Manders Mindset
Hosted by Amanda Russo, The Breathing Goddess, who is a Breathwork Detox Facilitator, Transformative Mindset Coach, and Divorce Paralegal.
Amanda's journey into mindset and empowerment began by working with children in group homes and daycares. She later transitioned to family law, helping people navigate the challenging emotions of divorce. During this time, Amanda also overcame her own weight and health challenges through strength training, meditation, yoga, reiki, and plant medicine.
Amanda also shares her personal journey, detailing how she transformed obstacles into opportunities by adopting a healthier, holistic lifestyle.
Discover practical strategies and inspiring stories that will empower you to break free from limitations and cultivate a mindset geared towards growth and positivity.
Tune in for a fun, friendly, and empowering experience that will help you become the best version of yourself.
Manders Mindset
Reparent Yourself: How the Adult Chair Model Helps You Heal & Align with Jenny Jansen | 118
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In this empowering episode of Manders Mindset, host Amanda Russo chats with Jenny Janssen, a licensed independent social worker, therapist, and certified Adult Chair Master Coach. Together, they explore the transformative journey of self-discovery, healing, and living authentically. Jenny opens up about her experiences growing up as the “neon purple sheep” of her family, navigating culture shocks, overcoming a life-changing quarter-life crisis, and discovering her life’s purpose.
Jenny introduces the Adult Chair model as a practical framework to help people understand their inner child, adolescent, and adult selves—and how these stages shape how we show up in life. She also shares actionable tools like breathwork and self-compassion, explaining how they help release stuck emotions and bring us closer to alignment. Whether you’re looking to heal from past experiences, live more intentionally, or simply embrace your truest self, this episode will leave you feeling inspired and ready to take the next step.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
- How the Adult Chair model helps identify and heal emotional patterns from childhood and adolescence.
- Why reparenting yourself with compassion is essential for personal growth.
- How breathwork can unlock stuck emotions and deepen your connection with your body.
- The importance of living authentically and the ripple effect it creates in the world.
- Why every experience—good or bad—can serve as a stepping stone for growth and transformation.
Episode Highlights:
- [2:15] Jenny’s philosophy on living as “love and light” and its impact on raising collective joy.
- [5:42] Growing up as the “neon purple sheep” of her family and how childhood dynamics shaped her emotional world.
- [12:30] Moving from New York to South Carolina and navigating the culture shock at age 11.
- [21:18] Viewing life as a stage: How different aspects of our personality emerge in different situations.
- [27:40] Breaking down the Adult Chair model and understanding how it can guide intentional living.
- [49:15] Reparenting yourself: How to meet your inner child and adolescent with love and compassion.
- [1:08:22] The power of breathwork to release stuck emotions and reconnect with the body.
- [1:16:44] Jenny’s advice on becoming the fullest expression of yourself and finding alignment.
To Connect with Amanda:
~ linktree.com/thebreathinggoddess
~ Instagram @thebreathinggoddess
~ TikTok @thebreathinggoddess
~ Join the Manders Mindset Facebook Community HERE!
~ Follow Manders Mindset on Instagram HERE!
~ Explore Amanda’s NEW podcast: Breathwork Magic(Available on all major platforms or you can listen on Apple!)
To Connect with Jenny Janssen:
~Website: www.trueconsciousliving.com
~Instagram, Facebook, TikTok: @trueconsciousliving
Resources Mentioned:
~ The Adult Chair Podcast by Michelle Chalfant: The Adult Chair
~ Book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
~ Podcast: We Can Do Hard Things by Glennon Doyle
Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast. Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers and a variety of other people when your host, Amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective and her guest's mindset and perspective on the world around us. Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.
Speaker 3:Welcome to Mander's Mindset where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to shift your life. I'm your host, Amanda Vucek, and I am here today with Jenny Janschen, and she is a licensed independent social worker of a clinical practice and a certified adult chair master coach. Thank you so much for joining me. Thanks, Amanda. So who would you say? Jenny is at the core.
Speaker 4:I often say that Jenny, at the core is just love and light, and I know it sounds kind of cheesy and woo-woo, but like I really believe that my divine purpose here on the planet is just to help people to see who they are before the world told them about me. And I think at our core we're all here to share love, to share our authenticity and to be the best and highest versions of ourselves. And so I like to just embody that for myself, because I feel like when we are able to kind of be who we're here to be on the planet, that we give everyone else permission to do the same, and it just kind of raises that vibration of joy and love and acceptance and that's just kind of what I strive for.
Speaker 3:I love that. That's awesome. Can you take us down memory lane a little bit? Tell us about your foundation, family, dynamic, childhood, however deep you want to go with that.
Speaker 4:Okay, so I am the middle child, only girl. I have an older brother and a younger brother and I was always told that I was the light of the house, I was the energy of the house. Both of my brothers are very we were all I'd like to say. I'm relatively intelligent, but my brothers were very book smart and I was more of the personality, the loud one, and so with that I think people were drawn to that energy, but also it. I think at times it also made me feel a little bit like an outcast. I was like I don't always.
Speaker 4:I felt very different than my brothers growing up. You know, I was the one who was loud and dancing around and all this stuff and they kind of were into their books and their numbers and all this stuff. We got along pretty well growing up and everything, and even still today. But there was definitely a shift where I realized that I was different and I didn't necessarily think that it was a negative thing all the time. And I didn't necessarily think that it was a negative thing all the time, but it made it difficult for me to really understand my emotional side, because my brothers were very logical and so me being more of an emotional child. I felt kind of like started therapy first, I was the one that kind of got into more of my own healing journey I would say more so than the rest of my family did and so I kind of see that as a superpower in a sense, because I feel like I knew myself well enough to know that that's what I needed, even though it wasn't really, I guess, common talk necessarily, until it came to the point where I needed to be common talk. And so I kind of see that as a strength of mine, that, you know, I feel like I'm very intuitive and knew what I needed, but also didn't always have the language to say what I needed, because it wasn't kind of a typical topic of conversation, I guess.
Speaker 4:So you know, I moved when I was 11 from New York to South Carolina, so that was kind of a culture shock and you know. So, just learning how to navigate, who I am and you know the things that I liked and didn't like, and you know it's just kind of typical teenage stuff I would say. But yeah, so I think growing up that I would say I call myself the neon purple sheep of my family, you know, and I mean that with the most loving. You know. I love my family. We, you know, we jive, we get along. But I think that kind of pins the point where I felt very different, whether it wasn't really anything that they did. It was just kind of how I felt and because I was always very loud and bright and didn't always feel like I fit in. But I kind of navigated and made it through and here I am today.
Speaker 3:Okay, and now at 11, you moved from New York to South Carolina. Now I'm from Massachusetts, so I've spent plenty of time in New York. That is definitely a culture shock. How was that?
Speaker 4:for you. It was challenging. I spent summers and Christmases down south because my mom's family is down here, and you know it was challenging. Though making that shift from just spending vacations in South Carolina with my cousins to actually school and leaving my dad's side of the family is very. We're all really close up there too, and so I think the culture shock of it the South is a lot slower there's.
Speaker 4:You know people want to know you a little bit more than they do in the North. Nothing against the North. I still love, you know, everybody up there, but it is just culturally very different, and so I kind of had to get used to people wanting to engage in my life. I still remember the first day of sixth grade and we moved in October and this kid it, came up to me and like, oh, let me see your schedule, and he kind of like went to grab it from my hand and I ripped it back from him. I was like excuse you, and I was like because he, I ripped it back from him. I was like excuse you, and I was like because he was imposing on my face and I was like I was not used to people being so, you know, engaged and energetic, like just like, oh, I want to get to know you. It's like everyone kind of like just did their own thing and you know, it's just, it was just very different. And then I remember one of my friends in sixth grade she didn't tell me this until high school. She's like I was afraid not to be friends with you because you were kind of a bitch and I was like, oh, like I had no idea that. That's like the persona that I was giving out.
Speaker 4:So again, kind of going back to that like who am I and how, how do I present versus how do I feel? Because on the inside I was a very emotional child and I think I masked that with that. I don't need anybody that hyper independent, but I still, deep down, really wanted that you know, nurture, like that connection, and so it was a really challenging time and even more you know, as I got older and learn more about, interestingly, astrology. You know I'm an Aries is my sun sign, which is very fiery. You know outward, you know bull in a china shop kind of thing. But my moon sign is cancer, which is very like the crab. It's very, you know, nurturing and loving, and so what I'm learning more about astrology actually speaks more to my, the personality that I feel like I'm stepping into more than the persona that I feel like I was putting out there as, like that, that fiery perspective, if that makes sense.
Speaker 4:So, like, the more I learn about different aspects of my personality, I'm learning how to integrate those, even to this day and looking back and saying, oh, that's why I wasn't the way I was or that's how I you know, different aspects of my personality kind of came out. So it's been kind of this unfolding journey of yeah, I can look back at myself at 11 or even younger, when I lived in New York versus when I moved, and I feel like they were. I feel like I've lived like 16,000 lifetimes and I'm not even 40. So it's, you know, I feel like I'm always evolving and changing just with the changing of the wind. So you know a lot of things that I feel like my soul's here to experience and I often say I'm giving my soul pride in this life.
Speaker 3:I feel the same way. People tell me all the time how young I am, but I'm like, I feel like I lived like thousands of lives by now and it's interesting you mentioned you noticed the culture shock. Even so, young, I lived in Massachusetts my whole life and lived in Rhode Island for part of my life and then I spent a few months where I lived in Florida and it wasn't long and everybody's like, oh, you won't experience the culture I did. I did experience the culture shock because even at one point I was standing, I was waiting for like transportation and then some guy started talking to me and I remember asking my boyfriend I'm like, why is this guy talking to me? And he's like people just talk to each other and I was so blown away. So when you mentioning the schedule, I was like I, I relate to that.
Speaker 4:I relate to that, something so subtle but you're like and it and it and it blows your mind. I remember being in New York with my dad, actually after this was long after we moved I was at high school probably and my dad would travel back and forth for work all the time. And he's like I'm going to show you something and we're driving down the road and he started waving at people, cause that's what we do in the South. It's like you know, you're in the neighborhood and you're driving and you're just kind of like waving, hey, neighbor, kind of thing, and we counted the number of people that literally would like turn their heads to like who is that guy? Why is he waving at me? And it's just like even just that subtle thing was so I was just like, oh my gosh, I forgot people, don't? You know?
Speaker 4:In the way of like growing up, especially like your preteen teenager, like your brain is still developing and so you're still learning about the world and about yourself and where you sit, and to learn that there are so many different dynamics and the ways that we change our personality to fit the environment that we're in, I think is really I don't know, to me like looking back at different areas, like, oh, wow, that's when that aspect of my personality came out. And then when I was, when this stage of my life, this aspect of my personality came out and I've often like, even when I'm working with clients, you know, as a therapist and life coach, it's like you know, I often think about the metaphor of like life's the stage, you know, and so there are going to be certain acts and scenes where it's like, okay, now my eerie, fiery personality, like you know, that's the lead cast member of this scene and this act and this you know, on the stage. And then it's like, okay, now, in this next phase, okay, this character is off, okay, now comes out the nurturing side and then this character. So it's almost like this revolving door of all of these different parts of us that each have different opportunities and different experiences in life to be able to shine. It doesn't mean that we're necessarily masking up or changing our personalities so much as it is.
Speaker 4:We're so multifaceted that there's going to be a different side of me that comes out when I'm you know than when I have dinner with friends or when I'm like you know. So it's I don't know. It's this one of those things, existential aspects of life, that I contemplate a lot. It's like you know, the different parts of our personality, versus masking up and being somebody, and I think it's more of an internal focus versus an external focus. Am I changing my personality to fit the environment or am I just allowing a different part of my personality to come out that still feels organic to me but doesn't? Does that make sense?
Speaker 3:It does completely and, you know, it kind of ties back into what you mentioned before and I really want to highlight that because I love that but about how do I present myself first, how do other people see me? You know, like, whereas you think you're presenting yourself one way and you mentioned your friend was like I had to be your friend because you I thought you were too much of a bitch to not be your friend, which you didn't realize, you have that persona which is so, so interesting, you know, and I like how you mentioned the stage. I think that's a great way, like whether you stay a stage, a show, a season, like you know, like there's different aspects of it and, you know, I love how you mentioned multiple characters, even if it's not different environments. That's a great point about holding a baby versus out with your friends.
Speaker 3:Regardless of you are, you're gonna show up differently. You know, with those two things I could visualize that perfectly. Like I don't have kids myself, but I'm an aunt and one of my cousins just recently had a baby. So like I can really see that when you know, no matter who you are, your age, your gender, anything about yourself, that's a perfect example that you're going to show up differently it's all about, like the soul connection.
Speaker 4:To me it's like who am I like? The first question you asked me who am I like? Heart, soul, like deep down at my core, and I see that as, like you know, the soul that I was created to be, I truly believe, is here to spread love and authenticity and help people to be the best persons of themselves. And showing up authentically like I said myself I feel like gives others permission to do the same, and not just me. Anybody Like whenever we're our authentic selves, I think it gives other people permission to show up as their authentic selves. And back to the example of the stage and part of my life coaching certification is through a model called the adult chair, which all talks about the stages of life, as the child chair, which is zero to six, and then the adolescent chair is age seven to 24. And the adult chair is 20, cabin up, theoretically speaking. So the child, developmentally, you know, because we start absorbing things in utero. So that's why it's zero to six and that's when we're most impressionable, that's where our core needs, our core emotions develop and we are playful, we're exploratory, we're curious, but we're also the most susceptible because we don't have discernment to know what is true and what is untrue. We're kind of just sponges, we take it all in, whether it's fact or not, and so that's where a lot of times, our beliefs about the world and about ourselves come from our primary caregivers, our teachers. We start to kind of create a blueprint or a basis for who we are in the world. You know, like you were talking about gender, everything from, oh, you're a good girl, you're a dancer, you're this, it's like okay, well, this is who I am, and so this is the persona I have to hold up. But around the age of seven, our ego comes online, just the ways that our brain develops, and we start to realize, like, hold on a second, I'm separate, I'm different from this person. If you think about preschool age kids and kindergarten age kids, like they're just friends with everybody. But then when you get into first, second, third grade, they're like, oh, boys are gross or girls are gross. And then it's like you start to realize that separation and the comparison of, oh, I'm smarter than this person, or I'm more athletic than this person or less athletic, and we start to play the comparison game.
Speaker 4:And when I often explain this 7 to 24, which is pre-adolescence, adolescence, post-adolescence I often think about. The question is who did I have to become in order to belong, and who did I have to become in order to receive love? And so sometimes we become codependent, sometimes we become people pleasers, the class clown. This is where we become addicted, to be honest, because this is when our core needs and our core emotions become too much. Because if I'm crying and I'm told, oh, your feelings are too much, or don't be a crybaby, I risk attachment, I risk that belonging that we're seeking. And so what do I do? Is I learn to shut my emotions down because it's not acceptable to people around me.
Speaker 4:And so addiction is one way to do that, but obviously mostly in the later adolescent years, hopefully sometimes mid. But this could be addiction to being busy, it could be addiction to work, it can be addiction to achievement. It doesn't have to be addiction to substances. And so this is where we live in a past and the future. We live in story and assumption, because we're trying to navigate the world to see where do I fit and where do I belong, so that I can receive that love and safety that that child is looking for. Right, all the child wants is to be loved and to know that they belong, and so we spend our adolescent chair years trying to figure that out. Now the thing is at 25, biologically, we become adults Between 25 and 30, our prefrontal cortex is online and that's where our executive functioning is. And, you know, if we had the right tools that we were taught growing up, we can slide into that adult chair where we are present, where we can set boundaries, we can feel our emotions, we live in fact and truth over story and assumption. We can stay grounded when we're triggered. We're not as impulsive or reactive as we are in that adolescent phase. We're able to pause and slow down and make effective decisions.
Speaker 4:The problem is is that how many of us are taught those tools? I swear we need like this kind of stuff in schools instead of you know learning function tables and you know the layers of the ocean floor, and it's like you know these tools that we need to learn in order to be functional adults. Many of us are not taught, you know. So I have clients that are in their 40s, 50s, 60s that are like I'm still living in my adolescent chair, like I don't have a healthy you know. So that's part of the work that I do is to help them access that healthy adult and realize where they're stuck in either those inner child or inner adolescent you know tendencies so that they can live a more crowded and healthy life.
Speaker 4:So, talking about the masks and the characters on stage, that kind of rotate around, you know, sometimes those characters on stage are not healthy. Or they were healthy at one point. They were adaptive because they got us what we needed at the time. But here we are, 10, 20 years later, and we're still using the same quote-unquote tools that we did when we were 12 or that we did when we were 20, when it's like, okay, wait, maybe that doesn't work anymore. So we have to learn those new tools and introduce new characters onto the stage that we can then integrate in a body so that we can be in charge of our lives, instead of letting those inner adolescent, inner child parts run the show.
Speaker 3:That makes so much sense. I want to backtrack just a tad. So when you went down south when you were 11, now high school and then college did you do high school down south, oh yeah, and then in South Carolina and did you go to college down there.
Speaker 4:And I became a teacher. So I got my undergrad in elementary education and I was a teacher for four years. I taught fifth grade and then, lovingly now I call it my quarter life crisis Around 26, I quit my job and floundered around for a couple years, had my own little like I don't know breakdown, breakthrough, whatever you want to call it. And then so long story short, very short is like I kind of crumbled in those two years and then, at 28, I went back to grad school at USC and got my master's in social work and became a therapist and then, I guess it was about five years later four or five years later I discovered the adult chair. I got certified as a life coach, and so now I kind of have a dual practice where I do some therapy and some coaching, depending on what each individual is looking for.
Speaker 3:So what made you decide? Therapy and social work was what you wanted to make the shift to.
Speaker 4:So I say function tables and the layers of the ocean floor earlier because those were two of my least favorite things to teach when I was a fifth grade teacher, Because to me I had 10 and 11 year olds who were going through a lot of really hard things. You know, I taught in the Title I school, which is a lot of higher poverty, lower income and a lot more challenges both socioeconomically and you know so a lot of times what I realized is when I felt the most inspired at work when I was a teacher was when my kids would come to me and say Ms Jansen, can I sit with you at lunch or can I walk? Can you walk with us? Or my brother just went to jail, or, you know, I'm struggling with this friend. Maybe we can work up with me, you know, with the new 10-year-olds. But it's like that was when I felt so inspired and alive, is when I was having those meaningful connections with my, with my students, and so I would get so burnt out and resentful over having to I hate to say waste my time like spend my time planning for the layers of the ocean floor and function tables and things that they really did not eat. They needed emotional skills, they needed mindset shifts. They needed these tools that we would have to limit to a 15-minute walk at recess or a 15-minute lunch, when I'm not navigating everybody else's behavior problems.
Speaker 4:I think that I realized that I always wanted to help people and I always felt like I was really good at being relational and connecting and I didn't feel like I was able to do that in the way that really honored the gifts that I have, and so that's what made me think about going into social work. I thought about counseling, but social work is kind of a wider umbrella. That's why I have clinical practice, but there's also an advanced track where you can do advanced practice, where you could do organizations and community stuff. It's the same amount of time, but I would have more of a wide net to cast if I ever decided that I wanted to go into a different field. I decided on social work because I wanted to connect. I like the one-on-one connection. I like to really get to know people and form a relationship around things that mean something to them. You know, I would say about 99% of my kids probably don't remember the layers of the ocean floor, but the ones that I can stick with and talk to them about their parents getting divorced. You know I have had students that have reached out to me since then on social media. You know like they're like Ms Jansen, I still remember when we had this conversation or I still remember when you did the.
Speaker 4:That's what made me switch to social work or that's what made me switch to being a therapist is because that meaningful connection is one of my top values and I wanted to be able to form meaningful relationships with people that can really change, not just know that one fifth grade year of their life. I want it to impact other areas of their life. You know the people I mean I work with. I have a handful of adolescents, but most of the people I work with are adults that are looking to kind of go back and see, like, holy crap, I'm still living in my adolescent chair, my inner child, and it's learning how to bridge the gap, how to have those meaningful connections and meet them with compassion and authenticity. And, just like you know, it's not your fault that you're here, it's not your fault that this happened. So what are we going to do? Take ownership and agency over your life and heal those parts. Show up for those younger parts of you that didn't get the love and nurturing that they needed.
Speaker 4:I think about my students all the time, when it comes to even seeing some of them on social media, like some of them have kids, and you know so. It's like thinking about the impact, the generational impact, that some of these meaningful connections can actually have. You know they're not going to be teaching. There's a huge floor. They're going to be teaching their kids those emotional and social and mental mindset shifts that really make an impact on the broader trajectory of life. I guess and nothing against my role as a teacher. I honor and I love teachers. I respect the hell out of you. I would not be who I am today if I didn't go through my stint of being a teacher and I still feel like I'm a teacher. I'm just a teacher at a different capacity and I honor every stage and it all has meaning. Even the quarter-life crisis had a lot of meaning. I learned a lot in the depths of hell. I'll tell you that.
Speaker 3:That's a very good point, though I've never been a teacher myself, but I had a few years where I worked in a group home. So I saw, like a lot of the lack of life skills per se that we're teaching our adolescents, you know, and it's like there's just whether it's algebra, math, ocean floor, like there's more that I feel like we could really definitely be helping our kids with, you know. So I I understand why, like that was a frustration for you, but I love how you still made that work, you know, even though while unfortunately it wasn't what you wanted to do at the time, you still found ways to almost counsel the kids, you know, like even before you fully made that shift and I'm sure that helped a lot of them.
Speaker 4:I mean, I like to think so. But even if it wasn't I'm not saying that I was magic wand on all of my kids and they all, everyone had a great life, even if I could just make a difference in that one year. I didn't know what they were going home to, I didn't know what they were experiencing on the playground, like there. But I think that even if they knew that I was a safe place to land and that's all I could do and that's what I had to do for those four years. So I wanted to take them all home. I was like anyone that was like just, I wish I could just take you all home with me. But I think that what and I still employ this with my, you know, with my counseling and life coaching it's like if I can just be, even if it is for this, whatever time that I'm with a person, they are my 100% focus and they know that I'm a safe place to land and that I'm there. I can't necessarily control what happens outside of my time with them, but if I can offer the best of what I've got in every single interaction that I have, not just with clients but with everybody, you know, with friends, with family, with people at the grocery store, how can we be the best and brightest versions of ourselves? Because there's so much crap in the world, there's so much hardship, there's just so many hard things that we just don't even know what people are facing.
Speaker 4:I think about that sometimes. My Nana passed away. She was 100 years old. She was my heart and soul.
Speaker 4:A couple of days later I had to go to Lowe's to get something for my yard or whatever. I was in such grief. I remember just walking around and I'm just like people have no idea that I am crumbling on the inside right now. And it made me think about, like, how we walk around. You know even just the people at the grocery store or people at the restaurant, and it's like you have no idea what is going on in their internal world. And it's like the masks that we wear of like yep, everything's good. I'm just here eating my food, or I'm just here getting my groceries, the masks that we wear of like yep, everything's good, I'm just here eating my food, or I'm just here getting my groceries. It's like you don't know that, like you know they didn't just have to put their dog to sleep or that they, you know, and it just when you can experience your own crap and you experience your own darkness. I think in a way it shines light on the common humanity and helps us to see the common humanity in other people and knowing that, like none of us get out of this life alive without going through hardship and pain, but if we can like tap into, I think the deeper we can feel our darkness, the more compassion we can show up for other people.
Speaker 4:You know, know my mentor, michelle Chalfant, who did the adult chair certification that I did and the master coaching. She says you can only take your clients as deeply as you've got yourself. And I hadn't realized that until I really reflected on the depths of my own darkness and that quarter life crisis that I talked about, because there's no way in hell I would be the counselor and coach that I am had I not gone through the things that I've been through, because I can empathize differently. You know, it's like when you have that lived experience, I may not understand every issue that every client has. That comes to me Like I've never experienced divorce, I've never experienced the loss of a child. I mean there's so many things that I've not experienced that my clients come to me with, but I can say that I know what it feels like to feel powerless, to feel despair, to feel deep grief, to feel sadness, to feel confusion, to feel lost, Like I've experienced all of that and I know I'll continue to experience it. But at the same time, I think when we can tap into our own emotional experiences, it helps us to really see that I might not understand what it's like to go through a divorce, but I understand what it's like to be at a crossroads in your life and not know what direction to go, and so I can feel with them that deep pain, because the pain is universal. The trigger, what causes the pain, is one thing, but if you can connect with people on the lived experience of that pain and of that hardship, it helps us to really relate to each other and show compassion rather than judgment.
Speaker 4:I hate when I'm like I just need somebody to listen. Or clients come to me and sometimes they're like I just need somebody to listen, I don't need anybody to fix it, and it's like just being that witness and that listening ear, because there's so much power in just allowing yourself to speak your truth and not have it judged and not have it minimized and not have it critiqued and not have it, you know, discombobulated and to say like, oh no, you shouldn't feel this way. Freaking hate when people say that. When I hear people say, oh, you shouldn't feel that way, my favorite comeback is well, whether I should or I shouldn't, I do period, end of story, because there's no right or wrong way to feel, like our feelings are our feelings and they all have meaning, they all have purpose.
Speaker 4:It's just about understanding. What is this emotion here to show me? Maybe my anger is here to show me that I need a boundary, or that my boundaries are crossed. My sadness is showing me where I feel lost or where I feel longing, or where I feel, you know, something's missing in my life. Fear might be showing me that I'm in danger, and it's actually a very helpful emotion because it's going to help me to, you know, get to safety.
Speaker 4:And so I think that there's a balance between understanding where our emotions come from and learning to relate with them differently, and we just don't do that very well as a society. You know it's all about productivity and achievement and you know status and who do I have to be in order again that adolescent mindset. Who do I have to be in order to belong and to be seen and loved? And most of the time people don't want to quote unquote see and love someone that's crumbling or because it's too painful, because they haven't experienced their own pain and they're not comfortable with their own pain. And so I think that if we can, you know, teach the going back to the child and the adolescent and the teacher. It's like we could teach these skills earlier. I think that, you know, societally speaking, we can kind of adapt more into this holistic, you know understanding mindset of what it needs to be fully human and not just robots that I feel like a lot of us kind of fall into.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, it's so true. I think it needs to be taught earlier on. You know, like you mentioned, and you know the adolescent, and now you said, to be seen and to be loved. That's what it is in the adolescent phase the adolescent share.
Speaker 4:It's really. How do I maintain love, belonging and safety? You know who do I have to be in order to be safe, who do I have to be in order to belong and who do I need to be in order to be loved? You know being safe. If you grew up in an alcoholic household, you know you might need to focus more on what do I need to do in order to be safe, you know. So you might become a little bit more recluse. You might become a little bit less expressive with your emotions and needs, because it could set you know the person off, or it could if there's violence in the home, the same kind of thing.
Speaker 4:It depends on the environment and the upbringing and the mentalities of things. Sometimes it is more about the achievement, sometimes it is more about you know, perfection, you know. Unfortunately, a lot of times, especially in I see it so much in schools where we just want to like lump kids into this Okay, you're in this grade, so this is what you need. It's like I had the students that barely spoke English in my class and then I also had kids that weren't on 12th grade reading level, and neither one is wrong. Neither one is wrong, and that was the hardest part was trying, you know, helping, not like oh, you're in the blue group, that means that you're the low kid. It's like no, screw that. Like no. You learn differently, you have different needs, you have a different brain. So it's like learning how to meet people where they are and adapt their mindset and adapt their skills to be. You know. It's like going shopping for clothes. You know you buy the size that fits you. You know. And it's like who do we feel like we should be? And then how are we changing ourselves and manipulating ourselves to fit the mold of society, rather than just living as our true, authentic self and finding the environments that actually amplify and exemplify the unique gifts that we all have? Because that's how in my opinion, that's how society flourishes is having so much diversity, because if we're all the same, then there's going to be unmet needs in other places.
Speaker 4:So I don't it just, I like my latest phrase. I go through like phases of phrases and my latest one is I like to help people to live as the fullest expression of themselves. Is like allowing all of my heart to have a chance on stage, you know, and it's to honor the fact that, yes, I did go through a quarter light crisis. Yes, I did crumble and fall and at times I wonder how I survived it. Let's be, I'll just say that, like, there are many times I'm like I shouldn't be alive today, but for some reason I am and so I honor that and it's like. But I had to allow that crumble to happen so that I could find my resiliency and find my my footing again as the truest version of myself. And then I keep building on that true version.
Speaker 4:The more I learn about myself, about where you know what I like, what I don't like, I'm still peeling back layers of myself and I feel like I will be until the day I die. And I think it's a beautiful example of the journey of life. And I know that's like a cliched thing, but I don't always say like, oh, you know, trust the journey, enjoy the journey. Well, the journey sucks sometimes and we're not always going to enjoy it, but if we can honor each step along the way and see how it can serve us, like when I was in my quarter life crisis, I was like this fricking sucks me, like I don't want to live this way and you know when, looking back on it, you know, and that's why I call lovingly. I call lovingly now because I would not be who I am today had I not gone through that. And so it's. It's allowing for all of the parts to exist and allow, allowing for the peaks and the valleys to inform and shape who we're meant to be and everything that our soul is here to experience.
Speaker 3:What would you say helped you get through that quarter life crisis the most A?
Speaker 4:lot of therapy? I think too, yeah, because there was definitely a time where I was digging my heels in for sure. I was kicking and screaming, I was flipping off and cussing out providers that I had. I'm like you suck, I hate you, I don't want this. And so when I say a lot of therapy, I see a lot of people that didn't give up on me. You know family, friends, therapists, doctors that just really helped to shine the light on the parts of myself that I couldn't see yet or that had gotten hidden or that I had judged and you know. So sometimes I think that is another reason that I really strive to go into therapy and coaching is because I see the power Like it saved my life, and I can say that with 100% certainty that it saved my life, and I think that it was that no-transcript. Yeah, therapy saved my life.
Speaker 4:I also have to remember that I had to do the other 100 hours a week of the work, a lot of deep soul searching and diving and saying like this is not how I'm going to go out, this is not the life that I want to live, and sometimes this drudgery of walking through quicksand with weighted boots on until you can kind of find your way out of hell and even finding a landing spot. You know, sometimes like you're not totally out of hell, but if you can like get up enough to see okay, there's a little glimmer of light, let me just hold on to that final landing, to sit on for a little bit of rest until you get enough energy and momentum to then take the next step and then take the next step. And sometimes I think, you know, we think progress is linear, but it's not. You know, progress is a lot of slipping and falling and a lot of crying, a lot of like random bursts of crying, and I don't think we talk about that enough. That crying is so healing and getting the emotion up and out of your body.
Speaker 4:I think doing um, going back to like what got me out of my quarter life crisis, I really think sometimes it is just one step at a time. You know I'm not looking too far into the future and not dwelling too much on the past, but it's like, okay, I'm being where my feet are and just taking that next step and saying, okay, what is it that I need to do today? Kind of taking like the 12 step approach in a sense. I never, you know, went to 12 step meetings or anything but the one day at a time. And sometimes it is one breath at a time, one moment at a time, one decision at a time. And sometimes it is one breath at a time, one moment at a time, one decision at a time.
Speaker 4:And you know, I'm making this decision for my adult chair or my adolescent. You know, when I learned about the adult chair model, it really gave me a touchstone to say what chair am I in as I'm making this decision? What am I and why am I choosing this decision? You know, am I choosing to do something that may be not be in line with my adult chair? And why? Like, what need is unmet? What am I actually trying to achieve by being codependent, or by avoiding or numbing out and not actually feeling my feelings?
Speaker 4:And it's about making those subtle shifts and subtle changes that you know, at least realign. We're not meant to be in our adult chair all the time. You know, if I have a client that says, oh, I've been in my adult chair all week, I'm like cool, because I was totally in my adolescent like two hours ago. You know, like we're naturally going to ebb and flow out of different phases and different stages, because life happens and we get triggered and we have pasts and we have emotions. But I think if we can just take one step at a time, just, you know, pause and slow down and consciously choose. You know, like what mindset am I coming from and am I kind of pointing myself in the direction of the life that I want, or am I falling away from it and getting radically honest with yourself about the ways that I had to get radically honest with myself and I still do, you know, about the ways that I get my way.
Speaker 4:And so that, I think, is it's something that a lot of people struggle with. You know, like I said, myself included, is like, wow, how am I the one contributing to my own pain and suffering? And nobody's coming to save me, nobody's coming to save you. And so it was like we have to be our own best, you know, best friend, our best advocate, our best, everything, because we're who we wake up with every morning and go to bed with every night. So, you know, becoming your own best friend, I think, is the, the journey of a lifetime, and it's ebbs and flows, but I think holding that is like the, the north star is saying like you, I'm obviously not dying today. So how am I going to make the most of the life that I have? And so how am I going to choose to spend the life that I have? I'm not dying. I like that question.
Speaker 3:Now, you mentioned, not always meant to be in our adult chair, so you think the chair is ebb and flows as well, even once we hit adult age.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, I didn't even know I had an adult chair. I have clients that are in their 50s and 60s, that are like I'm still in my adolescent, because it's not necessarily an age thing, it's an energy. It's the energy of the codependent, the energy of the addict, the energy of the anxious, depressed. Past future focus can't stay out of story and assumption, any kind of argument. You know, when we get triggered, we're in our adolescent chair because we're brought back to something of the past or we back to a feeling emotions are in the inner child, and so the idea is to you know, as an adult, we can witness our experience. You know, just like, when I'm like if we're going through something that is really challenging, I can either be in my grief or I can notice like, oh, I'm experiencing grief right now, and sometimes it does kind of merge together. But I think the idea is to meet the child from the adult, without the adolescent interference, because the child is where our core needs and our core emotions are, and so the thing is is that the adolescent comes online to almost block those needs and devotions because they're not acceptable. Remember that those are the things that get us kicked out of the tribe. Those are the things that are too much for people and it's going to make us not be lovable or not along or not be adept. And so the adolescent chair comes online and says okay, who do I have to be? So we got to shut this child down, we got to shut her up, her up him up. And so the idea is it's almost like the adolescent is like the gatekeeper, and sometimes we have to meet with that adolescent, say, hey look, I know you're doing your best and you're trying to help, but let me chat with the child for a minute and see what the actual need is like. I'm here and I'm safe and I'm not going anywhere. And that's the whole idea of becoming your own best friend, that you're a best parent, even like reparenting yourself and treating yourself with that love and compassion that so often we treat other people but we never offer it to ourselves. And so the idea yes, we're not going to be in our adult year all the time.
Speaker 4:However, the idea is is that when we experience those triggers and we experience those emotions of the inner child, that we're able to notice it within our bodies and then pause. And in that pause, that's where we could realign with that adult and we can say hold on a second. I'm noticing I have like a flutter in my heart or I noticed I have a pain in my stomach. Let me get curious about this. What is coming up for me? And then how do I work with this emotion or this trigger that's coming up from the lens of the adult? How do I get into fact and truth? How do I slow down and feel and process my emotions? And then how do I, from my adult, in fact and truth, communicate my needs to whoever is around? If somebody else triggered me, how do I respond rather than react?
Speaker 4:Those are some of the tools and strategies that, within the adult trauma model, I often teach clients and I think it's just emotional wellness, emotional and mental wellness that many of us miss growing up or even sometimes into adulthood, and I think it's something that we consistently navigate because we're always being met with varying personalities and varying you know, like my friends that are also adult chair coaches, we talk very differently than maybe people that don't have, you know, the same language. We often say the adult chair is its own language and it's not to say one's better than the other, it's just the gap of knowledge, just like if I were to talk to somebody about engineering, I would not be able to relate to them because I know nothing about engineering. It doesn't mean that I'm wrong and they're right. It's just a different language. I think that it's a language that is relatable and universal and can be really helpful in healing to people's wellness and their relationships and living as the fullest expression of themselves.
Speaker 3:That makes a lot of sense and so I like how you gave the example of the adolescents being like a gatekeeper. I could almost visualize that. No, that makes a lot of sense because they are there to to keep us safe and loved and almost almost liked, yeah.
Speaker 4:I think you got it Like. I mean just to use one example. So okay. So addiction, for example. You know many people who struggle with addiction.
Speaker 4:I will say close to 100% of the ones that I see have experienced trauma or have experienced really like negative trauma. The big T versus the little t traumas. You know like little t traumas are a little bit more like you know the chronic things, like you know bullying or even somebody making a hard, like a negative comment toward us or judgmental comment, that can be traumatizing. Trauma doesn't. It's not what happens to you, it's what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you. So we can have these big T traumas, like you know, if you were, you know, robbed at gunpoint or if you were assaulted or if you experienced war. You know like the big ones that we often hear about, but many times we don't validate the little T traumas. Like you know an ugly comment or you know the chronic things of like not feeling seen or not feeling heard, and so many times when we going back to the original, question of the adolescent.
Speaker 4:You know, it's like when you think about somebody who's addicted to substances. Oftentimes, what they're trying not to feel is pain or sadness. What they're trying not to feel is loneliness. What they're trying not to feel is rejection. And so what can I do? Ooh, let me just hit the bottle. This makes me feel better. Let me go do a line of coat or let me go get high, like that's going to help me to feel better for the moment. And so that's the gatekeeper and that's what's trying to protect and actually help quote, unquote the child from now having to feel that pain. So it's not a bad part.
Speaker 4:Whenever somebody comes to me and they struggled with addiction, I'm like cool, you found something that worked. You know addiction works. That's why people do it. But it doesn't work in the long term. And it doesn't work if you're trying to have a meaningful, fulfilling life but you're also numbing out your feelings, but you're also really traumatizing your relationships. You're also like there's a lot of health complications. So you also have to look at the cost benefit of what are you gaining versus what are you losing. And then how do we work with allowing yourself to feel those feelings that you're trying to numb out with those substances and learn that it's okay, and learn that you can tolerate it, and learn skills and other coping strategies, because that's the way I see drugs and alcohol or any other addiction. It's a coping strategy. It's just not a very helpful one when it comes to the holistic look at how you want to live your life.
Speaker 4:Yeah, most of the people who come to me for help with it, they're looking for another solution, and that's just one example of how the adolescent is the gatekeeper Codependency and and anxiety, depression, like they all have their own reasons for existing. But it's just about getting to know each part and saying, hey, babe, like what are you here for? What are you trying to tell me? What are you trying to teach me? And then let me inform you. Hey, I'm actually, like you know, 40, 50, 60 years old. Like I run my own business, I have my kids I support, like I am adaptive in all these other areas, let me take care of you too. And so it's about showing up for ourselves and reparenting those parts so that we can feel safe, first within ourselves and then bring that safety into our relationships and that wholehearted expression that we are meant to be and that wholehearted expression of who we are meant to be.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, I love how you mentioned earlier, even outside of addiction or people-pleasing, the class clown. You know, like I think that's another way that's not always talked about as often, like you hear people-pleasing and addiction very often, but I think the funny person is often overlooked, who is sometimes suppressing their emotions, you know, and I think that's a key point.
Speaker 4:Oh, 100% Using humor as a defense. You know it's interesting. I was talking to a client the other day about the contrast of the way that we present on the outside versus how we feel on the inside. It's this laughing on the outside, crying on the inside, and so often we see that, especially when I have clients that laugh a lot. I notice it and I as a you know therapist and that laugh a lot, I don't laugh especially, I mean, unless it's funny. But like you know, but they're like joking about their trauma or something like that. I'm like I have to really bring them back down to reality and say like wow, that sounds really challenging. I'm like no, but really like, imagine somebody else coming to you and I have to slow myself down because they want to be like. That's another key term that people are trying to get out of their emotions is they speak very fast and they're very much in their heads and they don't want to drop into their body and actually feel what they're feeling be the buzzkill.
Speaker 4:But really like talk about addiction, no pun intended but like I've kind of you know, kind of shut the humor and say like no, this is actually like really powerful what you just said, or like wow, my heart really hurt as you're sharing that story with me, Like I have to kind of use a little bit of self-disclosure about how I'm responding to them so that they can see, wow, maybe it was really hard and maybe there is stuck emotion in my body that I need to really unpack. Because how is this, how is holding onto this, impacting my relationships, how is it impacting the way that I parent, the way I work, how I show up in my everyday life? Because a lot of times we have lodged emotions that you know they end up coming out sideways. It's like a pressure cooker, you know. It's like before you know it, the top pops off and you're just like, oh crap, where did that come from? It's like we haven't figured out where the emotion is. So let's go find it and let's go figure out what it's here for.
Speaker 4:So and I know I say that just kind of like it's a, you know, oh, it's just a typical Tuesday let's go find your deepest grief and fears. But I mean, it doesn't have to be this like you know, long drawn out thing, you know it's. It can be very like exciting. It's like, oh my God, yes, let's go find it, let's go figure out, like, what is it that's keeping me in this loop. Let's figure out what's keeping me in the cycle and see if we can unpack it a little bit and at least understand it, so that I can learn how to respond to it differently the next time that I notice that pit in my stomach or that tightness in my chest. It's like it's learning how to read the body for those cues of how then we, unconsciously or consciously, respond to our environment and our triggers.
Speaker 3:What would you say is a good first step to start learning the body a little bit?
Speaker 4:my favorite is breathwork. I love and I know you're a breathwork facilitator, so I'm not just saying that, but I love, I love breathwork, body scans, I like I use the analogy of an mri machine like if I were to imagine my body in an m machine, I wonder what parts of my body would glow or which ones would shine. Is it my heart? Is it maybe I have, like, ooh, my ankle or my hip? I'm really tight in my hips or I'm really tight in my back. Noticing it, like you know, moving the body in certain ways can really help to loosen some of those muscles and give them room to breathe and room to speak.
Speaker 4:And I know that sounds really weird, but I will say, like, imagine that your heart could speak to you. Like, what would your heart say? And just like, energetically. I mean, we're energetic beings in a body and our bodies are designed to speak to us all the time. You know they let us know when we're hungry, when we're thirsty, when we're tired, but we miss learning how to understand and navigate our emotional cues. I know that when my stomach growls, I need to go get a snack, but I don't know that when my heart hurts, that maybe I need to sit and breathe and cry for a little bit, or I need to journal, or I need to call a friend. So it's like learning what to do with our cues. The way we learn how to handle our physical health, it's learning the cues of our emotional health.
Speaker 3:You're right. We pay attention to the hunger cues, but we don't necessarily pay attention to the emotional cues. That's so true.
Speaker 4:The lump in the throat that's another huge one. Or like, wow, my eyes feel like they're going to cry. And then what do we do? We suck it up and we move on. We don't allow that expression to happen.
Speaker 3:Now I'm just curious personally, but when did you discover breathwork?
Speaker 4:It was actually only a couple of years ago. I feel like I'm kind of a lifelong student of life. I learn one thing and then it leads me to another thing, and then it leads me to another thing. Oh, meditation, what's this? Mindfulness, what's this? And then it's just kind of like this rabbit trail.
Speaker 4:I don't know where I found it, but I think my first breathwork session that I did was probably about two years ago, and I remember like laying on my floor and just like bawling, and I was like what the F is happening in my body? Like why am I tingling it in all these places? I'm like what is going on here? But it was one of the most transformative releases and I had no judgment around it. I think that was the first time that I literally let myself maybe not the first time, but one of the most profound times that I really just let myself cry without judgment. I don't know what is happening right now in my body, but the facilitator was just like this is normal, like you are safe in this, like it's okay. And so I had to like, okay, she's telling me I'm safe, but I'm like like my body is trembling and I'm like I don't know what's happening, but but it really was. Then I was like, holy crap, I feel like I just ran a marathon and all I did was like breathe a cry for like 20 minutes and it was just. I went through.
Speaker 4:That was one of like days where I was doing breath work like every single night for a while because it felt so good, and then I was like, okay, my body it's a little bit of a break. So now it's, it's a little bit more of a as needed thing, but it was really good to kind of dive in and get some of those really stuck feelings just to come up and out in different capacities. So and I like that there's so many different types, like the ones that are a lot more, you know, deep and cathartic, and then the ones that you know are more energizing or healthy, or so I mean, I love that it can be versatile for whatever it is. Same with different meditations. You know there's inner child meditations or there's, you know, meet your future self meditation or there's, you know. So there's. I love the tools that can be adapted to each individual's needs.
Speaker 3:Yes, no, I do too, and I love how you mentioned you were doing it for a while there and then you noticed it. You needed a little bit of a break, you know. I think that kind of ties back into everything like you were mentioning. You know, it's just like the seasons and the stages of our lives. You know, like there was a period where you really needed it for whatever it was you might've been going through, and then there was a period where you really needed it for whatever it was you might have been going through and then there was a period where you didn't need it as consistently it's just one of the tools in my toolbox that it's like, oh, I feel like I could really use some breath work.
Speaker 4:And then it's like, do I need? Usually, if it's I feel like I have like lodged emotions and I'm like I can't cry and I need to cry. I have a couple of breathwork videos that kind of get me. Every single time. I'm like, okay, if I need to cry, I go to this one, if I need to relax, I go to this one. So I kind of have my go-tos, but I kind of do it more of a, you know, as needed.
Speaker 4:It's almost like a maintenance thing, rather than, if you think about, like you know, you go hard and fast with the, with the treatment, and then you have like maintenance level stuff that you do to keep your body healthy. So it's kind of I kind of liken it to that. You know, you kind of go hard and fast when, when you need to, and then you kind of taper out and then maybe insert a new tool, like maybe now, oh, okay, now I'm going to do I don't know something else. It's like what's the flavor of the day? So it so just kind of, and then part of that, though, to begin and asking your body what is it that I need? So it's learning the language of your body and learning how to read your cues and how to read what you need, and then actually giving yourself what you need.
Speaker 4:It's like not letting your adolescent mind override and say like, okay, but no, I have to do this in order to belong or I have to do this in order to be seen. In a certain way, it's tapping into that adult and saying like no, this is what I really need. All the facets of the adult chair is that presence steady, calm, peaceful. And you can also be in your adult chair and be angry because you're tapping into the emotion of the inner child, but you're angry from a different energy. You're angry from more of an assertive energy than an aggressive energy. So there's a little bit of a nuance there, but I think it's all about presence and being grounded in the truth of who you are well, thank you so much for speaking with me.
Speaker 3:This was awesome.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it was great talking.
Speaker 3:Have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty? Yes. So he's got a podcast called On Purpose and he ends his podcast with two segments and I've incorporated those into mine. Okay, the first one is the many size to us. There's five questions and they need to be answered in one word each. Okay, what is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you?
Speaker 4:I would say engaging, maybe Like personal.
Speaker 3:What is one word someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you as?
Speaker 4:First word that came to me is probably self-critical. That's how they would describe me. It's I like. They know that I am more self-critical of myself than I probably need to be, but if they were describing me as like how they experienced me, say genuine and authentic sorry.
Speaker 3:What is one word you'd use to describe yourself? Authentic five, what is one word that, if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset, would you describe you as?
Speaker 4:no, if someone who didn't like my mindset that's a tough one. Somebody who didn't like my mindset would choose to describe me as grounded, maybe Because I think sometimes my mindset is a little bit more like the woo-woo space and kind of more free-spirited. So maybe someone who didn't agree with me might call me ungrounded.
Speaker 3:What is one word you're embodying right now?
Speaker 4:well, my word for 2024 is align, so I'll probably alignment. It's probably what I'm try, that's what I, that's my goal.
Speaker 3:I'll say second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in a sentence Thank God. What is the best advice you've heard or received?
Speaker 4:Gotta go with my hundred-year-old man. You do the best you can with what you've got.
Speaker 3:Why is that the best?
Speaker 4:I think, because our best and it goes along with the four agreements One of the four agreements is always do your best. And I think, because it avo and it goes along with the four agreements, one of the four agreements is always do your best. And I think, because it avoids, it kind of keeps us from self-judgment and self-criticism, and I think if we always do our best, even if this is our day-to-day, then we can go to bed knowing that you know again the fullest expression of yourself, like are you living your best and are you doing your best? And I think that there's something to be said about striving and it's not a perfectionism thing, but it's about striving to live your best life, whatever that looks like the most whole version of you. And so I think doing the best you can with what you've got is, you know, just kind of a way to have compassion for ourselves and meet ourselves where we are in each present moment and then work with what we have.
Speaker 3:What is the worst advice you've heard or received?
Speaker 4:The worst advice I think it's a I hate to say it, it's a societal mindset about achievement, and I'm so guilty of falling into the productivity and grinding culture of work, like everything has to be hard and you have to be, you know, pushing all the time. I think the worst advice is to not like, not let yourself rest and maybe that's just where I am now, because I have a hard time letting myself rest and slowing down, and so I think that's a piece of advice that I'm trying to flip is seeing rest as and I hate to say seeing rest as productive, but also, you know, finding the balance of you know like it's so multifaceted and there's so many parts to it. So I think that rest is lazy, maybe would probably be some of the worst, and it's not advice, but like one of the worst statements that I think a lot of times we live by. It just doesn't actually work for us in the long run.
Speaker 3:That, I think, a lot of times we live by which doesn't actually work for us in the long run. What is something that you used to value that you no longer value?
Speaker 4:Something I used to value and no longer value. I think it's having a lot of friends versus the deep friends. It's like I used to see, like, oh, if my social calendar is filled, then I'm good, or if I'm, you know, seen in a certain way by other people, then I'm good. But it's like to me it's more about quality over quantity.
Speaker 3:That makes sense. If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, what would you want it to say?
Speaker 4:That I loved well and not just loved you know the close people in my life, but just loved, just spread love everywhere. Like that, I was a compassionate, kind, like somebody that people could depend on, to be the truest version of myself all the time, like I don't want to be one of those people that you have to guess, I just want to be my truest self. And so I think that in my legacy I would want people to remember that I was always genuine and always true and always loving.
Speaker 3:If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
Speaker 4:One law no judgment, don't judge people for things that you have no idea what they're going through.
Speaker 4:And it kind of goes back to like the personas that we put on the masks that we wear, and I think we are so quick to judge and all that does is create like division and that raises like that negative vibration of, you know, separation and that we're all just, we all just want love and we all just want to belong. And I think that if we can't if I can enact a lot, it's like just inclusion that was the first word that came to me, I don't know. It's just like my heart breaks for people that don't feel safe to be who they are, and so I think that we're all just doing the best we can with what we've got, and I think that inclusion and love and I don't know, I always say that my religion is love and my top commandment is don't be an asshole. It's like just be nice, be kind. So I would say that the law is you are not allowed to judge things that you do or judge period.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that. No, I completely agree. My Mimi used to always say if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, just shut up. You know as basic as you don't have to say it to the person.
Speaker 4:I'm going to judge that as nasty because if I eat it I'm going to get sick. So that's a helpful judgment, you know. But if it's a hurtful judgment it doesn't serve anybody to just be spewing negative crap into the world, you know. So it's like be kind. It's so true.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for speaking with me. I love this. This was awesome. Now I'm curious this is not a Jay Shetty question, just a personal question but do you have any resources you'd recommend for people that help you live your best life?
Speaker 4:Resources. Well, obviously, the adult chair is the coaching certification that I have. She has a podcast herself and some meditations, resources and things like that that are really great. I love I mean I listen to podcasts, I journal all the time. I feel like I'm always learning, but I think just anything that helps you to be the fullest expression of yourself. I think that everyone's journey is different. The things that have helped me the most might not help the next person.
Speaker 4:One thing I love about the adult chair is that it can be fit into so many different areas of life, no matter what stage you're in or what your struggle, whether you have addiction or codependency or inner trauma. It's such a versatile model that I feel very honored and very privileged to have you know, studied and be a master coach in. I call it the secret sauce. You know, I went through grad school. I was a therapist for you know, and this to me, just ties everything together very, very easy, and it's easy and digestible, and so I would say that probably is my top external resource that I recommend to people.
Speaker 3:Okay, awesome, well, thank you so much. Yeah, and where can listeners connect with you? I know you've got a website and I will link that in the show notes, but where? Where can they connect with you and get in touch?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'd love that. So my website is trueconsciouslivingcom and I am at True Conscious Living, both on Instagram, facebook and TikTok. About once or twice a week I'll post the talking reel where I'll talk about different topics that either come up in sessions or things that I'm learning about, just to kind of share some of the things that are meaningful to me and meaningful to my clients, to see if it resonates and kind of helps other people, you know, live in the best version of themselves.
Speaker 3:Awesome, and I will link all of that in the show notes. Is there any final words of wisdom, anything else you want to share with listeners before we close out?
Speaker 4:Thank you for that. I think that, just to sum it up and everything that we said, life's hard, and so I want to validate that even the coaching and therapy work I hate to say it's work necessarily, but I think life is work and so I think it's about what you make it You're worth the work. I think that's what I would leave people with If you're struggling or you're having a hard time with anything and like there's nothing. I haven't found a lot of things that are I don't want to say unfixable, because I don't like that word, but that I can't navigate. You know, like there are. At least minimize the intensity of how you're experiencing them, or at least to have a compassionate ear, like there's always help available, there's always resources available, and so you don't have to suffer in silence and there's going to be somebody out there to help, whether it's you know me, or whether it's somebody else. Like just to not give up on yourself and to be the best adult that you can be, because life is work.
Speaker 4:But, to quote my favorite, glennon Doyle, we can do hard things. She's another resource that I love. It's her podcast.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mander's Mindset.
Speaker 2:In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you, I'm booting for you and you got this as always. If you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five star rating, leave a review and share it with anyone you think would benefit from this. And don't forget you are only one mindset. Shift away from shifting your life. Thanks guys, until next time.
