Manders Mindset
Hosted by Amanda Russo, The Breathing Goddess, who is a Breathwork Detox Facilitator, Transformative Mindset Coach, and Divorce Paralegal.
Amanda's journey into mindset and empowerment began by working with children in group homes and daycares. She later transitioned to family law, helping people navigate the challenging emotions of divorce. During this time, Amanda also overcame her own weight and health challenges through strength training, meditation, yoga, reiki, and plant medicine.
Amanda also shares her personal journey, detailing how she transformed obstacles into opportunities by adopting a healthier, holistic lifestyle.
Discover practical strategies and inspiring stories that will empower you to break free from limitations and cultivate a mindset geared towards growth and positivity.
Tune in for a fun, friendly, and empowering experience that will help you become the best version of yourself.
Manders Mindset
84: Effective Goal Setting & Productivity with Elise Enriquez
Get ready to unlock the secrets of productivity with the brilliant Elise Enriquez! Elise is a certified life and productivity coach and the host of The Productivity Shift Podcast.
In this episode, Elise revisits her past, detailing personal stories of setting boundaries and self-care amidst the chaos of her parents' divorce. These formative experiences not only shaped her life but also the productivity methods she now passionately teaches.
Discover the transformative power of career changes as Elise shares her journey from a temp at Microsoft to thriving as a real estate agent, and finally finding her true calling as a coach.
Elise’s transition from career coaching to productivity coaching is just as inspiring, driven by her personal life events and a determination to help others live more meaningful lives.
This episode also delves into actionable steps for goal achievement, emphasizing the importance of clarity, communication, and consistency.
Elise introduces her productivity personality type quiz, designed to help you identify your strengths and roadblocks. From navigating life’s changes with the five A’s framework to embracing life’s shortness for maximum happiness, this conversation is packed with practical strategies.
Don't miss out on these invaluable insights that could elevate your life to new heights.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How Elise’s childhood experiences shaped her productivity methods
-The importance of setting boundaries and self-care
- Insights from Elise's career journey and finding her true calling
- The evolution of Elise's "Get Your Shit Together" challenge
- Actionable steps for achieving your goals
- How to identify your productivity personality type
- The five A’s framework from Dr. Danielson
- Strategies for embracing life’s shortness to maximize happiness
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To Determine Your Productivity Type, Take Elise's Productivity Quiz HERE!
Connect with Elise HERE
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Welcome back to Mander's Mindset. Today's episode is packed with actionable insights that will truly help you elevate your life. If you're ready to boost your productivity, gain traction on your goals and, most importantly, reduce the friction that holds you back while enjoying the journey, then this episode is for you. I am thrilled to be joined by the inspiring Elise Enriquez, who shares powerful strategies to streamline your path and take your life to the next level. So grab your notebooks and pens, because you won't want to miss a moment of this conversation.
Speaker 2:Now let's dive in. Welcome to the Manders Mindset Podcast. Here you'll find both monologue and interviews of entrepreneurs, coaches, healers and a variety of other people where your host, Amanda Russo, will discuss her own mindset and perspective and her guest's mindset and perspective on the world around us. Manders and her guests will help explain to you how shifting your mindset will shift your life.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Manders Mindset. I'm your host, amanda Russo, and I am here today with Elise Enriquez, who is a productivity coach who helps people make progress on what matters most to them by taking control of their time, and she is the creator of the Get your Shit Together program. We're going to get into what that is. She's also the host of the Productivity Shift podcast. We're going to help you shift your mindset on productivity, and I am here with Elise today. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3:Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad to be here Of course, I'd love if we could backtrack a little bit and you can take us down memory lane. Tell us about your upbringing, your childhood, family dynamic, however deep you want to go.
Speaker 3:So I think the most relevant thing is that I was definitely the kid who organized the medicine cabinet at home. We had a fairly I wouldn't say chaotic household, but there was a lot going on. We had a family business of a berry farm and I'm Gen X. My mom was a nurse, so she worked outside of the home and also helped my dad run this fairy farm, and so it was. Everybody was left to their own devices a lot, or just expected to take care of themselves, even though they took great care of us in a lot of ways. But it was like if I had a hay fever attack, an allergy attack, my mom would just tell me and I was like seven, she's like, ok, go and get the active bed or the Sudafed. And I'm like seven, she's like, okay, go and get the active bed or the Sudafed. And I'm like, why? So I'd go and I'd be looking for this allergy medicine At some point. I was like it'd be a lot easier if this was organized by cold versus allergy, versus pain versus skin. And I seriously got little post-it like, tore off the sticky part of a post-it note and wrote little labels and put them on there, and then I put clear tape over it to seal the label and when my mom sold the farm, oh gosh, almost seven years ago, the labels were still on there.
Speaker 3:From when I was a little kid I was like, oh, we got to take those off, mom. So that's a glimpse into both. Like my upbringing, you know the childhood part of things. But also I've always been this person that wants to create the calm and the clarity out of the chaos. Right Look for like how can we figure out a path forward? How can we make this easier?
Speaker 3:My parents divorced when I was in sixth grade and that was the best thing they could have done. I'm really proud of my mom for making that choice and choosing to take care of herself and have healthier relationships and not be in that relationship with my dad anymore. So I'm a child of divorce. I'm Gen X, very much left to our own devices. These days you say left to your own devices and it sounds like phones and iPads, but I mean left to my own device. We just figured it out. You took care of yourself after school. Nobody helped me get into college. I did that myself. We just kind of figured it out. You took care of yourself after school. I mean, nobody helped me get into college, I did that myself. We just kind of figured it out, and so I've always been a figure it out kind of person.
Speaker 1:Did you have any siblings?
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I have an older sister and a younger brother. My older sister is kind of like my second mom. She was the emotional support cheering me on. She's three years older than me but really took on a parental type role in our family. Not that my parents understood that, but looking back at it now I can see what she did and we've talked about that. It's kind of unfair. You took too much care of me. I wish you wouldn't have felt like you had that weight on your shoulders as a young kid, but she was always making sure I got on the bus on time and all that stuff.
Speaker 3:And then my brother. We're actually estranged from each other. He was always a bit of a. He was always a head scratcher for us. He was a tough kid growing up, very stubborn and determined, and over time set boundaries with him that he chose. I don't want to live up to that, and so we don't really see each other. We saw each other when my dad died and that he chose. I don't want to live up to that, and so we don't really see each other. We saw each other when my dad died and that was it. That was a strange for my dad too. Same thing. My dad was unhealthy and when we set boundaries with him, he chose not to be in our lives. I have a history of having the hard conversations and doing the hard things to make sure that I'm loving myself, taking care of myself and respecting myself, and then giving other people the opportunity to do that as well If they don't. It's not easy to feel that abandonment, but at the same time, my life is better for it.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's impressive that you're able to do that. Have you always been able to have those hard conversations?
Speaker 3:It's definitely something that came about more so later in life in terms of having them more intentionally, but I think I was always a little bit more outspoken of all of us, of the three of us, like a little bit feisty, even though I'm such a people pleaser like I am definitely a recovering people pleaser there's just certain lines that I don't allow to be crossed Once I'm clear about it.
Speaker 3:We're not always clear about these things, but once I become clear about something, it's just like okay, like this needs to be said now, like this cannot stand or this is a boundary that I need to set, and realizing that when I set a boundary, it's me that has to uphold it. Right, it's not the other person, it's me that has to uphold it, and then it's their choice on whether or not they want to continue to engage with me, because I don't feel like I'm ever setting a boundary that's expecting too much of people. It's like general honesty and compassion for others and things like that. I feel like I don't have a very high standard or too high of a standard. I have a high standard, but it's not too high.
Speaker 1:Gotcha.
Speaker 3:Did you go to college? Or too high of a standard? I buy a standard but it's not too high, gotcha. Did you go to college? Yeah, I checked all the boxes. I was supposed to. I was a good girl. I had that streak of speaking up when I need to, but generally speaking I'm like don't rock the boat, be a good girl. So, yeah, I went to college.
Speaker 3:I went to the University of Washington, did not know what I wanted to do and no idea. I felt like I was surrounded by people who had their path in their mind, like my boyfriend in high school who I eventually married. He was just a math numbers guy. He went into mortgage and finance at some point, right, and just seemed like oh yeah, that makes sense. I didn't have that Like. I didn't have this specific area or subject in school. That was like, oh, that's me. I was in jazz choir, for goodness sakes, but I wasn't going to be a singer, right. So it was just like I don't know what I want to do. So I was a communications major, which, at the University of Washington, is more of a theoretical degree. It's not like applied communications, like you're going to go into PR or journalism, it's more like here are communications theories and concepts Right, and so for me it was like I don't know what I want to do, but this is at least interesting to me, and so I was a communications major at UW.
Speaker 1:Okay, and post-college then.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So then I tried really hard to just have fun. I graduated college and I had this boyfriend from high school the whole time. We broke up for like a year and then got back together. I didn't date around. I didn't really party that much. If I partied it was with this core group of friends, but I didn't go to big parties. So I was like, okay, when I graduate college I'm going to work at a restaurant and have fun somehow.
Speaker 3:I've worked at this like better than Applebee's, but not as nice as a high-end restaurant. It was a mid-range. People would go there for birthdays, nice celebrations or whatever. I was a hostess there and I knew I couldn't be a server because you had to memorize the orders and not write them down. I could never do that. So I didn't want to be a server, but I was a hostess. At some point they asked me to become an assistant manager. As soon as they asked me that, I was just like I need to go find another job and it wasn't like, oh my gosh, I don't deserve this or I don't want to succeed. One, I was like I've never even been a server. I think the servers would hate me if I was their manager. But two I was like I know I don't want this path. I don't want to stay in the restaurant industry, I'm not suited for it, and so I need to get serious about what my career is going to be.
Speaker 3:I got a job like total entry-level position at an online advertising placement and billing firm. We weren't an advertising company. We were the in between newspapers and the ad agencies or the clients, and so we would facilitate getting ads into all of these newspapers. This was in the nineties. I had to call and fax things. We had email but we didn't use it. It was faxing orders out every single day and making sure that everybody signed off on them, and I had to call if they didn't sign.
Speaker 3:It was nuts, but it was the same thing. I started moving up the ladder there, but it was a very small company. I knew everybody that worked there, so I knew the upper level of leadership and management and I was like I don't want to do any of those jobs, and so it was the same kind of thing where I was like no, not this. One of my managers had left the organization and went to Microsoft. I contacted her for a letter of recommendation and she said hey, why don't you come on over to Microsoft? We're looking for employees right now. So that was my next move.
Speaker 1:Interesting. I relate to a lot of what you mentioned about the college experience. I didn't have a high school sweetheart, but I was with my college boyfriend for four years. So the college experience is different with that aspect. Yes, like a three month span where we were broken up, but it it's different, like everybody's, like you're pretty and you're yes and no. Exactly, he was always with me. So it was a different level of like the girls are going out for drinks, I'm bringing the boyfriend, you know.
Speaker 3:He went to a different school about 90 minutes away. The first school he was at was two hours away. Then he came to my school and we broke up.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:And we broke up within one quarter. That's when we split up and he went to another school for a while trying to figure out what we do next and ended up about 90 minutes away from me. And so once we got back together, we got back together when his parents split up. So he called me.
Speaker 3:He's like called me and said my parents split up and like, are the like the folklore of our you know story? I mean like, let me fast forward and let you know we got a divorce. So it's not. That's why I'm just like at the we used to say, like he, you know we weren't together. He called and said my parents are getting a divorce and I said I'm on my way. I just left and went straight up to his place that weekend and was trying to comfort him and I felt sad because I had known his parents since high school and we just got back together. That's our story. We got a divorce, but it's just. It is that growing up that we do, you know, and he and I grew up together and eventually grew apart and it was completely unexpected and completely the right thing for us.
Speaker 1:I gotcha and so then eventually went to Microsoft. Was that better than the online advertising it?
Speaker 3:was because with Microsoft it was really cool, because I'm not tech Like, how am I working at Microsoft? How did this even happen? I got hired on as a temp in MSN. Msn was the browser at the time, it was the butterfly, right. I remember MSN crazy. It was kind of right time, right place. And so I got hired on full time, which was amazing. I was in my early 20s, making a great salary, full benefits, opportunity for growth, the whole thing. Looking back, I came to realize what was so great about my Microsoft experience was it was at MSN in this new division, so it was entrepreneurial right.
Speaker 3:It was kind of like we were building the plane. As we were flying it, nobody knew what online advertising was. It was like the Wild West. So we're like, all right, let's figure this out. It was that whole kind of calm out of chaos, creating efficiency. What's our path forward? That's everything I got to do while I was there. After a while, we actually became profitable. We actually knew what we were doing.
Speaker 3:As soon as we became a profitable division, everything got political. Then it was like, oh, I'm going to move up. It was more that we were part of this bigger corporate engine. As soon as that happened, I lost my spark for it. I'm just not a political animal. I am somebody that wants to help people solve problems and figure shit out and get stuff done, wants to help people solve problems and figure shit out and get stuff done. And people are spending more time and energy on who they know and who can get them their next job. Can't we just do our work and do really good work and be happy?
Speaker 3:My husband at the time was a mortgage broker very successful mortgage broker, really good at what he does, a great professional and he was like you should go into real estate. And I was. If it lets me leave Microsoft, fine, I'll go do real estate. I just did it, and it was fun, right, because I'm like figuring it out. What do I do? How do I do this? Creating all these processes like guiding people to buy a home, and all of that was great for about a year, and then I knew, though, right away, this wasn't my thing. I loved helping people, but this wasn't my thing, and so I spent the next year figuring out what my thing was really going to be. I was like, okay, damn it, elise, you got to figure out what you want to be when you grow up. Like what is it going to be? I spent about a year still running my real estate company and doing well, actually, like that was the weird thing. It weird thing I was doing really well at Microsoft, I was doing really well and getting promoted and all that stuff, but every time I chose to leave I was like no, this still isn't the right thing. It's in my heart. I don't feel good about what I'm doing. I want to feel alive and proud about what I'm doing.
Speaker 3:I just started informational interviewing everywhere. I just started anybody that had something even remotely interesting that they were doing that helped people. I started talking to them and at the same time, in the real estate world there's a lot of coaching, but it's sales coaching, right, it's like business sales coaching. And I was in a coaching program and I was like I don't want to do real estate anymore. Like coach me to a new career. And they're like we don't do that. I was like well, come on. Like help me.
Speaker 3:So, through the help of different programs that I took and mentors that I spoke with, somebody was like have you considered being a coach yourself? And I was just like what? And I was reading this book at the same time that he said that it was all about finding your path. I remember telling my ex, I just want to read self-help books and teach them to people and he's like that's not a job. And I'm like, yeah, I know.
Speaker 3:But then I realized that's kind of what coaching is. Helping is understanding, learning all these different models that people can use to become who they want to become. But where they have a hard time is applying the books they're reading. Right, and I'm good at application. I'm like, oh, I know how to apply this, I will help you apply this. And so eventually became a coach. That was 15 years ago. It was like five years at Microsoft, a couple of years in real estate, and it's been 15 years as a coach. I finally found my place. I finally found my role. It's pivoted a little bit over the years in terms of what my focus is, but it continues to be coaching and it took a while to get there, but I'm glad to finally be here.
Speaker 1:Did to be coaching and it took a while to get there, but I'm glad to finally be here. Did you start off doing productivity coaching when you first started coaching?
Speaker 3:No, it's funny because I thought what we learned in our coach training so I'm an actual certified coach what we learned in our training was that what you specialize in is often your hell and backstory right. So wherever you've been, to hell and back, that's where you end up coaching. And so I thought, oh, career, I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I finally figured that out and that's what I'm going to help people do. I'm going to be a career coach. So I tried that for a couple of years. But at the same time I joined a networking group of entrepreneurs and there was something about the vibe of all these entrepreneurs. It was really fun. Looking back, I'm like oh, that's like my Microsoft days. They're building the plane as they're flying it. They have all these ideas. They're not sure how to implement. So I quickly got hired by entrepreneurs. They were like well, can you coach me? And I'm like well, no, because you're not wanting to do a career change, but can't you coach me anyway? I'm like, I guess. So I just started working with business owners. These are my people, my career people were usually in some sort of corporate job where they had the golden handcuffs really good benefits, really high salary, stability, and that's a hard thing to leave. You have to want to leave that to even figure out what's next. It was just a slower work. The pace wasn't very quick. It just wasn't the right energy for me. Entrepreneurs were really fun energy. For me it was kind of like wrangling people a little bit and helping give them stability.
Speaker 3:About seven years into my coaching practice I was navigating my divorce. I was a kid who organized a medicine cabinet right Like. I was the kid who in college, like loved going to the bookstore right, it wasn't getting my books for my classes, it was getting the notepads and the pens. I loved getting all set up and organized, creating my little systems. I was reading books like Getting Things Done by David Allen and Smarter, faster, better by Charles Duhigg. I was reading all those productivity books and putting these systems in place for myself and didn't realize how natural that is to me and how easy it comes to me until I started dating somebody new.
Speaker 3:She was the one that was like you know that most people don't do this right. People aren't like you, you know that right. So I started bringing that to my existing clients. But then it turned into Get your Shit Together. It turned into GIST, where I was doing this free challenge and I just called to get your shit together, where I said, hey, let's meet every Friday for 12 weeks and it'll be our time to recoup from the week and make our plan for next week and update our systems, like check in on our systems. And 20 people were like, yeah, sure, I'll do that with you. We get on the first session.
Speaker 3:And people were like, but what do you mean? Your systems, like what do you mean? Wait, your inbox is at zero. How do you do that? And what are you talking about? Like your to do list and your plan for next week? And I was just like and how do you mean? Like color coding your calendar? I was like wait, what? And so I was upset and overwhelmed because I was like they don't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3:So my then girlfriend, now wife, came to visit me later at my office and she's like hey, good job on, you know, get your shit together this morning. And I was like what are you talking about? They didn't know what I was talking about. They had no clue. And she was like just teach us. I'm like what? She's like, just teach us.
Speaker 3:And so I wiped my tears. She's like what would it look like if you just taught us? I'm like, well, I need to teach you this. And so then I started outlining it. She's like okay, teach us. So the next week I was like, okay, let's reset.
Speaker 3:And I taught the first class and then, week by week, I just kept creating more and more content until it became an actual full-blown program by, completely, by accident, right, that eventually became very much on purpose, and so now the main way I serve clients is either they come into my GIST community and they take that those original classes which had been improved over the years, of course, they take that as their onboarding program and then spend a year with us continuing to implement and create systems that support them, that make their lives easier.
Speaker 3:But because I have my coach training as well, when the mindset stuff comes up, when the amygdala kicks in and fires off frustrating thoughts that lead to procrastination, we can also work through that as well.
Speaker 3:So we're striking this balance between having really simple systems in place to support them I'm talking like simple collection of tools and apps but also being able to see what you have in those apps.
Speaker 3:Is that really what you want to be working on? Is that really what matters most to you? Because if it's not, then we got to figure that out, and so we do higher level planning and things like that, all with the goal of being able to say at the end of their life, when they're sitting on a rocking chair on a porch, that they feel like they live their life well, that they use their time well on this planet. To me, that's what matters is that we get this brief, brilliant, beautiful life. I don't want to just have goals that I accomplished. I want to enjoy the journey to those goals along the way. So that's what the impetus is being able to say okay, in order to do that, you can't be in your head all the time and you got to get things in front of you so you can prioritize how you're really going to spend this time. I think we can be really unintentional with our time.
Speaker 1:I think that's so true. That's awesome the way that happened the get your shit together and I love that she was able to give you an idea like teach them bringing it to somebody else to help you figure out how can I make this work, because you already had the people interested. They just didn't know the information you did. Yeah, they were ready to take it in.
Speaker 3:I am forever grateful to her for that. I can still picture the office I was in. I can picture everything about that day where I was just crying like they didn't understand. It was horrible. She's like what are you talking about? She was like teach us. I'm like can I do that? Well, yeah, I can actually, and that's what I've done for the past eight years now.
Speaker 3:It is so much fun for me to help people see the reality of their time, see everything they've committed to, and then make conscious choices to say this is the thing that matters right now. This is what I want to work on. I want them to feel just as good about what's not getting done as they do about what is getting done, and I think we put so much emphasis to this. Like I got this done, I got this done, but there's all these other things that aren't done, and I want you to feel good that those are the things that aren't done and these are the things that are done, right, like that. I want there to be an equal satisfaction in those things for you, because what can tend to happen is I did this, but they're frustrated because there's all this other stuff that they really should have done or they really wanted to do, it's like no. We need to confront all of those things and make the choices about what you're really going to spend your time on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so true. I think that's a tough one, letting go of what isn't getting done. Even myself personally I'm an Enneagram one, for example, so the perfectionist in me is very high. I'm always thinking about this didn't get done, or there's this one part of this that isn't done.
Speaker 3:I relate to that my best friend is an Enneagram one, so I can feel that for you and that's what we stress like progress, not perfection all we can do is make progress, like you can't just get something done, like you're progressing to done, and so what we're focusing all the time in the GIST community is okay, but so what's the next thing you're going to do to make progress? And and the next thing you're going to do to make progress? Because what can be hard about it for different types is that we want to just be done with things, like we want to be done and move on. And it's like some things are prolonged and they take a long time and it's going to take getting it wrong a few times before it's going to get right, and that's not easy. That's hard. No, that's true, not easy, that's hard.
Speaker 1:No, that's true, but I think everything you're saying leads me to think of making the choice and trying and continuing to try to see Like you've got to start somewhere, you know, yeah.
Speaker 3:A lot of the times, the hardest thing that people do in the GIST community is like the systems are there, they have everything in there, but they haven't really identified the next step. Because one thing is that we're just too smart, Say it's like, oh, I need to redesign my website or something right, and they just have redesigned website like on their to-do list for months. They keep looking at it and that's actually a project, right? They're stewing going around in their head over all of these things for the website and what's going to work and what's not going to work and why. So they're doing this huge mental exercise, spending a lot of energy on this mental exercise, when really they need to get into some sort of action. Right, you can keep that all in your head, but none of that is real. You can't know if something is going to work or not going to work. For the most part, I mean, besides the laws of gravity and physics, you can't know what you really want until you start trying things. But because they think they always are thinking so far ahead, it feels like a big leap, when in reality it's like no, you just need to take the next step. So if you were to do?
Speaker 3:The creepy question I asked them is if I were to walk in all of a sudden and I saw you making progress on your website, on redesigning your website, what would that look like? Yeah, and they're like well, you know, I would just be like playing around and it's like, no, but like what would you really be doing? I think I'd reach out to my friend who just had hers redone and ask her how they went, or I would research website designers Great. So the next action is reach out to your friend. Do you have your friend's number? Or are you going to email her or text her? Like, how are you going to reach out to them? And they're like well, no, I'll just text her. I text her all the time. Okay, great, when could you do that? Well, I could do that right now. And so they text their friend and now this thing that has been sitting on their list for months, they actually just made progress and it took 10 seconds for them to send that text.
Speaker 3:But because they've been doing it all up in their head and they're not thinking about how do I take this into the real world and take some sort of action, just small action, Because if they find out from their friend oh my God, who I worked with. It was a nightmare. Well, that's information now that they have and they're not going to work with that person, and they can ask their friend is there anybody else you know? Right? And now they keep making progress.
Speaker 3:Or they could say you know what? This actually isn't what I want to work on right now? I, this actually isn't what I want to work on right now. I need to let this go until next year, and then you get to let it go till next year, instead of having it on your to-do list for months, right? You're like no, this is actually a next year thing. I don't even know why I'm stressed about this right now. That is not my top priority, right. But they don't know that until they start taking action in the real world, and so I find that my job is to help them get clear on what that action could be, so they could try it and see how it goes.
Speaker 1:What do you do to help them get clear on the action?
Speaker 3:Well, it really is being able to say, like, what can I see you doing? Because usually by the time they've had something sitting there for so long, they know generally what they want. But sometimes, if they don't, then it's getting clarity about what they want. So I have this model for intention. I call it my formula for intention. Intention equals clarity plus communication, plus consistency. So it might be that they're not clear on what they actually want. How do you want, like, why do you want the website to be redesigned? What is it that's not working? Now? Maybe it's not a full blown redesign, maybe it's actually just copywriting. Rewrite, right, like it's not as big as they're making it. So we get clear about that. Then you communicate that to who matters most. So in this case it might be their friends. It turns out I need a copywriter, not a full-blown website redesign. Who do you know that's a copywriter? They can start to ask their business friends and friends in their communities who are the best copywriters out there. They could post to social media and ask for copywriters.
Speaker 3:Suddenly the communication comes into play, which is also usually action of some sort, which is important, right, it's transformational to get it out of your head and to start to verbalize it to people. And then the third part clarity, communication and consistency is being able to say, okay, how can I set myself up to keep taking action, to keep taking consistent action to make progress on this thing? And so that's why the GIST community GIST was originally a course that you could take, that I would teach live, and then it was on demand and all this stuff. But after a while like setting up the systems isn't that hard. People can't always see their own stuff and I'm able to see the patterns really well and say, okay, let's try to organize it this way. It's not the setting up of systems. I can give you app recommendations. I can give you productivity tips.
Speaker 3:All of those tips and tactics don't matter if you don't have a regular way of engaging with the tools supporting you, if you don't have a way to think about how to get into action and then put that into your tools and systems in a way that allows you to take action. What do you really care about? What are you trying to do? What's the clarity? Who needs to know about it? Communication how do we set that up in your system in a way for you to consistently take action? Clarity, communication, consistency. I love that motto. It was one that, after a while, I realized oh, this is what I'm doing all the time. I'm constantly getting people to clarity, helping them figure out because sometimes we just don't have the words helping them figure out how to communicate that to the people that are either impacted, involved, that they're going to need their help, and then setting up the systems to support them, to say, okay, and I'm going to keep doing this, I'm going to keep working on this.
Speaker 1:I love that. I think that's amazing, even big into fitness, and I relate to that a lot in that aspect as well. Clarity on what you're going to do, when are you going to do it, how often are you going to do it, communicating, changing something about yourself and your life when letting other people know in close quarters to you. And the consistency you're not going to be successful at anything if you're not consistent at it.
Speaker 3:So for me, taking fitness as an example, I don't love doing aerobics, except that I am perimenopausal, in my late 40s. I need to be doing more weight training because there's a lot of muscle loss for women. I got clarity on the fact that I actually like doing heavy lifting, hard work kind of stuff. I've never had solid consistency around fitness. I've tried to be like a runner. I've tried like all these different things, this I actually like. So I got the clarity on that. The communication was being able to share that with people, even just saying it to you right now. Right, it's like, yeah, I'm somebody who lifts weights and it's just hand weights, body weight stuff. But it's a different feeling for me than being on a treadmill, right, also communicating it to my wife, who's impacted by this to be able to say, hey, I really need your support. I'm going to be getting up earlier, or my workout space is in her office. Hey, I need to know which mornings I can't be in there. She's affected by this and I need her support.
Speaker 3:And then the consistency it doesn't have to be like when I say simple systems yes, in the GIST community we build a bonus brain using actual apps and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:But when it comes to my fitness, I'm not using an app for it.
Speaker 3:I have an app for checking in on my weight every once in a while and doing measurements just to record stuff, but in terms of consistent activity for my fitness, it seriously is like the printed out calendar that tells me what I'm supposed to do, which program I'm supposed to do each day and putting a date across it to show that I did it.
Speaker 3:It really is a pen and paper system that I'm using to make sure I stay consistent with it, and so when I don't have those dates filled out, it's like, oh no, I need to get back to it. I go visit my wife in her office and I'm like, oh, the weights are right there, the paper's right there and I haven't worked out this week. Like, okay, get back to it. And so then it's inspiring for me to get back to it. So that clarity, communication, consistency it's just this high level model, but it can be applied anywhere in what you're doing and the consistency part of it of having the simple systems like I said, it can totally just be a printed out calendar and you're drawing X's through things.
Speaker 1:That's fine, whatever it takes for you to stay consistent with the stuff that really matters to you. No, that's so true. I love that and I love that it really can be applied to so much and I I think a lot of times people miss, even like the communication you hear all about. You gotta get clear. I've heard people tell me clarity's worth a million dollars and you hear everything about consistency, but I have not really heard people talk heavily about the importance of the communication in this aspect.
Speaker 3:But any type of change not that you can't do it or you shouldn't, but it's going to impact other people and, yeah, I think it would make it easier on you if you even just tell them, yes, but even in your voice or even the way you said it, you're like I mean, you know, maybe we don't need them, but we're programmed to think that we're supposed to be these rugged individualists, right? Like that's our country was founded on this rugged individualism and manifest destiny. And go out and put your stake in the ground and be a homesteader and hope you don't die on the first winter, right? That's actually not how humans operate. We are very communal, right, we are very communal Gen Xer over here. Who was taught? You just figure it out by yourself.
Speaker 3:It's taken me so much work to let other people in to my journey, to say I need help, to say here's what I'm doing, like celebrate me, like support me, like cheer me on and call me out. But it's okay for us to bring other people in and that's what communication does, even if it's, like you said, just telling other people, because it's a little bit of accountability, like a little bit of social pressure, which is good but also be able to say, hey, can you help me with this? We're going out tonight and I'm really trying to lay off of sugar. Sugar's been my downfall. When you see me looking at that dessert menu, just give me a little squeeze, give me a little love. It's okay for us to ask for help and, like you said, people are going to be impacted. You can eliminate a lot of friction just by telling people Don't catch them off guard, don't surprise them.
Speaker 3:Say, hey, this is what I'm going to be trying. I don't need anything from you, I just need you to know because, like I said, with my wife, I'm going to be in your office in the mornings. Is that okay? Like every morning, I'd come down to like, if I'm in here this morning, she's like, yes, she's like if I'm not on a call, you know, that's all that matters, you know? So if it's early enough, she's never on to your journey. It took my divorce to figure that out. I isolated myself so much that I realized I needed to let more people in to that really hard journey. And the more I did that, the better I felt and the closer they felt to me, because people felt like, oh, she doesn't need me, right. And I was like, oh gosh, no, I need you guys. I need you guys, and it deepened my relationships because of that.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's amazing. I love how you said it removes the friction.
Speaker 3:It's just like a little oil on the gears for this change you're making, because it's hard to get the gears moving right. I'm doing something new. I've never done it before. I always think of it. As you know. There's like at a playground. I think they're called merry-go-rounds, but they're not a real merry-go-round Like. It's not like, like that thing, you stand on and it spins yeah, you have to spin, you have to push it, yeah, you know like, yeah, you got to push it to get going. So let's remove as much friction as we can. That social support can be a lot of nice oil on those gears.
Speaker 1:No, it's true. And like how you mentioned too, like even that little extra, like you need a tug on the thing, like we're not getting dessert today. Sometimes it it's not a bad thing to need that extra little accountability because light happens. There will likely be times when we don't want to do whatever.
Speaker 3:The hard thing is that we want to make the other choice and it's also knowing, like how do we make sure that we're voting in favor of the person we want to be? That's totally James Clear's language from Atomic Habits, where he talks about vote in favor of the identity that you're creating. Right, so we get to make votes. We vote through our action. The way he describes identity is your continued beingness, which I thought was smart because it is the stuff we do all the time. That is our identity, right? So I have an identity now of somebody who works out and who lifts and feels stronger. Right, like that's a really positive identity for me. Right, my identity before was I struggle to work out, I would rather sleep in. Right, like I do stuff for a while and then I stop doing it Like that was my identity before. But now, if more days than not I work out, I get to have this identity of a stronger, healthier person.
Speaker 1:No, that's so true. I love all of that. Wow, really love that. So I want to transition a tad bit. I heard you mention on a different podcast about the five A's and I loved this because, again, I really think even myself and a lot of people I know personally miss some of these. You hear everything about self-awareness. Miss some of these. You hear everything about self-awareness. I think I hear it every day. Yeah, all five I've never heard together, so I would love if you could elaborate.
Speaker 3:Yes. So the Essential Enneagram by David Daniels. It is like a slim little book. It is my favorite Enneagram book. I have other ones that are encyclopedic back there. They cover every type and every variety, every version and subtype and all that stuff, but this one is like a two-page spread on each type. There was this other little part and I was like wait, what is this? And then I started looking into it online. It was the five A's. I had the great honor of learning from Dr Daniels directly. I went to a retreat with him, had the great honor of learning from Dr Daniels directly. I went to a retreat with him before he passed away and got to learn about the five A's there.
Speaker 3:So, like you said, awareness is the first one. It's awareness, acceptance, appreciation, action, adherence. Awareness is the first step and is often the one that we hear the most about. Like you said, we hear all the time self-awareness and it really does open the door. Awareness opens the door for us. It really is important and a lot of people. We can all think of ourselves as very self-aware and what I realized is I don't. I'm not somebody who helps people with self-awareness. I help self-aware people get to self-acceptance. Acceptance is the big thing. So acceptance is being able to say okay, I am having this awareness and I'm going to use it.
Speaker 3:The way that he talks about it is more situational, moment to moment, so I have an awareness of a reaction that I'm having, based on my Enneagram patterns. Right, as a type one, you have an awareness of an immediate reaction that you have. That's kind of default for you as a type one. What tends to happen, though, is people judge that they're aware of it, but they don't want it there. What he says is we have awareness. Then you need to accept that it's there. It's like oh yeah, that is there. Then you move and not fight it, not resist it. Then you move and not fight it, not resist it. Then you move on to appreciation, where you're like ah, thank you reaction, I see what you're trying to do for me. You are worried that I'm going to get this wrong and that people are going to judge me for it and nobody will love me because I suck. Thank you Having that appreciation for what that reaction is trying to do, but then you have to be able to take action that is in line with who it is you want to be.
Speaker 3:So it's basically that idea of and I always I can't remember the quote, but that reality, that idea of between the stimulus and the response there is a pause and in our pause is like our redemption or something, but it's along those lines. So being able to pause and say, okay, I'm aware of this, I accept that it's there, I appreciate what it's trying to do for me and I still get to pause and decide how I want to act. I don't have to react, I can respond instead. And so being able to respond in an action that's in line with who I am, and then adherence is the fifth A, and that's just saying stick with that process, keep being aware, keep accepting, keep appreciating, keep taking valued action and then keep it going again. When he talks about that in his work, it is very much about stimulus response, like something happened and you're like right, there's this reaction that comes up. But I also realized it can be scaled up to the bigger picture. When we know we can have awareness of our patterns overall, we can have awareness of our needs overall. The key is to accept them. If you know you need something, don't resist it, don't judge it, don't feel bad about it. Give that to yourself.
Speaker 3:The simplest example I was working with somebody who was just like I need a second monitor because of how I'm editing things and how I'm doing stuff. I need more screen real estate. I was like, okay, get a second monitor, I can't spend money on that right now. There's not enough coming into the business. Is there one at Goodwill? Do you have a friend that has a second monitor? I'm like there's so many people with a second old monitor just laying around. You don't need a brand new one, you just need a second monitor. Right, I know, but I just shouldn't need that. I should be able to just work with what I have. I'm just like, why should you be able to just work with what you have? You should you be able to just work with what you have. You need a second monitor, and I'm somebody who has two monitors. So I'm like, yeah, get all the monitors you want.
Speaker 3:If you had nothing to do today but make progress on getting a second monitor, what would I see you doing? She's like, well, I have a group chat with my friends. I'd probably just you know, do that, just send something out to my friends. And sure enough she did. Somebody had an extra monitor and by the end of the day she had her second monitor, but she had spent weeks resisting that right, like I shouldn't need that.
Speaker 3:You're aware that you need the second monitor, but you're not accepting it. So let's just accept that this is something that you need. Now, that's different than like I need meth. I'm not saying if you need something like I need a second bottle of wine or fourth glass of wine, if it's a behavior that isn't serving you, but when it's like I need collaboration, give that to yourself. I need to have a conversation with somebody. Give that to yourself. How are you going to do that? While it was designed as a model for immediate, constant stimulus and response stuff, I feel like it can be scaled up to the bigger picture, which is often how I operate. I'm often like navigating between, like the big picture and the ground level of how to get stuff done. I have found freedom in that five A's model to say, okay, yeah, awareness is one thing, acceptance is another, and then, of course, like appreciation, but it's getting better and better and then you can get into action. But we think awareness and then action is like oh no, there's steps in between there.
Speaker 1:There is, there really is, and that is such. I love the example you used because I can relate to that myself, even in small, different instances, and I'm sure a lot of people can thinking I can make it work the same thing. Like you mentioned earlier, we got this.
Speaker 3:We don't need the help, we don't need anything else. But it's like why my sister's philosophy comes into this a little bit. My big sister has had such an influence on me. It's just this philosophy of like life's too effing short. Like life's short, it doesn't mean like YOLO, like don't worry about anything and spend all your money, but there's a degree of like. Give yourself the things that you need to enjoy your journey. If every day you're coming down and be like I can't stand it, I only have this one monitor and I have to have all these programs open to do my job that's the reality of your job Then get the second monitor. Give yourself what you need. Or, if it's hard for me to no, if getting healthy is really important to you and you need collaboration in that, give yourself what you need. Find some way of collaborating.
Speaker 3:For me, I do better on a set program. Give me a thing where it says do this today, do that tomorrow and show me how to do an actual workout video type program. I do way better with that than anything else. I tried Peloton for a while their running thing but I had to pick what to do every day. I don't want to have to pick. That's stressful. I don't want to have to know fitness well enough that I have to know which exercises to pick each day. You guys are the experts Tell me what to do.
Speaker 3:As soon as I did that and picked these four-week programs that told me every day what to do, I did way better, but I was like that's a different thing that I have to invest in. Is it going to get you to work out? Yes, okay, then let's do that. And it was nominal. It wasn't that much money, but still I was giving myself every obstacle and every reason to not need it. I shouldn't need it. I should be able to work with what I already had. Nope, elise, accept this. Give yourself what you need.
Speaker 1:I love that. Oh, that's so awesome. That's a great motto your sister has, though. Life is too effing short.
Speaker 3:Where it came from was I was going through my divorce and she saw that I was hanging out with my now wife, kim. So I was hanging out with Kim and she met Kim a few times and she was just like something's going on there. My sister's gay, so she's married to a woman, so I think I wasn't expecting to fall for a woman. My sister could see this between us. She said Kim's really into you. It seems like you're really into her. Where is this all going? And I was like, oh, this is going. We're just friends. This can't go anywhere. I'm going through a divorce right now. This can't happen right now. I was very like you're really happy when you're around her. She's like life's too often short, I would just go for it. And I was just like you're not supposed to say that, you're supposed to discourage me from this. But from that moment I was just like, okay, and I did, and it's the best thing I could have done, best thing I could have done. And it's the best thing I could have done, best thing I could have done. It's actually our anniversary today. It's our four year wedding anniversary today. Yeah, we got married in the middle of the first year of the pandemic.
Speaker 3:Where did you guys get married? In our backyard we had a really good friend who was an officiant. We were all social distancing already. My sister, her wife and two kids were there, and my mom so we were already a bubble. Kim's family, her dad and stepmom and her mom and stepdad were there, and then everybody else was on Zoom. We were the first Zoom wedding of our circle of people.
Speaker 3:We hired a company to produce the wedding for us on Zoom. They coordinated everything for us. We had Zoom karaoke, we did the whole thing shut up, that is. It was really fun. It was really fun but it was because my sister was like life's too short, like you're gonna wait for some supposedly appropriate amount of time before you date. Again, there's no appropriate time, it's just whenever you're ready and she, like you, seem really into her, you seem really ready.
Speaker 3:Life's too short to be frustrated every single day, right? Life's too short to feel like I'm not strong and I'm not happy with where my body's at. Life's too short for that shit. Like, get on it, do something for yourself and give yourself that. I'm not saying I don't have hard days and low days. I totally deal with depression and anxiety, but it's like there's still that they and even with that it's like, okay, give myself what I need there. Do I need to take medication? Do I not Talk to a doctor, right? What do I need? How do I give that to myself in a way that allows me to have the positive impact I want to have in the world and to take good care of myself, not in some like greedy, graspy way, but just in a like how do I just make sure that I'm whole and strong and can be the person I want to be and give what I want to?
Speaker 1:give in the world. No, that's so true. I was a divorce paralegal for years, so I've never been married, but I've seen a lot of sides to that. I would say that often because so many people, even going through divorce, have mixed feelings. Their families don't agree, or they have a religious family, their friends don't agree. But it's like life is short If you are not happy, you shouldn't stay married.
Speaker 3:No, no, like marriage doesn't have to be a life sentence. It's yeah. My husband and I went into it with the best of intentions, right, we really thought we were going to make it the whole way, and it was. I think it was a shock to everybody around us that we were getting divorced. It was a shock to us, but it was just like yeah, we don't want the same things. We did up till this point, because it was checking all the typical boxes that society wants us to check Go to college, meet the boy, get married, buy a house. And we stopped at kids. We were just like but we don't want to have kids and kids, we were just like but we don't want to have kids and neither one of us has kids now. So it's not like we don't want to have kids together. We didn't want to have kids. So we were on the same page there.
Speaker 3:But after that it just started to feel like but now what? And he just wanted different things, I wanted different things. And it wasn't obvious and it wasn't completely clear, but it was. This sense of something isn't right. And that was when I was becoming a coach the more I was learning about myself and becoming stronger. That way, the more I could see the distance between us grow. At first it was sad and hurtful, but then it's just like. Why would we stay together? That's just silly. Why would I do that to him and why would he do that to me? Of like us wanting the other person to be different, why wouldn't we just not be together anymore? That way we can love each other, but it doesn't mean we have to be married to each other.
Speaker 1:That's true and I love that you mentioned that, because so many people have mixed views on divorce, like life's the longest thing we're going to do, but it's also so short at the time. It's one thing to have an upset day, and I am sure marriage is one of the hardest things. I've never been married, so I can't totally. I can't speak from experience, but if you wake up regularly and you're not enjoying your time free, things happen every day. We're not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow, so like, yeah, don't spend it unhappy.
Speaker 3:I'm glad you brought up. There are hard days, hard moments. My wife and I have had more big fights or just bigger hard discussions than he and I ever had. But she and I are way closer, way happier. There are hard moments, but with her I'm allowed to feel all the feelings and she's allowed to feel all the feelings. Sometimes those feelings bump up against each other. That's okay. There's still a worth it feeling to me and an overall everyday happiness that we have. To me it's like we can go after big goals. I'm all for having big goals and achieving them, but the most important goal for me is to have an everyday life that I love. That doesn't necessarily mean boring. There's everyday life that I get to live. We spent two weeks in Costa Rica this year and had a fantastic time. We were just away on a trip for our birthdays and anniversary. We get to have the big light bulb moments, the party light moments, but in between I want like little twinkle lights of everyday life. That feels good too.
Speaker 1:No, it's so true. So I'd love if we could transition a tad bit. I know you've talked a lot about purpose on a lot of podcasts and I'd love if we could delve more into that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so how do you want us to talk about this? Do you have questions already or have you explored your purpose before?
Speaker 1:I'm still trying to be honest. I'm still trying to be honest. I'm open to any suggestions you have for me or for people in general to tap into. Yeah, Discovering their purpose.
Speaker 3:The first thing I would say is an oldie but a goodie. Watch Simon Sinek's video how Great Leaders Inspire Action. It's probably in the top five. Still it was the top three, top two video TED Talks of all time. And it wasn't even a main stage TED Talk, it was TEDxPugetSound, which is funny because I live in the Puget Sound region so it's kind of funny.
Speaker 3:That's where he did this big talk. But what he talks about is this idea of the golden circle about what, how and why. In the middle of the circle is your why, your purpose. Outside of that is the next circle, so it's almost like a bullseye is the why. The next ring out is the how you do things, which to me is more like your values, and then the what is the furthest circle out and that's more about the different roles that you play. But oftentimes we think of it as what we do. People could ask me what I do and I'm just like I'm a coach productivity coach and that's it. Simon says people don't buy what you do. They buy why you do it. He was talking about it from a marketing communications perspective originally and I was like this is about people, though, like this is my purpose. Why do people want to be around me? What is it that I want to do?
Speaker 3:Starting with that video is good because you get the concept down. Beyond that, it's being able to think about your purpose being for you and the rest of the world. Simon says your purpose is what gets you out of bed every morning. Why should the rest of the world care that you did so? It's for you and for the world, because if you were to simply think about what gets you out of bed every morning, you could be like paying off my school loans, being able to pay for tuition for my kid, being able to put food on the table. That's what gets me out of bed every morning. That's motivation. That's different than purpose. Motivation, to me, is like a fuel that burns hot and fast and you have to keep restocking it, whereas purpose is like a longer, hotter, burning, sustainable fuel that can keep you going, and purpose is the direction you always want to be going. Purpose there is no destination to it. It's like this is my true north. I'm always going to be heading this way and, no matter what I do, I want it to be aligned with my purpose.
Speaker 3:So I'll share my personal purpose statement just as an example, so that you can see why I'm here talking with you today. My purpose is to foster understanding and acceptance acceptance of self and others so we can come together to make the world a better place. Another way to say it is I'm all about helping you understand and accept yourself, but also figure out how to work better with others to do cool shit in the world. Right, like, like there's you know there's different ways we can say it. So for me, like being here with you today, it's helping, like just the fact that we even talked about acceptance. You're like I want to talk about the five A's. You and I met before we're just recording. So we already knew we were going to have alignment. I already knew I wanted to talk with you and do this recording today. Right, because this is an alignment with my purpose to help people understand and accept themselves but also appreciate those differences in other people. When you can do that, then you can do cool shit in the world. You can join up together and collaborate with people to do cool stuff. I figured that out by exploring my past, by saying what were the highest emotional moments in my past where I felt most excited and aligned and on purpose. They're not what you think it can be like.
Speaker 3:What is your earliest happy childhood memory? Being able to tell that story? A lot of times people want to be like, oh, playing with my siblings, and it's like, yeah, but what was it specifically? This happened with a client and he was like, well, there's this one day Because he was like, oh, anytime my sister and I would play outside. I'm like, no, but I need a story you could tell me, like a movie beginning to end. My job when he's doing that is to listen for the emotional high points, right. And so he was saying we had this major snowstorm and my sister and I were playing and we were so excited because we don't get snow very much in the Pacific Northwest, we don't get in Seattle area, you don't get enough to do much with, right, he was so excited because we got enough to do much with.
Speaker 3:He said we started making these snowmen, rolling these snowballs, and then we kept making them bigger and bigger. Pretty soon the rest of the neighborhood kids saw what we were doing and they came over and they started rolling the balls. They made these huge snowballs, almost bigger than them, and then he's like we just lined them up and carved a tunnel through them, so we have this whole snow tunnel. My grownup brain is like, wow, that sounds dangerous. But again, gen X, our parents weren't paying attention and he was like it just was so fun. He was like it was so epic. He kept using the word epic and for him it wasn't that there was a plan, it was just that there was a spark he was going to pursue and that he was going to recruit other people to pursue that with him and see where it was going to go. They were going to create something unexpected and unknown. Right, this all came from a freaking snowball story. But his emotion wasn't about like the end result, necessarily. It was about like this journey, right.
Speaker 3:And that happened with another client where she was telling the story about running a half marathon. She and her friends decided to run this half marathon. They were on vacation together. Every day on vacation, she's like I did my run this morning, did you do your run? And after they got home from vacation, she's texting her friends and making sure everybody's doing it. And they're all doing this together. Then she gets to the day before the half marathon and realizes she never signed up for it. And now she couldn't. It was sold out. She couldn't sign up for this half marathon that they'd all been training for and she had been the person getting them every day to train and she'd never signed up for it. So she's telling me this story and she's like so then I just set up my own half marathon course. I planted water bottles along the way and I ran it.
Speaker 3:The peak emotion was not her completing the half marathon. The peak emotion was her rallying people to do something challenging with her along the way. Other people would think, oh, she likes to do these hard things and have these big accomplishments of this marathon. She was like that's actually not it. She loves rallying people. She loves saying do you want to come on this journey with me? She's a coach now and runs challenges all the time, like 30-day challenges, 10-day challenges, inviting people along the way.
Speaker 3:Reflecting on your history, on your past, is the way that you uncover your purpose. You're listening for these peak emotional moments and the kinds of words and phrases you use, and those become the ingredients for a purpose statement. It's because our purpose the way that sinusynic would argue it is that your purpose lives in the part of your brain that doesn't have language. It's in the part of your brain that houses emotion. And so when we tell these emotional peak stories, we start to use words that get close to being able to articulate this sense of purpose. And so when we tell these emotional peak stories, we start to use words that get close to being able to articulate this sense of purpose. And so in doing that, you then have all of these words that you can start to put together into a formula. The formula that I always use is Simon's and that is to blank so and acceptance of myself and others, so that we can come together to make the world a better place.
Speaker 3:I do that as a coach, but I also do that as an auntie and as a wife and as a friend and as a podcast guest. So it's not that I'm only doing that as a coach, it's that I make sure that I show up that way, and I don't even have to make sure sometimes I'm showing up that way. I can't help it kind of energy around certain things. So even with my little niece when she was born, that was the closest I felt to being like a parent and feeling like maybe this little person is my purpose. Parents were always like my kids are my purpose, like they're not your purpose because people aren't your purpose. But I was like, oh, I kind of get it now. I feel bad. I've been telling people that their kids aren't their purpose. What I realized was I act on purpose, as her auntie, by helping her understand herself, but also saying, yeah, but this kid wasn't feeling that way, they were feeling that way. Or helping her appreciate how that kid is different than her so they can play together. For them, that's doing cool shit in the world. For them, that's making the world a better place. It's playing together. Right, but it's like how I. It's.
Speaker 3:Your purpose isn't about what you do, it's about why you do it. You want the different hats that you wear to be aligned with your purpose, because when they're not, you feel it and you know it. My husband and I were not aligned on purpose. My wife has a different purpose than I do, but we're very aligned on it and she understands mine and she supports mine and that's what makes our relationship work. So, as a wife, I am in alignment with my purpose, right. My partner is in alignment with my purpose. My business is in alignment with my purpose.
Speaker 1:No, that makes so much sense and I love how you mentioned that your kids shouldn't be your purpose. I had a previous guest that told me she's a mom and her motherhood got better when she started loving herself more than she was loving her kids, because she showed up better. She gave me an example of. Even on a plane they tell you like put on your mask before you put on anybody else's. It's the same concept Nobody else should be your purpose. And I work with moms as well, with breathwork, and a lot of them struggle with that because they just think they're this sole provider and sometimes the men don't show up as much as they would like them to, so they're like this is my soul, like they came out of me. So they're like this is my soul, like they came out of me. I'm going to protect them. I'm going to you. Have any advice for mothers maybe struggling with thinking that is their purpose?
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, part of it is to just like. It's one of those things where you kind of just have to run experiments. Sometimes. Let's pretend your kids can't be your purpose and they aren't your purpose. Let's pretend I take that away from you. Let's pretend I take your kids away from you. Right, like like all, like divorce, all these things happen. They're gonna grow up and go away. They're hopefully always going to be a part of your life.
Speaker 3:But, like I said, my brother became estranged from our family. If my mom would have felt that my brother was her purpose, she wouldn't have been able to continue to exist anymore. The amount of sadness and I mean, don't get me wrong, she was sad like every birthday, every milestone. Those things are still hard. But he was not her purpose. He couldn't be, you know and it's not like she articulated that clearly at all, but that's just the example to be able to give.
Speaker 3:Your kids are going to grow up and go away in some way, shape or form. Who are you going to be without them then? Who are you going to be in your daily life when your purpose is possibly thousands of miles away, like when they go to school? I have all my friends right now, whose kids are graduating high school and they're about to go away, but they also didn't make their kids their purpose either, right? So one is being able to acknowledge the reality of what's coming, and two, to just suspend your disbelief for a moment and say, okay, so what if they aren't my purpose? How could I express who I want to be in this world, why it matters that I got out of bed every morning, why the rest of the world should care that I did? And that's how I show up as a parent on purpose, right, but I also get to show up as a volunteer, as a community member, as a professional, like all of these things in my purpose.
Speaker 3:So it is kind of this acceptance of inevitability, right, just inevitable. But also let yourself consider exploring another possibility. Just for a moment. Just crack that door open for a little bit. You don't have to stay there, but just give it a shot and see what that looks like. And after my niece was born and then I have two nieces now I really had that. Oh, wait, a second, I could have been wrong this whole time, because I was like the amount of love that I feel for those two, holy crap, I could see how it would feel. This way, I can appreciate like oh yes, I can see, thinking that they might be my purpose.
Speaker 1:That, that is true. You realize, they won't.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but but I get to express myself, my purpose, through my, my role as aunt with them. I get to express myself, my purpose through my role as aunt with them. I get to express my purpose that way. I am constantly supporting them and understanding themselves, but also seeing that not everybody's like you and so how are you going to manage that that allows them to get along better in the world and do cool stuff in the world? Without that, life will be harder for them, and so I get to show up in my purpose as their auntie.
Speaker 1:I gotcha. That's amazing, though, and I really like that definition of purpose combining like what makes you get out of bed and why the world should care, because I think the two together, wow, that is powerful, because I've heard a lot of times like what makes you get out of bed in the morning, but it's true, why should Joe Schmo down the street give a fuck that you got out of your bed? Yep, yep, it's just real life, even outside of your community or your connections. Why should a random person care is what I think of.
Speaker 3:I love that Well, and it allows you to attract people that they might not have the exact same purpose but they're aligned with your purpose, so, and that can be personally attract the friends and romantic partners and stuff like that that that are aligned with your purpose. It's no surprise that I attracted Kim. I was so focused on my purpose and so focused on developing that and making that a part of my life. It's like, oh, of course I attracted somebody in alignment. It was such an important part of who I am and I got very clear about that and I started communicating that right and I started living it consistently. That's what I attracted to my life was somebody who would be in alignment.
Speaker 3:There's a lovely part of it. That's the attraction of clients that are going to be in alignment, attraction of listeners that are going to be in alignment with what you do. Right. All of that comes together with purpose. It's a beautiful filter. The people who don't get it, they don't hire you. I'm like, good, don't hire me because you don't get it, and that's okay Because there's somebody else out there for you that is more in alignment for you. That's totally fine. But when I communicate my purpose in a lot of different ways that filters out the people that I'm not going to work well with personally, professionally.
Speaker 1:I say that all the time, whether it's friendships, whether it's professional, I'm not for everybody and I don't want to be for everybody. I don't want to be liked by everybody. You know, it's exhausting.
Speaker 3:That's a lot of people to take care of, right.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, this has been amazing. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I'm so glad to be here. This is really fun. Have you heard of a man named Jay Shetty? Yes, be here, this is really fun. Have you heard of a man named jay shetty? Yes, big fan of him. Now he's got a podcast called on purpose and he ends his podcast with two segments and I end mine with them as well. Okay, the first segment is called the many sides to us. There's five questions and they need to be answered in one word eat.
Speaker 3:Okay, I just got chills. All right, I'm ready.
Speaker 1:Number one what is one word someone who was meeting you for the first time would describe you as Warm? Number two what is one word that someone who knows you extremely well would use to describe you as Supportive? What is one word you'd use to describe yourselves?
Speaker 3:I'm going to just be honest and say anxious.
Speaker 1:I'm feeling like a little anxious right now. What is one word that if someone didn't like you or agree with your mindset would use to describe you? Outspoken Number five what is one word that you're embodying right now? Proud Then the final five, and these can be answered in a sentence. One sentence, number one what is the best advice you've heard or received? One what is the best advice you've heard or received? Life's too effing short, seriously changing everything. What is the worst advice you've heard or received?
Speaker 3:that it matters what kind of car you buy because of the status that it conveys. I had somebody say that they were like you can't buy that car. You guys make more money than that. I'm like I get to buy whatever car I want. What are you talking about? I don't need a Land Rover. So weird. It was so weird.
Speaker 1:Number three what is something that you used to value that you no longer value?
Speaker 3:What everybody thinks about me. It's okay for me to value what certain people think about me and what our relationship is, but I worried about everybody. I valued everybody's opinion and that was like I said it's exhausting, it's no fun.
Speaker 1:If you could describe what you would want your legacy to be, as if someone were reading it, what would you want it to say?
Speaker 3:It really comes back to my purpose that she helped people get along better and do cool shit in the world.
Speaker 1:If you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be and why?
Speaker 3:I would say and this is hard to enforce as a law but assume goodwill Like that. Everybody has to assume goodwill. When somebody says something and it triggers a reaction in you, assume that they didn't mean to Let yourself that people are making assumptions about each other and about each other's intentions. If we could just assume goodwill from the beginning, that allows us to get into communication from a more curious place. Maybe we agree on more things than we realize and maybe we don't have to be so divided.
Speaker 1:Okay, that makes a lot of sense. I love that. Now I've got one personal question for you. Okay, if you have the attention of the whole world for five minutes, what would you say?
Speaker 3:I think it comes back to something we spoke about earlier.
Speaker 3:There's different like themes that come together for sure, but it's what you said you were like.
Speaker 3:You know, people talk about clarity, they talk about consistency. They don't talk about communication and as much as it would be that overall model of like let yourself get clear on what you want, give yourself what you need, but that part about communication and like letting other people in to your journey, to your process, to what, to your goals, to whatever it is you're trying to do, I just think it's so important and it's it can be really hard to do. I just think it's so important and it can be really hard to do, and I think that we've been taught and trained to do otherwise in our just cultural upbringing and I think that people are trying to change that, and so I would want to add my voice to that chorus of people saying let people in, let the right people in, but let people in. Share what you want, ask for what you want, take care of yourself, share what you want, ask for what you want, take care of yourself, stand up for yourself and give yourself what you need.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful. I love that. Well, thank you so much. Thanks for having me. This was really fun. And now where can all the listeners connect with you?
Speaker 3:The best way to do that is to head to alicenriquezcom forward slash quiz because I have this productivity personality type quiz. I am a big fan of personality assessments so you know we talked Enneagram a little bit. I love all of the assessments out there so I created one to help you uncover your productivity personality type. I say it's like part Cosmo quiz, part actual assessment. It is a serious assessment but it's done in a fun way. So you end up with one of four types and you learn what is great about each type and what the strengths are, but also what are some of your roadblocks and how to overcome them. So that's the best way to kind of learn more about what I do and get a little something for yourself.
Speaker 1:Okay, awesome, and I will link that in the show notes. I took the quiz personally. I was an inspiration investigator. It was very aligning. One of my roadblocks was I overcommit because I'm a social butterfly, which is very true. That's been a theme for my life learning to say no to experiences because I am bowed out and even though I technically have the time to do it, I don't have the time to do it.
Speaker 3:You don't have the energy. I think we like look at our resource of time just as one thing. It's like no, but what's our energy during that time? Yeah, and do I need to put my oxygen mask on right now and not go do this thing? Yeah, I love that. Oh, I'm so glad you took it.
Speaker 1:Yay, fun, fun. I did, I loved it, and I will link that in the show notes so you guys can take that. And is there anything else you'd like to leave the listeners with before we close out?
Speaker 3:It really is to just keep making progress on what matters most to you. Keep getting clear about what matters most to you and figure out how to make progress on that, and things will be easier.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. I appreciate it. You're welcome. Thanks for having me and thank you guys for tuning in to an episode of Meanders Mindset. Hey guys, meanders here and here's a few key takeaways that I want y'all to keep in mind from my awesome conversation with Elise. First of all, elise talked about how your specialization reflects your journey. Elise shared what you specialize in often stems from where you've been through hell and back. What your purpose and passion is. She uncovered hers by figuring out where she's been through hell and back. Next, elise emphasized enjoying the journey and how it's important to enjoy the journey towards your goal, be intentional with your time and find satisfaction in even the things that you're not getting done, and recognizing that progress takes time.
Speaker 1:Next, taking action is crucial. You won't know what works until you try. If you're feeling stuck, ask yourself what's the next step I can take and get moving. Or if you can't figure out what the next step is that you personally would be taking would be taking. What is the next step that your mentor, your coach, your counselor, your sibling, your spouse hell if I walked in. What is the next step on that project that you are working on, that you would be working on. If I walked in the door, even as Elise mentioned, even if it sounds a little creepy what would you be working on? Elise mentioned, even if it sounds a little creepy, what would you be working on Now? Elise also talked about the model for intention. She shared a really powerful model. Intention equals clarity plus communication plus consistency. You need to get clear on your goals and communicate them with those who matter, those who will be affected and those who can help you, and then set yourself up to take consistent action.
Speaker 1:Next, elise talked about the 5 A's framework. She introduced this, and this is Dr Daniel's 5 A's framework. She introduced this and this is Dr Daniel's 5 A's framework. The 5 A's are the first one, awareness. The second one, acceptance, appreciation, action and adherence. This framework helps you navigate your journey and choose responses and actions that align with who you want to be. Then Elise also talks about her purpose over motivation. Motivation can be fleeting, but purpose is sustainable. Elise helped us walk us through her purpose statement. Elise helped us walk us through her purpose statement. Her purpose statement is fostering understanding and acceptance, and it reminds us that our why drives our actions and keeps us aligned with the true identity we are trying to identify ourselves in.
Speaker 1:Don't be afraid to share your goals and your challenges with the right people. Letting the right people into your journey can help you in so many ways. By letting the right people into your journey, they can provide support, feedback and accountability to you when you need it most. We're not meant to go at life alone. It's okay in normal human nature to need and have support from other people in our life. These insights remind us to embrace our experiences, enjoy the process and take intentional steps toward our purpose. Keep making progress on what matters most to you and thank you so much for tuning in to Mando's Mindset. In case nobody told you today, I'm proud of you, I'm rooting for you and you got this. If you enjoyed the show, I'd really appreciate it if you left me a five star rating, left a new review on Apple podcasts and shared this episode with anybody who would benefit from hearing it. Thanks, guys. Until next time.
