Manders Mindset
Hosted by Amanda Russo, The Breathing Goddess, who is a Breathwork Detox Facilitator, Transformative Mindset Coach, and Divorce Paralegal.
Amanda's journey into mindset and empowerment began by working with children in group homes and daycares. She later transitioned to family law, helping people navigate the challenging emotions of divorce. During this time, Amanda also overcame her own weight and health challenges through strength training, meditation, yoga, reiki, and plant medicine.
Amanda also shares her personal journey, detailing how she transformed obstacles into opportunities by adopting a healthier, holistic lifestyle.
Discover practical strategies and inspiring stories that will empower you to break free from limitations and cultivate a mindset geared towards growth and positivity.
Tune in for a fun, friendly, and empowering experience that will help you become the best version of yourself.
Manders Mindset
114: The Art of Being Human with Janessa Finley-Ford
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In this episode of Manders Mindset, Amanda Russo is joined by empowerment coach Janessa Finley Ford. With over 20 years of experience in behavioral modification and energy psychology, Janessa shares her powerful journey of healing and self-discovery, offering insights into how to transform adversity into personal empowerment.
In This Episode, You’ll Uncover:
How discomfort signals growth and why it’s essential for transformation.
The importance of intuition and aligning with universal laws.
Tips for reframing negative emotions into opportunities for growth.
Practical ways to master decision-making and foster self-leadership.
Why self-acceptance is key to unlocking your full potential.
Key Moments to Tune In:
[3:02] - Janessa’s upbringing in rural Nebraska and her early experiences.
[10:15] - Transitioning from a sheltered childhood to public school and facing bullying.
[23:12] - Unraveling repressed trauma and its impact on relationships.
[40:20] - How negative emotions promote growth and the power of holistic healing.
[52:18] - The importance of intuition in decision-making and transformation.
[1:07:45] - The law of opposites: How challenges signal progress and up-leveling.
[1:17:30] - Embracing self-leadership and the art of turning adversity into adventure.
This episode is packed with practical advice and profound wisdom to help listeners align with their true selves and create a life of purpose. Tune in for a transformative conversation!
Watch this episode HERE on YouTube!
To Connect with Amanda:
~ linktree.com/thebreathinggoddess
~ Instagram @thebreathinggoddess
~ TikTok @thebreathinggoddess
~ Join the Manders Mindset Facebook Community HERE!
~ Follow Manders Mindset on Instagram HERE!
~ Explore Amanda’s NEW podcast: Breathwork Magic(Available on all major platforms or you can listen on Apple!)
To Connect with Janessa:
Instagram
Facebook
Tapping Tutorial
Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast. Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers and a variety of other people when your host, amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective and her guest's mindset and perspective on the world around us. Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to Amanda's Mindset, where we explore the power of shifting your mindset to shift your life.
Speaker 2:I'm your host, amanda Russo and I am here today with Janessa, and she is an empowerment coach, guiding leaders, healers and high achievers to overcome obstacles in molding their mindset. She also has over 20 years of experience in the field of behavioral modification and I am so excited to speak with her today. Thank you so much for being here with me Absolutely.
Speaker 4:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:Of course. So that's an awesome bio, but who would you say Janessa is at the core?
Speaker 4:Well, I am an athlete, a farmer's daughter, an adventurer, and I feel like there's something about love, like just a loving being for other people for life. But, man, it was a journey to get there. I think that was, you know, all of our natural state when we come in and then we experience life, and then it's the unlearning and returning to our true essence.
Speaker 2:I gotcha Now. Can you take us down memory lane a little bit? Tell us about your foundation, childhood, family dynamic. However, you go with that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I grew up in northeast Nebraska. Nebraska is a flyover state for people who don't know, because a lot of people will ask me if it's a city. It's a whole state in the middle of the United States and I call it the land of cows and corn. So I grew up in a farming community, very rural country girl, and I went to a country school, so a one-room schoolhouse in the middle of nowhere. It was actually about two-thirds of a mile from our house. I got to ride my bike up the hill. My parents could watch me get there and come home. When I was just I don't know, I think I was five. I started riding my bike there because my brother was in school and I would go for noon recess, when I wasn't actually a student yet, and then come back home just at noon. It was fantastic. So that and the animals all of the baby, the baby calves, the baby kittens, the baby animals on the farm, the baby chickens, those were my favorite. I've always had such a soft spot for animals. So that was really, you know, the context of my childhood growing up on a farm, traditional Catholic family, very little cultural exposure Um, very little cultural exposure.
Speaker 4:And I went to the country school for two years before it closed and then I attended public school. That was bigger but not a lot bigger. At the country school I didn't have any kids in my class. I was actually the youngest, so kind of the baby of the family, and it really was more of a family dynamic there in terms of no bullying, looking out for one another and then going to a true public school in town. That first exposure to bullying and just kind of the real culture of school and education is very different, even though there were usually like 18 to 21 kids in my entire class and we had one of the larger classes in the school, so pretty small, sheltered upbringing, I would say I at the age of eight experienced a trauma that I repressed and didn't know about until decades later. So in sharing that it's a little out of chronological order, but throughout my upbringing I really struggled with relationships with other people very defiant, very sassy and spicy personality and I loved athletics and I feel like that really kept me balanced with what was really churning under the surface that I didn't even know was there.
Speaker 4:So at almost 18 years old I developed an eating disorder. I was anorexic and bulimic. I went on to college for criminal justice and psychology and before I graduated I got married at 21,. Graduated college while we were married and we were just married for one short year and divorced largely because of the eating disorder, you know, codependency. I wasn't honest about the eating disorder and so just really struggled with relationships continuing in life until I started my healing journey. And it was a couple years into actually the personal development and healing path when I remembered the trauma and those repressed memories and then things really started unraveling for me and understanding why family dynamics, relationships keeping people at arm's length while really wanting something much deeper, with people not trusting all of these themes that had been such a profound part of my relationships have been so present for so long.
Speaker 4:But in the midst of all of that, I began my career in the criminal justice field. I worked in the prison. I was the first female assistant team lead on the emergency response team, so they would get activated for like riot suppression. But we would also do mass shakedowns, which is moving inmates out of a whole living area to a community like the chow hall and then going through all of the rooms unannounced in that entire housing unit for safety. So we would do things like that just to ensure the safety and go to order the facility. Being the first female leadership role was very interesting, and especially at such a young age. I reflect back now, being where I am, and I'm like man at the age I was working there barely 25, the brain's just getting to be fully developed and I'm like that's a lot of responsibility for such a young individual. But I didn't see it that way at the time. It was an adventure.
Speaker 4:So from there I worked in probation, drug court and then the Department of Homeland Security.
Speaker 4:So I had a long career in the criminal justice fields and a lot of my work was with individuals whose underlying issue was addiction. Obviously that's so in drug court. But even with probation people who were on probation, their charges may not have been drug related but they were dealing with an addiction and so a lot of addiction work and that behavioral modification piece and helping people, that's always been a deep passion of mine. And then eventually, while I was working for the Department of Homeland Security, I began training in energy psychology. I had someone say oh hey, you might want to use this for your own healing path, and before I went to the training, two people asked to have sessions. They just wanted to experience that. They heard of it before, and both said it was life-changing. And that's when I realized there was something more to this than just simply learning it for my own benefit, this than just simply learning it for my own benefit. And then that path of healing and coaching and helping people through a business unfolded for me on its own, and that's the present day.
Speaker 2:I want to backtrack a little bit. But you mentioned you had a brother, older, younger.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I have one older brother. He's two years older.
Speaker 2:Now you mentioned you went to the country school for two years. Then you transitioned to public school and the public school you got exposed to bullying. Did you experience bullying or did you see the bullying All of?
Speaker 4:it. I definitely experienced bullying. See the bullying All of it. I definitely experienced bullying, I would say even humbly at certain points in time. Not wanting to be the one being bullied, I wouldn't bully people, but I wouldn't speak up and stop it either, and so I kind of felt like I was a bystander or a participant by being passive to it, knowing that that was really hurting someone else and knowing what that hurt felt like.
Speaker 4:And a lot of the bullying in our school that I witnessed was a lot of seclusion, isolation, excluding people, especially with such a small class size, and I think there were six girls in my class when I graduated, so a lot of males in our class. There weren't a lot of females to be friends with at a young age growing up, and that's the other really interesting thing about growing up in such a small community. I have two friends that I met in kindergarten still to this day, which is charming and amazing, and I adore them. But you don't necessarily choose your friends in a small community. You have peers and then you find common ground or you don't.
Speaker 2:It's just very different than being in a large community and I see you like laughing and kind of almost no, I get what you're saying, cause no, I didn't grow up in Nebraska, but I went to a Catholic school growing up and my eighth grade graduating class, there was 12 of us and there were four girls, including myself, and, like I would tell the joke, if I didn't like these girls I wouldn't have fun. So, like it was, you have these girlfriends or you don't have girlfriends. They were nice girls, but it was one of those that I also lived in a different town than the school was, so I didn't know the kids in the town and so I get what you're saying. You know, like it, you were almost forced I don't want to say forced, I don't like that word but it's who was there to be your friends Because, like you mentioned, it was just the peers.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it feels a little more unchosen, doesn't it? Yeah, versus half-chosen. Yeah, there's a choice you can be friends with nobody.
Speaker 2:That's true, but as that kid growing up, or even adolescent, you want to belong Like people, want to have that feeling of belonging. So how was that for you Not having a lot of options for funds?
Speaker 4:You know, I have to say what I know now. I think it was all a divine intervention because I had all of that trauma under the surface. I think that if there were more individuals to choose to be friends with, I don't think my story would have played out any differently, because I don't think I had the capacity to really truly connect with people. So I think my story would have written much the same of feeling like an outsider and feeling like the black sheep and feeling excluded. How much of that was me versus the individuals I was growing up with.
Speaker 2:Now that feeling like an outsider and feeling excluded, what do you think that was caused from?
Speaker 4:I think it was caused from the trauma that I experienced and then the impact that had on my relationships thereafter and the subconscious stories that come in, limiting the identities that come in as part of those traumatic experiences. So that was a definite pivotal point in my younger years that didn't unravel until much later in life.
Speaker 2:You said you repressed that for a while. Yeah, and how did that come to the surface for you?
Speaker 4:It was during an alternative energy psychology healing session and it just like it just came in. I'm like I think this happened, but how would I not know? This happened my whole life until right now. And so I fact-checked the day with my parents and I'm like, did we do this and this and this and this with these people? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, well, if all of the other memories are accurate, how could that one part of the memory be inaccurate?
Speaker 2:Oh no. So you said alternative energy psych session. What is that exactly?
Speaker 4:Well, it's using the psychology principles and theories and incorporating the energetics of our being. So you know, we know emotions are energy in motion. We also have chakras and an aura and an energy field. Like we are energy beings, and so it's really leveraging the totality of us versus just mind or emotions, including the body and where the stuck emotions get stored in the nervous system and in different parts of our body from the things that we've experienced in the past, and being able to release and unravel all of it. Versus a cognitive approach to mind and emotion and mental health and emotion and mental health. So it's more of a holistic approach that cares for our whole being mind, body and soul.
Speaker 4:I gotcha, and how old were you when you did this and this came up.
Speaker 2:About, about. We'll just ballpark 35. I think it was a little bit before that, but yeah, it was over 20 years later that this came up for you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like closer to 25 years Wow, coping strategies under the surface than what I have been like. Oh, this happened and now I can deal with it and I can adjust and I can create something different in my life, which has been really beautiful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's awesome. Okay, now I want to backtrack again. You mentioned an eating disorder that you developed and then you got married I believe you said after the eating disorder or around that and how did all of that unravel?
Speaker 4:So with the eating disorder, my senior year in high school, my cousin was the first person to talk to me about it. So he was four years older than I was and we've always had more of a brother-sister dynamic. But he showed up at a basketball tournament over the holidays and he pulled me aside and he was like hey, I know you have an eating disorder and here's the book. Like, I really want to support you, I want you to get the help you need, whatever. And so that was the first part of it unraveling. But, as with so much addiction, I was very dishonest about it with family, parents, even when I went on to college, roommates, people I lived with. I played softball my freshman year in college as well. I was demanding a lot from my body physically, while not fueling it properly. With that much activity I did get awfully thin, but I just wouldn't give it up. I was a true addict. I wouldn't give it up. I'm like nope, I'm fine, I'm good, things are fine, it's all under control. And so, even within the marriage, like I said, I was really dishonest with it and I was having terrible anxiety, quite honestly, and that's what prompted me to make a different decision. I started counseling and she suggested that I do a month of counseling just for myself and then work on the marriage. And I chose to move out during that time to focus on my own mental health and my own well-being. And then the divorce was filed. He filed for divorce and sent me the papers and I moved in with my cousin, the same cousin who came to me and said hey, I know, you have an eating disorder, here's the book. And so from there I continued on my path, trying to get well on my own. I didn't stick with counseling after the divorce was filed was filed, and once I got the position in the prison, I bought a house on my own. So this was probably almost a year and a half after the divorce approximately. Anyway, I was like I don't know what I'm going to do if I have to go to residential treatment to get my poop in a group, like I don't want to lose my house.
Speaker 4:I worked really hard, especially after going through a divorce Like that's emotionally so challenging and then financially to pay off that debt and to start over and to, you know, buy a house and I'm like I don't want to lose it all, like I kind of feel like that was losing it all in a way when going through the divorce. I don't want to lose it all. I kind of feel like that was losing it all in a way when going through the divorce. I don't want to do it again.
Speaker 4:And so I started reading books and there was a workbook I don't remember the name of it, but there was a workbook that was really really, really pivotal for me. It really made me look at myself, my childhood things I'd experienced, because I still didn't know about the trauma that really was the source of a lot of my self-sabotage. So I did quite a lot of healing. I go into any treatment and I don't recommend listeners out there that if you are dealing with an eating disorder or addiction, there's an easier way. Please hear me, there's an easier way than going it alone.
Speaker 4:Turning 25, you know, getting to that place where your brain is fully developed, and the closer I got to that, the healthier I got. That workbook made a huge difference. I had some really tough conversations with my parents about how I felt about different things in my childhood and they were incredibly receptive and loving and that was very healing. Incredibly receptive and loving and that was very healing. I just finally got to a place where I was secure enough that I didn't need to cope with every single. I didn't need to make myself numb. Every single day is essentially what was happening. I would just make myself numb to everything. And I finally got to a place where I could start dealing with life on life's terms, as they say how would you say you were able to start dealing with life on its terms?
Speaker 4:I definitely relied a lot on working out, which has always been very therapeutic for me, and I know people out there are listening to this and they're like wait, she said she had an eating disorder and she's coping with life by working out, but it really grounded me and I feel like I had a couple of pivotal relationships in there of people who just loved me no matter what, just for who I was, whatever I was experiencing, and it was really growing more secure with myself in being who I was, long, long way still from where I am today, but enough to where I did not need to use food as a way to get through every single day.
Speaker 2:I like how you mentioned that you moved out when you started doing counseling by yourself. Environment is a big thing. You know people will talk about it, but I don't think people fully understand it. You know like if talk about it, but I don't think people fully understand it. You know like if you're in the wrong physical environment, it can affect a lot of areas of your life.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I definitely don't want to say like my husband or that environment was the problem, but it was the problem in the fact that you know, as they say, you can't get well in the same environment, that you're ill. And so I was having severe anxiety. I was sleeping for a couple hours at night at most, and I really felt like I was unraveling and coming undone, like I almost, in reflecting, feel like I was trying to escape myself. And, of course, I went back to the individual who was like hey, I see there's an issue here, you need help. So there's just more support or structure. And because he could see through my lies or he was bold enough to risk the relationship to call me on my lies but yeah, the environment definitely was for me, more about I wasn't going to get well in the same space where I was unwell, pivotal.
Speaker 2:I gotcha. So you moved out from there and then from there Post that you're living in your own house.
Speaker 4:Working Relationships and from there post that you're living in your own house, working relationships, so like maybe make it to three years. Guys either did not get past three months with me or if we did, we didn't get past three years. So I had this repeated pattern with relationships as well, with its relationships as well. So there were about not quite, but almost 20 years between the ending of my first marriage and getting married, remarried a second time. So in between that was a lot of professional, what felt like professional success at the time, and a lot of personal development and healing and fun. I traveled a lot and, you know, enjoyed life too.
Speaker 4:I feel like sometimes with when I tell my story because of their trauma, there are aspects that were so heavy. But my whole life has not been really hard and challenging and filled with adversity either. There have been infilled with adversity either. There have been, depending upon who I was dating, very externally defined as a person, until really coming to know myself, and so the person that I would date or partner with really influenced my lifestyle, the things I chose to do, those types of things Not anymore, but in my younger years definitely. So with that there's a lot of traveling and snowboarding and lots of fun things in different chapters and eras of Janessa's story.
Speaker 2:You know that's like you mentioned, that just life is a constant process, going through all the experiences. You know I don't think there's a bad experience. A lot of people may disagree with me on that, but I think we're meant to experience all of it, the good, the bad, the in-between. Like you won't know your happiest day if you don't experience your saddest day.
Speaker 4:I absolutely agree with you. I think that everything in our life points us to either where we're trying to get or the resources, tools, knowledge, wisdom that we need to get to where we want to get. You know like you're either gathering resources or you're checking the box and reaching the goal. Like everything is an opportunity if we allow it to be, versus saying I'm on the wrong path, this isn't right is there something that helped you begin to like believe that everything is an opportunity?
Speaker 4:well, you know, we had a small conversation about this before we jumped on the recording. For me, honestly, the universal laws were really eye-opening for me in that regard because I, as I've mentioned, had some healing work to do, did a lot of healing work over the years, but then there were things that my beliefs worked against me and because my beliefs weren't aligned with the laws of the universe or the laws of nature. And we are beings of nature. Humans are nature too, even though some people might not look at that that way, but we are when we're living, in contrast to the laws of the universe or the laws of nature. We're outside of our design, and so, for me, really coming to know those laws and then aligning my thinking with them shifted so much and I stopped creating more healing to have to do.
Speaker 4:For instance, one example of that is just coming to understand that our negative emotions really promote our growth. They aren't something to ever try to stop or get rid of, and I have the misbelief that I would be healed or I would be enlightened as a human when I no longer had negative emotions, and that's just not true. Because of the law of polarity there's, like you just mentioned, like the happy and the sad, or the bad, or however you want to label it. You can't have one without the other. And so it's really in mastering the art of being human, knowing that your negative emotions have immense wisdom for you. They have such positive intentions for you too If you sit and learn to dialogue with them and give them an opportunity to you know, express why they're there, what they have to offer, and then process them so you don't store them, you don't harbor them, and take that inspired action through what your negative emotions are. You know the wisdom that your negative emotions are offering you. You're going to grow and you're going to expand and so feel all of the feelings, not just the good feelings, really truly feel those negative feelings as well and embrace the learning process to process them. And that's one thing that I love about this current day and age.
Speaker 4:When I was a kid, there was nothing being taught on how to process emotions whatsoever, and there are so many different ways to regulate your nervous system to deal with those emotions, to move beyond what you know, I'm a feeler. Thinkers might not relate to this quite so much, but as a feeler like I, would have emotional tornadoes come through and there is no thinking until the feelings are calmed. And I didn't know how to do that and, so that you know, just fed the eating disorder as well. There's so many tools to process our emotions. There is no reason to not embrace that process and give ourselves that, because it does make us stronger.
Speaker 4:And you know it's interesting, the more you feel your negative emotions, I believe, the longer periods of positive emotions you'll have, because when you really go into the depth of the feeling and you understand why it's there, what it's offering you, what wisdom it has doing, that alone dissolves the majority of feelings.
Speaker 4:There was actually a study by I want to say it was Harvard, but it was one of the big name schools, elite schools proved that to be true. Just simply truly identifying what emotion you're feeling, rather than having the response like I don't have time for this or I'm frustrated or I'm angry, but really going into it, that alone will dissolve the emotion. So yeah, honoring ourselves with that and knowing that the truth, like trusting the wisdom of your emotions and the truth of your body. So where you're having pain, that pain is talking to you about something, or wherever you have sensations, all of that is trapped emotions or something going on that is offering you information and your body is your truth, if you tune in and trust it and then allow those emotions to be set free rather than continuing to totem around like luggage in the physical body.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that study. That is so fascinating. To me it makes a lot of sense. I talk all the time about any behavior or habit or whatever. It is like nothing can change if we're not aware of it. So like, even if that's an emotion that makes a lot of sense, If we're not aware of what we're feeling and why we're feeling it, how can you change it? Because you don't know it exists.
Speaker 4:Or the mornings that you just wake up and you feel off right, and so we're like, oh, I just feel off. Well, off isn't a feeling, I'm sorry, it's not an emotion. So if we don't actually take the time to identify, like, oh, okay, well, what exactly is off? Does off mean I'm discouraged, I'm feeling despair, like what is in there? If we just and I mean I don't know, I'm not going to speak for other people, but I did that for a lot of years I'm like nope, my calendar is booked, I'm packed, I don't have time for this today. This is just slowing life down. Let's keep it moving, and that is really just rejecting and repressing these aspects of ourselves.
Speaker 4:And when you build that habit, then that's what you do. But if you build the habit of like, okay, I'm actually going to show up for myself. This way, I'm going to honor myself. I don't actually want to feel off. I know I can feel balanced. What's going on in here? And get curious, it makes life a lot easier. It just takes a few moments, and the more you do it, the shorter amount of time it takes to get to that place where it dissolves and unravels too in the beginning. Yeah, it's going to take more than a few moments. Totally worth the investment of your energy and your time, though, and, yeah, the rest of your day and week and life, and then you start building those habits, if will for the nervous system and the brain pathways, the neural networks, to be able to hold that space for yourself, and it just happens quicker and quicker.
Speaker 2:I love how you said get curious. I think approaching it from that curious, like just why am I feeling this way? Or what do I mean by I'm feeling off, like just why am I feeling this way? Or what do I mean by I'm feeling off like in seeing what comes up, like whether you journal about that, whether you reflect on it and just not approaching it from like a negative place, even if it is a negative emotion, and just approaching it from that, even if it's not positive. But I like how you said curious and just seeing what this is, seeing why this is here.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think curiosity really lends to opening the door, to being comfortable in our discomfort and to understanding that discomfort never ceases. I feel like a lot of people I've worked with believe that if they do enough personal development work, people I've worked with believe that if they do enough personal development work, they'll get to a place where that being uncomfortable whether it's negative emotions or whatever form of discomfort it is for them it's going to go away, it's going to cease and really we become masters of adversity and viewing it as adventure and knowing that when we're outside our comfort zone there is going to be discomfort. But that's also when there's growth and there's expanse, and so when the comfort comes and the discomfort ceases, I believe that it's just stagnation or a plateau, like you've just reached a place where you're comfortable and if you stay there and if you don't continue to grow, then yes, you'll be comfortable. But if you're always moving on to the next goal, to the next up level of yourself, the next iteration of yourself, when you do so there is going to be discomfort. And the law of opposites also indicates and tells us and teaches us that most often when we reach the next level, the next frequency, the next vibration, the next iteration, whatever you want to call that, whatever it is to you, you're going to encounter the opposite of what you're actually trying to create, and this is a sign that you're on the right path.
Speaker 4:And it's going to come with that discomfort because it's a little bit of a test. Are you sure you have the capacity for this? Are you sure you can process through this? Are you sure you can handle the challenges? That is on this path? Because the more you up level, actually, the bigger the challenges get, and so you have to have a bigger capacity to handle the challenges. So you know, amanda, I invite you, if you look back on what used to like, really stress you out. Is it like no big deal these days? Yeah, and that's just how it works. And so then, the things that are a big deal are generally a bigger challenge, because you've reached a new level and you're going to be met with the opposite first. As long as you can just keep your chill and deal with the obstacle and keep moving, you're going to get to that goal that you have set for yourself. It's just a matter of time, but the discomfort never stops and is actually a sign that you're on the right path.
Speaker 2:I agree with that. Now, again curious how did you, did something happen to make you realize that the discomfort never ceases?
Speaker 4:Great question. So for me personally, in my path I path I mentioned, you know, the trauma several times, but there were a lot of events in my life that continued to be traumatic, like eating disorder, car accident, like a lot of things that we haven't really gotten into, and so it was a trauma after a trauma after a trauma, and I think that was part of my healing path and really recalibrating my nervous system to allow things to be good and to not make it mean, because our brains make a meaning out of absolutely everything we ever experience in life, but we get to choose what that meaning really actually is. And so for a long time, I allowed the meaning to be something negative about me, that I was on the wrong path, that I wasn't doing things right. And again, like healing, healing, healing, and I'm like at what point? Like I get the healing lifestyle? I'm here for it. I'm not saying I want to ever stop my growth or development, but at what point do I stop telling myself I'm doing things wrong or at what point do I believe that I'm doing things right? And so, in being able to recalibrate this concept that, oh, the law of opposites actually tells us that we're going to encounter these challenges and that it does mean you're on the right path. And I do want to grow and I want to evolve and I want to reach new goals and I don't want to necessarily stagnate Because the only thing that made sense without continuing to make my life more complicated.
Speaker 4:At one point a couple years ago, my then-fiancé was investigated, and it's a really long story of a crime that you know, I believe, upon looking at evidence and all of the things and all of the story he didn't commit. But I had a real choice before me and it was am I going to take the easy path and leave, because we're not married yet and I could, and if I did, is that unconditionally loving someone? Or am I going to walk this path? That is not going to be easy, but I have all the tools to do it and I believed also at the time there was quite a lot of attack on the family and I refused for my family to be torn apart, and so that was also a pivotal time of like. I didn't actually create this challenge, but I'm going to choose to walk through the challenge and I know that it's life happening for me and I don't know what is here. For me it seems like a mountain to move, quite honestly.
Speaker 4:But I came out the other side so much wiser and really taking the universal laws and laws of nature and living in alignment with God and spirit and all that we are as humans. I have really mastered the art of being human and knowing that adversity can be adventure and it doesn't have to be this story, this negative meaning about me not being a good person or whatever else I used to make it mean, but actually it's strength and character and empowerment and choice, and having choice is one of the most beautiful things that we can have in this life. But oftentimes we tell ourselves we don't have a choice in this life. But oftentimes we tell ourselves we don't have a choice, kind of like our conversations coming full circle where we kind of started with elementary school and the friends Did we have a choice or didn't we? We like to surrender our choice an awful lot, rather than standing in our power and saying, no, I do have a choice here and I'm choosing this path, even if it's the harder one.
Speaker 2:That's really true. You know, I like how you mentioned you didn't create the challenge, but you're choosing to walk through it. I like that, you know. I think that's truthful. A lot of people. Challenges will show up in our lives and sometimes we have the choice like, are you going to walk through it or are you going to turn your back and go the other way? And it'll show you a lot, you know, if you have the courage to walk through the challenge, whatever the challenge is, and getting to the other side of that. I love that you mentioned that and not making meaning out of it, because so many of us do that with everything Like everything's a story what we're telling ourselves from what other people will think, what other people will say, or even what we're saying to ourselves, and maybe it just means this is just the situation. It doesn't have to mean anything at all. It could be just that simple. This is just what it is.
Speaker 4:Yeah, a big part for me was getting out of my head and this is where I feel like, counterintuitively, a lot of mindset work is actually about thinking less. Do less thinking. Trust your heart more. Trust your intuition more, russell, and there was some logic around what I just shared, like if I want unconditional love but I'm not willing to give it, am I ever going to get it? Probably no. But I also trusted my intuition and my intuition was calling me to remain steadfast by my partner's side, even when all of everything started.
Speaker 4:I'm like, how dare you bring this into our family and our relationship? And there is a lot of shame, shame, flaming. How dare you? But once I was able to process through the trauma of it thank goodness I have the tools that I did I was able to get really still and centered and in meditation, you know, and my closest friends who walked with me through this situation I'm like I just cannot shake this feeling. Like, logically I would prefer to take the easy path, but intuitively, in my gut and in my heart, like I feel as though I am being called to the situation for something that I don't yet see and I don't yet understand and I still, to this day don't necessarily see all of those pieces of the puzzle in place yet, but collected a lot more puzzle pieces than where I started. For sure, and I think that's part of the adventure. Right Like this is where I could sit in this space of adversity and, oh you know, it almost destroyed us and it almost destroyed our relationship and it almost destroyed our home. Or I could sit there and look at well, I know this now and I know this now, and on the adventure, I've picked up, you know 35 more puzzle pieces. I've picked up you know 35 more puzzle pieces. When's the next one coming?
Speaker 4:I'm really excited to find out and, trusting my intuition and those emotions, like we talked about earlier, that offer us so much wisdom, us through a crazy labyrinth. And it only wants logical, rational things. Some things in life and there's a saying are meant to be experienced or felt rather than, you know, thought about, and for it to make logical, rational sense. I also want to say that the mind, if we do use rational, logical thinking, we're going to get linear results. And so people who want, you know this, quantum leaping is quite the trendy little saying but the people who want the supernatural, unexplainable miracles in life. Those come from following your intuition, because your intuition quite frequently won't be nudging you to do things that you're excited to do. They're the things that stretch you. You're like I'm not sure I want to do that, and the intuition won't let up unless you're just like, absolutely not, I'm not doing it. It'll keep nudging you. It'll keep nudging you and when you follow through, that's when you get those.
Speaker 2:you know the miracle, the quantum leaps, the unexplainable. Yeah, now you say the mindset work is less about thinking.
Speaker 4:Can you? So why do you say it's less about thinking? Well, because linear results, like I just mentioned.
Speaker 4:Also, because I'm sure you know I would imagine you've talked about this on your podcast before but the subconscious, conscious mind, so our conscious mind, you know it does the thinking, it does the decision making, it thinks, but it only has about 5% influence over what we're actually choosing, because the subconscious, the beliefs that are stored there, the emotions, all of the past experiences and the meaning that we've made about them are held in the subconscious, and so our cognitive, logical thinking brain doesn't do as much as it likes to think it does, and it actually doesn't also hold the key to being able to do the things we want to do. And so that's where really we need to tune into what's in the subconscious and having methods to rewire and refire our subconscious. It's so important to listen to all of the intelligence centers in our body, not just the brain, because the heart is very wise and so is the gut, and we are equipped with three centers of intelligence that offer very different kinds of intelligence. So just be a fully empowered human with all the gifts forgiven.
Speaker 2:So what would you suggest for anybody to start thinking less and get more in tune with their heart, their gut, their intuition?
Speaker 4:One really easy exercise people can embrace is making a decision in like 10 seconds or less. And don't start with high-stake decisions. But just like on tests, right, like you have a multiple question answers and they say your first thought is generally the right thought, but then you'll sit there and you'll think about it and you'll think yourself into a different answer and then you generally end up being wrong. So don't start this out with high-st stake decisions. Maybe do it when you go to a restaurant look over the whole menu and then give yourself, once you've taken in all of the information, make an informed decision. But once you've taken in all the information, make a decision in 10 seconds.
Speaker 4:It's incredible to discover that successful people actually make decisions really quickly and change their mind really slowly. And when we don't make decisions we put them off. That's like leaving programs running in the back of your computer and it slows things down. You're leaving like open loops of energy for yourself and so just starting with your decision making and doing it really quickly and trusting your inner guidance, and that's a great way to start building that intuition.
Speaker 2:I like that the decision making, and I like that you mentioned as well don't start with life all doing once, Because it will be harder to lean into the intuition, especially at first with the bigger decisions.
Speaker 4:And especially if you've been making decisions in a certain way and I like still to this day, when I am certain what my decision is, I still like to sleep on it so that I know I'm not doing anything out of impulse. That's for me, that's not for everybody, but that is for me. And so people who want to do the, you know you need to make a decision right now Because it is true, like our brain is going to tell us no and then it's going to tell us all the reasons that we don't want to do something in between the initial no and committing to the decision. But I know that's how my brain works, so I know everything else that it offers me, which is garbage generally lets me know where my area for refinement is, and so it's more information and I have the confidence and certainty in myself that I haven't done anything impulsively, and so I feel like for me, sleeping on it is just gaining more wisdom and understanding of myself and honoring space. Space is a part of luxury, luxury there's always space. They're connected. So that's what feels luxurious to me is having a little space and time to make a decision.
Speaker 4:But I understand the component of success and I absolutely have trained myself to listen to what is my initial, what is my initial response to this, and then also with my intuition, like it keeps nagging me until I just do the thing too. So it's how? How long do I want to stay in that discomfort that never ceases? And am I creating it for myself because I'm not making a decision? I think this is part of mastering the art of being human as well is understanding your own rhythms and your own cycles, and for me, that's mastering my decisions. If it's a high stakes decision or a high investment, there's going to be one sleep involved, and I'm going to know both where's my growth edge, so that I'm completely centered and in my power as I make this decision and the confidence in making the decision because I know it's right for me and we just have to learn ourselves and our cycles, our rhythms and what's right for us. Because it's right for me doesn't mean it's right for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when I even like how you mentioned there I know you were joking a little bit but about like that could keep you in the discomfort longer. You know, not making the decision, like so many of us get caught up in, regardless of what the decision is. Sometimes it's bigger things, but sometimes it's even small things like should I stay at this job? That could be a bigger decision. But how often are you thinking about quitting that job that you know you don't want to be in and you are sitting in that discomfort for so long? It's like okay, yeah, you got to work, yeah, you got to have money coming in, but you don't have to be doing what you're doing. You know it's like make a decision because you could be causing yourself more discomfort. You know?
Speaker 4:Yes, absolutely. And it goes back to what you had said earlier about awareness, like, how aware are you of what your brain is offering you and are you aware of how the brain works? And so, where I know how the brain works, I recently bought a new car and I did it in a really unconventional way, a way I've never done before. So I sold my car privately which I have done before, but not before I had the other car picked out and so I had a friend who got their child, actually totaled their car, in a car accident and they needed a new car, or new to them car. And I'm like, well, would you be interested in my car? I've? I loved, I searched for a magical unicorn, the last car that I had, and I loved it, and so I wasn't eager to let it go. But I knew for a couple of years it was getting close and I'd been on the back burner. So I'm like, well, if I have a private buyer, it seems like maybe now is the time, and with the insurance settlement I thought it would be at least a month, if not longer, before that insurance settlement closed. So I thought I had plenty of time to figure out what I wanted. I didn't even know what I wanted. That insurance claim would have closed in about 10 days or less, but she was out of town on vacation. I had less than two weeks to find my new car, to just figure out what I wanted to buy and locate it. The day that my car went to its new owner, I didn't have a new car yet and I'm like I'm going first. I've made the decision, the universe is going to support me, everything's going to happen, and you better believe. Along the way, my brain was like maybe you should trade it in and she can buy it from the dealer. Maybe you shouldn't do this at all, maybe now isn't the right time to buy your car, but I was aware and I know how my brain works, and so every time my brain fired that suggestion, that offering to me, I'm like nope, that's garbage. Thank you for offering me that, but that's not the solution to this. The solution to this is finding what I want and it's going to come to me. It's going to happen. And the same day that my car went to its new owner, that afternoon, I signed the paperwork on my new car and I brought it home the next day, and so it all did fall into place. But my belief system, my awareness to what my brain was doing and, you know, holding that, that vision and the you know the feeling, the feeling of a new car, like calling all of that in is an art as well, and you have to be steadfast because you're going to be tested. Law of opposite it's going to come first. So, yeah, it's all about learning how we actually are wired as humans and how it works against us, like our imagination.
Speaker 4:Quickly, my last little tidbit of wisdom worry, you know. Worry is using your imagination. Your imagination is a really powerful part of your mind. Are you using your imagination to see your future and the things that you want to create and the goals you want to reach? Are you allowing that worry of every possible scenario that could play out to consume your mind? Because, if you are, you're using your imagination against yourself. But we don't really look at it that way until it's kind of broken down for us, as that's actually what's happening within our minds and our subconscious when we let the worry come up versus holding the faith, because faith and fear cannot exist in the same space, and so we have to return our minds and our focus to the faith of what we're creating, and that is all part of mastering the art of being human and creating the lives we desire.
Speaker 2:Turning this adversity into adventure no it's so true, and I love how you mentioned imagining. You know, and I'm a big believer in manifesting and visualizing what you want. If you can't see it in your mind's eye, it's not going to happen, at least to some degree. You might not be able to see every aspect of it, but you got to be able to see a little bit for it to come into fruition, and I love everything that you mentioned there. I really do.
Speaker 2:And it's so true about worrying. It's like a down payment on a problem that we might not even face, we might not even go through the situation. And I was young when my grandfather was the one who said this to me and I was worried about not passing some test. And he was like you know, amanda, you're stressing out over not passing this and if you do, you would have stressed yourself out for nothing. And I was like, wow, it's so true, we might put ourselves through the stressful situation that we might not even have to go through. You know, like when the problem comes up, stress about it then, but before it's even a thing, so many of us get worked up about the what ifs, the what ifs of life, what if this, what if I do this and then this happens, okay, well then, when it does cross the bridge, when it comes, you know like.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's our brains, or subconscious, you know, know good intention of keeping us safe always, and so it's gonna offer. It's gonna offer every possible, everything it can. But we just have to say thank you, no, thank you gotta handle. I love that comment that you made and I also think that, honestly, thanking the negative emotions, thinking these thoughts that were like no, they're laughable actually, but having that compassion for yourself versus like, oh, here I am doing again. I used to be that girl. I'd eye roll myself a thousand times over, like I cannot believe really, and now I'm like, oh, look at me being human, thank you. And no, thank you, human, thank you and no, thank you.
Speaker 4:You're equating it from a whole different type of place like can you talk to yourself the way you talk to your best friend? Like, would you eye roll your best friend be like are you, are you serious? You're doing that? But so often we'll do that to ourselves. Can you actually talk to yourself the way you would? A best friend I also embrace? The silly is like oh silly me, oh silly, look at what I did. I didn't mean to do that. Now what's my next move? It just makes it easier to laugh through life. And you know, love yourself, for Pete's sake. You only get one of you. Might as well, love you.
Speaker 2:What's so true, and I love how you mentioned the best friend. I say that or like a child, because so many of us wouldn't speak to children the way we speak to ourselves, even if it's not your own child, like the things you say to yourself. Would you say that to another two, three, four, five-year-old? Probably not, probably not. So then it's like, don't say it to yourself. Like, exactly like you said, you only get one of you and the world and society will bow just down. Enough, like we may as well love ourselves.
Speaker 4:You know, it's really cool to see, when we embrace the positive approach to talking to ourselves, how the outside world will start reflecting that. And not perfectly, there's going to be the off person or whatever in the workplace or in the subway or whatever. But a lot more positive will come to you when that's your internal environment as well.
Speaker 2:It's so true. Well, thank you so much for speaking with me. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, thanks for having me. It's been awesome. I think the more and more we get to know each other, it seems we have parallel experiences in life in so many ways. I know.
Speaker 2:It really, really does. Now I'm curious have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty? I have, so he's got a podcast called On Purpose, and he ends it with two segments that I've incorporated in my podcast, and the first one is the many sides to us. There's five questions, and they need to be answered in one word each. Let's do it. First question what is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would use to describe you as?
Speaker 4:Intriguing.
Speaker 2:What is one word that someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you as Compassionate? What is one word you'd use to describe yourself Funny? What is one word that, if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset, would you use to describe you as Backward? Okay, what is one word you're embodying right now?
Speaker 4:Wow, that's a really good question, because that shifts and changes so quick and that is not one word. Answer A piece.
Speaker 2:Second segment is the final five, and these can be answered in up to a sentence. What is the best advice you've heard or received?
Speaker 4:Be yourself. You can't mess up your art. Why is that the best? Well, there's so many ways that we shame ourselves. Try to change ourselves, try to be what we see other people being, and your life is your art, and no artist can mess up their art, and I think that offers us such a deep opportunity of self-acceptance that makes life really enjoyable.
Speaker 2:Okay, what is the worst advice you've heard or received?
Speaker 4:That I need to do something someone's way that worked for them.
Speaker 2:What is something that you used to value that you no longer value?
Speaker 4:Achievements and I would say I probably still value them, but the way I value them is very different. So I used to be a human doing versus a human being, and now I understand that the who that I become or the who that I be will allow me to do anything really that I choose or am meant to do is fated, however you look at life.
Speaker 2:Okay, if you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone was reading it, what would you want it to say?
Speaker 4:I would want it to say that people always felt better after being in my presence or listening to my content, that there was impact, and then having a better relationship with themselves as a result of knowing me.
Speaker 2:If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be? And everyone would know why.
Speaker 4:There are no laws to follow. What would it be and everyone know why there are no laws. So perhaps a little bit idealistic, but the why would be if we all had such radical self-leadership and that we were living in alignment with nature, with spirit, with God, with the way that we were designed as beings, rather than underneath all of this hurt and pain and trauma and generational things that get passed down to us, we wouldn't need laws because really, at our core, we're beings who want to do good things and be bright lights in the world, and that would mean that everyone's living in their true essence. And so, again, perhaps a little bit idealistic, but if I were to make a world all on my own, it would look like that. Well, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. It's been a lot of fun.
Speaker 2:Of course. And now? Where can the listeners connect with?
Speaker 4:you, so they can find me on my website, wwwfiercelyradiantsoulcom. I also have a radio show every week, so they can find me on my website, wwwfiercelyradiantsoulcom. I also have a radio show every week, and so on my website you can find archived episodes of Eyes Wide Open, and you can also find me on Facebook at Janessa Finley Ford or Fiercely Radiant Soul.
Speaker 2:Awesome. I will link all of that in the show notes and.
Speaker 4:I do like to always leave it back to the guests Any final words of wisdom, anything else you want to leave the listeners with, and maybe that's this time of year, season change, but I feel like most everyone I've been working with lately has been waiting. Rather than taking the inspired action, intuitive nudges you're getting about your next step or a bigger project, whatever that thing is, you know you're listening and you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:Go do it Well. Thank you, I really appreciate it. Thank you so much and thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Mienda's Mindset.
Speaker 3:In case no one told you today, I'm proud of you, I'm booting for you and you got this, as always. If you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate it if you would leave me a five star rating, leave a review and share it with anyone you think would benefit from this, and don't forget, and share it with anyone you think would benefit from this. And don't forget you are only one mindset. Shift away from shifting your life. Thanks, guys, until next time.
