Manders Mindset
Hosted by Amanda Russo, The Breathing Goddess, who is a Breathwork Detox Facilitator, Transformative Mindset Coach, and Divorce Paralegal.
Amanda's journey into mindset and empowerment began by working with children in group homes and daycares. She later transitioned to family law, helping people navigate the challenging emotions of divorce. During this time, Amanda also overcame her own weight and health challenges through strength training, meditation, yoga, reiki, and plant medicine.
Amanda also shares her personal journey, detailing how she transformed obstacles into opportunities by adopting a healthier, holistic lifestyle.
Discover practical strategies and inspiring stories that will empower you to break free from limitations and cultivate a mindset geared towards growth and positivity.
Tune in for a fun, friendly, and empowering experience that will help you become the best version of yourself.
Manders Mindset
2024 Year in Review
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Welcome to a special year-in-review episode of Manders Mindset! Shawn Rivers rejoins the podcast… a fan favorite from episode 69. Together, we reflect on the transformative highs and challenges of 2024. Shawn opens up about navigating major life changes, embracing spiritual growth, and finding peace with detachment, all while living authentically and with intention.
This episode explores what it means to let go of rigid expectations, live in alignment with your values, and cultivate relationships—with yourself, others, and even a higher power. Whether you’re seeking inspiration, clarity, or just a fresh perspective for the new year, this conversation is packed with nuggets of wisdom to help you step into 2025 with purpose and grace.
Key Points:
•Reflecting on Growth: Shawn shares the shifts in his life since episode 69, including ending his fitness coaching career and exploring new paths.
•Embracing Detachment: Why letting go of old habits and expectations can create space for transformation.
•The Power of Faith: Shawn’s journey to cultivating a relationship with God and viewing faith as an active, ongoing process.
•Eating for Alignment: The idea of “eating foods that love you back” and adapting nutrition to fit the season of your life.
•Redefining Relationships: How shifting your perspective on your parents can transform all your relationships.
•Making Decisions with Integrity: A simple approach to decision-making by focusing on what aligns with your values and energy.
•Looking Ahead to 2025: Shawn’s excitement for building deeper connections, showing love, and being his most authentic self.
To Connect with Amanda:
~ linktree.com/thebreathinggoddess
~ Instagram
~ TikTok
~ Join the Manders Mindset Facebook Community HERE!
~ Follow Manders Mindset on Instagram HERE!
~ Explore Amanda’s NEW podcast: Breathwork Magic(Available on all major platforms or you can listen on Apple!)
To Connect with Shawn:
Instagram
Listen to Growth by Shawn on Apple Podcasts HERE
Welcome back to another episode of Mander's Mindset. I am so excited today we are here for a year in review gonna chat about the past year, 2024. And I am here today with a fan favorite. Y'all last heard him on episode 69. I am here today with Shawn Rivers, with Growth by Shawn. Thanks for joining me. I was episode 69.
Speaker 2:That's me. I was episode 69. That's awesome you were episode 69. Yeah, no, I'm really excited with how much you have grown, especially with the podcast. You've done such a great job with it, so it's just really awesome to see from you. So thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited so I'd love if you could catch us up a little bit. What you've been up to past couple months it's been what April we recorded last.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, it's been that long.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's been a little bit.
Speaker 2:It's been a hard look at a lot of my different behaviors and patterns and who I've been versus who I want to be, and so a lot more work on just myself. And so, for example, when we had chatted last, I was doing health and fitness coaching, which I decided to end. I don't enjoy it anymore and there's just something more for me. So I don't want to say that I'm in a bit of a limbo, but I don't necessarily know what my next venture is, because, just like we were talking about time and timing beforehand, we've always had enough time. There always will be enough time. You have the perfect amount of time for everything. Right, there's no like oh, my life should look like this by 28. My life should look this way, I need it to look this exact way. Like no, it's life is just happening and it's going to unravel in the exact way that it needs to look. So for me, just like everyone else and I think that this is why I can empathize with so many people is that it's been a difficult year for me, but, at the same time, like, that's what builds those character traits that you desire. And so, for me, especially, this is where I cultivated a stronger relationship with God, with the creator, the universe, whatever type of term someone best suits for themselves. That's been something I've wanted for a long time but have rejected, and now it's come more into an acceptance piece. So that's been something that's really strong and cultivating for me and I'll share just a little bit about. Like one of the frames that I heard this from was it's just like electricity, right? When I thought about God, I wanted it to be okay I don't know if you've ever done this before where you're like in your room when you're super young and you're like if there's a ghost in here, move something. That's what I thought my experience of God wanted to be like. I was like, just sit in my room like God, like what is happening, like why am I going through all of this? Like just go and show me this clear sign. Just like reach down from the heavens and show me. And that's not how it works, right, it's more like electricity. It's you go and stick a fork into a socket, right, you wouldn't do that. Why? Because you believe in electricity, you have faith in electricity, but can you explain it? I can't explain electricity, okay, and so for me, this is something that just really clicked. It was like, okay, like I want to believe and I want to have faith in it, but I wouldn't go and do that, and so for me now cultivating a relationship here is something where it's like, oh, I'm just going to thank God for all of these experiences.
Speaker 2:Think about how the two of us became friends, right, when we were on dating apps in, let's say, 2019, 2020, many four or five years ago. Right, we matched with each other, we had great conversation and then a friendship, a relationship, grew from there. Right, but like, what are the odds of that happening when, five years later, think about how many people you've talked to on a dating app five years ago. How many people do you still talk about or talk with? Right, for me, not many. And so that was like, oh God is placing this person in my life for some reason. Right, and now we're doing a second podcast episode in a year, and so that's been something that's given me a greater perspective shift for that.
Speaker 2:And so what I'm doing now? I still work, doing a couple of different things, like odd jobs, things like this you know, I got the nutrition store. I work as something similar to like physical therapy at Stretch Lab and then have been thinking about working with a cousin that has Asperger's, and so there's so many different avenues. I've been wanting to open up a coffee shop. Looking at all these different things, I've been investing more, and so there's no right or wrong way to do things for me, and so it's not that I'm just in limbo, just I don't have a super clear direction. I'm letting life happen right now, and so that's where I've been the last few months and unraveling all of these different patterns and who I've been. Not the sexy answer that people want to hear, not the sexy answer that people want to hear.
Speaker 1:I mean I love that there's no right or wrong way, because it goes back to those no rules. There's no rules for anything, just like us recording a podcast bright and early this morning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I'll even share this with you A reason that I started to get and let me see how I want to frame this here when I looked at health and nutrition, right, I was very calories in calories out for a long time, but at the same time, why does keto work for some people? Why does intermittent fasting work for other people? Why does high carbohydrate work for some people? Why does insert diet? Why does the penguin diet work for some people? Whatever does insert diet, why does the penguin diet work for some people? Whatever you're doing right, and so there's no right or wrong answer to it. Right, there's only what works for you, and there's all these different approaches, and the best two frames that I've been able to relate to now is one I eat for the season of life I'm in, okay. So if you're going to the gym five or six times a week, if you're getting all your steps in, you're doing your cardio, you're doing your strength training, you're doing all these different activity, I'm going to require a little bit more food and energy. If I was on top of a mountain, all right. Just meditating eight hours a day, all right. Seven days a week for two months, my body's not going to require that much food. All right, completely different season. And now the other frame that I've started to live by is I only eat foods that love me back. That's it. I just eat foods that love me back back. That's it. I just eat foods that love me back. Why would I go and eat some big, huge, juicy cheeseburger that I know is just going to cause my stomach stress? I'm going to feel groggy afterwards, I'm going to feel lethargic afterwards, maybe even a little bit of brain fog. Why would I do that to myself? And so I eat foods that make me feel good and give me energy, and there's not this calories in, calories out approach. It can be helpful in terms of metrics, but it's not an end-all, be-all. Why can some people go and track their food and some people don't track it at all? Some people lose weight and some people don't. Right, what works for me isn't going to work for you. So there's so much nuance to health and nutrition and even life. Right For you, recording podcasts four or five times a day might work for you. Right For someone like me, it might not. Who's right and who's wrong? It's right for you, but it's wrong for me. That's it and that's you can relate it to everything. So, there, there are no rules, right, there's only what works for you and there's what works for me, and they're allowed to be different.
Speaker 2:You go and see someone at the gym, right, and you're like, oh my God, what is their form? Right, we've seen these people where you're like, what are they doing? And you're just confused. But at the same time, what happens when you see, you know a big, huge, jacked guy and he has the worst form in the world. How did he get so big and jacked, with the worst form in the world? What makes it so that my approach is right and his approach is wrong? Right, if he can feel his muscles working, he's not getting injured and he's putting on the muscle he wants to put on. How am I going to go and call that wrong, especially if he's has the body he desires, right? So during this time, I've been able to find a place of much less judgment and more curiosity for why people are doing certain things.
Speaker 1:I want to backtrack a tad. Yeah, you mentioned that you stopped doing health and nutrition coaching and now you said because you weren't enjoying it anymore. You know we've talked about that a few times with different things that you're not doing, fill in the blank, because you just don't enjoy it anymore. Have you always been the?
Speaker 2:type of person to stop doing just what you're sick of. No, I would say the biggest thing that comes to mind first is like working a certain job. Even if I didn't enjoy that job, I would still continue to do it because I wanted the money, right? So now this has become a little bit more of that spiritual practice of detachment, right? Okay, you know what? Like I don't enjoy health and fitness coaching anymore, I could see more clearly that I was just taking people's money and I didn't actually enjoy going and having conversations about their habits, behaviors and the food that they're eating. So why am I taking their money from them? So I'm not going to do that. So I don't need the money. I want the money, but I don't need it Because I always have enough. No matter how bad you're struggling, you always have enough to figure out how to pay your bills, no matter how bad.
Speaker 1:You believe that?
Speaker 2:Yep, have you ever not had enough?
Speaker 1:Me personally no.
Speaker 2:Then how could you say that you believe that you are not going to have enough?
Speaker 1:I don't believe that.
Speaker 2:Okay, then neither do I.
Speaker 1:How did you start being able to get into this detachment, though you said you haven't always Like what shifted. When did that shift?
Speaker 2:It's been more of these past three months, I would say I've done a lot of different work around a lot of different areas of my life. So, to begin, I started working around acceptance and what acceptance even means. So think about our relationship, right? It's not that I want it to look a certain way, but let me go and look at who I've actually been being and how that has correlated in terms of our relationship. Then I look at it in all of the relationships in my life who have I actually been being and how has that created the ripples to put me where I am today? Has that created the ripples to put me where I am today? And so when I look at detachment, I don't need it to look a certain way. I just need to focus on who I'm being instead of me trying to dictate some outcome. And so now, when I look at detachment, I even look at all of the things that I feel I'm attached to Money, right. Having relationships look a certain way. Having my body look a certain way. Having like even the things around my room or my house right, you ever just like went to like purge different things in your house. You're like I'm going to get rid of a bunch of these clothes, and then you have this t-shirt from 2007. And you're like why do I still have this t-shirt that I don't wear, right? Why am I attached to this t-shirt? And so it was a physical environment clearing, and so let me go and clear that out.
Speaker 2:Let me try to frame this in a different way as well. Imagine that you are a boat and you are just this big vessel, and so how do you clean the boat? How do you make it so that the boat moves clear through the ocean? You scrub the part of the barnacles at the bottom, right. So that's what I'm doing with my life, with my soul and with my spirit I'm scrubbing all of those barnacles. It's not that I'm finding new ways, it's just that I'm scrubbing all the barnacles off and that allows the new ways to enter. So I don't actually need to go and find the answers, I just need to stop doing what I've been doing. I just need to get rid of the old ways. I don't actually need to find the new ways.
Speaker 2:And so this detachment is that you know, as I've become more of a spiritual person and understanding that I'm just like this soul on earth, right, just have in this human body, and the best way that I've like been able to really hone in on that is I had this Guinea pig, okay, for many years. Her name was Rasputia and she was the best Guinea pig I've ever had. She was the best little nugget. Okay, rasputia was about six and we had to put Rasputia down and we loved resputia so much. Okay, we put resputia down.
Speaker 2:Now resputia's physical body is no longer here, but why do I feel more love than I ever have for resputia, even though her physical body isn't here anymore? Now, why is it that I can still feel resputia here? Her essence and her spirit is still here, even though I physically haven't had her with me for so long. And so we often become attached to this physical form of someone, or we become attached to all of these physical attributes or anything. Right, but that's not what it is. It's the energy that goes back and forth. It was Raspucia's energy that I loved and it's Raspucia's energy that lives on it's not her physical being and so I don't have to be attached to this physical form of something. Does that make sense so far?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so is that just yeah, I mean I can conclude, but it's just like I don't want to just ramble on, right, but everything that we have, it comes in and it goes out and it's not actually mine, right? Think about money in your bank account. We want it to be ours. It's my money, right, but it's always going to come in and it's always going to go out, right? It's these clothes that I'm wearing. They're mine now, but eventually I'm going to get rid of them, right?
Speaker 2:I don't need to be attached to them. So I don't need to be attached to them, so I don't need to be attached to really anything, and it's all it is. It's just a practice. I'm not perfect with it, but it's just repetition. Why am I attached to this? Why do I need this to look a certain way? Why do I need this relationship to look this way? Less about how things need to look, less about this physical thing that I need to have, and more about okay, you know what I enjoyed this energy. I enjoy who I am right now and I'm happy and content that.
Speaker 2:And then when you're not letting it go when I'm not letting it go, what do you?
Speaker 1:mean when you're not happy with it, letting it go because you've been very even outside of professionally, even hobbies or whatever, like you've been someone who's really good in my eyes to not do the shit you don't want to do.
Speaker 2:There's a time and a place to do things that you don't feel like doing, right. It's one thing to dictate our entire life off of our emotions. If I just never did anything that I felt like not doing, I would get nothing done. I would lay on the couch all day long and that's it. I would lay on the couch and I would probably eat like peanut butter all day and just eat some-. Why peanut butter?
Speaker 1:probably eat like peanut butter all day and just eat some peanut butter because I like peanut butter.
Speaker 2:I'd probably lay on the couch and I'd eat peanut butter all day or something. And so it's one thing to base your entire experience on your emotions. It's another thing to take a hard look at what am I actually enjoy doing and why am I doing it? You know, it's not every day that I want to go and read. Every single day I enjoy reading, but there are times I don't feel like reading. But I also know that I'm planting a seed because I'm gaining wisdom and knowledge. Right, but for something like health and fitness coaching or a hobby, I don't enjoy doing that anymore. And so what was the reward? The reward was that I was getting a monetary gain, but I'm not attached to that monetary gain anymore, so I don't have to do that.
Speaker 2:Right With the podcast. Right? I'm not doing my podcast right now and I'm not going to start that back up until after the new year, right? And what was I doing it for? Well, to gain knowledge and wisdom. Right, to have a bigger network To go and enjoy. I enjoy talking with people, but right now I don't enjoy doing that, so why am I going to keep?
Speaker 1:I get that. So how do you? Because you mentioned, there's things that you have to do If you never did it, you wouldn't get anything done. How do you find that balance?
Speaker 2:It's just about asking yourself what you actually want. There's no right or wrong. There's no right or wrong answer I could give you Right. If you want to go and make a million dollars but you don't want to work at all, there might be a way to go and do that. I haven't figured that out. But that's not what I want either. I don't want to go and just sit there on my couch and be bored and make a million dollars. That's not something enjoyable to me. So ask yourself what you actually want and then ask yourself why you're doing certain things and who you're being. You can just continue to ask yourself the thing that I'm doing right now is it in integrity with the person that I want to be and is it honorable? Those two questions for every single activity that you do. All of a sudden, it becomes second nature and your life is going to look completely different, because you're going to feel different and you're going to act different.
Speaker 1:Is it with integrity? I like that you haven't always asked yourself these three questions. No, do you do it for everything?
Speaker 2:No, because it's not always the top of my mind, but, again, it's a practice, right? So the more that I can continue to ask myself this, the more second nature it becomes. So for anyone listening for you, right, think about the small things. You ever seen a piece of paper, or like a little like crumb, on the floor or on your counter and you walk by it every single day? Right, for me, I've been there. Okay For me, I've been there, okay.
Speaker 2:And so I started to ask myself why do I just leave that there? Right, what game am I playing? Right? Why do I just leave that there and not do anything about it? And it seems small, it seems minuscule, right, it feels like it shouldn't matter. But how many times do I do that with bigger things as well? I look at something that I don't like and I just leave it there.
Speaker 2:So, if I can start with something small, what's the honorable thing to do? What would have the most integrity? Having a clean space, having an organized space. Think about when you have a big pile of clothes on your bed or your chair versus when you're done. Okay, when you actually put them away, what's the energy? How do you feel when you have all of those clothes on your chair and how do you feel when you've put them away and organized? Completely different, right?
Speaker 2:So why wouldn't I do that every day in my life? Why wouldn't I start to go and clean up all of those little things and I'm not saying that you need like an OCD, to the point of that I'm scrubbing like with a toothbrush, all right, every single day. But I'm saying why am I going to walk by this little piece of paper every single day? All right, is that really like an integrity with the person? I want to be no, so I'm going to stop doing that behavior and I'm going to go and integrate that more and more, because if I can go and pick up that little piece of paper, if I can go and wipe the counter off with crumbs every single time, all of a sudden now that's going to trickle and ripple into other areas of my life and I'm going to be able to operate with more honor and more integrity every single day with everything that I do. But it's just a practice. Over and over and over and over.
Speaker 1:Would you agree with the statement that how you do one thing is how you do everything?
Speaker 2:No, how I do one thing is how I do everything, because how I do one thing is not how I do everything. Let's see, if I was to go to the gym today I may work really hard, right, and I'm going to push myself to my limit, but then tomorrow I may not push myself to my limit. Is one wrong or one right? I?
Speaker 1:mean? Mean it's not a matter of right or wrong, but it's so. You don't think that how you do one thing is how you do everything?
Speaker 2:I don't think so. I don't think that the behavior is something that we need to just pinpoint, right. Like we look at these black and white statements and we're like, oh, I want this to be right or I want this to be wrong, like I want to agree fully, and the thing is there's just nuance to everything, so what's the more? Again, we could look at what's honorable, right, honorable, right. So if I was to go walk into Target right now, okay, and go and punch someone in the face, all right, that wouldn't be a very honorable thing to do. But if I saw someone getting mugged and I ripped that person off of them and punched that person in the face, same behavior, different circumstance.
Speaker 2:So how I do one thing is not how I necessarily do everything. If I want to go and lay on the couch for an hour and just be a vegetable and watch TV, cool, Right. But if I want to go to the gym and then work as hard as I can, great. So what's going to be honorable for me in that moment? They're going to be different. So I don't think how you do one thing is necessarily how you do everything.
Speaker 1:Okay. So even in terms of like your mindset, going into things, you don't think you show up with a similar mindset.
Speaker 2:I think it depends on the situation.
Speaker 1:That's fair. It's a comment I've heard said a lot and I have mixed feelings on.
Speaker 2:It's I don't again like for someone else it might be right for how they do. One thing is how they do everything For me. It's I don't again like for someone else it might be right for how they do. One thing is how they do everything for me. It's not, that's it, and I don't think I'm right or wrong. It's just right for me, that's it. Like I'm not gonna go and go to the bathroom at the gym and leave pee on the toilet seat or something right Like how you do you have all these crazy fucking examples?
Speaker 2:I just gotta say. So I tried to.
Speaker 1:You're pushing the guy at Target, you're leaving piss on the seat. You've got out there examples. I just had to say that Continue.
Speaker 2:Thank you. The reason I use such extreme examples is because people understand them and they're relatable. People can go and be like, oh my God, I've gone to the gym and I see piss on the seat Right, I'm sure you have. And you're like oh, this little shit. Like what did they do? Like, why did they leave this here? Blah, blah, blah, blah, right. They do like, why did they leave this here? Blah, blah, blah, right.
Speaker 2:And so, like, how you do. One thing is how you do everything. So like, if I'm at the gym and I go to the bathroom and there's whatever on the scene, I'm going to clean it up, right, and so in that aspect, sure, how I do, one thing is how I'm going to do everything. I'm going to clean the toilet, I'm going to clean my machine after the gym, right. But that doesn't mean that as soon as I need to make my bed so that it's like perfectly airtight, like I don't need to give a hundred percent effort. I just want it made, I want it to look nice, but I don't need it to be to the point where it's oh my God, perfect.
Speaker 1:I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. Now I want to transition back a tad bit. You started talking about God and the creator and now you've started leaning more into that. Is there something that helped you with that? Because you mentioned you were looking to see like see like a ghost, almost like god. So when you didn't get that, did you get? Did something happen for you to suddenly start having more beliefs?
Speaker 2:it's surrounding yourself with people that are going to give you different frames to things, and so we can only understand our level of consciousness that we're at right now. And so, as I've continued to scrub and scrub all of those particles off of me right, releasing all of these different habits and patterns and who I've been being, I created more space to open up more love inside my heart. I created more space to actually accept God into my space. When I used to say the word God, I used to get like a nervous system reaction where my chest would get tight, my throat would close up a little bit right, and my nervous system was trying to tell me something. All right, not that I necessarily needed all the answers there, but I knew that something wasn't right. Why is this happening? And you don't need to date it back and find the exact day where I was like, oh my God, like God X, y, z it was I kept putting myself in different rooms with different people that would talk about these different types of things, and as I continued because, just like this conversation, you're not going to be able to unhear anything Right Now that we've said it, now you know, now you're open to a different frame. You're open to a different belief. And so, as I continued to open myself to different beliefs and my consciousness continued to elevate, elevate, I could finally hear what people were saying. And so this conversation for us right, whether someone believes in God or not, they could go and listen to this tomorrow, okay, and they could be like, oh, this is silly, this is whatever, but it's not something that they're gonna be able to unhear. But then, in a year's time, they could have a completely different awareness, they could have a completely different level of consciousness and, all of a sudden, they could go and listen to this podcast and be like, oh my God, I completely understand where this guy is coming from. And so there wasn't this one big aha moment, right, it was. I want to have faith, I want to believe in something that's bigger than myself, and so I'm going to work towards creating this relationship and cultivating this relationship.
Speaker 2:When you start dating a person, right, what are you doing? You're doing all the things. You're taking them out on dates, okay. You're buying them flowers, you're buying them little gifts, you're, you know, talking with them emotionally, all the four things, right, there, right. And so me just sitting in my room being like God, show me a sign, that's one thing, right.
Speaker 2:But okay, you know what? What else could I do when I'm on a walk? Now I go and I just have a conversation with God on a walk, right Now. You know what? Let me go and read the Bible. All right, let me just go and read a little bit of scripture. That's just ancient wisdom. It's not that I'm going and giving my life to Jesus Christ, it's you know what. How can I embody some of this wisdom with who I am today, all right, and be more like that? That way I can be a more loving person. And so you continue to do more and more things to cultivate that relationship and over time, it starts to change. It's not that I just took a girl out on a date once and I'm like starts to change. It's not that I just took a girl out on a date once and I'm like all right, there we go, we're in a relationship. No, you got to do more things to cultivate this relationship and bring yourself closer.
Speaker 1:So it's the same thing with finding faith. So you started cultivating that relationship.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:And you approached it almost more so as a relationship as opposed to I don't know what you were approaching it as before.
Speaker 2:I was approaching it as something like I need a higher purpose in my life. I need something to just go and save me. I need some savior to come down from the heavens and just be like. This is why all this is happening. That was where I was, but that was the level of consciousness that I was at. So, as I've started to open up more, expand more, now I can create, I've created new space to allow different things into my life. And so now I'm like oh shit, like oh, now I can do this and do this and do this and do this, and now it's a relationship. It's not me just being like I want this from you, you know, just screaming at the sky. It's oh, this is a given take. Let me give things to you and I'll receive things back.
Speaker 1:It takes two to tango I, I agree it does take two to tango, would you say. Now you mentioned you started seeing and surrounding yourself with different people. Would you say this class you've been taking has helped you with this?
Speaker 2:Yes, that's really helpful. I'm taking a course called metamorphosis right now On my podcast. I had told you about this guy that I had a conversation with. His name was Jacob, and it was a completely different energy, a completely different conversation than I've had before. Right, it's like why are we drawn to certain people? It's their energy, right people. It's their energy, right. Someone walks into a room. You know you can feel it, right, when your partner is mad or upset, and you're like what's wrong, honey, I'm fine. And you're like I know they're not fine, right, even though they just said they're fine. You know that there's a different energy going on there, and so my conversation with him was very different.
Speaker 2:And so this is a three-month course that I've been taking that has been different than anything I've ever taken, and that was a big thing for them as well is one. What did I want to get from it? Well, I wanted to cultivate a relationship with a higher power, and that's what I've been able to do so far. And it's not something that ends right, it's just a, it's continual. It's just like anything, you know, you go and get married. It's not like you just stopped dating your wife Like all right, we're married. We did it Like no. The goal is to stay married, continue cultivating that relationship, you know, and so it's the same thing. And so, like with Jacob and Jeremiah, the two mentors from this course that I've been taking has been unlike anything I've ever taken, a hundred percent.
Speaker 1:How has it been like, unlike anything I've ever taken? Can you give us an example?
Speaker 2:You're not allowed to be late. All right, I'll give you a really easy. That's a really easy example. You're not allowed to be late. We've called six days a week. Okay, you need to make sure you're at least on two. You're not allowed to take notes, you're not allowed to be playing on your computer or anything like this, because they set firm boundaries. Oftentimes we play games in our head. We start to negotiate, right. Think about it like this Would you ever be late to your flight?
Speaker 1:I mean, I was once and I couldn't get on. Yeah, they didn't let you on right. Yeah, I couldn't get on yeah.
Speaker 2:They didn't let you on right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had to get a different one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they didn't let you play that game. No, all right. No, for example and this is not to call you out, this is just to show the truth and the facts you were late today. I was Right. I had said like I don't want to do the podcast anymore. You were late. It could have been a really strict boundary for me, right, but would you ever be late again?
Speaker 1:No yeah.
Speaker 2:I have, so I've been late to work before right With whatever job I've had. Well, what was the repercussion?
Speaker 1:None.
Speaker 2:So what's stopping me from being late again? If you're late to their class, you don't get in. Class starts at one. If you're not there at 1259, you don't get in, you miss the whole class and you're going to be late. No, it's a boundary. And so we often negotiate with ourselves. We play all of these little games. Well, you know it's only a minute, like it's. You know it's one minute, but you know what? It's one minute and that's their boundary and that's the game that you chose to play. And so where are the other games that I'm playing in my life? Where else am I negotiating? Where am I letting little things slide? And it's been a big change for me.
Speaker 1:I bet you know it's interesting how you mentioned if there was a repercussion you're much less likely to do it again. You probably won't. You know, even I missed that one flight and I didn't think I was going to be late, but with how soon the baggage was and whatever, I haven't missed another flight, though Like I've been like ridiculously early, yep, like to the point where there's been two flights that they're like we can't take your bags yet. We haven't started checking. It's too soon, I'm that early, but I wasn't going to let it happen again because of the repercussion.
Speaker 2:Yep. And then you just look for all of these other things in your life. You're like where have I been negotiating with myself? And the reason I use that example is because it's so easy for people to understand, Because most people have been late to something before.
Speaker 1:To something yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what if, whatever event you went to or work or whatever, what if you were late? If you were fired, would you ever be late to work? No, because it's the same thing with your flight If you're late, they don't let you on. So what if, when you went to work, if you were late, they don't let you work for the day? It would change. But we play and negotiate in our mind and we try to justify things and it's just a story that we've created.
Speaker 1:How do we shift the story?
Speaker 2:It's not necessarily about shifting the story right. It's about looking for the facts. It's not about you don't need to go and change the story, you just need to look for the facts. And when you can find the facts, then the story just becomes something that's just there, there and you realize you're just making a story.
Speaker 1:So, when you look for the facts, what is that going to help you with?
Speaker 2:The fact is, today you were late, right, the story would be oh my God, amanda doesn't value my time Like, why is she late, like all these things, but just the fact is you were late, that was it. And so now you look for all of these different areas in your life where you're creating a story. You're creating a narrative. Just find the fact, and most people are shying away from the fact and creating a story. And when you can just have the facts, when you can just find the truth, it's easier to accept it. So it's not about changing the story right, it's just realizing that you're creating a story. Because why would you go and want to create a story in your mind?
Speaker 1:and then just create another story instead. Okay, but what I meant? Can I clarify? I think what I'm saying maybe not a story, but like shifting the fact, that of not being late, like recognizing the fact and then shifting it so that I don't know if I want to call that a story or if I want to call that a fact, but so that the fact changes.
Speaker 2:Okay so. Is what I'm saying, so you're a person that's late, okay, and you don't want to be late anymore, that's what we're getting at.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:How do you not be late?
Speaker 1:Well, I'm trying to ship the story, or maybe it's not a story.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's not a story, maybe it's a fact. I'm trying to shift the so, so you want to make it so that you have more boundaries in your life. I guess, yeah. So like here's what I'm, here's what I'm hearing from you you're someone that's late and I'm using you as someone that's like just as the example. I'm not saying you're always late, I'm saying this is the example that we're using, so there's someone that's late and they want to be someone that's on time. It doesn't sound like that, like you're trying to make it so that you're someone that's on time, right, and you're asking me how to change this story, how to shift it, like how to shift my mindset so that I can be someone that's early or someone that's on time, right. That's what you're asking.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:It sounds pretty simple, right.
Speaker 1:Maybe to you.
Speaker 2:At some point.
Speaker 1:So, okay, you're someone that was late today and I was late for the flight, but because there was a repercussion. Now I've never been late for a flight, since I've had six since that flight. I was late too, and I haven't been late since then set more boundaries and repercussions in your life.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we want to make things so complex, right, where it's just simple Just don't be late, that's it. That's it. You know I could go on and on about setting a boundary of this, and you know shifting mindset, this, and you know what. It's so simple. How do I become someone that's early? Oh, be early, and that's it. You know, realize that you're creating this little story in your head of it's okay to be late and ask yourself is that who I want to be? Do I want to be the person that doesn't care about someone else's time?
Speaker 1:That's fair, that doesn't care about someone else's time, that's fair, that's it.
Speaker 2:You don't need some big, huge, complex answer for a lot of things. The facts are simple. You were late or you were on time, that's it.
Speaker 1:There's no in-between. There's no in-between, fair enough. I want to transition a tad to something a little more lighter, something a little more fun. I know you took some trips this year. I'd love to delve into them ohio you're looking at me like I'm fucking nuts.
Speaker 2:I know you went some places yeah, I was trying to think of where I've been I know ohio was one of them yeah, I've done a lot less traveling this year, you know.
Speaker 2:Actually, this past year, you know, finances were something that was really difficult for me. I'm still navigating a lot of debt that I had created, you know, over the past couple of years. But my sister lives in Ohio. That's why I went to Ohio. So, it's, the city of Cleveland is not that exciting. Seeing Taylor is always amazing. That's it. So it doesn't matter what you do, it's just who you're with.
Speaker 1:That's fair. I've never been to Ohio. Is there anything?
Speaker 2:No, you don't. No, I don't really recommend. No, taylor doesn't love it there either. Yeah, it's like like it's fine, you know, like people from Cleveland and of course I'm projecting here but people from Cleveland are like, oh my god, like I'm so proud to be from Cleveland and that's it, but there's nothing to actually like. Go and do you know, there's nothing like super exciting. That's like drawing someone to Cleveland, ohio.
Speaker 1:Did you do any trips that you enjoyed this year?
Speaker 2:I don't, I'm trying to think of. I don't really think I went anywhere this year, Like the year before, like 2023, I took like Two or three, maybe four trips, but this past year I really didn't do a ton. No, I've really just been. No, I was more home-bodied, I'm just yeah, I really didn't travel at all. Next year, I mean, I plan to go to South Dakota in February. I actually got a free ticket to Podfest for January. I'm considering going to that. It's in Florida.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, yeah, you're killing me. Why you are literally killing me, why you just are, you just fucking are.
Speaker 2:Buzzsprout sent me an email.
Speaker 1:I'm well aware of what you're referring to. Yeah, it's fine, it's possible, that's great. Yeah, that's great. I went to podfest for the first time this past year and I loved it. Well, let's okay. So I'm saying all of this because we were talking about choices off air before we started recording, and a choice that I'm reluctant to make, but kind of thinking I'm making is that I'm not going to Podfest this year because, even though I'm able to make it work with budget wise, I'm leaving the country a week later, so I would get back and have about nine days before I leave the country for 27 days, and energy-wise it's a lot.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:But I hate this.
Speaker 2:Okay. Why do you hate it?
Speaker 1:Because I want to go. I'm supposed to be speaking, I should be there and I know you're going to say don't say should, but I want to be there.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And now you're saying you're going to say, don't say should, but I want to be there, okay. And now you're saying you're going to go and it's just fucking.
Speaker 2:What's actually stopping you from going?
Speaker 1:I think it's a lot of energy. It's going to be too much energy for me.
Speaker 2:Okay, like you're going to be too tired.
Speaker 1:What do you?
Speaker 2:mean.
Speaker 1:It's just a lot of the energy I'd be expending. I would get back on the 20th. I'm hosting a breathwork session far away the 26th, and then I'm leaving three days later and it's just like back to back to back to back to back to back and I just I don't know that I'm going to want to do that when the time comes, when the time comes.
Speaker 2:Okay, I think that depends on you know how you're looking at back-to-back-to-back as well. Right, if you get back on the 20th and then you're telling me that the breathwork session that you have is January 26th, you have six days in between to recharge.
Speaker 1:I do, but I'm driving far for this breathwork session. It's like two hours away from me.
Speaker 2:So six days of recovery is not going to be able to manage a two-hour drive.
Speaker 1:It is, but it's a lot of energy that I'm using when I'm at PodFest. It's going to be a lot of energy when I'm out of the country, I don't know. It just seemed like a lot and not a long period of time. Not that 60s is not enough recovery, but it's just, and then right after that I'm gone for a long period of time. I did a lot of travel this past year and then towards the end of it I was like I want to chill, I want to just breathe, if you will Cool.
Speaker 2:Then chill and breathe. Alright, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:But I want to go.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I want to do both.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, I understand You're struggling to do both. Oh, okay, I understand You're struggling to make it. No, you're just struggling to make a decision.
Speaker 1:Basically.
Speaker 2:You know, because you don't want to live with. What I'm hearing is that there's two choices and there's sacrifices to each choice.
Speaker 1:Yep, and I don't like the sacrifices of either, so I don't know.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:You got any tips on this? You don't seem like you do.
Speaker 2:Right, it's simpler than we want to make it seem.
Speaker 1:Make the decision and move on. I know that's what people have said to me.
Speaker 2:Well, no, it's. You don't need to necessarily just sit there and like, oh, I have to make this decision or whatever. You know, I'm not even telling you to go and sit and meditate on it for three hours, then the answer will just come to you, or anything like that. No, like you, you just know which is going to be better for you. You just know which is going to be better for you. You just know, like you're in your head right now. Right, you're in your head. You're going back and forth, right?
Speaker 1:I am.
Speaker 2:So if you were to sit there, all right, close your eyes for a second, all right, take a big deep breath in, a big deep breath out right, tap into your body a little bit more. The answer will just be there.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Right, you're trying to use, like, your mind's too much. You're like, oh, there's this decision and it's going a million miles an hour, right. And you're like, oh, I don't want to make the wrong choice, oh, but I want to do this, oh, and I want to do that. And. And you're like, oh, I don't want to make the wrong choice, oh, but I want to do this, oh, and I want to do that. And it oftentimes feels like we're missing out on something. Yeah, right, but you're not actually missing out on something. You're just choosing an avenue that's going to be best for you. And so don't focus on what you're missing out on. Focus on what you're going to gain from either of them, and which do you prefer in terms of gain? Do you prefer to have more energy at this time, or do you prefer?
Speaker 1:to have the connection at Podfest.
Speaker 2:That's fair. There's no right or wrong answer there.
Speaker 1:There's no right or wrong answer for anything, and that's like something you say with everything.
Speaker 2:Well, isn't it?
Speaker 1:true, though you don't think there's anything wrong in the world.
Speaker 2:I think that there. What do you mean by anything wrong, like you know, like someone goes and kills someone else that type of thing.
Speaker 2:You would say that's wrong okay depending on the circumstance it's such a difficult conversation to have, right, it's oh my god, this person goes and kills this person, or this person becomes president, or this is happening in ind right now, or whatever, right, insert, whatever. And oftentimes we get so focused on these, like this one thing, right. And it's a difficult conversation to have because we're not zooming out. So this is where it becomes like that honorable type of like decision making process or like what is ethical If someone goes and kills a baby, right, terrible, awful thing to happen.
Speaker 2:But then that mother goes and starts a nonprofit to stop killers from killing babies and she saves a thousand babies. Was the one baby worth it? Right, yes or no? Like there's no right answer for that. Right, you can't be like, yes, kill that one baby so that you can save a thousand babies. Like I would not go and stab a baby to go and save a thousand babies, or would I? Like I don't know, like that's a very difficult thing to sit with.
Speaker 2:And so when we're looking at things that are wrong in the world, we're often not zooming out either, because there's a duality to life there's good, there's evil, and in reality we kind of we need both, we have both, and that's just the human experience, like we have both now, at like more of a spiritual level, like, yes, we're all spirits and we're all souls, right, and we're just having this human experience and at some point we learned or there were evil things at play and they created bad people. But I don't think that there's bad people, there's just bad behaviors, because if you believe that we're all like just souls on earth, then at the end of the day we're all just like these loving souls, right, and there are no bad people, just bad people, that that good people that do bad things.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:It's hard, yeah, it's hard to have that A duality with a lot of things. Yeah, and everyone's going to have a different opinion on it, and you know what? Those are questions that I have had a hard time grasping. They're difficult for me to understand and I still don't fully understand them. I don't know what my point of view is on them yet. Right, I know what parts of my part of you are on them right now, but that's it.
Speaker 1:Let me do modify your question.
Speaker 2:Go for it.
Speaker 1:What is the one most important thing that has stuck out to you that you have learned this year like more than I've done in my whole entire life and I might be late to things, but I consider myself so prepared. I have everything I bring, everything I could bring. I'm very prepared. I went to Bali. I had two bathing suits. I had like extra shit basically I had two bathing suits. I had like extra shit basically. And my most recent trip one of my more recent trips, my luggage didn't make it throughout my whole time there and this was also the first time that my carry-on didn't have basically an extra version of everything Normally my carry-on. I got at least two outfits, I got two bras, I got two pairs on. I'm prepared because I got my stuff and I just have kept saying I need my cleanser, I need this.
Speaker 1:Well, we were also in the woods of Mount Shasta. The closest Walmart was an hour and 15 minutes away. They were not driving me to the Walmart minutes away. They were not driving me to the Walmart. So there was a lot of stuff I felt like I needed to have that I didn't have and I figured it out Like and a lot of it was wants. You know what I mean. Even like I'm like well, in this cold winter, I can't be going out there and I'm going to freeze to death. And I was with three women, all older than me, and even one of them was like you're not going to freeze to death, there's a thrift shop down the store. We'll buy you a hat and we'll figure it out. And I'm like, okay, and we did. I'm like I can't wear sneakers in the woods, or my friend's sneakers in the woods. And it really showed me like even what you think you need, you don't necessarily need, like I always had myself and I was physically fine, yep, that's a, that's an important lesson, and you know what?
Speaker 2:I think that is even just a practice for you to bring this full circle of detaching from things right, and even though, like you asked me how I've been able to detach from things, you just put yourself through a practice of doing it. You just didn't call it that ah, I did. I didn't use that word that's all, even though I put myself through the practice of it unintentionally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like I didn't use that word, that's all, even though I put myself through the practice of it unintentionally. Yeah, it's like I didn't choose to forget my luggage, it just didn't come.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but that was still just a detachment practice that you did.
Speaker 1:You're right, it was.
Speaker 2:So now, there's not like some specific practice that you need to do. It's just how you view things. That's it Just like I framed things different ways for you, right? Or like how we bounce off of each other and talk about different things, right? It's just our perspective of the experience that we're having.
Speaker 1:Wow, mind blown. Blown yet again. Okay, no surprise there. So what are you most excited for 2025?
Speaker 2:what am I most excited for? I would say I am most excited right now to love other people and make them feel good.
Speaker 1:I like that.
Speaker 2:There's not some specific outcome, right, but again it just goes back to who you're being. I've just been a more loving person lately, right, and that's what I want, and you feel better when that happens and that's who I really am, and it's more fun that way, right, all this stuff, right, like, oh, I need this and I need this and I need everything to look this way, like no, think about it. Like your life, what is the most, one of the most important things for me in my life is my relationships and like how much I love other people, and that's it. That's what makes me feel the best. So that's what I'm going to keep doing and be really excited about.
Speaker 1:You're adorable. I love that, so I want to put it back on you. What did you own biggest lesson you learned?
Speaker 2:2024 the biggest lesson that I learned was to shift my way of viewing my parents for the people that they actually are, versus the expectation of the role that I wanted them to play.
Speaker 1:How were you able to do that?
Speaker 2:By sitting with that sentence right there, because oftentimes what happens is we get caught up in wanting our parents to be a certain way right, or blaming them or whatever Like, oh well, they made me this way or I didn't get enough love this way, or insert whatever right, but we tend to forget that they're just people. But we tend to forget that they're just people. They're just human beings that had no, just like me and just like you. And the truth is right, because now we're looking for the facts, we often invalidate their experience. Why is my mom getting mad at me for this? Why did she do this?
Speaker 2:When I was younger, you had no idea what it was like for your mom to be married to your dad. You had no idea. And so how are you going to go and invalidate her experience of how she reacted to something when you have no idea what it was actually like to be married to your dad? You had no idea what it was like for her growing up. You have bits and pieces of things that they've told you right, but you have no clue and how that shaped them. And so when you can build that empathy for them and then think about, like who you've been based on how you viewed them right and there's an energy to that right. Well, you know, I really hate my mom, or I really hate my dad because of the way that they did this to me and all these different things.
Speaker 2:And then how are your parents going to feel safe? All right, if that's how you feel, you know. Oh well, I can't tell my mom anything. Well, you already view her that she's going to judge you, so of course, she's going to be defensive. You know that's how you view her subconsciously. That really started to open up a lot of different things for me, and not just how I viewed them, but looking at them as people instead of an expectation of a role that they were supposed to play. In my mind, I wanted them to do this and this differently. Well, that's just an expectation of a role that you wanted, not the person that they actually are.
Speaker 1:That's powerful, wow, well, thank you so much for chatting with me. Any final words of wisdom? Any growth sharing thoughts from growth by Shawn himself. Let's see growth sharing thoughts from growth by Shawn himself.
Speaker 2:Let's see. Until you look at who you've been in relationship with your parents, you will continue to play out that relationship in all of your relationships in the future.
Speaker 1:A hard concept to grasp, but at some point people will understand it Well. Thank you, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2:I always have fun chatting with you.
Speaker 1:I'm glad it always gets me really thinking. But thank you, I loved this.
Speaker 2:Me too.
Speaker 1:And thank you guys for tuning in to the Year in Review episode of Mando's Mindset.
