Speaker 2:It was just inevitable, I get it. I like how you mentioned looking back at it as an adult. You know I have different things I agree with. I don't agree with the way my parents did things and you know I had to work through a lot of forgiveness with things. But looking at things different, like from the lens of an adult, even from as if they weren't my parents, has helped me look at and reframe that. Yeah. But that's great that he started to be a cycle breaker, you know, and at least made that attempt and had less of that rugged masculinity.
Speaker 4:Definitely my dad is. If you believe in astrology and star signs, my dad is a Cancer, so he's a water sign. My mom's a Sagittarius, so fire sign. I'm an Aries, I'm also a fire sign. I don't like to feel stuff either. Well, I mean, that's not true. I totally love to feel it now, but I didn't back then. Yeah, it's just my dad.
Speaker 4:My dad has always been on the really sensitive side and actually something that I really loved about both my parents is that you know, my mom never stopped, like she didn't actually play with Barbies but she would like collect them and that brought her so much joy and and like american girl dolls, like she still has that like childlike quality and she gets, she loves changing their outfits for all of the different seasons, so like she gets so much joy out of that. And my dad, like he collects his cars and he's got like a little he likes to collect trucks with like truck beds so he could put chocolates in them. So he just has like these little trucks all throughout the house with chocolate in them, you know. So they they both play in their own way and I think that also impacted me and like how I play as an adult, for sure that, keeping that, that childlike self alive.
Speaker 2:I love that. Have you ever heard of a skip it?
Speaker 4:Yes, I had one, Skip it, skip it.
Speaker 2:Fact for you, and I've never said this on the podcast. It's super weird, but it just made me think of it. I had one growing up and I loved that thing and I was like having nostalgia a few years back, missing it, and I was talking to my mom and I was like why'd you get rid of that? She's like you don't need one of those, blah, blah, blah. I'm like you know what? I'm going to find one. Well, I found the same exact one on eBay and I bought it.
Speaker 4:I spent $50 on a skimpy it's probably about the same price it was then, because it was probably close to like 15, 20 bucks back then. So hey, great deal, you got a great deal.
Speaker 2:And you know people are like what is that helping you with? I'm into fitness and they're like that's not really going to do anything. I'm not doing it for that, it's just a fun, playful thing. It doesn't have to have a purpose. As adults, we lose that and we're so goal-oriented and you have to do this and you have to check the boxes and it's like you know what, maybe for 20 minutes. I just want to jump over this skippet thing. I don't know what it does. I might fall on my face because I'm not as coordinated when I was younger, but you know what?
Speaker 4:I, and so this is my brat and I'd be like watch me get fit using my skippet. Watch me get really freaking fit Because, like you're hopping around on one foot, essentially that's quads, that's handstrings, that's like all your big muscle groups essentially, and you get to decide how deep of a squat you go into to get that jump. So watch me get fit with my skippet. People, On a more serious note, usually my response to those types of reactions is like pleasure is the point.
Speaker 2:Even joy. I love your Instagram handle, by the way. When I saw that, I was like we are meant to connect. She's the joy, goddess, Like. Is there any other like synchronicity Joy, goddess? I was like we are meant to connect. She's the joy, goddess, Like. Is there any other like synchronicity Joy, goddess? I was like, oh my God, I already feel joyful reading like the name, but like, exactly, it doesn't have to be whatever word you want to use, whether you want to call it pleasure, whether you want to call it joy, Like, if you're enjoying it. Like, why does it have to have a specific focus? Peace, it's not calming anybody. Yeah, exactly, I'm not hurting anybody. Yeah, you know. So I love that have you always embraced your pleasure?
Speaker 4:Absolutely not, I think. You know I don't think any of us is immune to the no pain, no gain, and there is some truth to that. You know, sometimes we have to make sacrifices for something that we want. Later I had a pretty interesting relationship with food, as I in my growing years I've always been a little bit on the bigger side and you know, for me it's like embracing my pleasure now as, like an adult, I enjoy food so much more and my eating patterns haven't actually changed a whole lot, but my health has for the better, because I'm not denying myself the pleasure of the moment and with food as a younger person it's. You know, this is a bad food, this is a bad food, this is a good food, and I finally just realized a few years ago really was when this really landed.
Speaker 4:It doesn't matter if I'm eating solid or I'm eating cookies, if all I'm enjoy a burger, like nobody's business.
Speaker 4:It is an extremely sensual borderline sexual experience, like it is orgasmic when I get something that I really, really desire and sometimes I really desire a salad it's feeding and the more that I let go of things being about having a certain weight or being a certain size or any of those things. It's like the more that I find that my body just kind of naturally moves in that direction and it's not hard. Body just kind of naturally moves in that direction and it's not hard. So I think that has had just ramifications all around like positive ones, because I've also when it comes to health and fitness, it's like I find the ways that is most pleasurable for my body to move, so I want to do it, so then my body moves more. I had a lot of that programming as a younger person growing up, that like pain now for possible pleasure later, and I'm finding that it doesn't have to be an either, or Like you get to enjoy every step of the journey on your way to the thing that you want.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's interesting that you said feeding yourself hate. I got chills when you said that, because I have not always been. For the majority of my life I have not been a fit person. I was overweight, all growing up, almost 200 pounds when I was in high school probably a senior. And I'm short, I'm little, so even more so. I'm barely five feet, so 200 pounds, it's got nowhere to go.
Speaker 2:And you know, I've gone through all the different things, all the different trials and tribulations with fitness, and I started losing weight. It was looking better, it was feeling better, but it wasn't fully sticking, not everything, and it wasn't where I wanted to be. And it wasn't until I said something to a complete stranger and I was like, oh my God, this is what I'm internally saying to myself. I was at, I was at a get together and I didn't even know this woman and I was like you know, fat kid in me just wants to, just wants to eat these cookies. And I was like she's like me too, let's go. And I'm like wait, what did I just say? I don't even know this woman, this is the first time meeting you. And I was literally like, okay, let's take a step back, because what did I just say to you? And she's like well, he's going to go eat some cookies. I didn't know.
Speaker 2:And this was years into my journey, after I've lost and maintained 70 pounds, but it wasn't that much at that point. But I was like, wait, if I am saying this to someone I don't know, because it's internally what I'm saying to myself whoa, this is affecting how I show up and I'm not even realizing it. I'm feeding myself hatred and I don't realize I'm feeding myself this hatred, like outside, this persona, like, oh, she's lost a lot of weight, she's going to the gym, she's got this confidence. But it's like what are you saying in here? And what I was saying in there was awful. It was turmoil Internally, I was destroying myself and I didn't even know.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and it makes you wonder, like, what else is there? Like if that just showed up. And makes you wonder, like, what else is there?
Speaker 2:Like if that just showed up, what other layers are there? It really does, because I had no awareness that I was saying that to myself until it came out of my mouth and I was like Ninda, you don't even know this woman's last name. It's like not that I need to, but I'm like I just said something, I I didn't what, and I it still blows my mind a little bit, not gonna lie, you know thing that needed to be heard and needed to be said.
Speaker 4:That was just like had been waiting to be said. He's surprised. I don't mean to put poke at it and make light of it that's not what I'm trying to do but it's just kind of like oh, surprise.
Speaker 2:No, literally, it needed to come to the surface. You mentioned paying now for possible pleasure later. Can you elaborate on what you mean by that? Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 4:So very, very goal-oriented family and so it was like I think for most of us we get the the advice from our parents of like do your homework and then you can play video games or you can go ride your bike or whatever the hobby is, you know, and I think it's just I took that so literally. And then when I took it into adulthood, after I graduated college and I started working, and it's like oh crap, the work is never done. Like you can be done sort of with your work, work, and when I went into actual work places like I was a teacher. So we do actually have the benefit of an ending of a school year. So there is time where the work is quote unquote done, but there's still laundry to do, there's still dishes to do. The house needs to be fucking cleaned all the time. It doesn't matter how often you clean it, there's still dirt. I don't understand. There's still shit everywhere. I don't understand or maybe that's just me, because I'm ADHD. So I've got like piles of like this is a to-do list pile, this is my craft pile, this is so I've got all that everywhere.
Speaker 4:But like the work is never done and so we have to kind of like, otherwise we're always going to be working and we're never going to be in pleasure. So we have to actually put our own boundaries into place around, like you know what Nope I'm done, around, like you know what Nope I'm done. And I think I always had it in my mind as a younger person that it's like when you achieve the goal, that's when you're going to be happy, and I think a lot of us play that game. It's like when I have my degree and I don't have to study so hard anymore, I'll be happy. When I reach this weight, I'll be happy when I meet, you know, my future husband, wife, partner, polycule, I'll be happy. And we play that game. And it's like there's so much that we miss out on when we could be enjoying every moment when we could be enjoying every moment.
Speaker 2:That's true, you know. I love how you said the work's never done. It's so true, you know, like there's always going to be something to do. You know I'm a very clean and an organized person and enjoy cleaning, which I totally enjoy cleaning too.
Speaker 4:Just not when I'm already tired. Then I get cranky about it.
Speaker 2:I get that, but when you said that, it made me think of this really random comment that my mom had said to me years ago. I don't even know how or why. This is still in my head, but we were on the phone and she's like oh, what are you doing? It's like, oh, I just got done sweeping. And she was like you know, I feel like you could find something every day that needs to be swept. It's even something as simple and as basic as that. You could find fucking something to sweep up. So, like when you mentioned laundry, there was always Unless you do the laundry naked.
Speaker 2:It's always going to be something to wash. Okay, I got to say this. I never thought I'd say this on a podcast, but one of my ex-boyfriends and I would do laundry naked and we would get everything washed. We would be walking around the house naked, stripping the beds, putting up yes, that is this Just for a moment.
Speaker 4:Everything is clean.
Speaker 2:Laundry hack. I've never said that out loud because I used to think I was like like who does this? And we're just walking around butt ass naked.
Speaker 4:That's awesome. Why wouldn't you share that on a podcast with everybody? Awesome.
Speaker 2:Why wouldn't you share that on a podcast with everybody? It was so funny because one night we were smoking weed and he came to this revelation and he's like I figured out the solution. I was like the solution to what? And he was like to how to get ahead of the laundry, cause I had recently moved in and I was like how are you going to get ahead of the laundry? And he's like I'm going to wear nothing when I do it, because then I will complete it. You can't complete something if you still have another thing to do. And I'm like that is true. And then we started doing naked laundry.
Speaker 4:Okay, and how much fun was naked laundry it was interesting.
Speaker 2:I do a lot of things, though, that people are like, oh, that's interesting, that make people bat their eyes.
Speaker 4:I have a theory about that. My theory about that is people who bat their eyes. There's a little teeny part of them, however small, that wishes they thought of it first. It's just a theory. Maybe somebody out there wants to do an official study. It's a hypothesis we could test the hypothesis that could be true.
Speaker 2:I think it could even tie into like or somebody why they don't feel comfortable enough to do whatever it is to like, let their guard down to embrace the pleasure. You know what I mean. I want to backtrack a chat I really liked how you mentioned as well about we're waiting to be happy when we hit this goal, when we have this next big thing, and so so many people say that which I don't know if everybody realizes is how true it is. You know, I got my bachelor's in legal studies and now I didn't get a job in a law office for longer than I would have liked. And I remember people talk about writing things as if it has already happened and that's a way of manifestation, a way to call in things, and I used to write down in my journal for every morning I woke in the law office, blah, blah, blah. It was vague.
Speaker 2:My first opportunity in a law office. I started working there part-time and then it was in my head once I'm in a law office Monday through Friday. So then I changed it. I was even more head once I'm in a law office Monday through Friday, that's it. So then I changed it. I was even more specific with what I was writing and then fast forward, I finally got that probably about two years total time from post-graduation college to getting it, and then I enjoyed it and it was good. But I was like, hmm, and then you get there and it's like, oh okay, this is what it's like to be a paralegal okay, cool.
Speaker 4:I don't know that I will, but not cool.
Speaker 2:why do you think people then get there and don't have that sense of joy?
Speaker 4:Because the super secret that nobody tells us is that it's not usually the thing that we say, that we want. What we want is, you know, in your case with the law office it's like maybe you wanted, oh, I have this beautiful sense of structure. My life feels organized because I know that I show up from this time to this time every single day. I have financial security. It's really it's less about the law office and more about how we feel, how we think the thing is going to make us feel so.
Speaker 4:I have, you know, a friend who's like looking to buy a house right now and I know some of her like standards for that around, how big it is and that kind of thing. It's not about the bigness of the house, it's about how it. Having the big house means that she can have all friends over all all the time and that makes her feel loved and abundant and whatever her feelings are about that, she feels joyful being able to have all of her friends in this big house. But it's not about the big house. She probably could be like also really happy in an apartment that has lots of seats so that she still can have you know, like that's actually a bad example. Maybe you should edit that, that part out.
Speaker 4:But my point is it's that it's not about the thing, it's about what the we the thing represents and how we think it's going to make us feel. So my example is like I really desire a new car. I'm not being super specific about it, maybe I could be more specific about it, but what I want from that car is a feeling of peace as I'm driving on the road, because I know everything is in really great working order and I feel safe and I know this car is going to get me from point A to point B. I have that security about it and it just drives so smooth and it makes the commute to wherever I'm going that much more pleasurable, because it's just smooth and awesome. But I haven't said anything about, like, what type of car I want, because it's not actually about that. It's about how I want to feel when I'm driving it.
Speaker 2:That makes a lot of sense. I get what you're saying there. I gotta say I'm really really glad I've gotten better at shutting up and interrupting the guest blast, because I really thought you were gonna say it's about the journey. And that's not what you said. It's about how you want to feel and they're doing an awesome tour. Everybody and mother says it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. Like I'm big into quotes and that's something I've seen, I've heard so often in many areas of life, which I understand. It is about the journey as well. But I really like how you mentioned the feeling, because it's not just the journey. You know, you could have this feeling. Doing multiple different things, whether, if it's fitness, doing multiple different fitness activities, whether it's like sex and have different types of sex, could give you this. You know what I'm saying, but it'd be different. And even with the car, like, you could have that smooth feeling, safe feeling with two different, completely vehicles, you know.
Speaker 4:And I could totally have that feeling with the vehicle that I have now. Yeah, it hasn't actually given me much reason to not feel safe and secure driving it, so I could be feeling those feelings. Now it's a choice, it's an option.
Speaker 2:Everything is a choice. It's so true. Oh my gosh. So how did you discover Erotic Blueprint? Where did this realm of life for you come in? You weren't always embracing your pleasure. You started embracing, Like. How did you discover this?
Speaker 4:blueprint coach was not on the bucket list for me, like it was not in my mentor. I had done I just completed a money course that she had been doing and I was like I just I'm just going to like fix my mindset about money and I'm going to just go in the world and be abundant and whatever. And then she offered this course that was, and I was like feeling really called to work with her, but I wasn't sure that that was the right thing. I was like, so I messaged her and I was just like I don't even know why I want this, but something's telling me that I should want this and so I'm telling you that I want this, but I'm also not going to talk about sex.
Speaker 2:Would have erotic blueprint before you saw her offering this Did you?
Speaker 4:I had not, and so the erotic blueprints were not come up with by my mentor, but actually by one of her mentors, jaya, and it's essentially a typing system. If you're familiar with the five love languages, it's the five languages for sex intimacy, passion, pleasure, essentially. So there are five erotic blueprints, just like five love languages. Do you want to talk about them?
Speaker 4:yeah, like what they are okay, yeah, if you, if you can, if you don't mind oh yeah, I love talking about this like I'm such a nerd about it now, and it's so hilarious to go from that person that was like I'm not talking about this, like I'm such a nerd about it now, and it's so hilarious to go from that person that was like I'm not talking about sex, but I want your program To. Now I'm a certified erotic blueprint coach and now all I want to do is talk about pleasure. So wild, just wild. So the first erotic blueprint is the energetic blueprint. So the first erotic blueprint is the energetic blueprint and energetics are turned on by spaciousness, anticipation and tease. So with energetics, less is more.
Speaker 4:So superpowers are because they're so energetically sensitive, they can like orgasm without even being touched. They can like make eye contact with their partner from across the room and just go into ecstasy. It's pretty cool, pretty freaking cool. And they make really intuitive lovers because they can kind of just have this natural sense about what the other needs and it's really beautiful. And the shadow side every single one has superpower and shadows. But the shadow is that because of that sensitivity, if too much is happening too fast, they can actually shut down or they can actually lose their pleasure, like once touch has been initiated. So they might love this. Like hover of the hand on their face, they can feel the warmth and they can actually lose their pleasure, like once touch has been initiated. So they might love this. Like hover of the hand on their face, they can feel the warmth and they can feel the energy, and then it's like, as soon as the hand touches, you're like oh, and then the pleasure is gone, like it's the almost touch, it's the like, oh, that anticipation. So that's the energetic, oh, that anticipation. So that's the energetic, the energetic in my life.
Speaker 4:The first thing that I changed in my life when I realized I was more. I'm a different blueprint but I have a lot of energetic in me. So my first thing that I did when I wasn't talking about sex and intimacy and passion was I looked at my calendar and I went I need more space. And so most of us with time management were taught to schedule everything out to the five-minute increment, and that totally works for some people, but I realized it wasn't working for me. It was causing me to shut down, as an energetic does when they feel overwhelmed by too much in their life or too much happening too fast in a sexual situation. I just deleted everything out of the calendar that wasn't like an appointment at a client session, like something that said I needed to be somewhere at a specific time. Everything else got deleted and oh the breath that I got to experience, the openness, the peace that I got to experience just with that one adjustment. So, yeah, so when I say the blueprints apply to life, they apply to life Inside and outside of the bedroom. They are a lifestyle. Inside and outside of the bedroom they are a lifestyle.
Speaker 4:The second blueprint is the sensual blueprint, and sensuals are turned on by all of the senses. So they're the people that have plants everywhere or they like pretty backgrounds in their places. I'm seeing your beautiful, pretty background that you caught going on. They tend to like their places, their spaces, clean, because they bring the beauty to sex. So in a sexual situation they may have like yummy smelling candles burning like chocolates on the nightstand, very white in the background, rose petals scattered, but not like scattered too much, because then that's just a mess, but enough to make the face beautiful. The superpower of this blueprint is that pleasure is a multi-sensory experience, like for me when I have really good food. You will know it because it'll be in my mouth and I will be going. Mm, if you've ever had like really good food and you've had a mouthgasm, you may be a sensual blueprint.
Speaker 4:The shadow side is that essentials can get really in their head, so sort of like that example that I had about the rose petals. But oh my gosh, if it's too many rose petals then it's a mess. It's like, oh, here's this beautiful environment and then all of a sudden you're in your head about the mess that's being created. Right now there's undies on the floor or, you know, candy wrappers on the floor now and like, then where does your pleasure go? You get into your head and then you lose out on the pleasure. I've got my plants everywhere. I have a really super soft comfort. I wear clothes that just. I let my body in the morning tell me we want to wear this today. Just I let my body in the morning tell me we want to wear this today. Let's go wear this today. My body tells me what's going to feel good on my skin. Essentials are all about the environment, all about the environment. So lifestyle y'all.
Speaker 4:The third blueprint is the sexual blueprint. The sexual blueprint is turned on by all the things that we tend to think of when we talk about sex Nudity, promise of an orgasm, penetration, all of that stuff the stuff that they teach us in sex ed if you were lucky enough to have at least a little bit of a sex education growing up, the nuts and bolts. The superpower of this blueprint is that they don't actually need a highly erotic context to experience turn on and arousal. They can just go zero not turned on at all to 500. Now, I'm extremely turned on and it doesn't take much For them. Sex is really simple. It doesn't require a whole lot. I personally believe that because of that simplicity, there's more of a playful, lighter or there can be a more playful lighter energy to this blueprint.
Speaker 4:The shadow side of this is that sort of what we talked about earlier is getting so focused on the goal in this case the goal being orgasm that they miss out on the journey. They miss out on everything that's available for them right now because they're so busy thinking about the thing that's ahead right now. Because they're so busy thinking about the thing that's ahead. And the other thing for this blueprint too, is that if orgasm doesn't happen, they can often experience shame, like they somehow quote-unquote failed. Shame is kind of a part of all of these in their own way, and each blueprint has a different flavor of shame that can come up because this is such vulnerable territory for most of us and I would be surprised I have yet to encounter a person who was just like I've never experienced any kind of sexual shame. We all have been in one way or another. So that's the sexual blueprint.
Speaker 4:The kinky blueprint is turned on by what is taboo for you. So a lot of times people hear me say the word kinky and they automatically assume oh, it's BDSM and it's not not that it can include that, but it's whatever is taboo for you, whatever pushes the edges for you. So the example that I hear used all the time is like if you're so used to having sex with the lights off, having sex with the lights on could be really kinky for you. Like it's something different, it's way more vulnerable. The lights are on oh boy, I can't hide that can be really edgy for some people. And superpowers of this blueprint are endless creativity and they tend to also be really, really great at consent conversations.
Speaker 4:Because of the edges that kink can push, it's important to have that container and that safety whenever you're engaging in any kind of kinky play, whether it's BDSM or lights on, because if you turn on the lights without somebody's consent, that could totally shut them down. Right? It's not something that you talked about for. Like endless creativity, they also can edge-pushing. This is a really edge-pushing blueprint. And so shame, depending on what the desire or if there's a fetish, whatever that desire may be. So Kinky Blueprint Out in the Wild for me looks an awful lot like. Kinky blueprint out in the wild for me looks an awful lot like how can I safely disrupt the rules? How can I safely push the edges? And I'm emphasizing safe safely, because for me it can be just as little.
Speaker 4:As you know, I was all throughout my life. I always followed the rules and I always did everything I was supposed to. So you'll catch me going in the outdoor at the grocery store almost all of the time Because the door says out, I am going in, I'm going to break this rule, I'm going to be rebellious. So you know it's so silly and yet it's just a way that I embrace my kinky in my life, you know. Another thing is the fact that I'm even an erotic blueprint coach, especially considering I was a school teacher before. Like you know, I had all these like really quote, unquote, proper things growing up that now, this is part of how I make my living is through erotic blueprints, and I'm like, wow, this feels like a pretty big rebellion to me. My existence is a kinky existence. I feel rebellious, just existing.
Speaker 4:I didn't talk about sexual out in the wild, because we kind of talked a lot about that, actually, earlier on in our conversation about the goal-oriented and missing out on things, and that's the sexual blueprint being lived by, most of us not realizing.
Speaker 4:So, anywho, the last one is the shapeshifter blueprint. So if you've been kind of all throughout going like, oh, that might be me, oh, that might be me, oh, that might be me, oh, that might be me, oh, that might be me, you may be a shapeshifter, because shapeshifters not only want all of the other blueprints to be addressed, but they actually need it to feel fully fulfilled, and so superpowers for a shapeshifter is that they are well-versed in all the blueprints. That's just something that comes naturally to them, because they need it all for themselves to feel fully fed, and the shadow side of that, though, is that they can resort to people pleasing in the bedroom. So if you know their partner is primarily sensual, they have the ability to shapeshift to being a sensual to please the partner. But then it's sort of the equivalent of you can like burgers, but if you had burgers every single day for every meal you'd kind of get sick of it. And that's a challenge for the shapeshifter. Is they like all the sensual things or they like all the energetic things, but if it's not mixed with the others, they end up feeling starved. We call that feeling starved for more and that's actually another shadow of the shapeshifter, because the way that shame can show up for a shapeshifter is in this feeling like they're too much, like they're demanding too much of their partner because they desire all of it.
Speaker 4:Okay, I threw a lot of information at you. Are you breathing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, great. Would you say, people can change their erotic blueprint. Oh, it can change, not like they purposely change it, but would you say, experiences, life time, whatever could change these?
Speaker 4:Oh, absolutely. When I first started the work, I took the Erotic Blueprint quiz and it was telling me that I was primarily kinky, which I've shared with you, kind of like how my kinky sort of shows up in my life. But as I've done the work and I've really, sensual was my lowest, if you can believe it. With how much I've talked about food, onual shapeshifter. I mean, I am a shapeshifter but it's like I tend to lean more toward energetic sensual.
Speaker 4:For most of us it's just because we don't realize that those are options, because we're taught that sex is this one thing and when we can find how the other languages or how the other blueprints play, it absolutely can shift over time. Most of the people that I've talked to that have done this work have shifted a lot over time. It's always flowing, it's always moving. There's always something new to play with or new to discover. And to the question about like, can we choose? Like a different blueprint, we can always choose to expand into. There's actually so many tools and techniques for each blueprint, depending on which one you want to expand into, and there's always room for expansion.
Speaker 2:Wow, that is so fascinating and I love how you explained the life portion of each, the superpower of each, the shadow of each. You explained that very, very well. Now, how would you suggest people utilize the superpower versus the shadow of their blueprint Huh, of their blueprint?
Speaker 4:Huh, I would say that step one probably just has to do with belief that the superpower can be embodied, whatever the superpower is. So you might be an energetic who hasn't had the experience of orgasms without being touched Pretty cool superpower to have. But if you're so used to overriding yourself for somebody else, that really compromises an energetic's safety. That really compromises an energetic's safety. No-transcript, I don't know that there's a way to completely be out of the shadow. I think there's a way of getting to a place where it's like oh, I'm recognizing, I'm in shadow right now. Surprise, and just having the recognition, having the language to be able to name it, to be able to go. Oh, you know what. I don't want to play here right now. I want to go more to this like superpower side. Yeah, safety and belief, I would say, would be like the top things for that.
Speaker 2:I like that. You said safety, you know. I think that's key to any type of pleasure, whether it's sexual pleasure, pleasure in life, pleasure in career, pleasure in anything Like. If you don't have that basic level of safety, if you don't feel safe, you can't feel pleasure. Your body won't let its guard down to feel the ability to embrace the pleasure you know.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, the ability to embrace the pleasure. You know, yeah, yeah, and because your body is literally, when you're in fight, flight. Your body, your brain, your body, everything is signaling life or death situation, whether you're actually running from a tiger or answering an email from your boss. Like our bodies react the same way. Step one is calm your nervous system, whatever that looks like for you. If that's breath, I love my weighted blanket. I was so resistant to trying it, but I love that thing For when I just feel stressed or overwhelmed or whatever. It's just like I'm being hugged by the universe right now and it feels amazing. That usually will do the trick for me. Super basic breath for me is just in for four, out for eight, just making the exhale twice as long as the inhale and it's like, okay, I can come back and maybe this is because I'm essential, but something to help bring safety is actually. This is from shoot.
Speaker 4:I forget the author's name, but his book is Positive Intelligence and he talks about meditation being something as simple as engaging one of your five senses for 10 seconds. So that could be like you have such a beautiful background, like if I wanted to do. It's called a PQ rep positive intelligence. Rep PQ. Like if I wanted to engage my sense of sight, I would pick one of those beautiful pictures that you have around you and, like, go into that purple, go deeply into that purple.
Speaker 4:Nothing else exists right now except for this beautiful purple. That's right there. And do that for 10 seconds and it just like starts that process of rewiring the brain so that you can invite more pleasure in. Another super easy one for touch is like putting your thumb and forefinger together like you're rolling a toothpick and just really being in that sense of touch. Like, oh, I can feel right now like the side of my thumb like really needs some moisturizer, but like I'm being really in the touch right now, like. So those are just some simple ways if you're looking to cultivate more safety so that you can invite in more pleasure, because the more pleasure that you can invite in, the safer you feel might as well be in a really cool one instead of like a downward one so anybody listening to us?
Speaker 2:they hear you talking about these erotic blueprints and they are intrigued to find out what those is and how to go more about this. What is your suggestion for them? How can they determine it and start embracing the superpowers?
Speaker 4:Yeah, so there is an erotic blueprint quiz. There is a free version that'll give you, I think it's like 10 questions or something like that. That'll give you an overview, like a really basic overview, but there is a paid version that offers something a lot more in depth. You'll actually get an email with a PDF booklet with your pleasure profile. It'll break down your percentages of each blueprint and it'll dive more deeply into your primary blueprint, because that's always a really good place to start if you know that you're really strong in a certain area, and it'll provide you with things that you can do to feed your blueprint practical steps. It's all there. That's a really great way to start. That's a really great way to start. Yeah, if you're wanting to go further, you already know like you want to go all the way in.
Speaker 4:There's the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough Course, which it's eight modules. They are jam-packed with, because a common question that I get is people get really excited and they want to take the quiz. They take the quiz and then their lover takes the quiz and they find out they have two completely different blueprints and they go particularly sexuals and energetics. So energetics, who need things to be super duper slow, and sexuals, who are turned on really, really fast. They always find each other and like get married and stuff. I have no idea, but it does happen. But what that course does is it helps you understand each other's blueprints and there's actually a module about speaking the blueprints. So using language of the other blueprints to speak to each other's turn-ons, even though you may have totally different pathways to turn on, it's really good. But you know what I do.
Speaker 4:Highly highly recommend, whether it's with me or if it's with another coach, I highly recommend getting one-on-one support so there is an option to do one-on-one coaching with me and get the course. We would go through the course you know together in our one-on-ones and stuff will come up and you likely will need somebody to talk to about the things that are coming up so you could do the course on its own. Highly highly recommend having a coach to be with you so that you number one, complete the course. Completion rate goes through the roof usually when there's one-on-one support, but also just so you have somebody there.
Speaker 4:I know for for me, my whole resistance in the beginning of the version of me who I don't want to talk about sex was because I actually had so much trauma that I wasn't ready to look at yet, and so I was working with my mentor at the time. I ended up getting a therapist on board as well. It was immensely helpful to have the one-on-one support with my therapist and I had group support with my mentor all at the same time. It was immensely helpful in pulling me through that journey so that I could move out of that fire flight that we talked about, cultivate that safety and get to the place where my life is pleasure.
Speaker 2:You know I've been doing the podcast over a year now, so I've spoken to so many coaches and there is a coach for everything, honestly, and I've learned that. But I gotta say I would think something like, whether it's sex, whether it's erotic blueprint, whatever realm in that area, would be one of the type of areas you'd need or want coaching the most, because there's one so much shame around it. Because, like you said, every single person has experienced some sort of sexual shame, even if it's not actual sex but something around the sexual experience. They've experienced that and it's not talked about a lot. Is there anything you don't want me to ask? You don't want me to talk about? Always ask that. It's just a respect thing in me and, other than finances, only thing I've heard people tell me oh, about my sex life, my love life, oh about my partner. One woman got divorced. Now she's seeing a woman. I don't want to talk about that. Fine, it's money or stuff that, yeah, that people don't talk about, nailed it on the head.
Speaker 2:You know that we, we all, have some sort of shame around it, like you know. So I think even more so, the things that society shames more so are the things that it's even more beneficial to have support with Whether you call that a coach, whether you call that a mentor, whatever that is for you because stuff's going to come up and then, when you're not talking to your friends and you're not talking to your family, then what? Then what? Yeah, yeah, you know, like I say all the time, like life gets hard, it's going to throw shit at you and like everybody and their brother mentions support and coaching and having people like the unbiased opinion, which I think is phenomenal, but even more so like people are not likely to have the sex conversation with their friends, like, okay, maybe you've got one best friend you talk to, but it was probably not a lot of people.
Speaker 2:I talked to all my friends about fitness. I, I talk to all my friends about fitness. I don't talk to all my friends about sex, even my friends who are not into fitness, even my friends who don't go to the gym, my fitness area of my life. It comes up, not like every day, all the time, but it comes up. There are plenty of people in my life I don't talk about sex to or I don't talk about money. It's those two.
Speaker 4:Can I share a super secret? It took sex for every single one of us to be here. In case you didn't know, you're welcome for that little tidbit, so like. There's a pretty huge portion of the population that does it, and every single one of us has to engage with money, and part of the reason I got the Sacred Money Archetypes certification as well was because I recognized that too is that it's either sex or money, or both. That's super fun. But all of the work that I do and all of the work that I've done for myself has been about reaching this place of like super self-acceptance, whether it's how you show up in the bedroom or how you show up with your money, and it's all a journey. We're not going to get it right on the first try, if there is even such thing as right, which I have questions about. So I think there's such thing as right for you, but whatever amorphous standard that we have out there about what is right, that doesn't exist. I don't think.
Speaker 2:How was the transition from being someone and growing up, being so proper to being an erotic blueprint coach? Was that like a challenge? Accepting it yourself and other people accepting this about you?
Speaker 4:now not really actually it felt so natural actually to kind once. I was kind of doing the work for myself already and it felt really natural to move into becoming a coach. Because what I noticed is that, knowing about the blueprints, I would listen to the way that some of my clients were talking and I was like, hmm, I bet she's a sensual, so let me assign some homework that has to do with what we talked about in our session. That might help ignite her sensual. Before I was even a coach, before I even was considering I'm going to go into the coaching program, and I was just like, okay, this feels like a logical next step, let me do this. And it did make for a little awkward conversation with my mom, but she was actually pretty accepting. The challenge was what I made. It was in my brain was like, oh my gosh, everybody's gonna think I don't know whatever I was making up in my head, but it was totally not true. So thank you, brain, for keeping me safe, but not needed that's amazing.
Speaker 2:I wasn't sure if you would have struggled a little bit with, like the people pleasing tendency and remaining quote unquote proper. That's great, though, that you didn't.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think probably more of the challenge was just navigating. But by the time I was going through the coaching program I had been out of the classroom for six or seven years. So I think that was a little bit more of my like. Who do I show up as? Because I had this Facebook page that was, you know, all of my teacher friends and like whatever.
Speaker 4:And I'm like surprise, how that, fine, surprise how that fine, it totally fine, and I think that was a little bit. More of the challenge was making that transition from like school teacher to I went copywriter for a little bit, just as I was getting my land legs in the coaching industry. Yeah, and then it went from there yeah, because that's a shift.
Speaker 2:When ages did you teach?
Speaker 4:I taught middle school, eighth grade. I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you did. I'm just also thinking of even you've got these like middle schoolers going through puberty and that time frame Okay.
Speaker 4:It's really interesting. It was my favorite time in my life growing up actually was middle school. I know that's the face I usually get, but here's why Because that was a time where it was like I got to try everything. I got to do everything. I got to be in band, I got to be in winter percussion, I got to play volleyball for a season, I got to be in drama. I got to do it all. And then it's like once you get into high school, you have to start kind of making choices, because you can't be missing volleyball practice all the time to go to band practice and vice versa, and everything's all overlapped at the same time. So I loved middle school personally. So to me it was a no brainer to be a middle school teacher.
Speaker 4:They're just fascinating at that age. They're just fascinating at that age because it's like they want you know they're kind of teenagers but there's still enough little kid in them that they like still kind of want your approval and they want their gold stars. But they don't want anybody to know that they want their gold stars, but they totally want their gold stars. But they totally want their gold stars. You know what I mean. Like it's just fun.
Speaker 2:I don't think I ever fully grew up out of middle school, to be perfectly honest that's an interesting comparison you had between middle school and high school, because you could do all the things in middle school versus you couldn't in high school. And it's only interesting to me because I had almost the opposite experience, because oh interesting, yeah, my middle school was a private Catholic school. I started going there in preschool mainly because it was the only school that was open longer days and my mom worked and she didn't have anybody to get me at 11 am. So I was there preschool till eighth grade, but the only extracurricular was basketball. The town that we were in was a different town than I lived in and I did not want to play with the kids from the town I lived in because I didn't know that. I was like I ain't playing with them. I wanted to play for even the public school of where I was and they're like we went and tried to sign me up. They're like you can't do that.
Speaker 2:So I went to high school and I was doing everything. If I could do it, I was doing it, and my mom was so mad she's a saint but like they had indoor lacrosse to help you prep for the lacrosse season, well, I was going to do. Do this. We buy all the stuff, spent two hundred dollars on lacrosse gear. It was great. I didn't play lacrosse come the regular season. Then I played softball because I was trying everything. My mom was like me and her do not even play, so I never was on the actual lacrosse team because it was like pre-indo lacrosse, like it wasn't actual.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but I did everything. You, because of the training, like, yeah, yes, but yes, I did almost everything in. Each year I switch one fall I did cheerleading. One fall I did volleyball. I I would always switch one year I did they had dare ball, which was like basketball, but it was a little less serious Did that one year. I did it all. How fun. I ran for treasurer. They didn't award me treasurer and now my high school class kind of sucks. So I'm taking matters into my own hands and I'm planning a 10-year reunion For you.
Speaker 4:I will say I have one thing that I wish I would have tried in middle school and I may have continued it into high school, I'm not sure, but I do wish I would have tried cheer. I ended up having to quit because all the basketball games that we were supposed to be cheering at were on the same nights as concerts for wind ensemble. So I had to make the choice again, hated it, but I wouldn't trade all that learning that I did, and being able to throw another human up in the air is pretty cool.
Speaker 2:No, it is. So I've asked a lot of guests that's not all the guests but have you ever experienced a big aha moment where something shifted and you were like, oh, OK?
Speaker 4:but and I can't remember what was going on in that session with my mentor that led to this point but I had this moment of like wow, this person that I thought I was supposed to be it's not who I want to be number one, and it's essentially everybody else putting their shit on me. None of that is mine and, oh my gosh, I actually really love the person who's here, the person who actually is here, that is me. And when I had that big aha moment and when I had that big aha moment, that shifted everything, because now everything is this playful new discovery. I feel like I'm back in middle school, where it's like I'm getting to just try all these different things and maybe I like this, or maybe all these things that I thought I didn't like, maybe they actually are a part of me and it's created this real play with how I go about life, because everything just feels like play.
Speaker 4:I gave myself the space yesterday to just walk around a craft store. I went up and down every single aisle just to see if anything spoke to me and I walked out with some Hello Kitty charms that I think I'm going to turn into earrings, but I got a little like confused about what else I needed to buy in order to make earrings happen. But I got the charms and I got a little crochet kit where I can make like little crochet animals and I was like you know, because I was never the artistic in that way not visual art kid of my cousins, but both of the girl cousins I have one on my dad's side and one on my mom's side they have always been like super crafty and artistic and so I grew up with like the story of that's not me Well, this is an area of quote unquote, that's not me that I'm getting to explore for myself right now Like maybe I actually am pretty crafty and I just didn't know and I shut myself down.
Speaker 2:I love all of that. Wow, that is, that's amazing. Let's talk about money.
Speaker 4:Well, we talked about sex, let's talk about money.
Speaker 2:well, we talked about sex, let's talk about money I am so down for that and we can dive more into that certification you got, because I would love to. But also we have already been chatting for an hour and a half and I know that it was yeah, spry and he was the one guest. I forgot to even say before him do you have a time limit? I'm getting hungry.
Speaker 4:So we've got about 10 minutes before I turn into a monster no, have you heard of a man named jay shetty?
Speaker 2:yes, love him, big, big fan. He's got a podcast. It's called on purpose. I haven't heard every episode so I don't know if he does this in every episode, but he's got two ending segments that he ends it with and I loved them so I started incorporating them to my podcast. You ready, yeah, questions, and they gotta be answered in one word. Each Um, we laugh after it's like a Okay, the many sides to us. What is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as Playful? What is one word that someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you as weird? What is one word you'd use to describe yourself silly? What is one word that, if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset, would use to describe you as Immature? What is one word you're trying to embody right now Luxury. The second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in up to a sentence. What is the best advice you've heard or received?
Speaker 4:Follow the threads of pleasure. It'll never steer you wrong.
Speaker 2:What is the worst advice you've heard or received? Work now, play later. Why is that the worst?
Speaker 4:Because the work is never done unless you do the laundry naked.
Speaker 2:I'm so curious if anyone's ever done that or if that is just like being an erotic coach. No one's ever told you they've done that before.
Speaker 4:There are a lot of things that people have told me that they do naked, and unfortunately laundry has not been one of them. I only done it a couple times, because then I run into the problem of like, where do I sit?
Speaker 2:You won't sit on your couch or your bed naked.
Speaker 4:Well, my bed. But then it's like why don't you sit dirty? Isn't that like dirty the sheets, aren't you dirty?
Speaker 2:I don't know what if I sweat. Well, we would literally sit on the couch, butt ass naked, watch TV or go about doing whatever. I didn't have a podcast at the time, but I would just be on social media sitting on my phone, but that's it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so work now, play later.
Speaker 2:And what I find in adulthood is that when we don't actually schedule the play, it will never make its way on our schedule that makes a lot of sense, because there's always something else we could do, even if it's something as basic as like a chore, like we mentioned. What is something that you used to value, that you no longer value? Status? Okay, if you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?
Speaker 4:someone was reading it. What would you want it to say? I would want it to say that I had a hand in creating a better world, because I helped guide people back to themselves, back to their love for themselves, so that they're also out, not so that that's enough in and of itself is coming back to love for you, for you, for no other reason other than than you, because you're worthy of that and the side effects tend to be that we navigate the world with so much more kindness and compassion and that filters out into communities and out and out and out into an entire world. That's what I would want to say.
Speaker 2:If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? And I want to know why.
Speaker 4:Everyone would have to follow. Everyone would have to follow. That's hard because that feels like a, that feels like a free will violation right there. So I'm like ah, okay, so the law being that everybody who chooses to and wants it has access to services, coaches, therapists, guides to help them in their own personal development.
Speaker 4:And why we need to choose it. We need to choose it. If we're not choosing it, if it's being forced on us, it's just forced on us. It's just more rules that you're following to break away from the rules that you were following as a younger person and heal from Go ahead. Oh, I would want everybody to have access to some kind of personal development, should they choose it, because I think it's so valuable. We don't know how much we fight ourselves until we actually get to experience the relief of not fighting ourselves every step of the way, and it opens us up to more creativity. And again back to that legacy piece of kindness. I love that.
Speaker 2:I really love that. Now, where can listeners connect with you if they want to get in touch and chat with you?
Speaker 4:Yeah, so my website is mallorykirstencom. That is a way to connect with me. I am most active on Facebook because that is where millennials my age hang out, and that is mallorykirsten.888. And I'm the joy goddess on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 2:Awesome. I will link all of that in the show notes and, before we fully wrap up, I do like to just give it back to the guest. Any final words of wisdom, but just anything you want to leave the listeners with.
Speaker 4:Sprinkle pleasure on your life like glitter, because if you've ever done anything with glitter, that will get everywhere I love it.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you so much. This was amazing and, yes, we we've got to do this again and chat money and shame around that. Let's do it. I'm so, I'm so down, I'm so down. Well, thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mander's Mindset. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to that really fun and engaging episode with Mallory.
Speaker 2:I wanted to share a few of my biggest takeaways. One thing that really stuck out to me was how Mallory talked about how we have been taught to put off our pleasure or our joy for something else, and that whole work now play later mindset. Mallory is done with it and you should be done with it too. Mallory talked about how pleasure is the point. Whether you're enjoying savory food, whether it's a creative project, you're doing whatever it is, pleasure is the whole point. It doesn't need to be something that you quote, unquote, earn once you finish, whatever it is, because that's the thing, even as Mallory and I emphasize the work is never done. Whether it's sweeping, whether it's working on your business, whether it's editing a podcast, there will always be something to work on. Do not push off your joy and pleasure. Honestly, that reminder hit me hard. The work is never fully done, so why wait to enjoy life? You'll be waiting forever.
Speaker 2:Mallory also introduced me to the concept of erotic blueprints. You can also find the link in the show notes to take the quiz to find out your own erotic blueprint. But you can think of them as the love languages, but for intimacy and pleasure which makes so much sense. And it's not just about sex or sexual desires. It's about understanding yourself at the core and what lights you up inside and outside of the bedroom. Learning this can shift the way you approach your whole life, from your relationships to your career, to how you schedule your day. You schedule your day, and the biggest aha moment for me was when Mallory said if you're feeding yourself hate, it doesn't matter if you're eating a salad or a cookie, and I was like whoa, whoa, let that sink in. That was a big reminder to watch how we talk to ourselves.
Speaker 2:As I've shared on a few different episodes, I used to tell myself inside my head and call myself the inner fat kid. Saying this shameful thing to myself affected me. It affected how I showed up in relationships. It affected my mindset. It affected how I scheduled my days. It affected what I did. It affected who I spent time with. It affected it all. This was a big reminder for me and all of us that if you're shaming yourself through life, you are never going to feel truly good. Even if you accomplish things, they're not going to feel like accomplishments, no matter what you accomplish. So here's what I want you to think about when can you add more joy into your life right now? What's one thing you can do just because it feels good.
Speaker 2:Start there. I hope this episode helped you rethink how you approach not only pleasure but everything in your life. And if you're ready to take the erotic blueprint quiz and find out your erotic blueprint, that is in the show notes. You can also connect with Mallory on her website or on social media. Her information is in the show notes as well. And thank you guys, so much for tuning in to another episode of Mander's Mindset. If you enjoyed the show, I'd really appreciate it if you left a rating, left a review and shared this episode with anyone you think would benefit from hearing it. If you're watching this on YouTube, leave me a comment, subscribe so you are updated on when the next episode releases. And as a reminder, amanda's Mindset is going on hiatus from February 2nd to March 10th and we will return with a new episode on March 10th. I am heading off to Bali for the month of February for an intensive sound healing training. We will be back with new episodes Monday, march 10th. Thanks, guys.
Speaker 3:Until next time. In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you, I'm rooting for you and you got this, as always. If you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five star rating, leave a review and share it with anyone you think would benefit from this. And don't forget you are only one mindset. Shift away from shifting your life. Thanks, guys, until next time.
